Chapter 81

Chapter 81

I noticed she was slightly dazed, so I approached her and whispered softly into her ear.

“You’ve gone too far. It was something I experienced alone. There’s no way you’d remember.

I yelled in anger, forced my feelings onto you, and demanded sympathy. I’m sorry, Vivian. Ha.”

I gently hugged Vivian.

“But you know, I died several times. Seriously, several times.

It’s absurd, isn’t it?

The idea that when someone dies, time rewinds. That it keeps repeating. Isn’t that insane?

You couldn’t possibly know what I went through.”

When I patted Vivian, who seemed about to sob, she began to cry, her body trembling slightly.

“It’s not your fault. It’s just that… I’ve become a bit strange.

After dying a few times, I should have endured it. Why did I suddenly lose my mind and start killing innocent people?

Even though I’m already someone useless, who’s only good enough to be carried around like a doll—a pathetic excuse for a person.”

I pushed Vivian away.

She suddenly looked at me with quivering eyes.

“But Evan came to find me.

Through the flow of time. Even when I died, he didn’t abandon me.

When I was finally mutilated and blind, just like you mentioned earlier, the one who came to save me wasn’t you.

It was Evan. It was Evan!

Even though you always pretended to care about me, even though you went as far as to lock me up so I couldn’t die, it wasn’t you who came to find me after I died—it was Evan.

You’re a damned liar, a horrible, cruel person.”

“I didn’t do anything…”

I didn’t let her excuse herself.

I wasn’t trying to have a conversation. This was just a one-sided accusation.

“So it makes sense, doesn’t it? That you’ve never felt emotions like love in your life. You’re broken, aren’t you? A lunatic.

Marrying a man, having children—it’s just because that’s what people around your age do.

So you think you should too, right? So that everyone will think you’re a normal person. When in reality, you’re just a heartless lunatic who doesn’t know what emotions are. Ha!”

Vivian started to cry at my words.

Then, as if she had realized she had almost succumbed to me just moments ago, she straightened her posture and took aim at me with her staff.

“I suppose you were living it up under the Emperor’s favor.

While I, like a damned punching bag, had my insides devoured.

You’ve never helped me or saved me even once when it truly mattered.

Maybe you killed me—that I wouldn’t know. But in that sense, I think I’m rather gentlemanly.

After all, I haven’t vented my hatred on you unconditionally, without any explanation.”

Although she flinched at every word I said, she seemed determined to ignore it now.

“Then what was I supposed to do?

The dead are dead. Trying to save them—like Evan did—is madness!”

“You’re always right. That’s the logical conclusion. Of course, Evan was insane.

You don’t kill people. You don’t do bad things. If you can save many by sacrificing one friend, then of course you should.

But you’ve never sacrificed anything, have you? That’s the world you live in.

Meanwhile, Evan sacrificed himself to save me.”

She had no defense. She left me behind, claiming there was nothing she could do.

It’s only natural, I suppose. If it were Vivian who died, I might have done the same.

But since that didn’t happen to me, I condemn Vivian without a shred of guilt.

“So shut up, Vivian. You abandoned me, and Evan somehow saved me.

When you were slowly strangling me, and when I finally escaped you and burned to death, the only one who knelt before me and begged for forgiveness was Evan.

I showed her the exact look I had that day.

Evan was on his knees, apologizing tearfully, while Vivian simply sprayed water mechanically.

“Really, what else could you have done? Beyond spraying water, there wasn’t anything you were capable of.

You’re the reason. You’re logical. You’re the standard. You’re always right.

But the world doesn’t operate on reason or logic, does it?”

Vivian raised her lips slightly as if to argue but then closed her mouth again.

She must have nothing to say.

“Even now, though the hatred has diluted a little, I still loathe you.

My family was ruined because of you. My brother was beheaded because of you. My father hanged himself because of you.

Don’t tell me it was the Emperor. It was all because of you. Damn you.

I hadn’t done anything wrong. I lived my life without staining my hands with blood, living happily.

And then you appeared, stole Evan from me, stripped me of my dignity, reduced me to a pathetic wreck.

And in the end, after countless deaths, you killed me yourself.

You should kneel before me, like Evan did. Beg for forgiveness, admit you were wrong.

