I Become a Secret Police Officer of The Imperial Academy – Chapter 75

Chapter 75

A mirage rose in the air, slowly taking on the shape of a person.

And then, before me, Ethel and the entire Rosenberg family knelt on the ground.

—No matter what, how could you hide demons?

Then, right before their eyes, I shot the captured demons tied up before them.

When the Count, unable to bear it any longer, lunged at me, I shot him in the knee, making him collapse.

Julius, eyes burning with rage, charged at me.

I didn’t flinch.

I took his punch head-on, then drove my dagger straight into his throat.

As I pulled the blade out, I drew my pistol and pulled the trigger, putting a hole in his head.

It felt less like killing a close friend’s older brother and more like processing livestock at a factory.

Like a machine operating out of sheer inertia, my body moved as if it was used to this.

The dizziness returned.

I raised my gun toward Ethel, who had tried to rush toward Julius as he clutched his bleeding neck on the floor.

—Ethel, if you move, I’ll kill you. I told you to stay still from the beginning, didn’t I?

Ethel was trembling all over, desperately saying something to me.

I could hear my own voice, but I couldn’t hear Ethel’s.

That only made me want to block it out more.

Julius, standing here alive and well, overlapped with the Julius I had just killed.

A wave of nausea surged up my throat.

“Ugh… ugh—huek…”

“…Was that because I hit you just now…?”

Julius, startled, crouched down and grabbed my shoulder, checking my face.

He should be one of the people who wished I would just die, yet here he was, looking at me with concern. I couldn’t understand it.

I turned my head away, unwilling to see his face—only for Ethel and myself to appear before my eyes again.

“Fucking hell… why now, of all times…?”

I muttered under my breath, low enough that neither Julius nor Theo could hear.

I had avoided opium, avoided alcohol, because I didn’t want to see this.

The way to keep an addict from using is simple.

If being high becomes more painful than being sober, of course, they’ll quit.

And that’s what I did.

“Theo. Light.”

Even through the dizziness, I fumbled with shaking hands, pulling out a cigar.

Theo held out a flame for me, and I lit it, inhaling deeply before looking ahead.

The hallucinations didn’t disappear.

Ethel was still there, a hole in his forehead, his body twitching and convulsing as he died.

—N-no, this… this isn’t what I meant to do. But humans… humans aren’t supposed to side with demons, right?

The terrified young demon collapsed against the wall, shaking uncontrollably.

Ethel trembled as well before his body finally went limp.

His pupils, which had held the faintest glimmer of light, darkened into something like the depths of the ocean.

I cradled his body and, gripping my gun, shot every demon in sight before reloading again.

—Ethel, don’t joke around. No, you’re… you’re the heroine, aren’t you? You’re not supposed to die. A bullet shouldn’t be able to kill you.

Even as I slapped his lifeless cheeks, telling him to wake up.

Of course, he wouldn’t wake up, you stupid bitch.

—No, he’s not dead. He’s not dead. I didn’t kill him. He’s still alive.

Even if you handed me a machine built solely for killing, I still wouldn’t be able to pull the trigger so easily.

But I did.

And you did.

After doing something like this, I dared to come here and apologize to Ethel?

Me?

I mumbled nonsense for a long time, utterly dazed.

Then, unable to hold it in anymore, I smashed my fist against the wall, stomped my feet, and kicked at the already-dead body over and over again.

I eventually collapsed, holding Ethel’s corpse, sobbing for hours.

Then, like some kind of punishment, I bit off the finger that had pulled the trigger and swallowed it.

With my left hand, trembling violently, I picked up my gun.

I pressed the muzzle to my temple and pulled the trigger.

Was the gun just that powerful, or was my imagination running wild?

Instead of just a bullet hole, my skull blew open, brain matter splattering across the floor.

“…Should we call a priest?”

“No, just… No. Hoo—huk—!”

Good thing I hadn’t eaten.

At least I wasn’t vomiting out an entire pizza, just disgusting stomach acid.

Someone else could clean this up.

Hopefully.

“Don’t mind me. This happens sometimes. It’s embarrassing, showing you this side of me.”

I wiped my mouth with a handkerchief and forced a smile.

Julius flinched.

I met the eyes of a maid watching from a distance.

She looked troubled, probably thinking about how much extra work she’d have to do now.

