Ch.105105. Death.

The Robot told me that I was too young to discuss life and existence.

That’s true. To philosophers who’ve pondered the essence of life until their hair and eyebrows turned white, I’m just a fledgling who has barely stepped into this world.

Most of my life has been spent in a small room. Trapped in artificial experiences created by humans. The time I spent with my caring parents was safe and appreciated, but not truly happy as a human being.

Ironically, I only began to feel free after losing all that stability and becoming alone.

It was only after I could fully explore the world on my own two feet, moving wherever my interests led me.

I’m not sure if I can call it true freedom since it came from unwanted changes in the world.

What matters is that I’ve only lived as a proper human being for a few years at most.

I’m young.

I was so young that I didn’t even know what I was capable of before discussing what I wanted to do and what I could do.

But even someone like me could say with certainty at this moment.

Living is truly, always painful. And painful again.

We get unwillingly entangled in matters beyond our control and must struggle to keep up with the changing world without a moment to catch our breath.

Happiness always seems to shine at the end of the changing path, appearing within reach with just a little effort.

But when you actually step forward and reach out, it only retreats exactly that distance, continuing to tempt you.

Even if you’re lucky enough to grasp something you could call happiness, when you clench your fist and open it again, it’s already gone.

Looking back, I wonder if that was truly the happiness I wanted.

Life is a struggle, and struggle brings pain. As a living human trying to survive, I gradually tried to get used to the repeating pain. To a life that doesn’t expect happiness and to existence that doesn’t desire life.

Yet my lingering attachment to life still dreamed of happiness.

Happiness, which had only been a vague illusion until now, finally appeared as something tangible right before my eyes.

So I thought I could reach it this time.

It was so close, at my fingertips, almost within reach.

“…Ah.”

Like a dying star shining brightly one last time, my fading consciousness returned.

My awareness, interrupted by physical impact, momentarily forgot what had just happened, making me wonder, “Why am I like this?”

“…Nngh.”

Pain. The most vivid evidence of life forcibly reminded me what I had experienced before losing consciousness.

Just like in the distant past, I feel pain in my chest with every exhale. But unfortunately, that wasn’t the only place where pain was coming from.

Head. Back. Ribs. Legs. Feet. Even my hands, the only parts that could be considered intact, dug their nails into my flesh from the pain felt throughout my body. As my blurry vision cleared slightly, I saw bloodstains scattered among the debris of the collapse.

I’m dying. Though I’d been living a life where death wouldn’t have been surprising at any moment, I’d never felt the sensation of fading life so vividly before.

Why? Why did this have to happen to me? The thought that had constantly surfaced since I was thrown into this world but that I’d tried hard not to face now filled my mind.

It hurts and it’s painful. But what tormented me even more than that was helplessness. What did I do wrong? Where did things go wrong? What could I have done to avoid experiencing this?

Tangled emotions flow transparently, falling into an already pooled puddle. I try to find an answer that makes sense within me, but the more I search, the deeper my despair becomes.

…Still, I can’t just stay like this.

Though I don’t feel like affirming my life at this point, I also don’t want to lie still and accept death in this pain.

Very slowly, within the limits of what my body would allow, I examined my condition. My hands and arms seemed mostly fine except for being scraped and bloody, probably because I had reached out to grab the Robot’s arm.

After confirming my hands were intact, I focused on the other parts of my body that I’d been trying to ignore. Soon, tears flowed with groans from the terrible pain. Damn, this really hurts. No curse word could adequately express the current pain.

The fortunate thing was that I could feel sensations throughout my body. I had at least minimal feeling from my waist to my toes, and I could exert some strength.

This meant that my lower body hadn’t been flattened by the weight and mass of what had collapsed from above, separating from my upper body, or becoming so disabled that I couldn’t feel anything.

Though I’d avoided the worst, the situation was far from hopeful. I didn’t know exactly where or how badly I was injured, but judging by the pain, at least a few places were definitely cracked or broken.

Plus, what about the rocks and debris pinning me down?

I tried to move my body, but I only felt pain without being able to budge at all.

“…Haha.”

Even if some miracle happened and I could escape from here, there was no way I could survive with a broken body in a place without hospitals or doctors.

