305. Sex Friend (1)

Quite a lot of time had passed since Haeun’s birthday, and the month had changed.

During that time, which spanned over fifteen days, almost nothing had changed, but rather, that fact felt quite unsettling.

The employee who witnessed Soo-ah and me was still keeping their mouth shut tight, and Hinami and Seo Jia had not been released from the agency.

If there was one thing that changed… it was that the public was gradually losing interest in the drug issue and went off to gnaw on other interesting gossip.

Their fandom was still like a funeral wake, but they weren’t exactly raising their voices either.

Perhaps thanks to all sorts of threats and persuasion pushed by the agency, Hinami and Jia’s group did not escalate to disbandment.

Instead, it seemed like the contract period was shortened, but they didn’t tell me the details.

Next week, I think they’ll be released.

However, the fact that I could meet them soon was something I could hear.

Well, I couldn’t meet them openly like before, but I guess I’ll be able to see them soon.

I thought maybe the tower I’d built up was half-smashed, but actually, even just that much, they were still doing quite well.

Baseball players have their necks on the line if they can’t play baseball, but these guys have a profession where their necks fly off if the public’s interest disappears, whether they sing well or not, so it’s probably impossible to stop their activities forever.

Personally, I also want to see those two appear on stage again.

…Honestly, I was looking forward more to the incidents they would commit afterward.

It’s not that I’m tired of Haeun, but…

Since that day, there hasn’t really been any new excitement.

“Ah, you were here. Uh, President…”

“Uh.”

“I’ll try to head home now. Thanks for your hard work…”

“Okay.”

Since that day, Soo-ah’s attitude hasn’t dramatically changed.

At least, in front of others, she doesn’t show any awkwardness and remains just as the part-timer she always was.

Only, when we meet alone, she’s become a little more shy.

I deliberately assign no meaning to Soo-ah’s behavior and pretend nothing happened that day.

…Honestly, I can’t handle even her.

“Sigh…”

The only reason I can keep this inefficient body running diligently is purely because of desire.

At first, I wanted to earn money, succeed, become famous, and meet pretty women.

Exactly the kind of thoughts a brat who just took off their school uniform would have.

After that, I briefly tasted the sweetness of success, got caught up in the desire to climb higher, and only after being thrown down to the bottom could I realize what the instinct to simply survive was.

Around the time I got used to living by struggling desperately while crawling at the bottom, I realized I had become broken to the point where I couldn’t even struggle.

Right before being sucked into the swamp, I met Haeun and used the emotion called revenge as fuel to live diligently.

Around the time that all burned out, Seo Jia threw in new firewood, so I could burn a little brighter, but

After burning even that all up, it felt so empty.

…My obsession with sex is probably for that reason too.

It’s not particularly because it’s very pleasant, but rather…

Besides that, there’s no longer any goal.

Anyway, there was no longer any means to fill the honor.

Money… the moment it crossed a certain level, I unexpectedly realized it wasn’t that important.

If 10 billion won were stuffed into my pocket right now, what would even change?

I could travel a bit more often, and instead of staying in pensions, maybe buy a villa?

Only such trivial conveniences change; the essence doesn’t really change.

…That I’m trash too.

I have to take responsibility for them someday.

“…What?”

“Ah, no. Just…”

Letting out a deep sigh, uncharacteristically lost in thought, the part-timer who had left work earlier suddenly turned back and stared intently at me.

I had caused an incident, but since it didn’t blow up into a scandal, I wished they’d just forget about it, but their face still seemed to hold lingering attachment.

“If you want an advance on your salary, tell me. I’ll give it to you right now.”

“No, no, it’s not like that…!”

“…If it’s not that, then hurry up and leave.”

“…”

I know that she wants to continue a relationship with me.

But I have things I can take responsibility for, and things I cannot.

Soo-ah was someone outside the scope I could take responsibility for,

and I knew acutely that laying hands on her that day was my fault.

I also knew very well that I was a fucking idiot who couldn’t resist even knowing.

“President.”

“What.”

“…Am I making you uncomfortable?”

“…Wouldn’t I be uncomfortable?”

Knowing I can’t take responsibility, that I want to lay hands on them, was also my true intention.

In the first place, when I touched Haeun, and when I touched Hinami,

similarly, when I laid hands on Seo Jia.

