episode_0048

[By the way, Dain Adamas… objectively speaking, she really does have a pretty face. Seeing her up close like this, she seems even more beautiful.]

[Sigh, her body is graceful, and her face is stunning. Even in a state of being a plant-human who has lost all strength, how can she shine like this? Truly unfair, if anything.]

Ssshh.

[…Even her forehead is beautiful.]

[Her hair is soft and smooth, making the sensation of running your fingers through it pleasant…]

While Sté and Dain Adamas were in the midst of intoxicating each other with their emotions, Sté was saying things that didn’t need to be said.

“You’ve never done that to me… You haven’t even called me pretty or stroked my head…!”

In the adjacent hospital room, Mei Luina trembled as she listened to Sté’s voice coming from the speaker. In reality, as a plant-human who couldn’t move a finger voluntarily, Mei Luina’s body wasn’t trembling, it remained still, but her mind was definitely trembling just as much as her words conveyed.

“Why do you only do that for Dain Adamas? Why don’t you do that for me? Why? Why are you so unfair to me?”

Mei Luina raged, her mind shaking with anger at every sound of Sté stroking Dain Adamas’s head that came through the speaker.

The only one who could hear her words in this world was Sté, yet ironically, Sté was not in her hospital room, but in Dain Adamas’s room, so the only person who could currently hear her voice was herself.

“…”

Just an empty echo reverberating in the darkness where no light entered.

The most dreadful thing Mei Luina had experienced in the month since becoming a plant-human, the most dreadful thing she had experienced after becoming one, was precisely this unanswered, empty echo.

‘I really, really hate this. I thought that hearing Stay’s voice would make me feel less lonely, but it’s not getting any better… It’s only making me more frustrated and angry.’

The agony Mei Luina felt when she was alone before reuniting with Stay and the agony she felt after reuniting with him were completely different kinds of pain.

If the former was like being left alone in this world, the latter was the loneliness that came from not having Stay by her side.

That’s why Mei Luina couldn’t stop listening to his voice through the speaker, even though it didn’t sound sweet at all and only made her feel more tormented because it wasn’t directed at her.

She realized that if she put away the speaker just because it was painful to hear Stay’s voice directed at another woman, she would end up feeling the kind of loneliness she had barely managed to erase until now.

“If you put away the speaker because it’s hard, you’ll end up imagining things. You’ll start imagining what kind of treatment Stay is giving to Mir Ryuin and Dain Adamas right now, what sweet words he might be whispering to them during the treatment…”

And since such imaginings often tend to be exaggerated compared to reality, the best thing Mei Luina could do was to maintain the status quo.

“I… can’t ask you to put away the speaker… But still, if I can convince myself that Stay’s voice is actually directed at me, then I won’t feel so lonely.”

In other words, enduring the agony of hearing Stay’s voice through the speaker was the best Mei Luina could do at the moment.

“And… surely, others must have asked for a speaker too. So on the day when I receive treatment from Stay, others will feel the same agony as me. Thinking like that makes me feel a little better.”

Knowing that she wasn’t the only one suffering is often a great comfort for social creatures like humans.

Mei Luina thought that she wasn’t the only one suffering like this, finding solace in the sound of Adamas’s head being petted by Stay while in agony.

“······No, is it not? Won’t Mir Ryuin act like this? It’s possible that she won’t, right? No, the probability of her not doing so is much higher!”

But even for a moment, Mei Luina felt unease at the thought that Mir Ryuin, just like herself, could suffer while hearing Stay’s voice.

“Mir Ryuin isn’t a sociable person like me and prefers to be alone······ Moreover, as the Awakening known as the Lord of Magic, Mir Ryuin shouldn’t have a reason to feel these emotions just because of an ordinary person like Stay, right?”

Mei Luina, ranked 3rd among the world’s heroes as an awakened healer and revered as a saint, thought that Mir Ryuin, who was on par with her, wouldn’t feel the same emotions.

“Stay’s touch is certainly warm, gentle, and sometimes cruel yet exceedingly kind, but this is just how I feel, and everyone has their differences, right? And why would Mir Ryuin, merely an F-rank Awakened burdened by debts, find comfort in Stay’s touch? It doesn’t make sense.”

She continued listing numerous reasons in her mind, explaining why Mir Ryuin shouldn’t feel any special emotions towards Stay.

