episode_0062

It was an excruciating feeling. It was as if the feeling I had when Leila’s heart burst was still lingering in my fingertips.

A feeling so miserable that I wanted to cut off my hand. The sight of that day so vivid that I wanted to gouge out my eyes. Leila’s voice so vivid that I wanted to burst my eardrums.

Perhaps it was because they were so painful that I opened my eyes naturally.

“Are you awake, Raul?”

The first person to welcome me that day was the Empress Dowager.

I felt a bit awkward peeling an apple with a longsword, but I decided to just ignore it.

“How long did I sleep?”

“I slept for four days straight. We were busy sorting out various things during that time.”

“I see.”

“… Deputy Minister of War Charles Argos is dead.”

I was a little shocked. I didn’t think that iron-blooded guy would really die. It was so unexpected, since he seemed like someone who wouldn’t bleed even if you stabbed him.

“Camilla…?”

“You’re trying to say that you weren’t even close, but it must be hard.”

“… What happened to the position of Minister of Defense?”

“Now the Master has returned and resumed his duties.”

“He’s still pathetic.”

As I said that, I checked the condition of my arms and legs.

My body was recovering to some extent, and I felt like I could move without any problems. I didn’t feel any creaking sensation, but anyway, I just had to move.

“Excuse me. I’ll get up now. I’m also worried about Camilla.”

“Raul.”

The Empress put down the apple she was peeling and grabbed my wrist.

“I feel like war is going to break out again.”

“It looks like wounded animals are fighting each other. We have one wounded person on our side… It’s my fault.”

“… It’s my fault.”

The Empress was crying.

“It’s all my fault that Leila died…and that you ended up like that…what a genius soldier. Don’t act like that…I’m the worst fool who couldn’t protect my friends…”

indeed.

Have you been holding back these tears all this time? You have been holding back the guilt of making Leila and me like this and pretending to be strong all this time.

It wasn’t my fault. There’s no need to blame myself like this.

“Penelope, I never blamed you. And neither will Leila.”

We are a series of brothers. We swore not to resent each other.

I never had any resentment towards her in the first place. If she hadn’t been there, we would all have died in vain at the hands of the demons.

Considering how many times she’s saved our lives, I could’ve killed her three times. Of course, after that, I’d probably give her a good beating.

“There’s no need to cry like that, no need to blame yourself, no need to feel guilty.”

“But… my misjudgment was Raoul’s other half…”

It’s always like this.

Good people start by saying sorry to me even though I didn’t do anything wrong.

Father… no, the previous Count was like that, and so was Leila, and it seemed that Penelope had joined their forces as well.

“… Penelope.”

I grabbed Her Highness the Empress’s shoulder.

It must have been painful. I knew all too well what it meant to writhe in guilt. I struggled with it every single day.

“If you want me to forgive you, forgive yourself first. And…be happy.”

I knew that she also loved His Majesty deep down. She just kept her distance from him for some reason.

And only today did I realize why. I couldn’t hold someone else’s hand because I was suffering from a guilt that wasn’t my own.

There was no need to do that in the first place.

“Because we have to see the successor who will take over the country.”

“… Okay. I’ll definitely try to show it to you.”

Will I, who has lost my body in the battle with the Demon King, be able to see that blessed child?

“I want to name it… myself.”

“I haven’t made it yet.”

“It looks like I’ll be making it today, so I guess I can consider it a reservation in advance.”

“Hahaha… You have good sense. Later on, I hope you’ll help me feed the baby. Your Majesty has no sense and can’t trust anyone else.”

“……..”

I stared at Her Highness the Empress’s upper body without saying anything.

It was my last consideration not to say anything, and Her Highness the Empress seemed to have noticed my consideration.

Because he seemed to be aware of my gaze, he picked up the longsword he was using to peel the apple.

“Raoul?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Would you like me to cut it horizontally? Or vertically?”

“If possible, vertical would be better. If it’s cut horizontally, it’ll look ugly and funny.”

Of course I said that, but I didn’t really intend to be torn in two, so I just ran away.

Her Highness the Empress chased me in a wheelchair, and I was only able to shake off Her Highness by running down the stairs.

“Raoul Bergé!!! If I catch that bastard today, I’ll put a red-hot stake in his asshole…!”

As always, Her Highness the Empress’s swearing gave me goosebumps whenever I heard it. Even the workers at the docks couldn’t swear as much as Her Highness the Empress.