I didn’t particularly do it with the intention of taking responsibility for them.

As it turned out, I wanted to take responsibility, and I was in a position where I could.

But this one…

“Please don’t be too… uncomfortable. …That day, it was my fault…”

If I half-heartedly took responsibility, I felt like I’d really be screwed.

Unnecessarily dragging out the ambiguous relationship, and then trying to cut it off late, it felt like some part of my body would get cut off.

Even so, if I just kept that ambiguous relationship going, I felt like I wouldn’t be able to cut it off even after she found another man.

“It’s because you’re acting like that that it’s uncomfortable.”

“But… it’s true. I, unnecessarily tempted you, President…”

“…You’re not saying that because you genuinely feel sorry, are you?”

“…”

She was capable of doing even that.

She was a little different from Hinami.

If she was waiting for a prince on a white horse, this one was just looking for a useful dildo to fulfill her own fantasy.

“Why. Is it because you want to do it with me again?”

“…Can’t I say that?”

“No, of course not. That day was a mistake, and doing it twice isn’t a mistake.”

“…If it’s not a mistake, is that okay?”

“Sigh…”

Look at her, despite her ears being bright red, shamelessly talking like that.

Right now, I don’t care what kind of dog shit she does, but someday it won’t be like that.

Will she be satisfied with never meeting any man for life and just enjoying ‘secret rendezvous’ with me sometimes?

Or, even if I decide to take responsibility for her too, will she accept it?

A man who’s already dating three women?

“Don’t sigh. President, you… even if you don’t like me, you… get hard for me, don’t you.”

“If I acted on getting hard all the time, I’d already be in jail.”

“You’re always causing trouble though. …It’s okay to touch idols even though you have girlfriends, but I’m not allowed?”

“…I touched them because I could take responsibility for them.”

“…Is it because I’m your senior’s niece?”

“Yeah.”

“That doesn’t matter, does it? …If you keep quiet.”

“…It’s not about that.”

I said this, but in reality, the fact that she’s my close senior’s niece wasn’t that big of an obstacle.

The biggest obstacle was that I’m trash.

If I were an upstanding person and a man with a clean relationship history, there wouldn’t have been any problem whether I dated her, had sex with her, married her and had kids.

But… it’s not like that, right?

Even if I think about pouncing on Soo-ah, I never have the thought of living alone with Soo-ah.

It’s a fucking trash mindset, but what can I do?

No matter how Soo-ah has a unique flavor, and her quirks are sometimes cute,

Haeun is waiting when I go home.

“…I’m not asking you to take responsibility either. It’s just, anyway, I’m young. I don’t really plan on getting a boyfriend. But, I want to have sex…”

“You’ll get a boyfriend right after your leave of absence ends.”

“I told you no! …In the first place, I don’t want to date. Just, sex…”

“…”

“Anyway, since you’re dating Haeun unnie, I’m fine with just… sex…”

…Next week Hinami is coming back.

Seo Jia can also be embraced.

Why should I deliberately walk on thin ice?

“…It’s not because I like you, President. It’s just. There’s no man I can meet as comfortably… no, as safely as you. That’s why I’m doing this…”

Why deliberately cross the crosswalk at a red light?

She’s not particularly prettier than the other girls I can embrace.

“Oh, and. You like cosplay, President…? Looking at Haeun unnie’s Instagram, it’s all that kind of stuff… I can do that for you too…?”

She doesn’t have that great a body.

Her breasts aren’t particularly big either.

And yet, deliberately,

…must I lay hands on her?

“…Please answer me, because I’m saying this despite enduring immense embarrassment…”

“Tomorrow.”

“Ah, …Yes.”

Of course, the answer was NO, but

I was always someone who only chose wrong answers.

…What can I do?

If I were someone who only chose correct answers, no one would have been able to obtain anyone.

Clearly, the end of ruin was visible before my eyes, and despite that, choosing this path felt like I was a fucking idiot, but

I truly couldn’t help it.

“…Thank you.”

In front of my eyes, a female animal was impatient to be fucked,

wearing loose clothes, and subtly showing off cleavage that wasn’t even that large,

fumbling for my hand, while wetting her lips.

when she’s radiating pheromones like that.

To think about morality and common sense first,

I, who am a human, was too close to trash.