#01_Playground of the Beast (1)

1.

I put down the coffee cup.

Unlike its sharp taste, the fragrant aroma of the coffee is a great help in relieving deep fatigue.

The coffee machine in the counseling room is quite an old model, but the beans I personally sourced were from a reasonably famous brand.

“Sorry, where were we?”

“What is it, *ssaem*~ I was talking so enthusiastically.”

“I pulled an all-nighter yesterday, so I’m a bit tired. Sorry.”

“You know, that Heehyun went out drinking with Changju and three others while dating him? Like… around last Saturday? I saw them.”

Most students’ interests are pretty much the same.

As they have to focus solely on studying all day in the prison that is the cram school, they become engrossed in gossip that they would have lightly dismissed during their school days, with serious expressions.

All those things may be dramas and big events in their lives, but listening seriously to stories about so-and-so in the school having affairs with someone else is quite a tiring task.

“Hmm, isn’t it okay to have a drink with a male friend? They must be stressed out preparing for the *suneung*, and they need to let off steam sometimes. Moderate stress is helpful in maintaining tension, but it’s also important to release it. What’s today’s date?”

“Um… February 2nd.”

“The *suneung* is on November 16th, right? Exam preparation is a marathon, so pacing is more important than anything else. Especially for types like Yujin, who can’t concentrate on one thing for a long time, right?”

Why are girls so talkative? Lee Yujin, who came during lunch break under the guise of a simple consultation, only groaned for about five minutes before starting to spill out trivial stories.

I subtly diverted the topic, which was jumping around like a cat that fell into water, but Yujin frowned 

and complained.

“You’re subtly just talking about the *suneung*! You’re not even listening to me! That’s why Yuchan-*ssaem* doesn’t have a girlfriend. Ugh, what a waste of a face, what a waste.”

Even though winter is ending and the weather is slowly getting warmer, the biting wind still stings the skin.

Yujin, who had a quick lunch at a fast food restaurant outside the school and came back in, took off her padded jacket, feeling warmed by the indoor temperature.

“I’m not really interested in dating.”

“Then how about me?

Lee Yujin, dressed in a white blouse and brown cardigan, playfully leaned in and smiled with her eyes.

Hermès Eau des Merveilles Bleue.

The sweet and salty floral scent and slightly heavy woody scent tickle the tip of the nose along with the cool aquatic scent.

It’s a perfume that seems a bit pricey for a *jaesusaeng* to use, but since Lee Yujin is such a gold spoon, there’s no need to worry about that.

However, if I were to give an evaluation, I thought that a brighter and fresher scent would be more suitable for the season, as it is still late winter, and for her herself.

Eau des Merveilles Bleue is a perfume that suits spring or summer better.

“You’re completely neglecting your studies. If I dated you, I’d get a lot of flak. Aren’t we more than a decade apart? Your ID starts with 00, right?”

“Aww~ I’ve been an adult for two months now, you know? Honestly, even though *ssaem* is a bit old, um… you feel like a kind of new-generation old man? I’ll take care of you. My family has tons of money.”

“If you get into S University, I’ll think about it.”

“Don’t even say it. How would I ever get into a place like that?”

Completely jet-black medium-length hair with faint double eyelids.

How can such big, sparkling light brown eyes be on such a small face?

There’s nothing to criticize about her delicate features.

She was so pretty that I was surprised when I first saw her, and it seems like she’s recently gotten into dressing up.

The awkwardly drawn eyeliner, blush, and tint are changing brands every week.

“Do kids who go to prestigious universities all study well from the beginning? They also retake the *suneung* like you, retake it three times. They study late into the night, get eye infections, get hemorrhoids, and squeeze their way in.”

“Ew, I can’t do that.”

Yujin, who was shaking her hands while acting coy, lifted the mug filled with coffee.

She was pushed into coming here by her mother, and she has never been interested in studying in the first place.

Knowing that, Yuchan had no intention of forcing her to study.

“Then just meet your friends. Not old men like me.”

