episode_0014

[Episode 14] – Drunken Talk

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“Mother?”

“Uh,huh?! Ah. Look at my mind.”

The kettle on the stove was boiling and making a loud noise. I was lost in thought and stared blankly at it, not even hearing the loud noise the kettle was making. Only when Elise’s hand tapped my shoulder from behind did I come to my senses.

“Ahhh.”

It was only after I touched the hot kettle that I remembered what I had been doing. Forgetting that I had been making tea for the children during their break from class, I quickly grabbed a box of tea leaves from the high shelf.

As I was trying to do it in a hurry, my hand slipped and with a loud crash, not only the box but also several teacups and teapots on the high shelf fell to the floor, making a sharp sound. One of them hit my forehead and fell to the floor.

“Aya!”

“Oh, Mom?!”

Boom, boom! Boom!

Elise, who had been watching the scene from behind, came over to me in surprise. After confirming that there was no wound on my forehead, Elise let out a sigh of relief. The throbbing pain in my forehead felt like a wart.

“Do you have any concerns? You don’t look so good these days…”

“…No. I don’t have any. I’ll move the car myself, so hurry up and go to class.”

Lately, I’ve been making frequent mistakes, perhaps because I’ve been stressed out. When the kids started school, I naturally ended up doing most of the housework. I remember Trisha, but Trisha had never done housework before, and I remember the conveniences of modern civilization, so housework in this world wasn’t easy.

As I tried to do something unfamiliar, I became tired and my body and mind were exhausted, so I repeated my mistakes. The more tired I became, the more negative thoughts I had, and to stop thinking negative thoughts, I had to move my body.

It was a vicious cycle. As I was holding my head in my hands, I heard a knock on the door. The familiar self-introduction, “It’s mail!” made me feel like I had a headache again. When I was escaping from housework, a debt collection letter would come to remind me of reality.

I quickly cleaned up the broken teacup and ran to the front door. The now familiar postman took off his hat and greeted me. I bowed and received the letter. This time, it wasn’t a debt collection letter. The envelope, which looked luxurious, had a strong scent of perfume.

“Madam. Sent from the castle.”

“From the last name?”

“Yes. This is an invitation to the year-end ball.”

It’s come.

When I came into the house and opened the letter, just like Catherine had said, the invitation included my three daughters, and my name was on it. Tens of thousands of anxious and complicated thoughts filled my head: dresses, debutantes, debts, and whether I could really send my children to a good place to get married.

‘…Let’s start by cleaning.’

I decided to move my body again to forget this thought. It was an act of escapism, but I had to do it now. If I were alone at night, waves of worry would come crashing down on me, and I would toss and turn without being able to sleep deeply.

*

I’ve been drinking more lately. I’m forcing myself to drink to sleep, but I can still sleep when I drink alcohol and get rid of my anxiety. I wonder if this is alcoholism, so I started filling my glass, thinking that this would be my last.

As I was looking at the pretty red wine that was slowly filling up, someone knocked on the door. It was late at night and the children were all asleep, so I thought it was Catherine, but it was unexpectedly Elise who opened the door and came in.

“Elise? What’s going on?”

“…I want to talk to my mom for a moment.”

Elise, wearing a negligee so transparent that her underwear was visible, walked over and sat down next to me. Even though it was a house where only women lived, was it okay for her to walk around in clothes like that? At least she should have worn a shawl. It was hard to find a place to look at Elise’s outfit, so I just stared at her wine glass.

“What’s the story?”

“These days…I think my mother is having a hard time.”

“……Thank you.”

I smiled awkwardly and patted Elise on the head, telling her not to worry. But, contrary to my intention, Elise’s face was filled with worry. Then, after mumbling for a while, she let out a small sigh and held my hand tightly.

And then, I dug up the secret I had kept hidden all along.

“Mom… Did ‘Father’ leave behind any debt or problems?”

“…..”

My shoulders trembled without me knowing. Elise felt the trembling and muttered softly, “As expected.” I didn’t want to worry her, but my mouth went dry from embarrassment at having something I had tried to hide caught.

“…How did you know?”

“Just…if you think about it a little, you’ll understand. Why did my mother, who was so kind, change after my father passed away, why did she hate me, why did she write a letter saying she was sending me as her second wife…If you think about it a little, you’ll understand the story. And…my father wasn’t a very good person.”

Elise said that and smiled bitterly. Then she got up from the chair, took my hand, and slowly led me to the bed. As I was led by Elise and lay down on the bed, I felt like my eyes were closing on their own as I became drunk.

