April 25 (Monday) Yuta Asamura

● April

25

(Monday)

The weather in Asamura is clear, and the temperature has been rising since morning.

The sunlight streaming into the dining room is dazzling, and I think it’s going to be hot again today. The light that shines into the glass vase on the table is refracted by the difference in wavelengths, scattering a rainbow of colors like a prism.

According to the forecast, some areas in the Kanto region are expected to exceed 30°C today.

“It looks like it’s going to be hot,” I say, and Ayase-san, sitting across the table from me, nods in agreement.

The time is just about to reach 8 o’clock. Even Ayase-san, who has a short commute, wouldn’t make it to her first class if we left now. However, today it didn’t matter. It seemed Ayase-san didn’t have any lectures she wanted to take on Monday mornings, so she was free, and as for me, I had a first-period class, but it was canceled today because the instructor was attending a conference.

That’s why we’re able to relax like this in the morning light after such a long time.

“Would you like another cup of coffee?” Ayase-san asks.

I reply, “I think I’ll take you up on that.”

“Got it. Let me borrow your cup; I’ll wash it.”

“It’s fine as it is, though?”

“Since I’m opening a new bag of beans, I want to enjoy it properly.”

I see. It seems that after one cup with breakfast, the beans had run out, and she decided to open a new one.

“Then I’ll wash it. Can I ask you to brew the coffee?”

“Sure.”

Just as we were having that conversation, we heard the sound of the front door opening, followed by a voice saying, “I’m home.”

It was my mother-in-law, Akiko.

Ayase-san reflexively looked at the wall clock, saying, “Huh?” I followed her gaze. It was about 8:05, a bit early for a return home.

Before long, Akiko appeared in the dining room, and both Ayase-san and I greeted her with “Welcome back.”

“Yes, I’m back. You two are home late today.”

“I have classes in the afternoon. Yuuta’s first-period class was canceled,” Ayase-san explained. “So, Mom, what about breakfast?”

“Not yet.”

“Then I’ll prepare it. Please have a seat.”

“I’ll go heat up the bath,” I said.

It seems whether or not she eats before coming home varies by day, but Ayase-san told me she always takes a bath before bed. I went to the bathroom to check if there was any water left in the tub and turned on the switch for reheating.

Currently, the bathing order in the Asamura household on weekdays is: Dad → me → Ayase-san → Akiko (in the morning). If all four of us bathe, we definitely have to change the water. However, depending on how dirty it is, we might drain it instead of letting it sit, so checking is necessary.

By the way, I heard that Akiko takes a shower before leaving for work but doesn’t actually get into the tub.

Setting aside such trivial matters, when I returned from the bathroom to the dining room, I found Akiko unusually seated at the table without changing her clothes, while Ayase-san was offering her some barley tea she had taken out from the fridge. After tilting the glass and pouring it down her throat, Akiko let out a big sigh of relief.

“Is it really hot outside?”

“Yeah, it feels just like summer already. Oh, Yuuta-kun, thank you for preparing the bath. You’re such a considerate son.”

“Oh, it’s nothing…”

I tried to downplay it, but Akiko looked back and forth between me and Ayase-san and said with a smile, “Really, you’re so reliable, it helps a lot.” So, I missed my chance to be modest and felt a bit embarrassed.

Ayase-san chimed in as if it were obvious, “You might think it’s too late to say this, but you’re already 18.”

I nodded in agreement with Ayase-san’s words.

“Is that so? Hey, Saki?”

“What is it?”

Prompted by Akiko’s gaze, Ayase-san sat down across from her. As Akiko’s eyes turned to me, I felt it was likely she was indicating for me to sit down as well, so I took a seat next to Ayase-san.

Akiko opened her mouth.

“Helping your parents isn’t the only way to act like an adult.”

I wondered what she meant by that.

“This is just my opinion, but—”

After that preamble, Akiko explained her reasoning.

“I think being an adult means being able to act with responsible irresponsibility.”

Responsible irresponsibility—what does that even mean?

“If you’re truly an adult, no matter what your parents say or try to do, you should pursue what you want without backing down. Because if you bend to what your parents say, whether you succeed or fail afterward, their shadow will fall over it.”

I pondered over her words, replaying them in my mind several times.

“Um, is this what you mean? If you give up on what you want to do out of consideration for your parents, you’re just abandoning your own responsibility and pushing it onto them.”

Akiko nodded at my words. However, Ayase-san seemed to struggle to grasp both my point and her mother’s.

“But, it’s not like Mom or Taichi-ojisan would ever force anything on us, right?”

“True. I don’t want to do that.”

“So, we’re not in conflict with our parents, right?”

I see, that makes sense.

“I don’t want to do anything that would upset Mom or Taichi-ojisan either.”

I understood the logic. However, Ayase-san was expressing her confusion about why Akiko would bring this up, especially with us sitting right in front of her.

I realized that while I was only thinking about the logic, Ayase-san was considering it from a deeper perspective.

