338. Fate (3)

His first impression was the worst.

I don’t really follow baseball or anything, so the first I heard about him was that he was the guy who picked a fight with unnie.

I never heard any particularly good rumors about him after that, either.

I just vaguely remembered him as a guy with bad vibes, forgot about him, and then I was quite surprised when I met him again.

Not surprised that I remembered him, but surprised because the guy I didn’t even recognize because I’d completely forgotten him was rolling around naked with unnie.

Only later, when I realized who he was, did my past first impression and that first impression get all jumbled together, deepening my thought that he was a piece of trash.

I didn’t even need to bother thinking that I’d never see this guy in a good light for the rest of my life.

People don’t go around thinking about how dirty trash is in their daily lives.

Back then, I definitely didn’t want anything to do with him.

How did I end up…

…in his arms?

On my bare chest,

…his hand is touching?

On my moist lips,

…his tongue is touching?

“…Hoo, please let go.”

“Why.”

“That… hasn’t been put on yet.”

Saying I didn’t want to love him… felt foolish.

Actually, I don’t love him.

If I called this love, it would be a desecration to those who truly love.

I…

was just tired.

Being loved by someone.

And having to repay someone.

“…Give it here. I’ll fill it for you.”

“…Yes.”

He doesn’t love me either.

There was a time he hated me and vented his rage,

and after his hatred subsided, when he came to his senses, only a broken me remained.

He couldn’t just leave the shattered glass after throwing a cup in anger.

He had no choice but to take responsibility and clean it up.

“It suits you.”

“…Oppa gave it to me as a gift.”

“Right.”

A white choker, the proof of our connection, hangs around my neck.

He didn’t bring any leash to attach here today, but actually, what he pulls isn’t always a leash made of leather, cloth, or chains.

It was a terribly tangled, complicated connection.

…Whether it was a red thread or a black thread, I couldn’t tell.

“…Do you want to do it outside?”

“Judging by how you say it, it seems like you want to.”

“I… don’t mind. …There’s no one around anyway.”

The important thing is,

it’s now so hopelessly tangled that it can’t be undone anymore.

Unless cut cleanly with a blade, it will never break.

It can’t even be untangled thread by thread.

Because it was tangled from the very beginning.

It couldn’t be returned to a single, taut, straight, and neat thread.

“In that case… the air is nice today. …Let’s do it like this.”

“…Yes.”

The empty night street was so refreshing.

The mask I wore, the hat on my head.

Even the glasses without prescription, I took them all off and handed them to him, and he, too, took off his ill-fitting glasses and threw them into the car.

Watching him, I let down my tied-up hair, shaking it a few times to arrange its texture.

…I didn’t grow it out for you, but.

Now, only you can touch it.

This ball of purple yarn.

“…Which do you prefer?”

“What.”

“Top, bottom. …Taking it off, or having you take it off.”

“…What do you prefer?”

“Not really. There’s no good or bad, I’m just curious about which one Oppa prefers.”

“I don’t have a preference either. It varies from time to time.”

“…Then I’ll take it off.”

The fact that the man who always undressed me said that meant he wanted to see me undress today.

I could have started from the top, but it was a bit cold.

I rubbed my feet and took off my sneakers, then carefully pulled down my black sweatpants, revealing my bare white legs to him.

…It was fortunate that I wasn’t sweaty since I’d just showered.

I was a little nervous, wondering if he’d think the underwear I’d bothered to wear was cute.

“…You’re wearing panties. I thought maybe you weren’t wearing a bra since I didn’t see one.”

“I’m not a pervert like Oppa.”

“Cute. …It suits you.”

“….”

But he, like the man he always was, choosing only the words I didn’t want to hear, smiled and stroked my hair.

…Isn’t calling this cute a bit much?

It’s white, but it’s really revealing.

My underwear, and my body too.

Even though he always gets so excited over me he doesn’t know what to do.

“Then is this cute too?”

“…No.”

…Lifting up my hoodie.

Even if only my breasts are revealed.

He’d quickly swallow, veins popping out here and there.

“…Then what is it?”

“Sexy.”

“Specifically?”

“You’re skinny but have big breasts, that’s sexy. Your skin tone, your nipple color, it’s all sexy. …Most of all.”

“What.”

“Your expression is the sexiest.”

“….”

…That expression.

