Ch.107Cursed Journey (8)

It was all over. This cursed journey, this damned war, and my life too. So now I don’t care what happens anymore.

I just wish someone would kill me now. But I can’t bring myself to commit suicide. How could I end with my own hands the life they sacrificed themselves to protect?

Yet enduring in this world is more painful than hell itself.

I accomplished nothing. I didn’t save the world as a hero, nor did I defeat the Demon King with my own hands. Yet despite this, people thank me.

It’s all disgusting. The people who don’t know the truth about this war, the bastards who started it, and myself who did nothing—all of it is utterly revolting.

With these thoughts, I sincerely prayed that he would fall and become an evil Demon King right now. Then I could fight and die without any worries.

From the beginning, it was a mistake to accept them as comrades. If I hadn’t, I could have easily cut off his neck.

No, if I had never become his disciple in the first place, I could have lived as an ordinary person. As someone completely unrelated to the war.

But no amount of regret will bring anything back. No matter how much I pray, my life and the people I cherished will never return.

So I wandered around looking for something to escape this wretched reality. I didn’t care what it was.

Drugs, crime—anything would do. As long as I could turn away from this world.

After searching for a while, I found a book. A book about the fundamentals of magic.

From then on, as if possessed, I researched magic by digging through every magical text I could find.

I don’t know if I enjoyed it. But at least by pouring all my energy into it, I could momentarily forget about reality.

But whenever I tried to rest, reality would try to strangle me again. So I continued researching magic without taking breaks.

Eventually, I collapsed from exhaustion. After that, I started researching magic from my hospital bed.

Hunger was somehow managed with the IV drip beside me. And when I collapsed from exhaustion and woke up again, I could immediately return to my research.

Thanks to spending all my time researching magic, I was able to completely forget about reality.

After about three years of escaping reality like this, nothing felt painful anymore. No, I couldn’t feel anything at all.

As a result, I no longer had a reason to escape reality. It wasn’t painful to face reality anymore.

But I have no desire to do anything either. It feels like I’ve become a doll without emotions.

Still, I don’t want to keep imposing on others here just because I’m called a hero. No, I just want to get as far away as possible from the name “hero.”

Because I am certainly not a hero.

So I immersed myself even more in magic. Thanks to that, I was able to become a High-Rank Mage, a rare existence. Yet people still treat me only as a hero.

I am certainly not a hero. I am a pathetic traitor who accomplished nothing.

People who don’t know the true nature of this disgusting person still regard him as a righteous hero.

I wish everyone would know the truth. And I wish everyone would hate me for it.

That would be the most fitting treatment for me.

Anyway, I left this place… the Holy Nation, and traveled to some distant country. I have no right to stay in the land where they are buried.

It would be nice if I could just wander aimlessly and starve to death. But this world is too cruel for such things to happen.

Rather, whenever I’m in critical condition, people around me try to help me somehow.

It’s the same everywhere I go. That damned title of “hero” follows me wherever I go.

Perhaps this is a judgment passed on me.

I achieved none of my goals. I failed to protect everything precious to me. Yet I must continue living in this damned world.

I must live in a world where I feel nothing, but guilt continues to weigh me down.

Perhaps this world is the hell that suits me.

So I continued wandering through this hell, sincerely hoping to starve to death.

***

When I opened my eyes after walking until my strength gave out, I saw an unfamiliar ceiling. Once again, I failed to die.

I should get up and leave quickly. At least I don’t want to be indebted to someone else.

As I got up from the bed, I made eye contact with someone with pink hair.

“Hello!”

That person greeted me very cheerfully, then continued with what they wanted to say. Without knowing what I really am.

“But why were you sleeping on the ground?”

“…”

“…Don’t you think you should at least greet your benefactor?”

“…”

It’s not worth answering. This is just a passing relationship anyway. So I should hurry and leave this place.

As I was hurrying to leave, that woman asked me:

“Oh right, are you good at cooking?”

“…?”

“We need to eat breakfast now, but we can’t cook. Could you make something for us instead?”

“…”

I know how to cook somewhat, but there’s no reason to do it, so I’ll just pass by. After all, that person is not my benefactor.

Rather, she’s closer to an enemy who kept me trapped in this hell.

So as I was about to leave the room, I saw a blonde woman sitting with empty eyes. And I felt a sense of kinship.

That woman seemed to have no attachment to this world, just like me. Perhaps that’s why words of kinship slipped out of my mouth.

“…What happened to you?”

The woman answered as if she had expected this question.

“I surrendered to an irresistible force.”

“What exactly did you surrender to?”

“Fate.”

We surrendered to different things, but our minds were equally shattered.

While feeling this kinship throughout my body, the pink-haired woman popped up from behind.

“By the way, what were you doing before you came here?”

“Don’t know.”

“Then would you like to work with us?”

“Work?”

“We’re planning to run just an ordinary Mercenary Office. But we think it would be perfect if we had one more person. So, would you like to work with us?”

“Pathetic.”

This relationship will end in six years at most anyway. There’s no reason to build any friendship.

But that woman, still unaware of this truth, continued to ask me:

“Do you have a place to stay or any plans?”

“No.”

“Then let’s work together for now! At least you’ll have a place to stay while you find something else to do, so it’s not a bad deal, right?”

“No.”

I absolutely hate being indebted to someone. And I terribly hate becoming close to someone again.

I know that even if we become close, it will be a short-lived relationship, and I know how much pain comes when it ends, so I refuse.

But I’m too tired now. Anyway, no matter how much I wander around, the name “hero” persistently follows me.

Even when I’m pushed to the brink of death, people won’t let me die like now.

So perhaps it would be better to just earn a living here and escape reality by researching magic.

But I don’t deserve that. To seek peace after committing countless sins is truly disgusting.

…What if it wasn’t me there? What if I were to wear a mask and pretend to be someone else?

I know it’s a disgusting excuse. But can’t I be allowed this small comfort? I’ll be rolling in hell after I die anyway.

So I’ll borrow your mask for a while. The current me doesn’t know how to deal with people because I feel nothing but guilt.

I’m sorry, but please.

Leo.

“Is there anything you’d like to eat?”

And so I began to imitate my past self.

***

Two years is enough time for a person to change. But that wasn’t the case for me. Nothing about me changed during that time.

But the mask I was wearing changed into someone obsessively focused on magic.

I don’t know why it happened that way. But as time passed, it naturally transformed into this kind of mask.

Still, I’m truly comfortable now. At least I can escape this reality while researching magic.

So today, while researching magic at the office, suddenly a divine voice echoed in my head.

“The Demon King will soon appear in this world. And to prepare for that, we plan to send one reincarnated person to your side. So please help the reincarnated person defeat the Demon King and save the world.”

I think I just hallucinated. The Demon King hasn’t appeared yet anyway. Even if he does appear, it will be decades later. So it’s just nonsense.

While thinking this, Agath excitedly shouted at me.

“I just received an Oracle! A reincarnated person will be coming to us soon!”

It seems Agath heard the same hallucination. No, I hope it was a hallucination. If the Oracle we just heard is true, it means he will soon become the Demon King.

But this damned reality never takes my side. Rather, it seems desperate to make me suffer at every moment.

Because not long after the Oracle was given, a girl appeared before my eyes. She must be the reincarnated person.

And I realized one more thing.

That my cursed journey was not yet over.