348. Shimaidon (1)

Just because I like tightrope walking doesn’t mean I like bungee jumping without a rope.

No matter how thrilling enjoying thrills might be, I had to be cautious when caution was needed, and now was exactly that time.

Now that I’d already made eye contact with someone of director level or higher, the plan to follow their schedules around continuously was immediately scrapped.

I sent both of them back to their rooms before sunrise, and then Haeun and I enjoyed a sweet sleep together before I returned home late.

After finishing that brief indulgence, while searching for someone to sell the gym off to as quickly as possible.

A message flew in from Seo Jia.

…along with a pregnancy test showing only one line.

In fact, I knew that pregnancy wasn’t something that happened instantly, like ppyong.

But seeing that it didn’t happen even after I did it like that, my mind felt a little complicated.

…Perhaps it might be that it didn’t happen because of ‘doing it like that’.

Should I have handled it more gently?

Isn’t it possible that it didn’t happen because I gave too much stimulation?

Thinking logically, the possibility of simple implantation failure was the highest, but I felt a strangely sticky guilt.

Strictly speaking, the one causing the pregnancy should feel more guilt, yet…

Moreover, now that this result has come out, even the plan got twisted.

Actually, if it were up to me, I’d want to leave Korea as soon as I sell off the gym, but no matter what, I can’t put a pregnant woman on a plane before the stable period.

Roughly, I’d hide out in Korea until the 3rd month, then secretly escape towards Europe.

Hold out there as long as possible, then return to Japan and give birth at a hospital secured in advance; that was the original plan.

Anyway, one person is Japanese, and the other would have gotten a visa long ago, so staying for a long time shouldn’t be a problem.

As for me, I could commute between Korea and Japan, or if necessary, I could just file for marriage registration with Hinami, so it’s fine.

But if the pregnancy timing gets delayed by a month, finding the departure timing becomes too awkward.

By the time Seo Jia can stably depart, Hinami’s belly would have swollen up to the point where it absolutely cannot be hidden.

No matter how tightly I cover my face, around the 4th month of pregnancy, even ordinary people tend to stand out, don’t they?

If that’s the case, managing everything from the start in Japan would have been a method, but the problem there was that they are too famous.

Even if not as much as in Korea, people who know will know everything, won’t they?

No matter how remote a rural village it is, it would be a place with functioning hospitals and internet, wouldn’t it?

Can I really live in hiding there without being discovered?

Their agency wouldn’t be idiots, would they? Wouldn’t they be able to find us just because we’re hiding overseas?

Even so, staying continuously in Europe or America was impossible.

Even if they already have visas, I don’t.

At most, I can stay for half a year, and leave two women completely alone in a land with no acquaintances?

That’s crazy.

Rather than that, I’d rather stay in Korea even if we get caught.

In the end, considering this and that, the only conclusion was that the plan was riddled with holes from the beginning.

In the first place, the one who thought deeply from the start was Hinami, not me.

Anyway, the final destination is either Korea or Japan.

If the agency wants to find us, they can do so too easily.

The reality was that I only boasted about taking responsibility, without preparing anything properly.

…Still, the funds will likely be ample, so let’s think a bit more.

Anyway, Japan is damn wide, so if we live while changing locations from time to time, in a way-

“President. …Are you okay?”

“Huh? Yeah. Yeah. I’m fine.”

Maybe my complicated thoughts showed on my face, as Soo-ah approached me with a worried expression.

…Thinking about it, I should probably let her know to some extent too.

Even if I can’t run away with her, she has the right to know what happened, doesn’t she?

“Um, President. I heard rumors that you’re selling the gym, is it true?”

“…Yeah. I’m going to sell it.”

“Um, perhaps, because I said weird things last time because of my uncle-“

“No, it’s nothing like that.”

Meanwhile, she’s making weird assumptions again on her own.

I was overwhelmed about where to even start explaining, and wasn’t even sure if I could say anything, but even so, I couldn’t just disappear without a word to the woman I arbitrarily fucked.

Even if not right now, someday I’ll have to explain-

“…No way, President, did you… get (her) pregnant?”

“Puhup….”

Fuck, how much does she know?

“Ah, really? …Uh, c-congratulations.”

“…What?”

“Madam, no. Isn’t it news that Haeun unnie is pregnant…?”

“No, it’s nothing like that.”

I really spat out the water I was drinking in surprise, but apparently, I was the only one feeling guilty.

…Right, no matter what, she wouldn’t think I’d get an idol pregnant.

She’s quite on the crazy side, but not to the level of having thrown away common sense.

“…Ah.”

…Of course, now that I showed a flustered reaction, she would have guessed, whether she has common sense or not.

She just can’t bring herself to ask it directly.

