Ch.101101. Clear Skies.

We often consider our daily lives to be familiar and comfortable. But if we think deeply about it, we realize they’re not made up of just that.

Imagine if everything around you—your beloved family, partner, pets, and all the ordinary scenery of daily life—suddenly began repeating the exact same actions infinitely.

Everyone except you wakes up at the same time as yesterday, eats the same food, chewing it the same number of times before swallowing, and repeats the same words and actions.

You might not notice it much for a day. But what if it continues for more than a week? Even the most oblivious person would sense something strange. It would feel unsettling and anxiety-inducing.

It’s truly ironic. Familiar beings repeating familiar actions—why would that create such feelings?

The alienation and disgust that comes from mechanical repetition beyond familiarity.

This tells us that our daily lives, like the world itself, are constantly changing.

We call something familiar when it has consistent actions and qualities that we can predict and adapt to in an ever-changing world.

It shows that humans fundamentally cannot enjoy repetition for its own sake.

I think this is because humans are beings who constantly think and move as the subjects of their own lives.

“I finally feel like I can breathe. I mean, it wasn’t always like this, but lately it’s been so suffocating I thought I’d go crazy.”

The reason I’m saying this now?

Because I’m thoroughly satisfied with finally seeing scenery that breaks from the “ordinary.”

Days when snow fell so relentlessly I thought the world might be buried in it, and I might die buried in snow like a dinosaur in sediment.

After breaking through that long period, what I found was the clear day I’d been longing for.

The sky is blue and the sunshine is warm.

Watching the oppressively high snow slowly melt away felt like a decade-old indigestion finally clearing up.

Having spent most of my time here under thick clouds or heavy snowfall, a clear sky like this had become the anomaly for me.

But it seems that what makes life feel like life comes from these changes.

“I couldn’t tell because it was always covered in snow. But it’s surprisingly well-maintained.”

As the gentle weather continued, as if apologizing for its previous harshness, the appearance of the top level gradually revealed itself from beneath the snow.

Though not enough for all the long-frozen snow and ice to melt away completely, I could now see asphalt roads and green land between the garbage that had fallen from the sky.

It had been quite some time since I came to the top level, but this was the first time experiencing this.

“Well, whatever else you might say, this place was meant to ensure humanity’s survival, so they probably built it with attention to every detail. Even the city below, though it got complicated trying to accommodate so many residents, had well-constructed buildings and roads.”

It was built so that as many people as possible could live here while ensuring that the facilities alone could sustain a small society if necessary.

Although it doesn’t seem to have been very effective, that’s no reason to belittle the efforts of so many people.

“But why did they lay down something that looks like grass? It would seem quite awkward if tall buildings were built here. And it would be annoying to maintain. Were they planning to build small, quaint buildings rather than tall ones?”

“People with enough resources probably wanted spacious areas proportional to their wealth. Perhaps they wanted their own gardens to live in, like people from long ago? As we saw at the spaceport, people dream of the most brilliant eras when faced with situations that have no answers.”

“Maybe so. Well, I did want a spacious, comfortable home rather than a cramped one. I wanted to raise a big dog too. That was when I was young and didn’t know any better, though.”

“Woof woof.”

No sooner had I mentioned dogs than the puppy lying beside me wagged its tail and climbed onto my stomach.

I smiled wryly, feeling as if it was telling me I had already fulfilled my wish since it was here.

“I guess you could say I’ve fulfilled several wishes. I’ve become healthier in my own way. I’ve made friends and got a dog. And I’m traveling the world with the sky as my ceiling and the ground as my floor.”

Weather has a profound effect on people. Just lying here in the cargo area looking at the clear sky improves my mood.

I looked around at the green land and imagined large and small buildings constructed here.

I pictured many people decorating their homes, visiting each other’s houses, laughing and chatting together.

The image of the warmest, most abundant, and freest era.

Though it never came to be, that easily imaginable scene felt like paradise.

“Ah.”

Paradise, huh? When was the last time I imagined a scene that made me smile just by thinking about it?