You vile, despicable woman. You lock yourself in your ideal little world and try to impose it on others like some lunatic.

So what if a child dies? Or a woman? Or an old man?

When you marched off with all the able-bodied men in the village, there were hardly any normal people left behind.

Deserters, bandits, lowly nobles pretending to be kings, deranged noblewomen grinding women’s faces into the dirt, crazy old people eating children because ‘adult meat is too tough’—

Maybe you’re right, but there are hardly any normal people left.

You know it too, don’t you?

Those skeletons guarding the walls, dying and then resurrecting to fight again—it’s because of that ridiculous phenomenon you created.

You stupid, idiotic woman.”

Vivian trembled violently, her legs wobbling slightly as she clung to her thighs.

Yet, despite that, she tried to preach morality to me.

“And you think it’s justified to kill millions directly, between the two of you?”

“That includes innocent elders, children, and even pregnant women!?”

“Of course. Naturally.”

Vivian grimaced at my words and began chanting a spell.

The moment it came flying at me, I was ready to run.

I might get hit once.

It’d have to be fast, though.

“If a million have to die for me to survive, then that’s how it must be.

The most important thing in the world is me. It’s always been me.

So when Evan came to me, whispering his proposal, I hoped for it, and I acted on it.

I told you, didn’t I? You abandoned me. Of course, you had to. The dead are useless, after all.”

Killing them one by one—I wasn’t completely numb to it.

I just got desensitized.

And in the end, Evan mattered far more to me than those poor, innocent people dying by my hand.

Whether it’s a saintly priestess desperately trying to save children or a gang of men defiling a woman, to me, they were just the same materials.

“But you? You can’t do anything. You’ve never made a single decision for yourself.

You just get swayed by the morality everyone else considers obvious.

Because of that, you managed to thoroughly destroy one person’s life—you killed me too.

Vivian, by your logic, if there’s a give, there should be a take.

You killed me back then, so how about offering your life in return?”

Vivian pushed me away as I moved closer to her.

“You wouldn’t even want to try understanding, would you? Everything I say probably sounds like nonsense to you.

And once you hear that killing me doesn’t matter because I’ll just come back, you’ll wonder if it’s better not to kill me at all.

Most of it is nonsense, honestly. Ha.”

“…It doesn’t make sense from the start.

You barely had any magic. How could you turn back time at all?”

Who knows? Some deity must have taken an interest in my suffering.

As long as the situation was miserable enough, I could keep coming back.

I didn’t think Vivian would be this stupid—someone who doesn’t even listen to an experienced account.

“Sure, it’s illogical if you think about it.

But then, doesn’t it also make no sense for the two of us to kill so many people?

Two people are more important than one.

And a wretched reality is more important than a hunk of meat that was once a friend but is already dead.

Of course, to you and Evan, that hunk of dead meat probably mattered more.”

Vivian didn’t respond.

She didn’t say anything.

It was just absurd to her.

A friend she once knew well rewinding time, committing serial murders inside the academy, and running off, offering people as sacrifices.

How could something so horrific exist?

“That’s why I hate you.

You try to crush me with the weight of common sense, established concepts, and the morality everyone takes for granted.

You are always good, and I am always evil.

So, of course, I must be trampled underfoot.”

Daring to offend the protagonist’s sensibilities is a crime punishable by being burned alive.

Suicide? Unthinkable.

It’s something the protagonist deems evil, and such people are locked away and left to mentally rot.

But I won’t give in.

I’ve been crushed and brought to my knees countless times, begged like a dog.

Still, if a chance comes, I must seize it.

And perhaps this is the last chance I’ll get.

If I fall here, I doubt I’ll be able to rise again.

“Sorry, I took my frustrations out on you. It’s been a while since I’ve talked to someone.”

I’ve met plenty of things in human form, but not a single actual human.

Vivian, on the other hand, is undoubtedly human.

She’s the protagonist of this world, after all. And she can even understand words to some degree.

“Here’s what I really want to say:

Evan saved me, not you. And now, I’m going to save Evan.

Of course, I’ll be relying on your merciful choice for that.”

If she so much as shook her head or uttered a hint of negativity, I’d run immediately—this time heading north.

There aren’t any villages left around here anyway.

Vivian was just crying silently.