Because Some Things Must Be Lost

I took a deep breath. My heart was pounding, and I bit my lip against the crushing pressure that seemed to weigh down my entire body. Ellie-ssi took a step closer. And then, she reached out to me very slowly. Her touch was almost gentle, which only made it impossible to avoid her gaze.

Her snow-white hand wiped away the tears flowing down my cheek. It was a warm and soft touch, but somehow, it sent shivers down my spine. The happiness in Ellie-ssi’s eyes as she looked at me made me want to puke.

I spoke to Ellie-ssi, who was rejoicing in my tears.

“…It’s all over now.”

At my words, Ellie-ssi tilted her head, a smile playing on her lips, and asked.

“Really?”

As if she thought my words were a lie, Ellie-ssi’s voice was thick with mockery. With eyes full of conviction that I couldn’t give her up, Ellie-ssi placed her hand on her chest and added.

“You actually worked so hard because you wanted to be with me?”

“…What?”

It was such a ridiculous thing to say that I couldn’t help but ask. That I had tried to be with Ellie-ssi. On the contrary, I had desperately tried to get away from her. How much effort had I put into suppressing my carnal desires and breaking free from that near-vicious cycle of a relationship? I hadn’t shed blood, but the indelible scars were still deeply embedded in my heart.

Ellie-ssi, reading my dumbfounded expression, wore a puzzled look. As if wondering if I really didn’t know, she leaned in slightly and whispered in my ear.

“Ross, are you just embarrassed to admit the truth?”

I fully understood that truth could look different depending on one’s perspective. But I couldn’t understand what Ellie-ssi was thinking to say such a thing. So, I had no choice but to ask sincerely.

“…I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

At my reply, Ellie-ssi pouted her lips in disappointment. With an inscrutable, playful smile, Ellie-ssi asked.

“You want to hear it from my lips?”

As she said that, Ellie-ssi muttered, “Pervert,” and I suppressed the surge of emotions that welled up inside me. My clenched hands ached. As I bit my lip, I heard a mumbling voice.

“Desperately making it to the finals of the duel, participating in the triathlon….”

Ellie-ssi trailed off. With an expression as if she were confessing, she added with a shy smile.

“It was all because you wanted to be by my side, wasn’t it?”

That confident voice sounded somewhat eerie. I was speechless at Ellie-ssi’s attitude, as if my efforts were a matter of course. As I stared at her with a blank look, Ellie-ssi silently approached and hugged me. The sickeningly sweet scent of strawberries lingered around my nose. It was enough to make my head spin.

Where did it all go wrong?

“Even if my feelings aren’t love, but simple possessiveness, nothing changes. You’re happy when you’re with me. Only with me can you become your true self.”

My stomach churned. I felt like something was gripping my throat, and my breathing became ragged. Unlike me, Ellie-ssi looked up at me with a happy smile. Perhaps my pain made her even happier.

“You can never give me up.”

Her assertive voice made me snap for a moment.

“Don’t make me laugh!”

I tried to push away Ellie-ssi, who was hugging me, with all my might. But due to the Restriction, I lacked the strength and only managed to pull away slightly. Ellie-ssi seemed displeased with my actions, puffing out her cheeks in a pout. It was like watching a puppy’s tantrum.

I wearily raised my hand and wiped my face. It was late at night. And today was the weekend. The other academies that had been using the academy’s backyard as temporary lodging had returned to their own academies in the morning. There was no chance that anyone would come here by chance. It was enough time for one last conversation.

I pressed my forehead, feeling dizzy. What was the reason for her conviction that I wanted to be by her side? Ellie-ssi’s confident attitude changed my perspective and awakened a new possibility in my mind.

All the pieces of the puzzle were in place. But assembling them was purely from my perspective. From Ellie-ssi’s perspective, the picture that completed the puzzle was completely different. The reason she was so sure that I wanted to be by her side… was obvious.

“…It’s because you thought I was completely yours.”

At my unconsciously muttered words, Ellie-ssi’s obsidian eyes lit up. Ellie-ssi, who completely thought of me as her possession, couldn’t imagine any other possibility. Like an object that couldn’t function without its owner’s hand. Because only Ellie-ssi had filled Ross’s lonely and gloomy life with energy.

