episode_0037

I decided to go around the village looking for fathers and ask them questions.

‘What on earth should I write in the letters my father wants to receive?’

Just as I sought advice from married men and women in the village for a letter to send to my fiancee, this time I also wanted to ask for advice from the people involved.

They willingly extended a helping hand. Unlike when I first came to the village, public opinion seemed to be quite favorable, so I was just happy.

“Still, how much does he love his father? It’s okay to use exaggerated expressions, but I think people would like to hear that.”

“I don’t know, but I think I would like to hear from my child how he is living these days. There is nothing more satisfying than being proud of your children.”

“I haven’t really thought about it, but maybe you would like to hear that you’ve worked hard or something like that?”

After hearing such advice, I wrote it all down and eventually the letter turned into a five-page short novel.

My father would probably like something like this. Although I couldn’t understand him, I thought he would probably like it because I wrote down all his opinions.

This is only when my deceased father can read this letter.

“… I don’t know.”

Maybe my father buried in the ground will be able to read this letter.

The reason for the favor he has shown me so far.

My father’s heart too.

Everything was unknown. No, I may have become unaware of it. It was so funny that I couldn’t even laugh that I didn’t even know that. I didn’t laugh much to begin with.

If it’s Leila.

If it were the father himself.

You could have told me the answer. Now I was like a chariot that had lost its driver and horse. A useless person who has lost anyone who can tell him the direction to move forward or who can guide him.

“You seem to be worried a lot.”

It was that old man again. The old man who shared the bread with me.

“Isn’t it true that everyone has some worries in their lives? I don’t think it’s a big deal, old man.”

“Wouldn’t it be a bit of a big deal to wear that around your neck?”

It means that having concerns is not something special, but it is not something to show off.

What on earth is this old man doing? I knew he was an acquaintance of Cecilia’s and a native of this town, but he was extremely unusual.

“I don’t know how my father feels. I cannot understand his actions, his heart, or his laughter.”

“Isn’t it natural since you aren’t married yet?”

“Only by understanding him… I think I can send a letter that he would want to see.”

Just like my father fell, rolled, and fell in front of me, who didn’t always smile.

I, too, will send letters to my father even if he cannot read.

“I heard everything. The fact that he goes around the village asking for advice.”

“… Did you come to tell me that it has no meaning?”

“Is that possible?”

The old man smiled, sat down on the bench, and started patting my side. I guess it’s a signal to sit down.

Even when I was in the capital, I couldn’t find any old people who liked me. Since there were still many people who were loyal to the Emperor, it was natural for them to hate me. I wouldn’t be able to understand them either.

Of course, this old man, who did not hate me, also could not understand. As we sat down with such incomprehension, the old man said.

“Lord. That letter. Even if my father sees it, he won’t be happy.”

“… Can you tell me the reason?”

“That’s what they wanted to hear from their children. This is not what your father wanted you to hear.”

“I don’t understand. Indeed.”

As usual with the words of old people, it contained incomprehensible elements. Even though I obviously understood all the words, I couldn’t understand the sentence.

“Everyone is different, so is it any different for parents?”

“My father…”

When I tried to dig out more, something dark and hard blocked my way.

As if it had been intentionally sealed.

Even though painful memories were never sealed, they were sealed.

“My father… My father Arthur Berger…”

“Only the lord knows best what he wants.”

Most of my memories of my father were favors whose meaning or meaning I could not understand.

Even if they didn’t touch my heart, they were just favors that I could understand with my head.

Even though I knew that he was good to me, I couldn’t feel it in my heart.

In order to remember him as that kind of person, I sealed his memories.

“Raul.”

My father, who always tried to make me laugh, one day, to make me laugh again, he stepped on a piece of paper that had fallen on the floor and fell.

“Did you find it a little funny this time? I did some research.”

“I am not a heartless person who laughs at my family getting hurt, father.”

“Damn, next time I have to fall so hard that I’m floating in the air…!”