“I’ll tell you everything later, so just wait for now. I’ll tell you once the gym is sold.”

“Yes….”

For now, securing an escape route is the priority, so I unavoidably had to postpone dealing with Soo-ah.

…Yeah, fuck. What choice do I have?

It’s all my karma.

In the end, I had no choice but to ‘take responsibility no matter what happens’.

Whether we get caught or not.

Those things aren’t important.

I simply wanted to be by her side, and I had to be there.

…As long as she wishes for it.

Continuously.

**

…It didn’t happen.

Unlike Hinami, his seed couldn’t take root inside me.

Why could it be?

Simply luck?

Then was I lucky, or unlucky?

I don’t know.

The fact that I had to choose once again was a headache, though.

“Haa….”

Today too, getting hit by the stream of water in the hotel bathroom, I fall into contemplation alone.

…The choice I thought was over has been presented to me again.

When he told me he’d sell even the gym and run away with me, honestly, I was a little happy.

But that choice didn’t seem like it would be smooth sailing at all.

If only Hinami is pregnant, I just need to smuggle her away to Japan and hide her.

Because there’s no problem with a Japanese person staying in Japan.

But the moment I got involved, the situation became complicated.

Whether I give birth in America, Europe, or Japan.

Every single one is a bundle of problems.

He promised he would take responsibility somehow, but honestly, I didn’t think he had any great plan.

I know that much, at least – that it was an expression of intent that he wouldn’t abandon me, no matter what.

So I wanted to lean on him, but,

now that I’ve woken up from the dream for a moment, I didn’t want to add more burden to him.

“…Let’s stop.”

…Right, it’s okay even if not now.

There’s plenty of time left, and no need to rush, is there?

I can no longer escape from him, and he cannot abandon me.

Hinami, it can’t be helped because it already happened…

I’m fine.

…Anyway, my contract ends next year, so let’s do it next year, next year.

It’s not like doing so would cause any particular problem…

“….”

Drip, drip.

The stream flowed down my cheek onto the bathroom floor, rolling down.

However, I couldn’t distinguish whether this was water pouring from the showerhead or water flowing from my eyes.

Because it all mixed together and went down the drain anyway.

I didn’t give up anything, so why.

Is it so difficult even to stand straight like this?

…It’s not like I conceived and then lost it.

It’s just that I was unlucky, and it didn’t happen in one go.

“…Haa.”

Thinking about it, it’s not like I’m unlucky either.

My contract is still remaining, and my activities are still remaining.

Even if the contract doesn’t explicitly state a penalty clause for pregnancy, it’s definitely not something we can just laugh off.

It’s actually a good thing, so why.

Why am I becoming so short of breath like this…?

“….”

…Did I want to have his child this much?

No, that’s impossible.

I never even imagined how the child I give birth to would grow up, not even once.

Then…

Am I still afraid of being abandoned?

…Since I gave everything,

Am I this afraid because there’s no way left to hold on?

In the end, all I could do was change the temperature of the water pouring onto me to be a little warmer.

Now, without leaning on him, I couldn’t do anything.

Standing alone in the world was too scary because of the mistakes I’ve made until now.

…I wasn’t afraid of being abandoned by the world anymore, but

Being abandoned by him was unbearable because I was scared-

-Is your time okay?

Woo-oong.

…My phone, which I’d placed near the sink, vibrated.

Without even turning off the shower, I ran urgently to check, and it was contact from him.

Hurriedly wiping the moisture off my hands, I immediately called him.

-Hello, Jia-ya.

“Brother-in-law.”

-…What do you want to do?

“…I don’t know.”

I didn’t call him right after thinking something through.

I just wanted to hear his voice.

Because being left alone was too lonely.

Anything was fine, I just hoped he would say something, anything.

But explaining that with my own mouth was by no means an easy thing.

-Let’s change the question. …What will you do from now on?

“I’ll do as you tell me to, Brother-in-law.”

-Then wait just a little.

“…For how long?”

-Next month…, no. Until the month after next.

“….”

…Because I was embarrassed.

Even though it wasn’t in front of him,

Myself, with my heart pounding like this.

-I changed the plan a little. We won’t go through Europe or America; we’ll just stay in Japan continuously. It’ll be more convenient for you too.

“Yes.”

-Probably, we’ll definitely get caught by the agency. If we’re unlucky, even by reporters… you can handle it, right?

“…Yes.”

-…Then when you return after your schedule ends, come straight to my house. …I’ll do whatever you want.

“…Yep.”

Because it was disgusting.

…With the fan meeting tomorrow, my hands trembling at his every word, I…

It was really disgusting enough to make me want to vomit, but…

I didn’t hate that version of myself.

…That’s who I am.

Because he taught me.