episode_0073

“Get up.”

It had a soft feel.

There was warmth.

These were things I had never felt before.

“Mother…?”

“What happened? It looks like you saw something you shouldn’t have seen.”

My mother… stroked my head.

Even if it was obvious to others, it wasn’t obvious to me. It was so far removed from reality that I couldn’t even imagine it in my dreams. Even in my dreams, I couldn’t realize something I couldn’t even imagine. Like a peaceful and just empire.

“Just once…”

“Huh?”

“Can you stroke me one more time…?”

My mother stroked my head without saying a word. It was warm. This must be a dream. It must be a dream, but it was so warm. Reality is so cold, but these hands were warm.

If so, then this is reality and that coldness is not a nightmare.

Shouldn’t I have the right to enjoy this much? Isn’t a place where I can’t even enjoy such a right a nightmare?

“Mother…”

Actually, I missed you. Isn’t that obvious? Isn’t she my mother?

The only thing I hate is my mother who was cruel to me. If only she had been a little warmer. If only she had reached out to me…

I wouldn’t have blamed my mother.

“I had a nightmare…”

It was a terrible nightmare.

It was a nightmare, with Leila dead, people cursing me for my loss, my mother being cold to me, my father not being there for me when he died, and me having no friends besides my side.

In fact, it was painful. In fact, it was sad. In fact, it was painful. I just desperately killed those emotions. That’s the only way I could endure without going crazy.

“It was a terrible nightmare. My mother didn’t give me any affection, my father died and I couldn’t be there for him, and people in the world threw stones at me…”

“It’s okay.”

Warm fingers covered my mouth, as if there was no need to tell the painful truth any more.

“They say it was all just a bad dream. Just as you don’t need to take your anger to bed, you shouldn’t take your nightmares out of bed.”

“Mother…”

“No one hates you. Your father is fine, and I love you more than anyone else. Forget all those ridiculous nightmares.”

This is what I’ve been hoping for.

I wanted to be spoiled by my mother. I wanted to be by my father’s side. I didn’t want to hear people criticizing me. Of course. I’m human, too.

I just lived desperately, suppressing my emotions. If I got angry, I would definitely kill a lot of people. I just didn’t like that.

I will kill all the small feelings of discomfort that cross my mind, the sense of alienation that reality is not like this, and the terrible memories that come to mind.

“Even so, it must have been a horrible and absurd nightmare. Who would dare do such a horrible thing to our son?”

This warmth is reality to me. This must be reality. Something so cold and miserable cannot be reality.

“Where are you going today, oppa?”

“I’m planning to go to the palace.”

“Are you going to meet your friends again? You look so cute.”

“In the actual battlefield, we fought as one, so it wouldn’t be wrong to say that.”

So he got into the carriage and raced towards the palace.

As soon as we arrived at the palace, we were greeted with awe, admiration, and respectful greetings.

“It’s an honor to meet you, Raul. It’s so nice to see the face of a hero who fought so well on the battlefield…”

“Raul, please come visit our family next time you have time…”

“Raul, if you haven’t found a spouse yet…”

I didn’t hate it. I didn’t hate this reaction. You might think it was ugly, but I was also human, so I didn’t hate this reaction.

At least it would be better than the looks that criticized and despised me. It would be better than the words of ridicule and contempt. I thought this was better because I was weak and dull.

Even if this is a lie within a lie.

“Long time no see, Raul.”

“I saw you last week, Your Majesty.”

“If we haven’t seen each other for a week, it feels like 10 years. We’ve seen each other so many times on the battlefield that it’s almost like we’re getting wet.”

“If you saw me so excitedly, wouldn’t it be better to see me in moderation?”

“That’s the thing, it’s a bit of a bad smell. The expression is frowning, but you can’t stop smelling it…”

“Please stop talking dirty.”

Even though we were arm in arm, His Majesty was His Majesty. I couldn’t treat him comfortably, but His Majesty’s thoughts seemed to be the exact opposite.

So, I followed His Majesty to the tea party held at the backyard. Even though it was called a tea party, it was just a drinking party where no one else was there.

It was a vulgar gathering where they would pour strong alcohol into a small amount of tea water under the pretext of adding alcohol to the tea. Of course, it was lovely because it was that kind of gathering.