“I don’t understand, father. Aside from the fact that I won’t laugh, what’s the point in that?”

“No, some 10-year-old talks like an old man who has lived the whole world. You have to beg for toys, go outside and fight, and stop studying.”

My father was always like that.

My mother urged me to deviate from the direction she had set and told me to find something fun.

“And people should smile like this!”

“Why on earth should I laugh?”

“You have to smile to be happy.”

“What does moving your facial muscles have to do with happiness?”

“When you smile, people who like you become happy. Smiling is not for me to be happy, but for the people who love me. So I’m trying to make you laugh. To make me happy.”

That’s why my father always tried to make others laugh. My mother, me, Liesel, and even my friends.

So he looked down on the captain, but he didn’t care at all. Along with the saying, “Isn’t it better than living in fear?”

“… But why am I always the target?”

Then my father stroked my head and said:

“A person’s life is like a sentence, Raoul. How many wonderful words will be included, how well the sentence will be structured, and whether it will be a sentence that conveys a beautiful meaning. Thinking about that is no different from thinking about life.”

“Yes…?”

“You are the subject of my sentence, Raoul.”

It was an even more incomprehensible sound. Grom too was trembling with something unknown at those words. I don’t know what to call that thing that exists under the skin.

Years later.

After the Demon King himself began his invasion, when it was confirmed that I would go to battle, my father became furious and blocked me.

“What kind of war is this war between blood clots that haven’t even gotten married yet? I can’t tolerate sacrificing for a country like this!”

“Father. The decision has already been made.”

“I, the parent, did not give permission, but why is the empire driving my son to death! Those Cache people will only look for you when they need you, and if they are at a disadvantage, they will definitely abandon you like they would throw away a devoted person! This is a scum-like country that takes sacrifice for granted!”

“…. This is the country where Liesel lives.”

Nevertheless, my father held on to me as if he couldn’t do it.

“No.”

“He who becomes the head of the family must always make sacrifices.”

“Then don’t do it! What kind of matriarch!”

It was even more incomprehensible because the words were too foreign for a nobleman to say.

“I want the subject of my life to be a happy Raoul. It’s not the matriarch Raoul.”

“…. Father. I have already made up my mind.”

“Okay. If you don’t go, many people will die instead. They too will be the sons of many people. I know that, but…”

Still, my father shook his head and refused to let me go.

“I value my son more. It’s okay to be called selfish by them. Raoul please…”

“Father. If I can’t go… if my friend dies because of my absence… I don’t think I’ll be able to forgive myself for the rest of my life.”

“…. You clever bastard. I thought so. Even though I knew that, I tried to catch it just in case, but it didn’t exceed my expectations. Then promise me this one thing.”

My father said this as he handed me a cape made from the coat he liked to wear.

“I will definitely come back and be happy. I will definitely become a happy person who can smile a lot.”

“… Yes. We will try to do that.”

“Yes.”

My father patted me on the shoulder.

“Please don’t break your heart and let everything go.”

“I… made that promise to my father…”

So it was buried.

“I couldn’t even protect my father from his deathbed…”

I’m afraid of feeling guilty for not being able to keep my promise. When I understand my father’s kindness, I feel so pathetic that I couldn’t even protect him at the end of his life.

Because it was the subject, the distance from the period was too much to bear.

For that very reason, the reason and promise were buried.

He really couldn’t have been the worst son.

“I guess I’m the worst son.”

“That’s what all children who have lost their parents say.”

Rather, because I remembered that promise, I was able to look back and realize it.

That I am not happy.

It was so obvious that the fact that the promise had been broken was painful.

“Now do you know what to write in the letter?”

“… Yes. You can see it clearly.”

After tearing up the five pieces of paper I had written on so far, I took out a new piece of paper and wrote three sentences.

You are my inspiration for life.

The fact that I was able to write sentences in the first place and the fact that I am now trying to put meaning into sentences are all thanks to you.

Thank you father.