Even if my bones were relatively cleanly broken, it would take at least several months for them to heal, and how could I survive that long in a situation where food was scarce?

I had to laugh. Even in this situation, the hope that entered my eyes was merely a stepping stone to greater despair.

It would have been better if that thick layer weighing dozens of tons had crushed me completely. If I had died instantly without regaining consciousness, I wouldn’t have had to suffer and agonize like this.

…Sigh.

Still… I had to try. I had to. Because I wanted to live. Even if only despair lay ahead on the path forward, and even if there was no reason to live or anything I could achieve, I didn’t want to die quietly like this. My still-beating heart was itself the reason for living.

I began to slowly push aside the debris covering me with my hands.

Somehow, while I still had consciousness, I needed to create space to move my body and crawl to where Alexander was.

I’d go there to stop the bleeding, and use bandages and something like those panels lying around to stabilize my body.

Thinking that would increase my chances of survival even slightly, I moved with all my strength, but…

Unfortunately, nothing changed.

Even if my arms and hands were intact, that was all. In an uncomfortable position with severe bleeding, there was no way I could exert proper strength.

If only there had been even one person to help me, things might have been different.

“…I wonder if they escaped safely.”

As I finally collapsed on the floor from exhaustion, what came to mind was concern for my friends.

I remember them approaching me and reaching out their hands at the last moment, but what happened after that?

I looked around with blurry eyes. I couldn’t see any debris from broken machines. I felt somewhat relieved, as I didn’t want to see my friends dead in this situation.

Though it felt a bit lonely having no one by my side while in pain and feeling hopeless, I didn’t resent them, knowing those thin arms couldn’t have moved the heavy stones anyway.

After all, wasn’t it thanks to them that I’d been able to live without going crazy until now?

I could fully understand why they’d left, as even robots wouldn’t want to stay long in a place with the risk of secondary collapse.

“…I won’t be able to keep my promise.”

I felt sorry instead. I had promised that even if I died, I wouldn’t leave them alone, but now I couldn’t keep that promise.

“Haah…”

I’d tried everything possible to survive, but everything had failed. It seemed like the time had come to accept it. Death.

In truth, I was already at my limit. My consciousness flickered like a broken light, and even the pain was gradually fading away.

I lay still and calmly accepted it all.

Thanks to the time I’d spent contemplating death, giving up wasn’t that difficult.

I decided to stop struggling. When I let go of everything, the pain and fear lost their place and disappeared.

By letting go of my will to live, I was able to reach a brief peace.

I close my eyes and relax my body. All sensations drift away from me.

Pain, anxiety, desire—all disappear, leaving only the faint sensation of being alive and pure stillness.

In the fading sensation of life, I felt at one with the world.

I existed within the world, but at the same time, my eyes and senses were a window reflecting the world.

When I disappear, the world I saw and felt will also disappear. The world that I and we knew will be permanently extinguished with my death.

We who needed each other to exist as individuals.

Though it might just be my illusion, the thought that I wasn’t alone made me feel good.

…Still, if there were any miracles in this world.

I hoped one would finally visit me, who had always lived half-soaked in despair.

─────.

…Huh?

That’s when it happened. A sound that shouldn’t have been audible reached my deadened ears.

The sound of a drone flying, barely making its presence known in a world so quiet that no sound should be heard.

When what I had always hoped for but had finally given up on actually happened, my eyes, which had closed as I approached death, trembled and opened.

“──I’m so glad I’m not too late.”

The drone flying low and the Robot I thought had left were in front of me.

The Robot had changed somehow. Because I was lying face down, I couldn’t see its face, but I vaguely felt that this robot was somehow different from the friend I had known.

From the drone moving again after its connection had been cut, I wanted to ask what was happening, but I didn’t have the strength to speak.

As I just looked on with surprised eyes, the Robot told me that although it had only shown me inadequate sides of itself until now, this time I should trust it.

This robot is indeed not the friend I knew. That one didn’t know how to speak so impressively and reliably.

But strangely, I didn’t dislike this unfamiliar appearance.

I closed my eyes, trusting my friends. Holding onto the hope that I could rise again.