“The boys are finally coming.”

“Your Highness?”

“You drank a few bottles because you were tired of waiting. Where in the world is there a person who is late for a drinking party? That’s why you’re still single. Single.”

Her Highness the Empress, who seemed already quite drunk, greeted us with a flushed face.

“Don’t get married, Raoul.”

“Why should I do that?”

“You just saw it, fucking shit.”

His Majesty looked as if he was really fed up, and Her Majesty the Empress walked towards him with heavy steps, took a sip of the strong drink, and kissed him.

Then he poured a mouthful of wine into His Majesty’s mouth, and His Majesty had no choice but to drink it without being able to properly resist.

“… Your relationship is still hot.”

“The hot thing must be the Empress’s head.”

“Don’t you know that if you’re late to a drinking party, you have to match the speed by getting a penalty?”

I thought this was something that would come out at a tea party in the palace, but that didn’t matter anymore. This place was just so infinitely pleasant. That would be enough. In this place, things like dignity and etiquette would be nothing more than trash.

“Raul…”

“Camilla?”

“You have to drink the penalty too?”

Camilla also approached me with her mouth full of strong alcohol.

“… How shallow. Show some dignity and manners. ”

I ran away desperately and eventually had to come to an agreement by voluntarily emptying a bottle of strong alcohol.

Of course, Camilla seemed somewhat disappointed by the compromise, but it was impossible for her to kiss him. To kiss or have sex with a woman who was not engaged to him was an act of beastly indecency.

I heard that the youngest son of a noble family had an accident and became a different person to seduce women, but I wasn’t that shameless. No, if I had to say, I detested such men.

“As expected, this kind of alcohol is strong.”

If I had to be picky, I preferred wine. I especially liked noble wines to the point where I would pay extra for them. However, I didn’t really like whiskey with a strong peaty flavor.

Unlike wine, which goes down smoothly, whiskey leaves a harsh aftertaste on the throat. I guess the same goes for human relationships. I don’t like people who go down smoothly and those who leave a rough impression.

In other words, I also hated those who hated me. It may sound childish, but I couldn’t help it. I’m a human too. I hated what I hated and liked what I liked.

“I prepared it for you.”

What His Majesty had his servants bring out was white wine, which even I cannot easily obtain.

In the dizzying sweet smell, there was a fragrance that seemed to condense all the fruits in the world. As I inhaled it, the fragrance spread throughout my body and a calm sweetness began to linger in my mouth.

Even though the expression was complicated, it simply meant that it was the type of alcohol I like.

“Our friend will probably finish off all that expensive alcohol.”

“You saved the country, so shouldn’t you enjoy this much?”

“I’m saying this because it seems like the country that was saved from war will be destroyed by financial difficulties.”

“If this country is going to be destroyed by the alcohol I can drink, that must mean that this is the level of this country.”

“The skill of making words sound annoying is truly top-notch.”

I was happy. The sweetness of this wine cannot overcome the sweetness of the happiness of this place. The scent of this wine cannot overcome the pleasant scent of this atmosphere.

I was so happy and joyful that I almost cried. I instinctively stopped crying, but I couldn’t stop the corners of my mouth from going up.

“Raul, what’s wrong? Why are you laughing and making a fuss all of a sudden? It’s annoying. ”

“Did someone hit you? Why are you laughing nervously after drinking expensive alcohol?”

“Raul, did you fight with someone? Why are you laughing all of a sudden?”

I’m not sure, but my smiling face seemed to be somewhat unpleasant.

“Please don’t laugh unless it’s something special. Raul laughing is like a pizza with fruit on it.”

“Does my smiling face make you feel that dirty?”

“Raul, what do you think if Camilla also studies etiquette diligently?”

“That must feel really dirty.”

“Hey you bitches!”

No matter what the mood of the person watching was, the corners of my mouth kept going up because I couldn’t suppress this happiness.

I’ve been suppressing it my whole life, so I didn’t want to suppress this happiness now.

In this happy reality, I was able to laugh out loud for the first time.

Even if this is a dream.

I wanted to make this sweetness that makes me smile a reality.