episode_0083

“..Miss?”

“What, what is it? Yugram?”

I drank my tea, desperately avoiding Yugram’s gaze that was looking at me with strange eyes. Flèche, my favorite tea, and I still had a bunch left over from the tea that I had made by processing the tea that Ayla had given me the other day.

“It’s nothing serious, but… you keep avoiding my gaze, so I wonder if you’re hiding something from me.”

“..It’s a mistake. That doesn’t happen.”

I avoided Yugram’s gaze a little more naturally than before. When I met Yugram’s sharp, emerald eyes shining behind his glasses, I felt embarrassed and had a hard time raising my head.

..But, isn’t it inevitable? How can you not know the age of the person you’ve been close with for over 10 years? If you don’t feel ashamed of such a beastly act, shouldn’t you ask how thick the iron plate you’ve put on your face?

The part where I felt Yugram’s gaze touched felt hot as if it was on fire, and my face felt flushed and red. My heart started beating on its own, no, it shouldn’t stop. Anyway, the guy started beating like crazy and started thumping in my ear and getting angry…

But I can’t help it. He was a complete adult from the moment I first met him. My brothers were big, but they still seemed like kids in many ways, but Yugram was not like that at all. Whether he was doing his homework, teaching me, or taking fencing classes, he never had a single flaw in his attire.

Unlike his older brothers who continued to train and walked around drenched in sweat, Yugram never had a single bead of sweat running down his forehead. He had a faint, faint scent of perfume, as if he had just finished getting ready.

What about the long, smooth hair that is so long and beautifully maintained that you can sometimes mistake its gender when looking from behind? Boys of this age wouldn’t walk around like that. What about the creepy gaze behind the glasses that quietly looks down at me when I do something wrong? If it were a normal kid his age, I would have gotten angry right away, but Yugram didn’t do that.

Even when scolding my lack of common sense, I spoke quietly without raising my voice. Quietly, without losing my manners, the mouth of Yugram in my imagination moved. Princess, you did something strange again. Your mouth, those lips…

My hands start to tremble as I pick up the teacup, trying to somehow get rid of the shame that comes back. Now that I think about it, this tea was also made by Yugram. It was Aila who brought it, but even if I knew how to do it, I wouldn’t have done it because it was too much trouble. I have a lot of money and no place to spend it, so I can just buy it.

As I think about it more and more, I naturally start to think about Yugram, and again, I feel embarrassed, and even though I try to hold it in and think about something else, Yugram is in almost every part of my memories, so I, I, I…

“..I’m not feeling well, I think I need to rest today.”

Even though it had only been a short time since I woke up, I ran away and hid in bed.

But I couldn’t escape the Yugram in my head.

Why are you doing this to me?

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When I came to, I was thrown into an empty space.

“..?”

No matter where you looked, up, down, left, right, it was a space where only pure white existed. However, it wasn’t the kind of white that would hurt your eyes a little from the excessive amount of light. It was just… It was a space that was so pure that you couldn’t help but describe it as just that.

I was thrown into that space. The reason I use the expression thrown is because I had a hard time objectively judging myself, whether I was standing or lying down.

I felt my whole body with my hands. I was wearing only a thin nightgown, and my hands gradually rose to touch my face. I could feel the soft flesh of my cheeks on both palms. There was no mask. So that means… Is this a dream?

But this body temperature that I can feel through my palm, the feeling of my soft cheeks being caressed, the slight pain that I feel on my cheeks when I pinch them lightly… Is this really a dream? But if it’s not a dream, what kind of place and what kind of situation is it? I decided to put my hands down and walk for now.

I moved my legs vigorously. But I couldn’t tell if I was walking properly. I couldn’t even feel my feet on the ground. I walked slowly and shouted with my hands clasped to my mouth.

“Is there anyone─?”

There was no echo or anything. My voice disappeared in an instant, and a frightening silence took over the space again, as if my shouting had been a lie.