The harsher life becomes, the more people let go of the rope they’re holding.

This lifeline, which could also be called hope, allows us to dream of tomorrow just by holding onto it.

But for humans who realize they’ll never reach the end of that rope no matter how hard they hold on, it becomes nothing but pain in the form of lingering attachment.

So they turn their gaze away from the rope they’ll never reach the end of.

Some call this compromise with reality “maturity.”

But objectively speaking, it’s merely resignation or giving up—an extremely negative and depressing act.

Many people consider asceticism a virtue, and breaking free from futile and indiscriminate desires might be praiseworthy.

But usually, people who make such decisions didn’t choose to become ascetic because they wanted to, but because of external circumstances.

Unlike those who truly want to escape desires and live an ascetic life, finding their own value in it, these people are simply left feeling empty.

That’s how I’ve been lately.

Eating and living. I didn’t feel deeply moved by anything, just existing because I happened to be alive.

Survival instinct. Inertia. Or a sense of responsibility born from anxiety.

A life where you feel pushed along can’t be enjoyable, so naturally, I had fewer reasons to smile.

“People can smile at such small things. Why couldn’t I smile all this time?”

How foolish.

My upturned lips felt unfamiliar. Even though I think I’ve smiled quite often these past few days.

I haven’t looked in a mirror or anything, but I could imagine how grim I must have looked all this time.

The sky is clear and the passing breeze is gentle. I’ve resolved the battery issue that had been bothering me about my friends, and I’ve acquired fun items like a guitar.

A succession of good days and good things.

But if you ask whether these were really such big deals, the answer is no.

Although all happiness and value are subjective, all the good things I’ve experienced would have been completely ordinary by old standards.

If I were an innocent child who knew nothing about human history or better times, it might be different.

But knowing everything I do, I can’t simply call this a happy time. It’s what you might call the curse of knowledge.

Yes, the abundant sunshine and clear sky are certainly better scenery than a world of cold snow and sharp winds.

But the fact that such a small thing causes such a big change in my mood can only be explained by saying my threshold for happiness has drastically lowered.

Even if happiness is a volatile emotion that comes from temporary satisfaction, is it okay to genuinely enjoy this?

I couldn’t tell.

“…Instead of thinking about this, I should probably do something. Something that can only be done while the sun is out.”

My usual contemplation while looking at the sky didn’t last as long as usual this time.

A sky without a single cloud drifting by. A world of warm colors.

Such scenery is so rare that I couldn’t waste time on trivial worries that could be pondered anytime.

Living while mindlessly repeating how good things are might be foolish, but equally foolish is maintaining a stern expression with folded arms when you could be enjoying yourself.

Even if this happiness stems from unhappiness, the emotion and feeling I’m experiencing now is genuine happiness.

If I doubt and reject even this, no bright days will ever come in my life.

Even for someone already twisted, always viewing the world with a complicated and cynical mindset.

To avoid living life in constant pain, sometimes you need to simplify things.

And for me, that time was now.

“Whatever the case, this is the best day I’ve had in months. Not moving, not enjoying it would be a waste.”

I hardly record anything on maps or in diaries anymore.

There’s no credibility in drawing pictures of wandering through a snowfield without landmarks, and there’s not much to write in a diary either.

As I mentioned earlier, my emotions were drying up day by day and my thoughts were becoming negative. What’s the point of recording that in a diary?

So I’m not sure how much time has passed.

But if I were to draw a graph, it’s undeniable that my mood and life, which had been trending downward, finally had an upward day.

As I slowly got up from the cargo area, I inwardly hoped.

I don’t know how much time I have left, but I hope this upward trend continues.

“Something we can only do on a clear day… Should we do laundry?”

“Laundry? We did that a few days ago. But I guess it wouldn’t hurt.”

The world that was usually so quiet now had various sounds coming from all around.

The sound of snow falling from high places and the sound of water flowing from melting snow.

Listening to these sounds that would soon disappear like a midsummer night’s dream,

I soon found a ditch where water was flowing.