“If the kids at the school were even half as good as *ssaem*, I’d date them. I like older guys. Guys my age are too dumb, I hate them.”

She, whose score is barely 300 points even when combining all five subjects, has no right to say that.

I swallowed these words.

It’s a word that doesn’t need to be said, and even if said jokingly, it could hurt her feelings.

She wants a comfortable and reliable man.

Not a same-age boy who exchanges mischievous jokes.

Even if that weren’t the case, it’s also true that grades are not always proportional to intelligence.

If Yuchan thought she was just a dumb girl, he wouldn’t have been so interested in her, no matter how aesthetically outstanding she was.

“When you’re done, go back and study.”

“I really don’t want to do Korean…”

“Alright, alright, stop complaining.”

Yujin, who was pouting, stuck out her tongue and fidgeted with her clothes as if dissatisfied.

Things that have been restricted by law and that she couldn’t do even if she wanted to.

For example, sex in motels, alcohol, cigarettes, spending time at various amusement facilities until after 10 PM, or going to clubs that she couldn’t enter until now.

She must be envious of her friends who have been liberated from their status as students and are indulging in the pleasures of adulthood.

It would be unpleasant to have to put all those sweet fruits aside and do studies that she doesn’t want to do.

I can’t understand it,

but I can accept it.

I can’t empathize with it,

but I can predict it.

“But really, if I get into S University, will you go out with me?”

I narrowed my eyes.

In the blurry, scattered vision like a magic eye, the balsam flower on her chest fluttered.

A faint figure as if oil paint had spread and leaked out of the canvas.

The flower language of the balsam flower is ‘Don’t touch me’.

The first image that comes to mind is a precarious fruit that bursts when touched.

It’s as if her precariousness has been drawn as a picture.

Perhaps it is because that image has taken root in Yuchan that it is projected onto her mental image.

Yuchan stared intently at the balsam flower, which was changing from indigo to light purple.

The image that reflected her unconsciousness, even its color, had meaning.

Yuchan called that mental image the ‘black box’.

Purple.

An artificial color that is not commonly found in nature.

Therefore, longing and fantasy for deviations that cannot be realized in reality.

Depression, anxiety, wounds, lust.

Yuchan couldn’t know which meaning was most congruent with her black box.

But it was the color most often seen in the image of the balsam flower in her heart.

At the same time, it was also the reason why Yuchan liked Yujin.

“Is there something on me? You’re not answering, it’s embarrassing.”

Yujin, twisting her hair with her fingers and making an embarrassed expression.

Yuchan, who gently persuaded Yujin, who was trying to catch on to something and continue the conversation, saw her off with a smile until the moment she closed the door.

2.

Cheonsanggye Self-Study Cram School.

The place where Yuchan works is a self-study cram school with 300 students in Ilsan.

It’s a self-study cram school, but the monthly tuition fee is close to 2 million won, and it operates on a system that would only be found in Gangnam or Daechi-dong. Unlike a regular cram school, all studies are based on self-study.

There are teaching assistants assigned to each subject who can answer questions, and assistants who create self-study schedules for the students.

For subjects that they think they are weak in or that they are not confident in, they hire instructors to hold special lectures.

Yuchan’s role among them was unique.

A psychological counselor, no less.

It is a kind of outlet where students who have to focus solely on studying all day can freely express their stress from things other than academics.

Yuchan does not have any qualifications for psychological counseling, but there was no major problem.

The psychological counselor at this school is itself a device to show parents that ‘this school operates with an advanced system’ and ‘assists not only in improving grades but also in the mental health of students’.

For example, it’s like the decoration that comes with a dish at a high-end Japanese restaurant.

The students have been relying on the fact that there is someone they can talk to comfortably, so perhaps he is playing the role of a flower on a plate.

Yuchan thought this job suited him well.

He may not have a certificate, but Yuchan, who is very interested in the inherent nature of human beings, already has knowledge at the level of a master’s degree in counseling psychology, and he can use his abilities to peek into other people’s minds.

With unique images and colors.

“I’ll head out first.”

