episode_0072

“Camilla.”

… What is this indifferent voice?

“Camilla Argos.”

But at the same time, it was a soft voice that gave a sense of stability.

And it was a sound I loved so much.

“Raoul…?”

A face so beautiful that it reminds you of a beauty. Long black hair that is grown carelessly, and a listless expression and voice. But at the same time, a fool who is warmer and more affectionate than anyone else.

Raoul Bergé. The man who is the object of my long-time unrequited love and the current address of my heart that cannot be conveyed.

“I even forgot the name of the man I love. It’s a little disappointing.”

“The man you love…?”

“It seems like you forgot that we’re lovers. Did you drink too much last night?”

Was it like that…? I couldn’t quite remember. Whenever I tried to recall the memory, a dull headache would stimulate my brain.

But does that really matter? What I’ve always dreamed of is right here in front of me.

“Get up soon. The sun is high in the sky now.”

“… If you hold my hand, I think I can get up.”

“I know you’re having a hard time because of drinking too much, but wake up now, beast.”

And a voice that had no sign of recognition was heard.

“Brother…?”

“Oh, that’s rare. You call me oppa properly.”

“He wasn’t dead…?”

Clearly that guy’s neck is cut off…

“It looks like you took drugs as well as alcohol. As you can see, I’m fine.”

My brother’s neck was properly connected to his torso. There was no trace of any wound or sword wound.

“Thank goodness… I’m really thankful…”

No one died. The thing I dreamed of is in my arms. Yes, this must be real. It is strange that the world where those who deserve to die are alive and the people who worked hard are dead. That world would be nothing more than a nightmare.

No matter what anyone says, this is reality. Yes. What I remember is just a nightmare. A terrible nightmare that will one day completely disappear from my memory.

“Haa… Drinking too much before getting married? The debauchery makes me sigh.”

“What…?”

“You even forgot that tomorrow is your wedding day, you really have fallen to the level of an animal.”

Marriage… marriage… marriage….

“Gyeol,gyeol,marriage…?”

Then Raul showed me the ring on his ring finger with a puzzled expression.

“Didn’t you even share an engagement ring like this?”

So now I…?

“Hmm, uhm, uhm…?”

So does that mean I’m married to Raoul now?

“Camilla?”

“This is the best…”

How much time had passed? Through the conversation, I was able to get a general idea of what had happened.

Raul and I have been dating for five years and are getting married soon. And my brother is the officiant of the wedding.

“…… What the hell is wrong, Camilla?”

And Penelope, who was walking on two feet. Everything was strange. Strange, yet strangely ideal. Like a dream where there was no flaws, just happiness. Only ideals were visible, where no bad points could be found.

“Something’s strange…”

“Where are you going?”

I told Penelope everything. The discomfort I had felt, the discrepancy between what I vaguely remembered and what I was feeling, and the headache I was feeling… everything.

Penelope was smart, so she would know something. She would definitely give a clear answer.

“Does it really matter?”

“What…?”

“Why don’t you just think of it as a nightmare and move on? This is what’s important. What’s important about that? It’s better to just move on from such trivial things.”

Was the Penelope I knew someone who said something like this…? I don’t know. The more I tried to recall the past, the more a dark sense of stability and a throbbing headache paralyzed my thoughts.

“… I don’t know. What the heck.”

I am happy. That much is self-evident. This dark sense of stability, my relationship with Raul, the fact that my brother is alive, just the current peaceful situation was so happy.

“Go to sleep. Tomorrow’s bride shouldn’t be here like this. Go home early and rest.”

“…… Is that so.”

But I didn’t want to let go of this happiness. Even if this happiness was questionable, I didn’t want to let it go. I didn’t want to give up this happiness that I had obtained.

So when I got back home, my fucking father welcomed me.

“Here you are, my daughter.”

“… Do you think someone like you has the right to call me that?”

“It’s sad to hear this. There are a lot of fathers who love their daughters more than I do… Damn it. Honestly, I have nothing to say about that part.”

My father kept my brother and I away from each other simply because we resembled our mother. He didn’t abuse us in any particular way. I also knew that he kept us away because he thought we would be reminded of our mother and would be emotionally abusive.

Still, I could not accept this man as my father.

“… But you’re not planning on walking down the wedding walk alone, are you?”

“I can’t help it.”

“I’m sorry. Really.”

“What…?”

“I’m really sorry for leaving you behind.”

It was an apology I wanted to hear at least once.

That shameless piece of trash was an apology that I would never spit out. My brother and I were so shocked by the words of the apology that we had long ago given up on that we ended up dropping the spear we were holding.

“So from now on, let me be a father. I don’t want to be a bad grandfather.”

“… Are you serious?”

That’s what I wanted to hear.

All I wanted was these simple things.

I wanted to hear my brother’s complaints, my father’s apologies, and Raoul’s calm voice. That was all I wanted.

“… I’ll be watching from now on. How you, as a father, will act.”

“This keeps making me sad. I’m Heron Argos. Heron Argos, the strongest warrior. Am I not the best father?”

