episode_0043

“You want to help Ha-eun?”

He asked back in a tone full of anxiety.

All the people the goddess has tried to save so far have been involved in accidents or natural disasters.

Does that mean Ha-eun will also be in that situation?

“What happened to Ha-eun?”

“No, it won’t. But it will happen someday.”

“What is that… .”

The goddess paused for a moment to answer me, who was confused.

“Human life does not end only due to sudden accidents or the malice of others. Sometimes, the heart becomes sick and the fire of life gradually goes out or ends on its own.”

“Does this mean Ha-eun has a mental illness?”

“Yes.”

Although it was sudden, it was easy to guess what caused the illness.

“… Is it because of your parents?”

“Yes. Ha-eun, who suffered from a mental illness at a young age, has lived a lonely life with the wounds she has carried. She has never met anyone who could ease her burden, and after her grandmother, who was her only emotional support, passed away, the wounds deepened.”

The image of Ha-eun smiling brightly comes to mind.

Because that was the only face she had ever shown me.

“I don’t really understand. She’s so pretty and kind, but she’s been living so lonely.”

“It’s hard for someone who is heartbroken to easily give up their distance to someone who only cares about their appearance.”

“But you treated me kindly from the first time I saw you… .”

“Yes. Dohyun has that special power. That’s why I chose Dohyun.”

“What did you say?”

I think I’ve felt similarly before.

For some reason, it seems like the goddess trusts me very much.

Before I could even ask about it, the other person continued talking.

“What sustained Ha-eun’s heart all this time was her grandmother’s existence and the hope of meeting her parents again.”

As the saying goes, Ha-eun believed in the promise she made to her parents when she separated from them as a child.

The promise that when you become an adult, your mom and dad will pay off all your debts and come find you.

“After her grandmother passed away, Ha-eun was left with only the promise she made to her parents. Naturally, her faith grew and this soon manifested into action.”

The moment she guessed what the action was, the goddess asked.

“You met Ha-eun today.”

“Huh? Yes.”

“I don’t usually look into people’s private lives. However, I’m sorry, but I was watching Ha-eun because I was concerned about her condition.”

“… .”

“As Do-Hyeon knows, Ha-Eun donates most of her living expenses to a religious organization every month. That must mean she is looking forward to being reunited with her parents.”

“… Yes.”

“Until now, I didn’t take Ha-eun’s behavior seriously. Now that Ha-eun has Do-hyeon, I thought her loneliness would be filled a little. However… .”

The goddess’s voice became even heavier.

“Apart from the emotional stability that Do-Hyeon gives, Ha-Eun’s desire for her parents is growing. The size of her desire was greater than I expected.”

“… I see.”

“As time goes by, Ha-eun will become more anxious, and the more she will try to find a way to maintain her faith. Something stronger than donations.”

“What is that?”

“I don’t know either. But just like a meaningless donation, it won’t change the hearts of parents who have already passed away. Plus, it will eat away at Ha-eun’s life even more than it is now.”

More than just meaningless donations.

I can’t read Ha-eun’s thoughts, but like the goddess said, rather than helping, her life will only become more miserable.

“That’s not the end. When Ha-eun realizes reality one day, the shock will be indescribable. It’s also clear that the weight of that pain will grow the longer she holds onto hope. That’s why I’m giving up watching and asking Do-hyeon.”

The goddess’s two hands were brought together as if in prayer.

“Please help Ha-eun escape from this pointless hope.”

“… Can I do it?”

“I can tell Ha-eun the truth, but I can’t heal her broken heart. But Do-hyeon, you can. You have special powers.”

What on earth does that special power mean?

“What is that power?”

“Someday… the day will come when I can tell you.”

Besides that vague answer, I was able to hear a few more stories.

When I was deliberately looking for my partner, I considered people around me who needed my help, and that was Ji-ah and Ha-eun, she said.

Also, since this request is separate from the power of the goddess, there is no need for guilt or other conditions.

“Haaa… .”

As soon as I got back to my bed in my room, I sighed and held my head.

I knew that I had to get Ha-eun to stop donating.

But how? Will they really listen to me?

“What should I do… .”

I muttered and pondered, but as the night deepened, I could not find an answer.

—

The weekend is over and Monday has arrived.

The method I came up with while Ha-eun was working hard on her weekend part-time job was simple.

… Let’s just try to convince them until it works.

I didn’t want Ha-eun to be shocked, so I didn’t plan on telling her that my parents had changed their minds.

When you are ready to accept the truth, you must tell it carefully.

I have made an appointment with her with the goal of getting her to stop donating.

The time for our late evening appointment that same day approached, and the place I met Ha-eun at was the bar we had gone to last time.

I guess it would be easier to have a drink if you’re going to talk about something heavy.

“You like it here too, oppa! Me too. Hehe.”

He enters a room with a tatami floor, sits down, and laughs heartily.

Ha-eun thought I had called her just to have fun.

I didn’t want to suddenly pour cold water on her feelings, so I waited for the right time.

As we chatted and the mood continued to be pleasant, when Ha-eun was quite tipsy and her cheeks were flushed like a peach, I cautiously called her over.

“Ha Eun-ah.”

“Yes, brother?”

“You know, the last time you donated to the church. I heard about that and thought about it.”

“What are you thinking?”

Ha-eun’s voice subsides.

She knew from our last conversation that I didn’t like donations.

“No matter how much I think about it, I think it would be better to stop donating.”

“… .”

There was a moment of silence, but Ha-eun forced herself to smile.

