Agony of the Heart
by Afuhfuihgs
As I was about to get up from the convenience store chair to return to Ellie, the Demon King gripped my shoulder with force. Having lifted my butt, I realized there was more to be said and plopped back down.
“What’s the rush? I haven’t even shared the sweet-ass tips I, as your senior, have obtained with you, newbie.”
“Is there more to tell me here?”
“The labyrinth is almost over, so there’s not much more to tell you about that… but I’m an earlier copy than you, aren’t I? You could say I’m a senior in life? Advice about life… Hey, don’t get up! I’m serious, I swear!”
Surprisingly quick reflexes for a mage. Forced back down, I looked at the Demon King with a face devoid of expectation. After clearing his throat a couple of times, the Demon King spoke with a serious voice for the first time.
“I know the saying that a guy who thinks about tomorrow can’t beat a guy who lives only for today, but you’re too obsessed with the Holy Grail. The original you would have planned what to do after reviving Luna. Well, I guess that unwavering focus is what kept you moving forward…”
Trailing off and stroking his chin, the Demon King suddenly smiled.
“What do you think your strength is?”
“…I haven’t really thought about it.”
“Well, think about it a little.”
It’s not that I didn’t think about it because it wasn’t worth thinking about, but it seems I looked like an idiot. I knew my strength for sure after meeting Loss of Yearning.
“I can read the plausibility more accurately than anyone else and change the flow of a twisted story in the direction I want. That’s pretty much the only strength of the last Loss.”
“That’s right. That’s why our original left you with those words.”
“Original…?”
“Jin Sian that Ellie met is our original.”
Not just a Jin Sian from another world, but really the original of my soul? Even the Demon King, who figured that out with just the memories he received from me, seemed more impressive.
“There must be a reason why Jin Sian specifically told you through Ellie, ‘The true talent of a writer is not being eaten up by the power of the story and being dragged around, but leading the story to the ending you want.’ Once you get out of the labyrinth… you’ll definitely know.”
Somehow, I could sense from this guy’s tone that he already understood the meaning of Jin Sian’s words. Narrowing my eyes and glaring at him, the Demon King shrugged and scoffed.
“Uh-uh, people from other worlds are naturally prohibited from spoilers. Who knows what kind of butterfly effect will happen! More than anything, even if I tell you what I know now, you won’t gain anything. You can’t get this kind of thing unless you gain enlightenment yourself, no matter how much you tell the answer.”
“…Okay, thanks for the advice.”
“No, my advice hasn’t even started yet! The advice from the original and the advice from me are different! I was going to give advice about the Pope!”
I guess I misunderstood. When I leaned back slightly on the armrest of the chair and showed interest, the Demon King, with one corner of his mouth raised, leaned towards me and said.
“The Pope must have experienced countless other worlds like Roel. If so, there must have been a Loss among us who tried to kill the Pope using the World Tree’s Spear to prevent the advent of the Chaos Church’s god.”
At the Demon King’s words, a memory that didn’t exist in my head suddenly popped up. A memory of me holding the World Tree’s Spear and confronting the Pope. This must be the memory of Loss who had the talent of creation gained through Quantum Jump.
“But seeing as the order has come to you, the last one… the method using the [Destruction] of the World Tree’s Spear must not have worked on the Pope. The ambiguity of the essence itself can be killed, but in the end, the terminal connected to the Chaos Church’s god could not be severed, and the advent must have succeeded somehow.”
At the Demon King’s cold analysis, which accurately pointed out what I hadn’t thought about, I sighed and ran a hand over my face.
“If I can’t succeed even with the strongest weapon… can I never beat the Pope?”
“Hey, there are many ways to win a war even if you lose a battle. The best thing is to approach it with the mindset that I will win in the end. You just need to stay behind the turret and farm CS!!! Roel will carry the game in the end!”
I burst out laughing at his fussing.
“But Roel needs the support’s help to carry. A support who keeps throwing bad grabs suddenly snatches only the well-fed enemy ADC from among the clustered enemies in the Elder Dragon fight? The previous mistakes disappear from your head and you immediately get four honors. That’s how important one moment is. And you’re the one who can create that opportunity.”
“Opportunity…”
“Actually, you already know what that opportunity is. You just haven’t realized it yet. Just as the last Loss’s connections to save all the worlds are not coincidental, all those connections will allow you to reach the ‘ending you thought was most ideal,’ which no other Loss has reached. You’re the closest thing to a writer among us.”