Who on earth made it.

I wasn’t exactly a sexy person from the start.

Not until you made me that way.

“…You’re doing events starting tomorrow, right?”

“Yes. Well, there are college festivals and other events. I’ll be busy.”

“You’re using the room alone, right?”

“Yes. …Well, it’s big enough that someone could sneak in and we could sleep together without issue.”

“Wouldn’t you get caught?”

“Sometimes Hinami would abandon her room and sleep in mine, but we never got caught.”

“…I’ll think about it.”

I wanted a life where someone would greet me when I returned.

My home always felt cold and empty.

Both before I moved out and after.

The only time it was lively was when I lived in the dorms, but even then, there were too many people, which was inconvenient.

Just one person is enough.

You don’t have to love me specifically.

…Just…

understand me.

That would be enough.

“…I said something really embarrassing, but your reaction is so lukewarm.”

“What did I do?”

“That ‘Seo Jia’ is seducing you, wanting to sleep with you throughout the schedule? …Want to see pictures? I took some for a photoshoot today.”

“Well, I have plenty of your photoshoot pictures on my phone too.”

“Those aren’t photoshoots, they’re porn. …Pornography that captures everything from my beginning to my end.”

“Porn is fake. …That’s real.”

“…Ah, right.”

No one could understand the persona ‘Seo Jia’.

Because she wasn’t a real person to begin with.

Her expressions, appearance, vibe, personality, everything was a manufactured fake.

So she couldn’t be understood or recorded.

What remained in countless videos and photos wasn’t me, but the role of ‘Seo Jia’.

…What truly contains the real me.

Ironically, it was only in the videos he filmed.

“Then shouldn’t you be even happier? …I think I’m more attractive playing an idol diligently than an actual idol.”

“…That’s not wrong.”

“Say it’s right, tell me definitively.”

“Do you really have to do that, Ye-eun?”

“That’s- …Um, could you please not call me by my real name so suddenly, Oppa?”

“You asked me to speak definitively.”

“…You’re mean, really.”

The one who sees the real me.

Was no one else.

The one who could hold me,

…The one who could break me.

The one I could lean on.

All of it.

“…Take off my underwear.”

“We’re outside, is that okay?”

“Bringing me somewhere with no one around and then asking if it’s okay. Your intentions are obvious.”

“You caught me.”

“You want to see me embarrassed, right? …You want to enjoy me trembling and clinging to you when I take my clothes off outdoors, right?”

“It would be a lie if I said I didn’t want to.”

“…Then I’ll do it for you.”

I quickly threw off the hoodie I had pulled up.

Grabbing the strings of my underwear hanging at my hips, I pulled them down past my toes.

Naked for the first time in my life in the open outdoors,

I trembled uncontrollably just as he wanted, burrowing deep into his embrace.

“Why are you trembling so much?”

“…Haa…”

“…Ah.”

Holding me, trembling all over, he let out a slight, humorless laugh. As soon as he felt me breathing heavily, he pulled me into the back seat of the car.

Then, after sitting me down, he slammed the open car door shut, got in beside me, turned on the heater, and frowned as he touched my cheek.

“If you’re cold, just say you’re cold. Idiot?”

“…I told you I wanted to see you embarrassed, Oppa.”

“Ha…”

Scratching the back of his head and sighing, he stared intently at my body, which had gradually stopped trembling. Then he threw off his own clothes, laid me down on the seat, and climbed on top of me.

“It’ll be uncomfortable. Probably.”

“I’ve never had sex with you without thinking it was uncomfortable.”

“Why.”

“Just ask your own damn dick. …Every time, every time it presses down on my uterus, it’s so hard.”

“…I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want to hear you say you’re sorry, Oppa. …If you’re really sorry, apologize with something else-, eup…”

Unlike the refreshing, yet chilly, cold night air.

Inside the car, warm, hot, humid, and sticky.

I wrapped my arms around his neck as his lips met mine,

and he carefully held me so I wouldn’t slide off the seat.

Instead of penetrating me with the cock that always tormented me,

he warmed my lower belly, which already held his seed.

For a long time.

…Really, for a very long time.

Gazing into each other’s eyes.

We kissed.

Tomorrow,

with the lips that will discuss love in front of many people.

Cute and charmingly, sometimes powerfully.

With the tongue that has to sing songs.