That was why she believed that even if I lost my memories, I would instinctively return to her side. Because the original Ross was someone who had no reason to live without Ellie-ssi. He might have wanted to escape to death from the chilling truth that his family would have been happier without him. The realization made my legs give way, and I collapsed to the ground. Everything felt twisted.

Ellie-ssi, who had approached me as I sat down, gently stroked my hair.

“Ross, I admit that I’ve been mean to you all this time. Please forgive me now. Then I’ll give you as many kisses as you want, and I’ll let you have my body whenever you want. I can even tell you that I love you with all my heart.”

I slapped away Ellie-ssi’s hand that was stroking my hair. Having barely activated Indomitable Courage, I was able to resist the Restriction to some extent. My whole body creaked. But I staggered and eventually stood up. I hadn’t forgotten my initial goal. I would end everything with Ellie-ssi here today.

I said with force.

“That’s not love… it’s begging.”

“If I can get what I want by begging, I’ll do it. Should I beg? To stay by my side? I can even kneel right now if you want.”

I gave a wry smile at Ellie-ssi’s gesture of kneeling with a playful smile. Ellie-ssi couldn’t take the situation seriously because of her confidence in me. Then there was only one thing I had to do. Break down Ellie-ssi’s confidence.

“Just like you lied, I also lied to you.”

I started with those words. Watching Ellie-ssi tilt her head at my words, I said in a calm voice.

“That I lost my memory because of torture. That was a lie.”

“…What?”

I sighed and confessed the lie as if it were the truth. Adding a lie to a lie. Nothing was easier than that.

“I didn’t lose my memory. I erased it on purpose.”

“Liar… there’s no reason for you to do that, is there?”

Her face seemed to doubt that my words were a lie. There was one thing Ellie-ssi didn’t know. That I, born from lies, could lie more naturally than anyone else.

I deliberately paused for a moment. As if building up suspense, I bit my lip and spat out the words as if squeezing them out with difficulty.

“It’s true. It was so hard, so painful… it was so unbearable that I got help.”

Ellie-ssi smiled confidently as if telling me not to lie. But she couldn’t hide the slight trembling of her lips. She was anxious, wondering if my words were true. I pressed on, not missing the opportunity.

“You know how hard it was for me. Life before coming to the academy was unbearable.”

“That’s why I was by your side. I always helped you when you were having a hard time. I stopped you from trying to kill yourself so many times. Are you saying you deliberately forgot even that you should be grateful to me for the rest of your life?”

Ellie-ssi’s tone rose slightly, as if she was angry. I said in a tired voice.

“That’s right. I wanted to forget everything.”

“Don’t lie!”

Ellie-ssi, showing a strong reaction, took half a step towards me. She glared at me resentfully with a frown.

“You were happy when you were with me. You loved me and wanted to be together forever! You came to the academy following me, didn’t you!”

Ellie-ssi’s words were true. Ross, who didn’t know the truth, loved the swamp that was Ellie-ssi, who was the only one who embraced him. Until he himself was ruined. But the current Ross was different. His heart beat for Luna, not Ellie-ssi. The object he wanted to strive for had changed. Ellie-ssi had to know that clearly.

I said in a firm voice.

“It’s not a lie.”

Ellie-ssi, who was staring straight at me, asked in a hesitant voice.

“…Prove it.”

Pretending not to know, I asked, “Prove what?” Ellie-ssi gritted her teeth and shouted.

“Prove that your words aren’t a lie…. That you wanted to forget all the happy memories you had with me!”

There was no way to prove a lie. But I could give a plausible answer. Because there was a crucial contradiction in Ellie-ssi’s words.

I asked in a low voice.

“Then let me ask you one thing before that. Is it really true that you stopped me from trying to kill myself?”

“…I wouldn’t lie about something like that.”

So, she was aware that she had done something wrong. But I no longer had any intention of forgiving Ellie-ssi. I asked again in a calm voice.

“Then do you think I was happy being with you?”

Ellie-ssi answered immediately as if it wasn’t even worth considering.

“Yes. You don’t remember, but you said it yourself. That you were happy to be with me. That you were really grateful that I was by your side like this. That I was the only one in your life.”

