episode_0130

After the commotion died down, I took a deep breath and looked straight at Camilla.

It was beautiful. It was as if a goddess had descended from the sky. It was so beautiful that I wondered if it was okay for me to touch it.

“Touch.”

But since she was the goddess of war and slaughter, I couldn’t help but touch her.

I placed a hand on her shoulder and Camilla sighed.

“A young deer…”

“I don’t know what deer means. It seems like the habit of comparing people to animals is hereditary for both you and the teacher. From that eccentric personality to your incomprehensible tastes…”

“I told you to stop saying only what you want to say. And I’m not like that person at all.”

“I’m just saying what I want to say.”

“People have lips to keep their mouths shut so that they don’t say unnecessary things. If they can’t, they shouldn’t be needed, so they should be eliminated, right?”

“……”

I had no choice but to obey like a gentle deer. I had no choice but to spend the rest of my life like this.

It wasn’t bad, surprisingly.

They say that a knight is someone who dreams impossible dreams, loves unattainable loves, endures unbearable pain, and fights unbeatable enemies.

That’s crazy. That’s just the crazy way.

I am a human being. I want to dream only the dreams I can achieve, love only the love I can achieve, avoid unbearable pain, and not fight enemies I cannot defeat.

But I had to do it anyway. The dream I desperately wanted was an impossible dream, my first love was also impossible, and I had to endure unbearable pain.

And now I find myself in a fight against an enemy I cannot win against.

“Really…”

Rather, it was a life so heavy and grave that it felt fleeting.

“All of this is heavy.”

I always had something on my shoulders.

Mother’s hatred.

A sense of responsibility towards one’s younger sister.

Father’s expectations.

The existence of the nation.

The resentment of dead comrades.

Leila’s presence.

Rosie’s resentment.

The things I carried on my shoulders always weighed heavily on me, and I had to silently walk while lifting them up.

As I was walking silently, carrying a load like a mule, I felt like I was just exhausted.

“Camilla.”

“Sometimes it’s okay to let go. My dad was like that too. He just let everything go and went out drinking because life was shit. What a pitiful person.”

Camilla, who brought up the story of her teacher, had a sad look in her eyes even as she cursed him.

Because the Master may never wake up again.

How would she feel if she saw her father trapped in that world of sleep from which he might wake up at any moment?

Being at an age where I had lost my father, I could relate to that feeling a little.

“Yeah… He was frivolous, trashy, drunkard, idiot, and pathetic… But in the end, he didn’t run away. He swung his spear for me.”

“… Yeah.”

“You can run away later. I’ll run away with you. You can put everything down later. I’ll put it down with you. Whatever you do, I’ll be with you.”

Camilla held my wandering hand tightly.

The hot current flowing through my body gave warmth to my cold, frozen body.

“But don’t run away when you shouldn’t. Don’t end up wetting the blanket with tears and ending up like a fool.”

“… I’ve never wet it even once.”

“Yeah. But after this fight is over, I’ll let you wet it.”

“What does it mean?”

“I’m so happy that I wonder if it’s okay for me to be so happy, I’ll make you wet your blanket and pillow with the tears that flow from your eyes.”

“That’s a love confession just like you, Camilla.”

I hugged Camilla like that. I felt warmth. A warmth that was clearly different from mine. This thrilling sensation that seemed to revive even the dead and this warmth that seemed to burn me must be hers alone.

She is not my other half. She is her. That is why she is lovely. She is good only because she is her.

She can’t understand everything about me. I can’t understand everything about myself. But we will understand each other, little by little. Like turning the pages of a book you’re reading for the first time.

“I’ll confess my love in my own way too.”

I untied the straps of the dress Camilla was wearing.

“I want to make you mine. I’ve never had anything mine, so I’m probably inexperienced in handling it, storing it, or anything like that. But if I ever get my first thing…”

One of the ornaments decorating Camilla’s dress fell off with a thud.

“I wish it were you.”

“Are you stupid?”

Camilla untied the strings of her dress that were binding her waist and placed her delicate fingers on my chin.