—You hid some of them outside the dungeon too, didn’t you? If you don’t tell me where they are, I’ll deal with these people first.

I had asked Ethel where the escaped demons had gone.

Ethel hesitated, pressing his lips tightly together as he looked between me and the maid.

—We might be like family, but we’re not, are we? In the end, you’re not telling me because they’re not your family either, right?

Bang.

With the gunshot, the maid became what had been a maid.

There were plenty of maids. Losing one wouldn’t matter.

That was how I thought back then.

Then I grabbed the blood-soaked maid by the hair and pointed my gun at her head, using her as leverage to threaten Ethel.

Though I couldn’t hear it, Ethel must have said something about the demons.

Even so, I pulled the trigger.

I must have thought he was being insolent.

After wiping the blood off my face with a handkerchief, I struck Ethel in the philtrum with the butt of my gun, sending him reeling.

Then, kicking him away, I gathered my subordinates and left the mansion.

“Haa… ha, ugh, ah…”

Theo pulled me to my feet and sat me down in a chair in the guest room.

If someone saw us, they’d think he was my caretaker, not someone who despised me.

I knew I was a person who deserved to die.

But even so, I couldn’t stop the wave of despair.

This vision—it was just scolding me.

Why are you still alive instead of going out there and dying?

It’s not like I didn’t want to die.

…If only a bolt of lightning would just strike me down.

The Count and his wife weren’t home.

Theo, standing beside me, looked somewhat tense.

He didn’t have to worry.

Even if I got smacked across the face, I’d just cry.

I wasn’t about to throw myself at anyone for comfort.

Julius set down a tray with three cups of tea, placing one in front of me and another in front of himself.

“I don’t know whose boyfriend you are, but sit down too. You came to our house before, didn’t you?”

Then, he placed the last cup in front of Theo.

“Ah… yes.”

Theo looked like he was going to lose his mind from how awkward this was. His leg trembled slightly.

If he was going to be like this, he shouldn’t have followed me.

Or at least, he should’ve dragged me here with more confidence.

I might have embarrassed myself outside the mansion, but I still would’ve come on my own eventually.

It just would’ve taken a little longer.

I took a sip of tea, but it had no taste, no scent.

“Honestly, I didn’t expect you to show up here acting like you could just apologize after everything you’ve done.

Didn’t you say before that you don’t do things like regret?”

“…I’ve done too much to sit around lamenting the past now.”

“Is your death approaching?”

“People do change when they’re about to die, but no, that’s not it.”

“Ethel will be here in an hour.

Until then, hand over every weapon you have.”

“…I can’t do that.”

“Or get the hell out right now.”

I couldn’t separate myself from my weapons.

Not when I showered. Not when I ate.

I never knew when or where something might happen.

Weapons were life.

If I had them, I could have protected Alicia.

So I could never, ever let go of them.

Without them, I was nothing.

I couldn’t do anything.

Not even breathe. Not even speak.

“Julius, as long as I’m not a threat to Ethel, it should be fine, right?”

I bit down on my cigar with my molars and pulled out my gun with my left hand.

Julius immediately stood up and marched toward me.

His expression was utterly vicious.

Of course, it was.

“What the hell are you trying to do this time—?!”

But his furious face quickly softened.

…Though I wasn’t sure if softened was the right word.

I didn’t point the gun at him.

Instead, I aimed at my own right hand and pulled the trigger.

My right index and thumb were blown off.

Then, with the remaining fingers, I pulled out my dagger and sliced off my left index and thumb as well.

Cutting off fingers didn’t bleed as much as one might think.

I wiped the blood off the table with a handkerchief, wrapped the stumps in cloth, and pocketed the severed fingers.

Then, taking the cigar—now marked with my teeth—I exhaled a mouthful of thick smoke.

“Haa… Without my index fingers and thumbs, I’m not much of a threat anymore, right?

I can’t use magic, either, so we’re good. Ahaha.”

No one answered.

Everyone in the room—including Theo—just stared at me with sheer horror.

For a long while, we sat in awkward silence, exchanging glances but saying nothing.

Then, I heard footsteps approaching the mansion.

Light, hurried steps echoed down the hall, reaching this very room.

“Brother, do we have a guest—Ellen…?”

With a hand now missing a few fingers, I forced a clumsy smile and gave a small wave.

“It’s been a while, Ethel.”