“Hey, Saki and Yuuta-kun, can you decide your future without holding back for me or Taichi-san?”

I was taken aback by the sudden question.

However, Akiko’s expression at that moment was more serious than any I had seen before, and I sensed she was about to say something significant.

“Um…”

My hands began to sweat a little. I was getting nervous. Looking at the glass of barley tea in front of me, I suddenly felt thirsty.

Could I decide my future without considering Akiko or my dad?

I wondered if this was a roundabout way of asking about Ayase-san and my relationship. I glanced at Ayase-san beside me, who also seemed somewhat bewildered and tense.

What if my dad or Akiko, or both, opposed Ayase-san and me becoming a couple? What if I suddenly said, “Please stop”?

“I don’t want to make my parents sad… But I don’t think that means I have to obey everything they say. Leaving decisions that should be ours to our parents is the same as pushing our responsibilities onto them.”

“Yeah. I feel the same way,” Ayase-san said.

Akiko let out a sigh, as if releasing a breath she had been holding.

“I want you two to value your own lives above all else. There’s no guarantee that our judgments are always correct…”

That was logically obvious, but whether a parent could say that to their child was another matter. Parents likely want their children to think they are infallible.

“Um—”

Akiko began speaking again with a clear change of topic. Ayase-san gasped beside me. I wondered what could possibly surprise her this much.

“Whether it’s a little brother or sister… We might be adding to the family.”

Huh? A little brother or sister? So, does that mean… a child between my dad and Akiko?

I was momentarily stunned, my mind going blank.

But then I realized, oh, I see.

She said “might be adding,” but she didn’t say “is allowed to add.”

She wasn’t asking for our permission.

That makes sense. If we opposed it and my dad and Akiko gave up, then in the reverse case, if they pleaded with us, we would have to give something up too.

In reality, many parents probably give up things for the sake of their children’s lives. However, we couldn’t allow that. If we learned that, it would lead us to abandon our own will.

──I want you two to value your own lives above all else.

To convince us of that, she couldn’t ask for our permission here.

Even if the positions of parents and children are not symmetrical in reality.

I looked back at Akiko. Her hands, clasped together on the table, were tightly gripped. It looked like she was trying to crush her anxiety about whether her words would reach us.

When I was a small child, I thought of Akiko—my parent—as an infallible being, but as I grew closer to adulthood, I began to understand that parents are just ordinary people, struggling and confused like us, making the best decisions they can at the time.

So, I abandoned all the answers I had thought of and simply said, “I’d be happy to have our family grow. I think Saki would be too.”

Someone beside me gasped softly. Was it Akiko or Ayase-san?

Akiko released her hands and said, “Can you promise not to hold back on what you want to do just because of that?”

In other words, while having a baby might make life more challenging, it’s something she and my dad would bear, so please don’t feel the need to adjust your lives excessively.

That’s tantamount to saying they wouldn’t want to force a new child into their lives if it would burden us.

In reality, the positions of parents and children are not symmetrical. It might be more accurate to say they can’t be.

While telling children to live freely, they themselves don’t want to impose anything on them if they don’t want it. Ah, so this is what it means to be a parent, I thought.

“It’s okay. I promise.”

“Yeah. I promise too. But if you ever have trouble, please let us know. We’re family.”

Ayase-san said, and I nodded beside her.

Akiko let out a sigh of relief.

“Thank you.”

Then she spoke a little shyly.

“Honestly, I was thinking of casually having a baby after you two graduate and start living on your own, but…” She smiled slightly, but then added that considering her age and physical condition, this year or next might be the limit.

I had never faced the risks and hardships of pregnancy and childbirth, so I had nothing to say and could only listen.

Akiko said she loves us as her children and is happy to see us grow up well. But alongside that maternal feeling, she genuinely wants to have and raise a child with Taichi.

After finishing her story, Akiko remarked, “Well, this is something that can’t be guaranteed just by saying we’ll make it…”

At that moment, I finally realized what she meant.

Ayase-san had said before, “It might take months to see results, and nearly a year to achieve the final outcome, which is a gamble.”

Now that I understood the answer, I wondered why I hadn’t grasped it back then.

“A little brother or sister. I’m looking forward to it.”

I said in the brightest voice I could muster.

If Akiko was feeling anxious, that was all I could do as her son. Of course, I would offer my support. I was genuinely looking forward to it.

After the conversation ended, when Ayase-san and I stood up to return to our room and prepare for school, Akiko called out, “Oh, Saki. Just a moment,” stopping her alone. I was a bit curious about what they would discuss.

However, I figured there were some conversations that only women could have, so I returned to my room.

As I packed my textbooks into my bag, I thought about the changes that would likely come in about a year.

A family would be growing.

I looked around the room.

Until just two years ago, I thought this house was too big for just me and my dad. But now…

──It would be better to have a child’s room, right?

I pondered such thoughts.