As soon as Ellie-ssi finished speaking, I asked.

“Then why did I choose to kill myself? Have you ever thought about that?”

Ellie-ssi’s eyes widened. As if greatly shocked by my words, she cowered as if frightened. The reason was simple. Ellie-ssi had never thought from the perspective of a possession. Tears and pain were only objects of observation for her. Not objects of empathy.

“What…? That, that’s because I wasn’t by your side and you were momentarily shaken-.”

I sighed and interrupted Ellie-ssi’s words.

“No, even if you were by my side, I couldn’t bear it. I didn’t want to live anymore. I just said that because I was worried about you.”

“No, that’s not true. You were definitely happy when you were with me…! The reason you were worried about me in the first place is because you loved me!”

At Ellie-ssi’s urgent words, I gave a genuinely tired smile. My heart ached because I knew so well why Ross had done that.

I replied in a slightly hoarse voice.

“…I loved you too, but the decisive reason is that I’m nice to you.”

“What…?”

The bitterness tormented my tongue as I looked at Ellie-ssi, who was staring at me with a blank expression.

“You just thought I was nice, so I acted that way. You’re the only one who’s ever been nice to me. I didn’t want to cause you any trouble until the very end.”

As if unwilling to accept my words, Ellie-ssi shook her head violently and shouted.

“You… you need me!”

The composure disappeared from Ellie-ssi’s voice. I closed my eyes for a moment, filled with emotions, and then opened them. I looked straight into Ellie-ssi’s eyes and said.

“It’s not that I need you, it’s that you need me. A lonely and depressed stupid childhood friend who only looks at you. A moron who comes back even when you push them away, a moron who can’t escape no matter how hard they try.”

Ellie-ssi’s pupils shook violently. As she trembled and clenched her fists, I continued to speak.

“Did you forget? I lost my memory and kept pushing you away. I wanted to end the old relationship that I didn’t even remember. I pretended not to see you, and I deliberately pretended not to hear you. Because I sincerely wanted to forget you.”

But Ellie-ssi didn’t want to admit it easily. After trembling for a while, Ellie-ssi approached me and leaned against me gently. Looking up at me with tearful eyes, Ellie-ssi said in a seductive voice.

“Liar…. I know you want me. Even if you erased your memories, your body still wants me… just accept your instincts.”

It was easy to accept those words. I knew that betraying Luna’s feelings for me and keeping Ellie-ssi by my side while glossing over my promise was an easier path than the one I was on now. But the reason I didn’t do that was simple.

“I love Luna.”

At my sincere voice, Ellie-ssi raised her hand and grabbed my neck tightly. With a distorted face, Ellie-ssi said in a scolding voice.

“Get a grip and look at me in front of you! Everyone at the academy thinks I’m beautiful. Everyone wants to date me and sleep with me. The top student in the first year, the top student in the Magic Department. And I’m talented and Nelson-ssi’s disciple. You’re going to give up on me for a disabled half-wit like that?! Get a grip, Ross! You’re not in your right mind right now!”

Her large, black eyes looked up at me as if cursing me. I stared straight at them and said in a hoarse voice.

“…She’s not just anyone.”

With trembling hands, I removed Ellie-ssi’s hand that was tightly gripping my neck.

“I’m happy when I’m with Luna. Time passes faster than usual. I feel comfortable just being with her. Luna believes in me and loves me so much that she’s too good for someone like me.”

At my confident voice, a trickle of blood flowed from Ellie-ssi’s lips. Ellie-ssi clenched her fists so hard that blood rose to the surface of her skin with a distorted face, and bit her lower lip. I spoke to her, who was looking at me with unpredictable eyes.

“I’m always anxious when I’m with you. You do unpredictable things, and I’m dragged around by them against my will. Every time you come to me, I’m afraid that I’ll end up with you against my will. I was afraid of that.”

That was my true feeling. I was afraid that Ross’s instincts towards Ellie-ssi would continue a relationship that I didn’t want. Because that relationship would clearly hurt Luna. I sighed softly and continued.