“Brother, we talked about this last time too… Mom and Dad are working hard, so I can’t just sit there and wait.”

“I know what you mean. But I don’t think that’s the right way to donate. The money doesn’t go to your parents.”

“I go to church, but only then will God listen to me.”

“… You still haven’t heard from me.”

“It must be because my prayers are lacking.”

There was not the slightest wavering in Ha-eun’s eyes.

“Is that because you’re worried about me? I’m so grateful, but you don’t have to. I’m okay.”

“How can you not worry? I don’t have money so I can’t even eat properly. What are you going to do if something happens that requires money, like when your phone broke this time? Stop wasting money-.”

“Brother, I’m not wasting money, I’m praying to God.”

“… .”

“Since we separated when I was in kindergarten, Mom and Dad have been trying to see me for more than ten years. What if they give up because it’s too hard? I have to pray to God to help me not to do that.”

Every word is filled with determination.

But I couldn’t give up here.

“I’m not saying you shouldn’t pray to God, but I’m saying you shouldn’t just donate. Pray as much as you want.”

“I’ve been praying with my grandmother so much. Now that I’m the only one praying, I have to pray harder.”

Our subsequent conversation was a repetition of the same content.

When I told her not to donate, Ha-eun didn’t change her position and gave the same excuse.

The stubbornness was so strong that it seemed like if things continued like last time, it would end without any solution.

… that won’t work.

Even though I know Ha-eun’s future, I can’t just leave her alone.

But since we couldn’t communicate at all, I felt like I had to tell him the truth I had been hiding.

After biting her lips and hesitating, she finally managed to speak with difficulty.

“Ha Eun-ah.”

“Brother… Can we stop talking about this now?”

“Your parents won’t come back.”

“Huh? Don’t lie, oppa. Why would you lie like that… .”

She said it with wide eyes as if she didn’t believe me, but I had already made up my mind.

“It’s not a lie, it’s true. Your parents aren’t coming.”

“Oh, oppa, what’s wrong? I told you that you promised me, right? That you’d come pick me up when you grow up.”

“… I won’t keep that promise.”

“Why… .”

Clear water droplets form at the corners of her eyes.

It wasn’t because I realized the truth, it was just a feeling of resentment towards myself.

“Brother, do you know our mom and dad? Mom and dad aren’t people who break promises. Why are you doing that when you don’t even know them?”

Heavy drops of water ran down my cheeks.

Ha-eun’s tears that fell to the floor felt like they were piercing my heart like a knife.

Then her sorrowful voice flew towards me and struck me.

“I just want my mom and dad to have a little less of a hard time. It’s not like anyone gets hurt by me donating. Why are you telling such a weird lie?”

“I’m not lying. I heard from the goddess. Your parents are divorced and living their own lives. And she said she has no intention of looking for you again.”

“Goddess… ?”

The eyes directed at me tremble dangerously.

She, who had not believed me until just now, was shaken as soon as she heard the word goddess.

“That can’t be… .”

I can’t even imagine how much my words will shock the other person.

Should I yell and get angry?

Should I burst into tears of sorrow?

Unlike my guilt-filled anxiety, Ha-eun quietly emptied her glass of alcohol.

“Ha-eun-ah?”

“… .”

She remained silent.

He didn’t even respond to my calls, and just kept refilling and emptying his glass.

When the bottle was empty, he ordered a new one and brought the full glass to his lips.

No matter how many times I tried to stop him, or even snatched the glass away from him, it was no use.

So she kept pouring alcohol into her mouth and passed out.

After a few dozen minutes, I finally took Ha-eun to a motel room and laid her down on the bed, struggling to keep her balance.

I quietly entered the bathroom and looked at the mirror, hitting my head with the palm of my hand several times.

… You idiot! Is that the only way you can speak?

When I talked about the goddess, I can’t forget the look in Ha-eun’s eyes as she wavered.

No matter how much I hit my head, the guilt didn’t go away, and my self-loathing only grew.

When I came out of the bathroom, unable to do anything about my discomfort, Ha-eun was lying on the bed with her face buried in the pillow.

“… Ha-eun-ah.”

“Brother, let’s go. I won’t talk to you.”

The harshest thing Ha-eun has ever said to me.

But I can’t bring myself to leave her behind.

As I was standing blankly in front of the bed in the heavy silence, Ha-eun, who was still lying face down, called out to me.

“Brother… .”

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure Mom and Dad aren’t coming? Are you saying you don’t want to live with me because it’s hard?”

“… .”

“I’m an adult now. You don’t have to raise me like you did when I was little. Just looking at my face is enough… Isn’t that not even enough?”

What should I say here?

I was just pushing myself in the bathroom, and now my lips are still not moving.

“Ugh, ugh… Grandma… .”

Eventually, Ha-eun burst into tears.

It was an explosion of sadness that the child, who was usually very expressive, had barely been able to contain.

A sound made when one cannot control the resentment in one’s heart.

I couldn’t say anything and just watched her wet the pillow.

Ha-eun, who had been crying for a long time, looked at me with swollen eyes and said.

“Brother… Have sex with me.”

“… .”

“I’m so lonely, hug me, oppa.”

I remember what she said before.

That saying that it’s nice when you hug me and I don’t think about anything.

Although I had clearly promised myself that I would not have a private relationship with her, right now, I just wanted to comfort her more than anything else.

“Okay, Ha-eun. Let’s do it.”

She hugs me as I climb onto the bed.

As if trying to fill the loneliness in my heart, the power was stronger and more desperate than ever.