107 – Jin Si-won

The drizzling rain intensified, drumming against the window. Jin Si-won stared blankly at the falling raindrops, and certain thoughts arose unbidden.

No, it had always been this way, even without such a scene. The image of Shin So-hyun, dismembered and stuffed in a travel bag a few months ago, kept flickering in her mind.

If she had joined her when she suggested escaping, would that have prevented it? No, to be clear, adding one more person wouldn’t have changed the outcome.

Jin Si-won didn’t think her reasoning was wrong. But regret still lingered. If only she had been there to help Shin So-hyun, to advise her against being blinded by revenge. The result might not have changed, but the process could have been different.

And she wouldn’t be harboring these feelings either. Jin Si-won clutched her chest, distorting her face.

“Look at her, being all sentimental again.”

Crunching on an apple from her meal, Ha-yoon, perched on Joo Yeon-hwa’s hunched back, muttered in disbelief. She really hadn’t gotten tired of it for months.

After moping around that much, shouldn’t she be over it by now? She was leaving soon, yet she was still acting like this. She wanted to pick a fight just to avoid seeing that pathetic sight, but Kim Seon-ah was watching, so she couldn’t.

‘At some point, she became merciless towards me.’

She used to act like she couldn’t live without her, but now her actions were too drastic. She’d use judo techniques to slam her onto the bare ground, or even rape her outright. It was like she had become a completely different person.

Of course, the reason was Kim Seon-ah’s desperate measure to control her, who no longer restrained herself, but Ha-yoon didn’t know that.

Anyway, she finished her apple, tossed the core into the trash, and stood up. Of course, she didn’t forget to press down hard with her butt as she stood. Ignoring Joo Yeon-hwa’s shriek as she fell sideways, she approached Jin Si-won.

She hadn’t even touched her food; the dishes on her tray were untouched. Ha-yoon glanced at it and sat down near Jin Si-won. She briefly looked at Ha-yoon, then indifferently turned her gaze back to the window.

She was facing the window, but her eyes weren’t seeing the scenery. It was as if she was using the scenery as a screen to project another image. Ha-yoon rested her chin on the windowsill, watching her, and then blurted out.

“Hey, Jin Si-won.”

“…”

Unsurprisingly, there was no response. Ha-yoon called her name a few more times before giving up and saying,

“Wanna fight me?”

“…?”

“Finally looking over here.”

A smirk crept across her face as she finally turned her questioning gaze towards her. Ha-yoon lowered her chin from the windowsill, made a pillow with her arm, and looked up at Jin Si-won.

“So, what’s it gonna be? Are you gonna do it or not?”

“…Fight? What are you talking about? Are you saying we should fight?”

“Well, that wouldn’t be bad either.”

Even in this body, her fighting spirit and violent tendencies remained. Street fights and ring fights were things that brought Ha-yoon joy. But now she knew other fun and pleasurable things, so she was restraining herself.

But Jin Si-won still seemed confused (or perhaps she was pretending not to understand) and asked again.

“Then what are you talking about? Out of the blue.”

“What else? I’m saying let’s have sex. You said you wanted to, right? With me.”

“That was… months ago.”

That was around the time she first met Ha-yoon. Since then, many things had happened, and the proposal had essentially fizzled out, but Ha-yoon was bringing it up now. When Jin Si-won asked with a puzzled expression, Ha-yoon chuckled and said.

“So, are you not gonna do it? You won’t have another chance to do it with me if it’s not now?”

Jin Si-won’s discharge date had been set. Two days later, in the morning. It was the day another half-year would come to an end.

Of course, nothing had happened in the meantime. Yoon Se-rin and Han Soo-ah, who had been discharged earlier, and three new trainees who would fill the spots of Jin Si-won, whose discharge was near, had entered, and the dormitory was briefly bustling with the arrival of new people.

Their names were… honestly, there was no need to remember them. After Jin Si-won left, it would be Ha-yoon’s turn. She wouldn’t see them for long, and they weren’t like Joo Yeon-hwa, who was fun to play with, so she didn’t bother to remember them. Kim Seon-ah seemed to get along well with them, though.

Anyway, that wasn’t the important thing. Ha-yoon said that and stared intently at Jin Si-won. Jin Si-won couldn’t help but avert her gaze from the cherry blossom-colored eyes that were looking at her with a playful glint, and muttered.

“You… you’ve really changed a lot.”

“Everyone changes when they’re here. Even you, look at you. You’ve sold off that slutty vibe you had on the first day and are now thinking about your departed lover all day like a chaste woman.”

Unable to deny the teasing words, Jin Si-won lowered her head.

“…Then, is that not allowed?”

“Who said you can’t? I think you’re misunderstanding something, so I’ll tell you in advance that I didn’t come here to comfort you.”

Ha-yoon said that sincerely. Kim Seon-ah had told her several times that she should get along with Jin Si-won because she had helped them, but Ha-yoon had no intention of getting along with anyone other than Kim Seon-ah.

Unless they were like Joo Yeon-hwa, who she could enslave. Seeing her glancing at her, looking like a dog that needed to pee after being pushed over, Ha-yoon said to Jin Si-won again.

“I just came to see if I could have sex with you.”

“…If that’s the case, you have your dogs, and Kim Seon-ah too-“

“Do you only eat home-cooked meals?”

Jin Si-won’s mouth snapped shut at Ha-yoon’s dumbfounded question. Was that really the only reason? Suspicious eyes turned to Ha-yoon, but she clicked her tongue and said.