To be honest, even after hearing this, I still don’t get it. But I tried to manage my expression so as not to show that I didn’t understand. Well, it was only a matter of time before I got caught in front of him.
“You’ll find out later~ You’ll recall this life senior’s advice and go, ‘Ah~ so that’s what he meant~’ and you’ll smack your knee in admiration of my insight!”
“Sounds awful just thinking about it?”
“…Why, are you starting to resemble Ellie in your reactions? That’s hurtful?”
Clutching his chest, the Demon King got up from his chair and said.
“If I make her wait any longer, she’ll definitely curse me out, right? Let’s go quickly.”
It seems the life senior’s advice ends here. Nodding, I approached Ellie, who was waiting for us with the Demon King. Unlike the Demon King’s expectations, Ellie was wearing a faint smile.
“Did you have a good time?”
“Yeah, we talked shit about you.”
Ellie scoffed at the Demon King’s words and looked at me, asking.
“Ready?”
“Yeah. Let’s go.”
I stood with Ellie in front of the lips of the statue that leads to the 9th floor.
“Thanks for everything. I’ll repay you later if I can.”
Looking back over my shoulder and giving an awkward farewell, I chuckled at his expression of sticking out his tongue and pretending to vomit. Ellie also turned around and said goodbye to the Demon King.
“Okay, thanks for helping me so hard until now.”
“Then, there’s no hot farewell hug or anything?”
The Demon King, who threw a joke with a smile, became flustered when Ellie actually approached. Finally, when Ellie hugged him, she whispered something into the Demon King’s ear, who had frozen in place.
“…Really? Can I trust you? That’ll work?!”
“Who knows what kind of person Ellie was back then… better than I do?”
“Well, only a psycho can recognize another psycho―”
In the end, I smiled at the Demon King’s figure, who was punched in the solar plexus until the very end. Ellie, who patted the Demon King’s head, who was bent over in pain, returned to my side.
“Let’s go.”
“…Okay.”
We moved forward without hesitation and headed to the 9th floor through the lips of the statue.
“Shibal, good luck! Another me! Fucking fighting!!!”
Smiling at the encouragement coming from behind.
***
After passing through a dark place where I couldn’t see anything, the surroundings suddenly brightened as if a light had been turned on. After blinking for a moment, I realized that Ellie, who had been walking alongside me, was nowhere to be seen. I wasn’t too worried because I had already heard from the Demon King that the passage on the 9th floor would be walked separately.
An empty, pure white tunnel with nothing. Still, I couldn’t just stand still, so I decided to walk forward. As soon as I took a step forward, the surrounding environment suddenly changed. It was an environment familiar to my eyes.
Yeah, this is… Modiste’s secret hideout.
It was Estelle’s room, who was shorter than me but more like an older sister than anyone else, and had a lovable appearance but a tone that made me want to give her a flick on the forehead.
“What, pig. Why did you come in without knocking?”
Hearing that voice after a long time, I suddenly felt like I couldn’t breathe. Forgotten memories suddenly surfaced, hitting my heart at will. I felt like I was going to suffocate, but in reality, I was breathing properly.
“…Estelle.”
Estelle, whose short legs didn’t reach the floor because she was sitting on a chair, leaned back on the chair and narrowed her brows, looking at me.
“What’s with that unfitting expression? Ugh, cheesy.”
Emotions surge. It would be right to say that I feel nauseous. It’s a feeling that emotions I haven’t felt in the meantime, things that have been suppressed, are soaring at will.
Why had I forgotten?
No, why hadn’t I felt it?
What I killed inside me, with my own hands, comes back to life.
And it shouts at me in a voice close to screaming, as if telling me not to forget.
“Estelle, Estelle, Estelle!!!”
“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!!!”
“We… will definitely kill even Ellie!!!”
“I just need to save Luna!!!”
Estelle’s voice reached my ears clearly, piercing through the voices that echoed endlessly in my head.
“You idiot, I’m okay.”
Estelle was smiling at me.
With a completely honest appearance, with a smile that was no different from usual.
“I was prepared to die at any time. And my death is absolutely not your fault.”
Seeing her comforting me, I could feel that what I had lost forever had returned to me and made me bleed again.
As much as I wanted to choose to have my flesh torn, my muscles ruptured, and my blood vessels burst instead… the agony of the heart, which I couldn’t adapt to at all, began to spread throughout my body.
“…I’m sorry. Estelle.”
As always, I’m too late…
“I’m really sorry.”
I shed tears at Estelle’s death.
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