“I was yours.”

A beautiful dress that had lost its waistband began to flutter in the wind blowing through the open window.

“From the moment you changed me.”

“… My misfortune may have been a reaction to having too much treasure.”

“Then there must be a backlash against the misfortunes you have experienced so far?”

She was trying to loosen the last string that kept the line between nakedness and clothing.

“By the way, it seems a bit odd to do this when the teacher is in that state…”

“That person would want this too.”

“……. I don’t know.”

“I said it like a habit. Live every day as if it were your last, faithfully and greedily. Do what you want to do, because you might end up wasting your time. Being swayed by the opinions of others or dignity is foolish. The moment a person is swayed by man-made concepts, they become a fool.”

“Indeed.”

It was a teaching worthy of a teacher.

The problem is that he showed that belief when he taught us. He would come to class drunk to show his affection, he would cut the class in the middle and go to a bar, and he would throw us off a cliff and drink alcohol because he found it annoying.

Come to think of it, if the Demon King hadn’t cut off Master’s arm, we would have cut off Master’s arm.

“So I’m going to live today as if it were my last.”

“I can live like that because today might actually be my last day.”

Camilla might have had a mindset issue, but I had a deadline looming.

So, it would be okay to live somewhat dissolutely, like a dog, or rather, like a teacher.

Because I really don’t know if today will be my last.

“Then, what we’re going to do today is decided…?”

“Yeah.”

It was an act that could have created something, whether it was Berger or Argos.

That something will do something in which family.

In the first place, I wonder if he was trying to continue the family line.

Well, I wonder if I will ever be able to see the light of this world.

I wanted to refine the starting point of those things that are not yet clear.

In this furnace, hotter than any flame.

“I guess I’m a blacksmith who hammers.”

“Then am I a fool?”

“… The blacksmith’s job was quite lewd.”

She untied the string that marked the final boundary between her nakedness and her clothing, and emerged from that beautiful dress like a snake shedding its skin.

What was revealed under that beautiful dress was a body so beautiful that the adjective ‘such’ had to be added to that luxurious dress.

“… How is it?”

“Do you want honest reviews? Or do you want shallow flirting? Or do you want cliched love words? I don’t know, so tell me what you want and I’ll try my best….”

“You’re right. In times like this, it’s polite to just answer however you feel like.”

“It’s beautiful. It’s more beautiful than anything I’ve ever seen. And at the same time, it’s exciting. It’s like my emotions or my heart, which are already dead, are beating. The blood flow in my whole body…”

“Okay. I like those kind of words. In the first place, it would be a loss for me to try to understand what you’re saying in that state.”

Camilla suddenly hugged me and buried her face in my chest.

She covered her naked body from the moonlight, as if she wanted to monopolize the beauty for me alone.

“Raul.”

“Why are you doing that again?”

“Isn’t it unusually cold today?”

“Although it’s slowly entering autumn, it’s still the end of summer. Last week was a cold day, but today’s weather is relatively nice. As proof, the crickets are chirping outside right now. And what if others didn’t? We endured a week without fire in that harsh environment, afraid of being discovered by the enemy, so it’s hard to say we’re cold…”

“Hey.”

Camilla placed her hand on my collarbone, emitting a little blue electricity.

It was no different from a silent threat that if he said anything that offended him even once more, he would be burned to death.

“Raul, let’s get through today without fighting. I don’t want to fight naked either, right?”

“… Yeah. I don’t want to show your naked body to anyone either. If it were a guy, I’d bust his head open, even if it were Kyle. ”

“That’s nice. If someone were to interrupt this moment, I would kill them, even if it was Kyle.”

And Camilla asked again, placing her hand on my chin.

“Aren’t you cold?”

“No.”

“This is real…!”

“It’s rather hot.”

Suddenly I felt a stinging heat, so I started to unbutton my shirt.

“So, we should do it like this.”

“… I’m cold today.”

“Is there any way I can help?”

Then Camilla took my hand and brought it to her chest and said.

“Make it warm.”

“Where are you talking about?”

“You have to figure that out slowly.”