“Yuchan-*ssi*, are you leaving work?”

“Min-*ssaem* should go home too. It’s already 9 o’clock.”

“There are still kids left. I have to answer their questions.”

“Can’t you leave it to the teaching assistants?”

“Often, there are many students who don’t ask the teaching assistants questions and then come with a bunch of questions the next day.”

Before leaving work, I lightly greeted the Korean language teacher.

Usually, teachers leave by 8 o’clock, but the diligent Do Minjeong was still there, answering students’ questions.

Do Minjeong.

Korean language professor.

Single, 25 years old.

Graduate of A Women’s University, Department of Korean Language Education.

Hobby is yoga.

She became independent from her parents and has been living alone since entering university.

No boyfriend, it’s been about 3 years since her last relationship.

Her image is a hermit crab.

The color is navy blue.

She is a woman who exudes the dignity of an actress even with her long, straight hair and haggard appearance.

She is always thinking of the students, and she is the teacher who best fits the word ‘true teacher’ in this school.

“You’re always working hard. You’ll collapse before the students do.”

“It’s something I enjoy doing.”

“There’s a Korean medicine clinic that I recommend to the students, shouldn’t Min-*ssaem* also get some tonic medicine?”

“It’s okay. I do yoga too.”

Minjeong makes a playful smile and shows off her biceps.

With a light greeting, I left the school.

3.

To be honest, the school wasn’t located in a very good place.

There are two large commercial districts that are good for hanging out within a distance of only 15 minutes, and there is an internet cafe and a billiard hall right next to the school building.

The weather is getting warmer, but I button up my coat as I walk through the still chilly night air.

My destination is home.

It’s a two-room apartment in an officetel complex that is less than 30 seconds away from the downtown area.

After buying some simple food and water from the convenience store, he threw the water into the refrigerator and headed to his desk.

I put tap water in the electric kettle.

There is also a steam coffee machine, but I didn’t have the energy to grind the beans.

I’m tired.

My whole body is demanding sleep due to fatigue, but there is still work to be done.

Caffeine is essential to overcome sleepiness.

I open a notebook with the name Lee Yujin decorated on the front in an antique font.

The 100-page notebook with a leather hardcover was filled with information about the subject of observation.

I pride myself on having a good memory, but when I reread this notebook,

it was a good amusement to recall the feelings I had when I wrote that one line.

[Lee Yujin Black Box State Change Log]

[The chroma of the lilac-colored balsam flower has increased]

[Intensification of emotions, colors with high chroma contain more intense emotions]

[Possibility that the degree of depression has worsened]

[Possibility that emotions have intensified]

[It is a color that suits her very well, as she has ambivalent emotional lines]

[It still needs a little more ripening]

He opened the desk drawer and selected one of the 640 color stickers that was closest to her black box and attached it to the corresponding page.

The notebook is only just past the beginning because the meetings have been short.

By the time this notebook is completely filled,

what kind of image and color will she be shining with?

Yuchan licked his lips greedily and could feel a throbbing in his chest for the first time in a while.

A pleasant sense of elation tickles his heart, as if a hideous beast is panting.

Yuchan closed the notebook and headed to the bathroom.

The smell of red iron.

The musty smell of meat that has been left for about 3 days.

I bought sodium nitrite and treated it with preservatives, but it seems that the ice I filled in the bathtub has melted a little.

The weather is so cold outside, but the ice in the bathtub inside the house is melting.

Yuchan, who expressed his humble gratitude for being able to have a warm home even in this weather, took out the corpse that only had its upper body left, like a torso.

With various legal and surveillance nets, especially since the advent of smartphones, which are walking surveillance nets, humans always have more problems disposing of what they have killed than killing it.

The blood has been properly drained, so there will be no bloodbath even if I saw it, but I will still sweat a little.

Then a shower will have to wait.

Yuchan, who took out the toolbox from the bathroom shelf, looked in the mirror.

I saw my black box.

The image is a canvas.

The color is white.

The edges of the pure white canvas were gradually being stained with blood.