“I sincerely loved you. I arbitrarily only saw and evaluated your good points from my desired perspective. Before I lost you, I thought you were everything in this world… but loss is always followed by regeneration. I lost you, but I gained a new love. Even if you can’t accept it until the end, we have to end it here.”

“What… what gives you the right to say we’re ending it? I, I don’t want to.”

The moonlight from the cloudless night sky was reflected in Ellie-ssi’s empty eyes. I made eye contact with Ellie-ssi for the last time and said.

“It’s a one-sided love that I started on my own. I have to be the one to end it too. It’s really over now. I’m going to forget everything about you. Even the memory that I loved you.”

As I said that, a message appeared before my eyes.

[Due to the oath, the Geas is activated.]

-Forget about Ellie-ssi.

I sincerely wanted to forget about Ellie-ssi.

Ellie-ssi slowly covered her face with both hands. A plaintive sob escaped from between her fingers. I turned around without any regrets. It was time to go back. To Luna, who was waiting for me, worried that I wouldn’t return.

“I’m going to kill you!”

The madness-filled voice from behind me was deafening. Over my shoulder, I could see Ellie-ssi pointing her staff at me.

“If you’re not mine, you’re worthless! You think I’d… I’d just let you be? If you move even one step from there, I’ll kill you. Not just you, but even Luna, the one you love! Painfully!”

I lowered my gaze at Ellie-ssi’s enraged appearance. The girl I had loved was such a vile person. I said with a voice that was squeezed out with sincerity for the last time.

“To me, you’re already a dead person. Someone not worth missing. This goddamn relationship ends here.”

With those words, I moved my feet. I could feel the magic power gathering behind me, but I didn’t stop walking. A red light passed me. Along with it, I felt pain in my left arm. But the pain could no longer hold me back.

I heard Ellie-ssi’s plaintive voice from behind.

“There’s no way I’d really kill you!!! I’m just, just asking you to forgive me one more time…! Please, please… come back! Stay by my side…!!! You’re right! I admit it. I admit it! I need you…!!! Ross, Ross…!!!”

Ellie-ssi burst into tears. Nevertheless, I didn’t stop. When I arrived at an alley where I couldn’t hear the crying, Indomitable Courage ended. I lost my balance due to the strong dizziness and leaned against the wall as if collapsing.

My vision was blurry. The emotions that had been hidden by Indomitable Courage shook me belatedly. I erased Ellie-ssi’s crying that remained in my ears with my groans.

Because I had shattered Ellie-ssi’s belief, the Restriction continued to be activated. What I had to do was decided. Eunice-ssi had told me how to get rid of the Restriction.

I recalled the oath, Forget about Ellie-ssi, and thought of the Restriction.

Restriction – Lose most of your abilities while remembering Ellie-ssi – 3P

And I decided to use the 3P I had obtained from the Restriction right away. With difficulty, I raised my hand and selected the power I had found in advance.

[Blessing of Oblivion] – 3P

It was a trick to prevent the Restriction itself from being activated. The possibility was high. Just like Berserker and Indomitable Courage had meshed together, the Blessing of Oblivion would make the target of the Restriction cease to exist.

A pure white light that appeared from somewhere enveloped my body. I instinctively knew what to do. I said that name for the last time. Somehow, I felt like my voice was coming from very far away.

“Ellie-ssi.”

===

[Ring of Oath]

―A ring imbued with the power of the oath ‘Geas’.

It is a magical restraint and curse, but an impeccable Geas grants powerful strength.

◆ Current number of oaths: 3.

-Repay ■■’s faith.

-Never change your love for Luna.

-Forget about ■■.

◇ Current Restriction

-Lose most of your abilities while failing to repay ■■’s faith.

-Death if your love for Luna changes.

-Lose most of your abilities while remembering ■■.

===

I opened my eyes, which I had closed for a moment. I felt like the colors and textures of the world had completely changed. Somehow, a very faint sense of loss remained in one corner of my heart.

I got up from my seat and dusted off my butt. I felt like all the bones in my body were aching, as if I had fallen asleep drunk on the street. My head was hazy, but I hadn’t forgotten what I had to do. Shaking off the faint sense of loss, I smiled for no reason.

“Let’s go back.”

To the club room where Luna was waiting.