182 Regret

182.

,Hmm, let’s see… Some bulb of Celestia… A bit of Masara solution too… Yeah, this should do it.”

A syringe filled with a purple liquid. It’s coming closer.

A sharp pain pierces my right arm. I can feel the cold, viscous liquid being injected.

Then my head seems to hurt even more.

I was still drifting in a hazy consciousness.

Some memories flash by.

I see scenes, but I don’t quite understand their meaning. It’s like watching a difficult movie with the judgment of a child.

A man, no, a woman? Holding a curved sword in both hands.

I am a doll. A meat doll.

I have a knife in my hand.

A nun collapsed on the floor.

– It’s okay.

What’s okay?

– …Hero-nim’s fault…

What is she saying?

The scene wouldn’t disappear, stuck to my retina, repeating over and over.

Is this an important scene?

So who is that? My hands are covered in blood. Did I kill her?

Hero-nim…

Hero?

The voice continues.

– Hero-nim, where are you? Hero-nim…

Is she calling me? I am… a hero?

– Hero-nim, Hero-nim!

A voice keeps calling me.

I waver. I was wavering. The more I heard that voice.

I know it. I remember hearing this voice. A very important…

Liel?

Liel, Liel.

I recalled the name. I still don’t quite understand its meaning, though.

My head gets hot and cold, over and over.

– Where are you? Hero-nim, Hero-nim…

The voice is still calling me. Yes, this is Liel’s voice.

Still, I don’t really know what’s going on.

But somehow, I feel like I have to do this.

‘Over… Drive…’

Pure white light emanated from my body and began to envelop me.

========================================

A terrible migraine. I clutched my throbbing head with one hand.

Hans is trembling, looking at the simply shattered examination table.

,Uh, uh, ah… Um…”

,Hans, your name is Hans, right? Could you bring me something to wear?”

,Ah, yes, I understand!”

The puppetry magic was released by Overdrive, and I remembered everything. The fragmented scenes were pieced together, and I could understand them completely again.

Jeff and Bonaparte made me into a doll and kidnapped me. They violated me like a toy, and Blade saved me for some reason.

And…

I also stabbed Liel. Brutally with a knife.

My fist is clenched tightly, trembling. But I remembered Liel’s voice that I had heard in my consciousness a little while ago.

A voice desperately searching for me.

‘What was that?’

At least, in my memory, I’ve never heard Liel say that. Then…

Is Liel alive?

Liel is also a High Priestess. Even if not as much as I am, her status is quite high. Besides, there are plenty of ways to heal with magic and blessings in this world.

Maybe… No, please…

At least it was worth checking. That was the first thing I had to do now.

Hans brought a plain white traveler’s outfit. I waited for Overdrive to end and put it on.

,Put the cost of the clothes on Blade’s tab. Oh, do you happen to have a scroll to Garan?”

,Yes, yes, of course I do. I have it…”

He has everything. Is Hans a jack-of-all-trades?

Leaving the examination room, he brought the portal scroll I had ordered. I took it and said.

,Put this on Blade’s tab too. Ah, right.”

I went to a corner of the room and kicked the video recorder that was still running with a refreshing roundhouse kick.

Kwajjijijijik-!

Sparks fly. The video recorder, kicked by the power of the Hero, was, of course, utterly destroyed. Hans screamed as if his own body had been destroyed.

,Aaaaaaaah! I still have 30 months of installments left!”

,Tell Blade to compensate you for that too. If you can survive after revealing that you were filming secretly, that is.”

Well, I was watching too. But I was in an unavoidable situation.

To be wanking while calling my name like that, what kind of guy is he? The expression he made when he came looked a little cute, though…

When I activated the portal scroll to Garan, a white light inscription was engraved on the floor. Before I went inside, I said to Hans, who was still clutching the remnants of his shattered dream and screaming.

,Ah, if Blade comes, could you tell him one more thing? Um, thank you for saving me.”

How embarrassing. I definitely said it. It’s Hans’ fault if he doesn’t tell him. Though it doesn’t seem like he’s in his right mind.

