episode_0092

After that, Latri gave birth to Raoul in pain. It was a birth that was not only filled with the pain of childbirth, but also with the pain of many emotions, such as shame, anger, and hatred.

It was an unwanted pregnancy and an unwanted birth. Even during the pregnancy, she had said countless times that she would rather the baby disappear. Whenever that happened, Arthur Bergé did not blame her, but looked at her with pity.

Just seeing the face of a child born into this world wouldn’t suddenly make love spring up. It would only multiply hatred and anger.

There were many times when she tried to strangle her child without realizing it while the child was sleeping. Every time that happened, Arthur Bergé would come running and desperately stop her.

“There is nothing wrong with the child. And I don’t want you to become a murderer of your own blood. Please…”

Every time that happened, Ratri would sit on the ground and scream, asking to be killed by that child. Then everything would be perfect.

“No, nothing becomes perfect. There is only one cold corpse and one heartless human being.”

Arthur Bergé was a warm and cold man at the same time. Perhaps Raoul also learned from his temperament.

“But… if only… that kid weren’t here…”

“… The reality you live in is not one of those 9,999 realities.”

“Even so, I can’t love that child…”

“Haa… How can I blame you? It’s not your fault for being weak, it’s the fault of this world being evil.”

Arthur Bergé stroked Raoul’s cheek as he smiled brightly after sending Ratri back to the bedroom.

“I’m sorry. It’s because of my lack of ability that you’ve suffered like this.”

Every night, he had to drag his body, exhausted from his official duties, to guard Raoul’s cradle. His already weak body began to deteriorate from that point on.

Latri, who was watching the scene from afar through illusion, groaned in pain. She knew that her husband’s health had been deteriorating since then, but she had no idea that it was related to her own strange behavior.

“This is what I meant…”

“A tragedy is a tragedy because it is an unintended ending.”

Ratri covered his ears at the sound of the crows’ death. But there was no way to block the sound that was ringing directly in his head.

“I can understand your madness. I’m a woman too… No, let’s put that aside and look at it objectively, it’s like that. You didn’t do anything wrong about it. ”

The crow sat on Ratri’s shoulder and continued to sing its eerie voice.

“But your son didn’t do anything wrong. He was just manipulated by someone stronger than him, like you. You are to your son…”

“Stop it. Stop it… Please stop it…”

“He must have been no different from the king of those barbarians.”

And at that moment, the cold ice in Ratri’s heart began to crack little by little.

“It’s not over yet. Not yet… Not yet… You have to see more. This is not enough yet.”

“I’ll give you anything, just stop… I…”

“Shut up.”

Raoul was a child who was not bright, but not dark either.

He also enjoyed running around in the garden with his maids and butlers, catching bugs, and had a natural talent for hunting birds by throwing stones.

Although Ratri did not like Raul like that, he at least did not stop him from running around outside.

Her husband’s persuasion that the child was not guilty regardless of his birth had some effect, and her memories of that day were somewhat forgotten thanks to her husband’s love.

But the moment that thought occurred to him, Ratri saw it.

I’m talking about Raoul approaching the gardener’s daughter who was working and playing a prank on her. It was a bit dangerous and mischievous, like snatching the sickle from her while she was cutting weeds, but it was the kind of prank that kids of that age would usually play.

But the moment he saw that scene, the nightmare hidden in Ratri’s memory surfaced again.

The face of the man who had taken his sword and mocked him began to appear on Raoul.

“…”

Ratri ran from that spot to the garden and grabbed Raoul’s wrist as he played with the scythe.

The gardener’s daughter, who knew that Raoul was upset by playing with the sickle, lowered her head and tried to snatch the sickle from Raoul.

“I’m sorry. The master used to play pranks like this a lot… I’ll make sure this doesn’t happen again…”

“Get out.”

Ratri was not in his right mind.

Because he saw the face of that hateful man in the face of the child he was holding.

Because I saw the child who was playing around making fun of me.

Because everything about Raoul felt like a fragment of that man.

Because the nightmare of that day, creeping up again, felt too vivid.

“… monster.”

“Mother…?”