The instinctive action of trying to dispel the anxiety that arose in her chest upon considering that Mir Ryuin might feel the same emotions was unexpected.

She couldn’t fathom why Mei Luina, who was enumerating reasons why Mir Ryuin wouldn’t feel the same agony, was herself in such a state, unable to understand the reasons behind her own actions.

‘Yes. It’s not like I’m anyone else, I’m Mir Leuin, right? You hugged Adamas and held him so tightly, patting his head… I can’t envy such special treatment that you didn’t give me. Yes, that’s right. That couldn’t possibly happen.’

Even if she applied these reasons to herself, Mir Leuin felt no discomfort at all about liking Stay.

‘Absolutely not. There’s no way Mir Leuin would do that. Absolutely.’

However, May Luina, preoccupied, failed to recognize this fact and simply repeated the thought that Mir Leuin wouldn’t suffer like her.

※

“…Yes, I feel a clear unfairness in Stay’s differential treatment. When treating Dain Adamas, you were affectionate and even embraced him warmly, but when treating me, you were so persistent, hitting only my buttocks. Of course, my chest was also pounded, but… that’s not particularly important. What’s important now is that Stay is showing favoritism, and I feel tremendous unfairness about it.”

Contrary to May Luina’s wishes, Mir Leuin, too, was furrowing her brow in real-time as she listened to Stay’s voice directed at Dain Adamas through the speaker.

Of course, being a plant-human, Mir Leuin’s brow wasn’t actually furrowed; she was in a peaceful state. However, she felt as if her brow was furrowed enough to think that three lines were drawn on her forehead.

“But May Luina won’t feel the same torment from unfairness as I do. Because after all, she’s a saint, isn’t she? Despite all the image-making or whatever, she still maintains her purity as a saint. Is May Luina, who is sincerely committed to upholding the title of a saint, really feeling torment over Stay’s mere differential treatment like I am? That doesn’t make sense.”

At the same time, Mir Leuin was having the same thoughts as May Luina.

I’m meticulous to a fault, so I’ve never done something like this before… Not even once. Only for Dain Adamas… Ugh. It still doesn’t make sense to me. I just smack his butt, and he hugs me tightly? Tight enough to press our whole bodies together? Is he in his right mind? Is it even reasonable to blatantly discriminate like this? No, it’s not. That kind of thing shouldn’t be tolerated. Even if May Lina tolerates it, I can’t. Yeah, that’s why, on the next treatment day, if Stay comes by, I must give him a stern talking to. How will I wait two days? Do I have to endure suffering from Stay’s voice coming out of that speaker again tomorrow? I hate that. But I hate getting rid of the speaker even more. It’s more dreadful. Ah, anyway, what was I trying to say?

At the moment, Mir Ryu, who was about to erupt in anger and forget her words as she thought about the ‘Full-body Adherence Force Hug’ that she had only given to Adamas, barely managed to control her emotions like the master of magic she was. Then, she continued with her intended thoughts.

‘Yes, I can’t help but feel unfairly treated by the discrimination at the Stei, so I must express my objection at the next treatment session. But Mei Luna was about to say that she wouldn’t do that. Because Mei Luna is a saint. A saint with a revered name would not harbor such feelings towards a mere F-grade Stei.’ With thoughts entirely mirroring those of Mei Luna, Mir Ryuin concluded decisively.

“Clearly. Right now, I’m tightly embracing Stay… Hoo. Even Da-in Adamas, who is receiving treatment, won’t feel the same discomfort as me or May Loina when they hear Stay’s voice through the speaker tomorrow. She’s a woman who has the ability to live alone in the world. She wouldn’t have accepted the speaker in the first place, right? After all, it’s Da-in Adamas we’re talking about.”

An endless list of reasons to dispel anxiety filled Mir Ryuin’s mental world.

However, no matter how many reasons he listed, Mir Ryuin couldn’t erase the lingering anxiety in the corner of his heart. Because feeling such emotions meant there was a chance that Mei Lui and Dain Adamas, who were of the same rank as himself, might be feeling the same way.

“There’s no way. Those two would never feel that way. No, absolutely not.”

Yet, admitting this fact would only add to his torment, not to mention the sharp unease that would never be resolved if he acknowledged it, as he would hear Stay’s voice coming from the speaker, a voice not directed at him. Therefore, Mir Ryuin gritted his teeth and continued to deny it.