As I walked around the fourth floor, a familiar smell tickled my nose. The smell of white chrysanthemums and new clothes… and I could also feel the unique tingling energy that Camilla gave off.

As I walked towards the direction where the energy was coming from, I saw Camilla picking white chrysanthemums in the separate room. She didn’t notice me, but I could see her expression.

Depression. Regret. Anger and sadness. It’s natural that her brother, with whom she had been on good terms despite their frequent quarrels, died. Plus, the only pillar that supported her family was gone, so she must be feeling confused.

“Camilla.”

I tried to approach her and comfort her.

But how on earth should one comfort someone? For a dull person like me, it was such a difficult subject. I could only blame my shallow experience of never having comforted anyone.

Besides, Camilla was biologically a woman. She must have had a more delicate inner self than she looked. It was clear that comforting her would be poisonous.

Well then…

At that moment, I remembered the Count’s hand stroking my head as he comforted me. His hand was very large and warm.

That warmth was a small comfort to me as a child. No matter how much his wife tormented me, I was able to endure it because of that warmth.

It seemed like a pretty effective method. I’m sure Camilla would be comforted by this method too. I walked over to her and stroked her head.

“Huh?”

But maybe it was because my foot had tripped on the carpet, or maybe it was because my leg muscles had weakened from sleeping all week, but I misstepped and fell down.

If I had just fallen down, there would have been no harm done, but it looked like I had covered Camilla from behind. It was an unfortunate accident that happened because I fell towards her.

“Raoul…?”

“… I’m telling you, this was an accident.”

“Okay, then get up.”

Her fragrant body scent and soft texture tempted me, but I was not a beast.

“I’m sorry. Get up…”

But as they say, misfortunes always come one after another. I wasn’t the last guest to approach the private room.

“Raul…?”

Kyle. Regardless of why he was here, he was my adjutant, and he just happened to witness the scandal between me and Camilla.

At first glance, it could be seen as a sexual position between a man and a woman having sex.

“This is…”

The moment I was about to explain, I heard Lizel’s voice, as if things were not getting any better.

“Kyle, you said you were going to help me find my brother, but what are you doing now? If you’re going to be a slacker there…”

I was so flustered that my body froze.

If Lizel were to see this sight, she would definitely misunderstand it.

“That…”

Kyle looked at me and Camilla, then struck Lisel in the neck with the edge of his hand, knocking her out instantly.

If it were me as usual, I would have cut off his hand for touching Lizel, but given the circumstances, I had no choice but to understand.

“I actually have been suffering from an illness that has made it hard for me to see for the past few days.”

Kyle said that and poured the vodka on the table into his own eyes.

“Look, Raul. Aren’t your eyes red and swollen and your pupils dim? ”

“No, this is just…”

“Count Lisel Berger seems to have collapsed due to anemia, so I will take him to him. Please finish what you were doing. I don’t know what it is.”

I didn’t go as far as to say that it was a misunderstanding, but I missed the opportunity to explain it.

“Can you step away slowly? I find this position a bit uncomfortable.”

I quickly got away from her and she sighed, straightening her clothes.

“I thought you were suddenly horny. What the hell are you doing?”

“I stumbled while trying to comfort you.”

“That’s right… If you miss a step twice, you’ll have a baby.”

Camilla said, running her hands through her hair as if it was nothing.

“There’s no need to comfort me when it comes to my brother. We weren’t that close to each other in the first place, and even when we were kids, we just greeted each other when we passed by.”

“… It seems a little sad to say that.”

“At least he wasn’t a great man who would die like this. He was a man who lived for his country, unlike me who lives as I please. He was a man who was absolutely necessary for this trashy country.”

I also agree with that point. He was a passionate person who would take on the work that others had to do. Of course, it was just because of his workaholism and his inability to trust others’ abilities.

Anyway, he was like a good older brother to Camilla. One of his main jobs was to deal with the accidents that Camilla caused.

“Camilla.”

I wanted to break this gloomy atmosphere somehow, so I had to force myself to come up with a topic of conversation.

“If you had a child, what name would you want to give him/her?”

I wanted to ask for advice on what name to give the crown prince or princess who would later succeed this country.

“What…?”

Camilla’s gloomy face began to turn red.

Why did he get so red when he was just naming his child for fun?

There was no way for me, a dull person, to understand.