When Elise fell down next to me, the bed that was too wide for her to lie down on alone felt full. In the dark room, only the breathing of Elise and I could be heard. It was Elise who spoke first, in an atmosphere where it seemed like she would fall asleep right away if she closed her eyes.

“I… could never understand why my mother married my father. To be honest, even in my opinion, my father was not a respectable person. I don’t know what he was like to my mother… but to me, he was a person I really couldn’t like.”

“Elise…”

“Even though I knew my father was a bad person, I was glad that my mother came. I was glad that a new family had come. My mother treated me like her own daughter… and my sisters treated me like their own sister.”

“That’s selfish,” Elise muttered softly, her voice hoarse. It wasn’t hard to guess what she would say next. She would surely say something frustrating about being sold as a second wife, about being sold as a concubine to pay off a debt.

“So I…”

“Elise.”

I interrupted Elise’s words and hugged Elise, who was lying next to me. I stroked Elise’s head as if I was caring for crying children at a daycare center and buried my face in her chest. Elise flinched slightly, perhaps in a moment of panic.

“I told you last time, didn’t I? I have no intention of selling you. I would never sell you to pay off my debt. And yet you’re telling me to sell you?”

“But…”

He put strength into the two arms that were holding Elise’s head to cover her mouth, which seemed to be trying to make excuses, and buried Elise’s face even deeper into his chest. He whispered softly into Elise’s ear, who was unable to speak, saying, “Ugh.”

“I don’t want to live by selling my family…”

I spoke to Elise with sincerity. Really, I didn’t want to live by selling or abandoning my family. Maybe it was because I grew up as an orphan. I understood better than anyone else what Elise meant by ‘selfish’, wanting her parents.

When I was an orphan, I also dreamed of a family like Elise. I didn’t have parents, so I wanted to be a good parent. I dreamed of meeting a good person, having a happy family, and having children. I promised myself that if I gave the child a good home, I would not let the child feel the sadness I had experienced.

I got possessed by Trisha, and although she was very different, I got a ‘family’. It was hard and painful, but I didn’t want these kids to feel the sadness I had of not having a family. That promise became a reality.

Even the numerous debts and unfamiliar household chores were nothing compared to the years I spent alone without my parents. I wanted my children to dream of marriage and a happy family, just like I dreamed of. That’s why I didn’t want to hear Elise say that it was okay to give up on me and abandon me.

“I’ll…do something.”

“……”

“So…you just live happily.”

*

Tingling. Trisha held Elise in her arms and let out her hot breath. The smell of alcohol wafting from above made Elise realize that her mother was more drunk than she had imagined.

Elise raised her head and looked at her mother, and the tears in her eyes sparkled in the candlelight. Elise slowly moved her body as she watched her mother, who seemed to be sleeping, breathing steadily.

“…Ugh.”

Her mother snorted softly. She had originally wanted to fall asleep in her mother’s arms, but she couldn’t do that now. Carefully, Elise got out of her mother’s arms so as not to wake her, covered her with a blanket, and quietly left the room.

On the other side of the empty hallway, a familiar shadow was visible. Even in the dark hallway, a woman with dark hair showed off her presence. Catherine, who was wearing underwear and a semi-transparent gown that were almost naked, looked at Elise as she walked by.

“…Did you have a good conversation?”

“…yes.”

Elise looked at Catherine with a displeased expression. She had hated that expression from the beginning, looking at her with that leisurely smile. However, if Catherine hadn’t been there, she would never have known that fact.

That his father was in debt and his mother was suffering because of it.

Elise gnashed her teeth at her own incompetence, which she had realized too late. It was something she could have known with just a little thought, just as she had said. Why her mother hated only her, and why she had suddenly changed after her father passed away. She could have known with just a little thought, but Elise did not know.

“Will you trust me now?”

“…Yes. Sorry for doubting you.”

“…Okay. Go in and go to sleep quickly. You have class tomorrow too.”

Elise walked past Catherine to her room. Catherine told Elise everything. The debt, the story of how Catherine met Trisha, the whole of their relationship. And of course, the fact that she loved her.

Catherine, who had explained everything, made a proposal to Elise.

She promised to introduce good marriage partners to her sisters and herself, and to pay off all her father’s debts. In return for solving everything, Catherine asked only one thing of Elise.

Persuade your mother to become the concubine of the Salisbury family.

Catherine really wanted to be her mother.