I moved my body into the portal to Garan.

========================================

After some inquiries, I was able to find the hospital where the ‘nun stabbed with a knife and lying on the floor’ had been taken.

Filled with hope that I could see Liel again, I entered the hospital room, only to be greeted by a white-coated man with a dark face.

I felt my mouth drying up at his dark face.

,Um, um…”

The man shook his head.

A narrow room, someone with a small body lying on a bed. A white cloth covered her face.

,You’re the Hero-nim, right? She already… passed away an hour ago. We did our best, but…”

,No, no…”

,She looked for you a lot until the very end.”

I glared at the man in the white coat for no reason.

He shouldn’t have told me that.

No, I think it would have been better to hear it after all.

Not knowing anything is too cowardly.

The voice I heard in my consciousness was indeed Liel’s voice.

Searching for me until the very end…

I held back something that was welling up.

I pulled out a chair next to the bed and sat down. Her small hand was the same as in my memory. Except that it was giving off a cold chill.

I didn’t have the courage to lift the white cloth.

The doctor said heavily.

,Um, Hero-nim…”

,Just one night, could you leave me alone here for just one night? No, just the two of us…”

I tried to say it as if it were nothing, but I failed. My voice became wet and sticky.

,I understand.”

Is it because I am the Hero who saved the Northern Continent? The doctor easily gave permission.

The reality is that I’m such a useless bastard.

My teeth are chattering.

If I had a sword right now, I might have impulsively stabbed it into my chest.

I reached out my hand to the white cloth covering her face. But I failed. I kept reaching out, but I couldn’t do it.

I think I sobbed dozens of times after withdrawing my outstretched hand.

But this is my duty.

It’s something I have to do.

With that, I steeled my heart like steel and reached out to remove the white cloth.

Underneath it was Liel’s pale face.

I shouldn’t have looked after all. It felt like several ice picks were stuck in my heart.

I took Liel’s hand. It was cold.

‘…It’s okay, it’s not Hero-nim’s fault…’

‘Where are you? Hero-nim!’

I squeezed my eyes shut.

What was Liel trying to say in her last moments searching for me?

Guilt washes over me. It feels like holes have been drilled all over my body. The wind is blowing through.

I don’t know what to do now.

I can only be at a loss.

For a moment, I wished I didn’t have my right hand. I could still vividly feel the moment I stabbed Liel with my right hand.

But there was something that should disappear before my right hand.

Orange Bonaparte.

I recalled the old man’s appearance. Even in my memory, he had a mocking, comical face.

I won’t let him die peacefully.

I also started to resent Blade for killing Jeff when he saved me. Jeff shouldn’t have died like that either. I should have made him suffer even more excruciating pain…

When I thought that far, a childish cry suddenly burst out. The firm desire for revenge collapsed in the face of the suddenly pouring tears.

I buried my face in the sheet that smelled like Liel and stayed there until I ran out of energy.

========================================

It’s the middle of the night.

I heard Liel’s voice.

– Hero-nim, Hero-nim.

I don’t know if I’m still half asleep, dreaming, or hallucinating because I miss Liel so much, but that didn’t matter.

,Liel, Lieeel…”

I burst into tears right away. Liel stroked my head.

– It’s okay, Hero-nim…

,No! It’s my fault, it’s all my fault… Liel because of me…”

– I’m okay, Hero-nim. Don’t cry.

,I, I killed Liel. After only doing stupid things…”

– Die? Did I?

I once read in some ghost story that a ghost who died unjustly doesn’t even know they’re dead.

Maybe Liel too?

I slowly raised my head and looked towards Liel’s face.

I had no choice but to open my mouth and doubt my eyes.

Skin dyed black.

Eyes turned yellow.

Horns sprouting from her head.

But it was definitely Liel. Her smiling face, her voice…

– I’m alive like this, you know? Although I’ve become like this…

Liel, who had become a succubus, smiled as if she was embarrassed.