“Why were you born? Why on earth. If I hadn’t been born, I wouldn’t have had to think about that day again. Why on earth were you born? Why on earth. Why on earth do monsters like you exist? If only you weren’t here, everything would have been perfect. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have become like this. Me too, me too… If you had just died in my stomach… I would have just felt pity for you and lived on, occasionally reminiscing… Why on earth were you born… Why… Why… Are you alive to torment me…?”

At the moment when she was about to hit Raul, her husband’s request to her not to hate her son came to mind.

Legally and in public perception, Raul is their child, so please be a reasonable parent even if you can’t give him love.

But she decided to use the ‘rationality’ she had experienced as an excuse for what was to come.

“Okay, wrong…”

A loud, cracking sound rang out.

And the sound continued to repeat itself. The gardener’s daughter, who was looking after Raoul, tried to stop him, almost to the point of pleading, but she would not listen.

The sound of the child’s skin peeling off continued to ring out.

It was the seed of that disgusting thing. It was obvious that if it was not properly tied down rationally, it would become trash worse than its father. Therefore, it was also rational to correct its current behavior.

Latri decided to think that way. And when she did, even the faint feeling of guilt that had remained disappeared.

“Mother…”

The blood flowing from Raoul’s face ended up on Ratri’s hands.

Ratri, who saw the blood, remembered it again. The day her purity was defiled, the blood that had stained the pure white cloth.

“… Ah.”

The nightmare that had only revealed its head has now fully revealed itself.

The terrible nightmare of that day haunted my body and mind.

I wanted to cut off that nightmare. Ratri cut off all those nightmares and…

I wanted to breathe.

“I’m in pain…”

I wanted to breathe.

“I can’t breathe…”

I really just wanted to breathe.

“Why on earth do I have to go through this nightmare…?”

Ratri slowly lifted the scythe stuck in the ground.

To chase away all the nightmares and breathe properly.

To cut down the evidence of the nightmare right before my eyes.

“It’s all you… It’s you.”

It was a word spoken to Raoul, to him who could see beyond Raoul’s face, and to the cold reality that had brought him here.

Now all that was left was to swing the scythe and kill them all.

Soon red blood gushed out.

What the scythe pierced was not Raoul, who was the evidence of the nightmare, but the gardener’s daughter with whom Raoul had been playing a prank.

“Madam… The young master is just…”

The blood dripped down Raoul’s face.

What broke the tender heart of Raul was not his own blood, but the hot blood of another.

“Your Majesty was just joking… Please…”

Raoul hurried to take care of her.

But what could a child who was only five years old do?

Ratri, who had stabbed the man, froze, and Raoul only cried and shook her, and the two did not say anything until Arthur Bergé, who had sensed the commotion, ran over.

Raoul hated himself from that day on. He felt that the tragedy was his fault, even though it wasn’t his fault.

From that day on, Ratri pushed Raoul to be more and more rational.

Raoul wanted to make sure that a tragedy like that would never happen again.

Ratri thought that Raoul had to go through the same rationality as he did.

And the conflict between these two people ended up helping to create the Raul we know today.

“Raul…”

Arthur Bergé had to stand between two conflicting people and face many difficulties.

I wanted to somehow fill the empty hearts of both of them.

So I gave Ratri a biological child. I thought that if she had a child that she could love completely, something would change.

I tried to be the best father I could to Raul, because I thought that if I did that, Raul would change too.

I worked hard without even dreaming that it would later turn out to be the worst choice.

“……. There is no such thing as a masterpiece. Why don’t you say something?”

“I didn’t mean to… I really… really… just…”

“Why are you stuttering? Why don’t you just shoot me back coldly like you always do?”

The self seen from a third-person perspective was truly terrifying. The self buried as part of a nightmare was no different from Raoul’s nightmare. No, it was clear that it was actually a nightmare.

The sight of his mother swinging her scythe must have been as horrifying and scary to the little child as the nightmare he had experienced.

Since she knew nightmares well, she understood the nightmare Raoul had experienced.

“Raul…”

The crack in my frozen heart just kept growing bigger.