If this is a dream, how can I wake up? If this is not a dream, how can I escape? Those were the thoughts that came to my mind as I absentmindedly moved my legs. How much time had passed, when something entered my field of vision where I clearly could not see anything. Was it me approaching or was it approaching?

What I held in my hand was a book. The title was not written, but the cover was of a very high-quality material. I opened the book as it was. It was a blank page.

Next page, then the next page… I kept turning the pages, but there was only blank paper. Was it a notepad or notebook, not a book? As I kept turning the pages, it was only when I reached the very last page that I noticed something written on it.

Even though it was a language I knew, it was strangely difficult to read. My mind seemed to think I knew that language, so why can’t I read it? It seemed like it was treating me like an idiot, but for some reason, it didn’t register in my head.

After struggling for a while, I finally managed to understand what was written on the last page. It wasn’t that difficult.

Do whatever your heart desires.

For him.

These two sentences were the end.

Why couldn’t I understand this simple statement? I tilted my head, and at the same time, I dropped the book that had suddenly become heavy. The book that had left my hands disappeared in an instant. My eyelids, which were staring blankly at it, suddenly felt heavy, and I couldn’t bear the weight and closed my eyes.

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I think I had a dream.. Why can’t I remember it? I got up from the bed with a tingling feeling in my head. I raised my hand and touched my face, and I felt soft cheeks and a cold, hard mask.. Why did I check this?

Looking around the room, I saw Yugram sitting at the table, busy doing something I didn’t know what. It was usually better not to disturb Yugram when he was working on something, so I sat down on a chair and quietly watched him.

It was hard to believe that Yugram’s hands were so beautiful and delicate that his swordsmanship was so strong. If he were a regular swordsman, he would at least have some kind of callus, even if he didn’t have any scars. However, Yugram’s hands were so white and thin that they looked like a beautiful statue made of marble.

Watching his hand move smoothly, organizing documents here and there, and the quill in his other hand writing in a handwriting that seemed to represent his neat and perfect personality, I felt like I was looking at a famous painting. Yu Gram is really incredibly handsome.

How long had he been staring blankly like that? Yugram, who had finished writing and organizing something, began to empty his desk. Yugram always cleaned up his desk right after finishing his work. Since more than 10 years ago, and until now. Yugram stood up after finishing organizing.

“You’re up. Is there something you need?”

“That’s…”

I should have just replied that it was nothing, that I was just watching because I was bored. But for some reason, I couldn’t speak properly. The moment my eyes met with Yugram’s, the moment he spoke to me… for some reason, my hair turned white, and my vision changed as if there was nothing else in the world. I couldn’t come to my senses─so I shut my eyes tightly.

“..Yugram, don’t you regret following me?”

I also had a hard time understanding myself why such words came out.

─No, this is a lie. This is something I have always secretly thought. I have always wanted to ask Yugram this.

I wonder if someone as capable as Yugram would be wasting his talent and time by being caught up in someone like me.

Yeah… well, let’s say that only Yugram can stop my curse… but that doesn’t mean that Yugram has to always be by my side, right?

You just need to get regular checkups, or you can come and see me when you have any problems with your condition. Since I’m royalty, Yugram has to take care of me? That’s not even a joke.

Not only is it highly likely that she won’t be able to appear at official functions, and that she won’t be able to fulfill her duties as a direct member of the royal family by having children, but she’s also carrying a curse that could explode at any moment. How can she possibly claim her rights as a member of the royal family?

To be honest, my value is not high. Even if I were to judge myself objectively, I don’t think I would give myself a very high score, except for the fact that we are blood relatives. Overall, I would say I am a high-ranking noble? This is a figure that only considers ability, and does not take risk into account at all.

No matter how you look at it, it’s too bad for Yugram to be used as a servant like me. That’s why I wanted to ask if you regret it. You could work comfortably in the palace and always be in a position of honor, but now you’re just spending your time doing trivial things next to a girl like me… Don’t you regret the choice that determined this future?

That’s what I wanted to ask..