“Never mind, never mind. The old Jin Si-won is completely dead. You bragged about your great hand skills, but it was all nonsense.”

Then she stood up without any regrets. Jin Si-won blankly watched her retreating back and sighed deeply.

As she said, the old Jin Si-won was as good as dead. The Jin Si-won who loved sex and pursued pleasure was gone.

There was only a woman who groped for the emptiness.

Jin Si-won hadn’t realized that Shin So-hyun’s presence was so great within her. She had just met her at the training center and thought of her as a cute kid, so they started dating.

It wasn’t a serious relationship. They comforted each other and sometimes craved pleasure, just a relationship like that. If she had to define it, it would be fair to call them sex partners.

But when Shin So-hyun tried to escape and returned in such a state, Jin Si-won felt like a hole had been punched in her heart.

Sex was no longer enjoyable, and it only felt painful. She couldn’t get aroused, as if she had become frigid.

Because of that, every time she was called as a duty to have sex with the instructors, it hurt so much she wanted to die. It was so dry that she bled every time, just like when she was first penetrated.

She had only lost one person, but it felt like she had lost everything. Jin Si-won turned her head again and stared blankly at the drizzling raindrops.

The sound of the raindrops falling faintly soaked into her heart.

Two days passed quickly. Jin Si-won woke up in the early dawn, before the sun had even risen, and stared blankly at the ceiling.

Soon, when the sun rose and it became bright, the person who would take her away would arrive at the parade ground in a car.

And then she would have to dedicate the rest of her life to someone she didn’t even know. Until she died.

Until a few months ago, she didn’t really have any feelings about that fact. If she had to say, she just hoped that they wouldn’t be too violent and would be good at sex, so it would be close to positive.

But now it was different. She absolutely didn’t want to be caught by them. She no longer liked or enjoyed sex.

Above all, her heart still ached. She didn’t want to be hurt by someone while her wounds were still unhealed.

But there was no way to escape. The owner had already been decided, and like those who had gone before, she would become the same.

Except for one way. Jin Si-won silently got up and quietly left the dormitory.

She moved as quietly as possible and arrived at the bathroom. She went into the nearest stall and locked the door. Then she took off her clothes. And then she tore them with force.

The clothes given to the trainees were so flimsy that even a patient with the strength of a patient could tear them. She tore it and made a rope like a twisted rope and made a knot.

Then she tied it tightly to the doorknob and put her neck in the knot hole.

The only way to escape the predetermined fate was one. To escape by death. Jin Si-won muttered inwardly and relaxed her whole body and slumped down. At the same time, the thin and strong knot twisted like a rope tightly constricted her trachea and carotid artery.

In an instant, her vision blurred and her consciousness faded. With a gurgling sound, saliva dripped down. It was the moment when she slowly closed her eyes, thinking that she could finally be at peace.

“Si-won!”

Something fell into the stall. And then she put her hand into the knot that was digging into her neck and secured space. Then her fading consciousness immediately came to her senses.

Jin Si-won coughed and gasped for breath and struggled wildly. Her body, which had been visited by death, began to convulse in fear.

Even in the midst of that, someone who had come inside calmly untied the knot. As she escaped from the noose of death that had been strangling her neck, Jin Si-won shed tears and gasped for breath. As she was doing that, she heard a worried voice patting her back.

“Are you okay?”

“Kehek… K, Kim Seon-ah…?”

“Yeah, it’s me.”

She didn’t say how she was here. Jin Si-won closed her eyes tightly and said in a suppressed voice.

“Wh, what are you doing now? Why are you saving me?! It’s just painful to be alive!”

Shin So-hyun was gone, and she couldn’t enjoy sex anymore. If a patient who had been trained as a sex toy couldn’t enjoy or have sex, the ending was obvious. She would be worn down in body and mind by sadistic acts and eventually collapse and die at some point.

It would be better to commit suicide like this. The hand that had been patting her back stopped at Jin Si-won’s cry. But Kim Seon-ah didn’t take her hand away and said slowly.

“Honestly, I know that I can’t convince you with any words.”

“Then…!”

“But how can I just watch someone die in front of me? I don’t know about Ha-yoon, but I’m not that cold-blooded.”

It was a cold assessment for a lover. But rather, thanks to that word, Jin Si-won was able to come to her senses.

“…Sorry.”

“It’s okay. More than that, is it today? You’re being discharged.”

“Yeah…”

“I don’t know if it will be comforting, but I asked the instructor you were going to. Where are you going?”

“Where I’m going…?”

At that question, Kim Seon-ah nodded and said.

“You’re going to the hospital.”

“Hospital…?”

“Yeah, they said it’s for new drug experiments. It seems that trainees aren’t always sent for sexual purposes.”

Besides, the instructor said that the hospital was a place that cared about the welfare of the trainees. They had to take care of their mental and physical health in order to test new drugs, so that’s what they said.

Kim Seon-ah added such words and said.

“That’s good. The hospital is a good place.”

“Even if I go to a good place, my life won’t get better. I…”

Jin Si-won couldn’t continue and buried her face in her hands. As she began to sob, Kim Seon-ah patted her back. Many clichéd words came to mind, but they would all be meaningless to Jin Si-won now.

“Still, cheer up.”

Jin Si-won didn’t answer Kim Seon-ah’s words.

In the morning, an old car entered the parade ground.

The driver was a middle-aged man in a neat suit with glasses, and his intellectual appearance was evident.

Jin Si-won got into the car with her head down.

Like those who had gone before, the car carrying her quickly left the training center.