“Tell me what my favorite food is, you rotten old man.”

“……Rabbit meat?”

“That’s a story about a girl from a certain house, and this playboy old man.”

“Wasn’t that the shit…?”

Actually, it was the right answer. But I didn’t want to admit it.

Is it okay to be this happy? I started to fear that if I pile up happiness upon happiness, it will collapse.

It’s contradictory. I became happy, but then I became anxious. It may sound like a blessing. It may sound arrogant. But I hope you understand. I’ve never been this happy.

Lying in bed with that pleasant anxiety, I was able to fall asleep without having to rely on alcohol. I had to hold on to the happiness I had built up, though, for fear that it would collapse.

The next day.

For some reason, the complicated wedding process began to progress at a rapid pace. It was as if time had been fast-forwarded.

After I got dressed up in my wedding dress and put on makeup, I started to feel excited, which was unusual for me. My heart started to pound and I felt a pleasant sense of anxiety about what would happen next.

“Beautiful Camilla.”

“Why don’t you just say it indirectly? I thought you would say, ‘You’re dressed up inappropriately…’ and make me explode.”

“Because it’s so beautiful that I forgot about it.”

Is it okay to be this happy? Because of this happiness, everything else seemed okay. The discomfort, the sense of alienation, the headache, they were all okay.

“Let’s go.”

I grabbed Raul’s hand.

“… Were your hands this cold?”

“Well, I don’t know. I’ve never really paid much attention to whether my own hands are warm or not.”

As we entered the wedding hall holding Raul’s hand, many people congratulated us.

But again, a little sense of discomfort came crawling out of the dirt like an earthworm. I can’t see the unlucky face. I don’t remember who it was though.

But what does that matter when you have this happiness ahead of you?

As I held Raul’s hand and walked forward, my brother opened his mouth with a very faint smile that was almost unnoticeable.

“Thank you to both parents and the goddess who made this sacred place possible.”

After my brother finished his long speech, he asked us questions.

“Does the groom promise to love the bride forever?”

“Yes. Anytime, any time.”

“Does the bride promise to love and obey the groom forever?”

“I don’t know about obedience, but I am confident in love.”

“This ignorant beast… No. I made a slip of the tongue. I will ask again. As a hero who defended this glorious empire, do you swear to protect your bride with the same attitude as you would protect your country?”

“Yes.”

… something was strange.

I just couldn’t get past this little feeling of discomfort.

“…… The gentleman who officiates. No, my brother.”

“Bride. We are in the middle of an important ceremony. No private stories…”

“Isn’t it time to go to work now? If I think about my usual schedule, today would be the day to inspect the pre- and post-recovery work.”

“I cancelled and came here because this ceremony is more important than such trivial things. Is there a problem, Father? ”

“Ah.”

I felt like my mind was clearing up.

“There’s no way that person would do that.”

“Bride…?”

“Don’t open your mouth. Don’t insult that idiot with that voice any longer.”

I immediately summoned the spear and swung it around, piercing my brother’s neck.

“… It’s really disgusting. Listening to the words that fool shouldn’t say, seeing the fool’s neck drop, and this shitty dream.”

“Camilla!”

This time it was my father.

“What are you doing now! What the hell are you doing now!”

“Come to think of it, I should have felt uncomfortable at that time. There’s no way you’d apologize.”

“What is this happening at the wedding of the century that will symbolize this glorious empire…!”

This time, he swung the spear and separated his father’s upper and lower bodies.

“They just keep spouting out words that they wouldn’t utter. Is this due to a lack of research?”

Be miserable.

No matter how welcoming it was, I still felt dirty.

“… Camilla.”

“Raul.”

I now know that this is a hallucination.

But I couldn’t give up on Raoul, who loved me, even if this was an illusion.

“Let’s run away, Camilla.”

“Where?”

“To a place where no one can catch us. To a place where we can only think of and love each other.”

It was a sentence that gave me goosebumps just hearing it.

At the same time, it was also a line he would never say.

Knowing that, I mustered up the courage and raised my voice.

“Raul.”

To ask a question that is close to taboo and will bring out the most painful words.

“What are you going to do about Leila?”

Then Raoul said,

He gave an answer that Raul would never have given.

“I forgot. It would be a waste of time to hold on to a woman from the past.”

“Ah… okay.”

And with that question and answer my spear pierced Raoul’s heart.

“Don’t let anything defile you anymore. Not my sadness, not my anger… and…”

I was able to open my eyes as the false world shattered.

“The pain of my ugly love too.”

I was jealous of Leila. I loved Raoul, who loved Leila. I wanted to steal her away.

So it was unfortunate and painful. It was a sin to target Raoul, who was suffering from the loss of Leila.

That’s why I felt dirty. Justifying my ugliness. Distorting the people around me to glorify my ugliness.

How dare you try to defile Raoul’s love and make my love pure. How dare you try to make me happy on your own. How dare you try to take away my pain and sorrow.

I absolutely could not forgive him.