episode_0229

It was a dark room. It was the same scenery I always saw. But the difference was that they didn’t force me to turn off the electricity because it was a waste, and they didn’t put tape on the windows because they thought it would be embarrassing if someone saw me outside.

I just wanted it to be cozy, so I drew the curtains, and since it was time for everyone to go to bed, I turned off the lights. That was it.

I stared blankly at the light and thought about it for a long time. I thought about it over and over again.

In fact, I knew full well that this worry would never end, but I kept on going. I knew that there would be no answer, but I kept on going.

“… Jimin, what are you thinking?”

But then a voice came out, as if telling me that this headache-inducing worry had to come to an end.

The voice of none other than the one I love.

She had been trying to persuade me over and over again, and I still hadn’t been able to give her a proper answer.

Should I do it? Should I not do it? I was just wondering, but I already knew which way my heart was leaning.

Even if you are tilted, if you don’t make a decision, there will be no conclusion.

That was my thought, and that was the situation now.

“No, I was thinking of sleeping… ”

After answering like that, I grabbed the blanket and slowly twisted my body.

The blanket I shared with Minhee was very warm. I looked at the ceiling light that was turned off.

The square light that had been shining had lost its light, but it was still there, so I just kept my gaze fixed on its shape.

Gradually, the worries become certainties.

I opened my mouth cautiously, thinking that it was now time to give the answer I had been putting off.

“Sister Minhee.”

“Huh?”

We completed the marriage registration a few days ago. I told her parents, and they said they understood, but I don’t know what we talked about after that. I didn’t tell them.

But more than that, I had my own work to do that was more important to me, so I continued talking without stopping.

“… Are you sleepy?”

“What… I’m sleepy. Why? Jimin can’t sleep?”

“No, just… ”

There was a rustling sound as the blanket stirred. At the same time, Minhee’s body, which had been lying facing the ceiling, turned to face me.

Even though it was dark, I could immediately tell she was looking at me because I could see her shape through the curtains that were filtering in the light.

As I was blankly staring at the sight, Minhee reached out and pulled me towards him.

And then he pressed my body down so that I was lying down properly, as if telling me to go to sleep.

My body, which had been lying down normally, soon moved closer to where Minhee’s body was touching.

My body flinched as the wind hit my chest against my collarbone.

As my face turned towards her collarbone, I felt embarrassed.

My heart was pounding. I didn’t think I could sleep like this, and she seemed to notice it.

“Why? Do you want to?”

“… That’s not it.”

“Ugh, if you want to, tell me.”

I did it yesterday and I’m thinking about doing it again. I was complaining to myself as I carefully opened my mouth.

I raised the corners of my mouth because I thought I could speak in relief since my heart was beating like this and there was nothing more to do.

“I’ve decided.”

“Huh? What?”

If I didn’t tell anyone what I was worried about or what I was thinking, no one would know. Even Min-hee, who was closest to me, would have no way of knowing.

Maybe that’s why, even though I was speaking so seriously, my voice was so light.

I didn’t blame him. On the contrary, the atmosphere made it easier for me to speak.

“Having a child with my older sister… ”

“What?”

But a different atmosphere than before greeted me. Minhee stood up, leaving me behind, as if to say that the light atmosphere until before was all a lie.

She sat up, ruffled her hair, and pushed away the blanket that had been covering her body.

And then, as if he had some doubt that he had heard wrong, he asked me to say it again, as if he wanted to confirm it.

“… What did you say?”

The voice sounded both dazed and expectant.

It may sound cold, but in fact, there was an attitude of not being able to stay still, as if it was because he was embarrassed and surprised.

So I knew full well that this murderous attitude wasn’t something I absolutely hated.

Since I knew it well, I just smiled and said so.

“I think it would be nice to have a child with my older sister… ”

“… … .”

I followed Min-hee and got up. The blanket that had covered my body warmly up to my chest fell down to my lower body as I got up.

But that didn’t matter, so I continued.

“I’ve thought about it a lot.”

Minhee invested a lot in me.

In fact, it was a relationship that I had met in a game. It was a relationship that I had met in that damned world, so I could have dismissed it as an illusion and passed it over.

She could have dumped me for many reasons: she didn’t like my looks, our personalities didn’t match, she got sick of me because I was too quirky, but she didn’t.

Rather, he went as far as to register his marriage without hesitation as if he were risking his life, and he also said that he wanted to have children.

You’ve invested a lot in me and given me a lot to do.

These were things that could be called sacrifices.

And having received them, I could never ignore them.

I could still vividly feel my skin cooling down. And I couldn’t even forget the warmth of Minhee holding my hand.

“I think I now know why my sister wanted to have a child so badly.”

At first, I didn’t know. I just thought he was a sympathizer.

But I gradually came to realize that this was love directed at me.

I couldn’t figure out what was going on when I started. But since there are many types of love, I smiled bitterly, thinking that this might also be a form of love.

It has been said that misfortune comes in many forms, but happiness comes in only one form.

But strangely enough, each love took different forms, and that’s why I could dare to say that this love was mine.

Even though I shouted “I love you” over and over again, my heart, which had been wavering and agonizing over time, finally seemed to be settling down.

“… I did it because I loved you.”

We have tied the knot several times, telling ourselves not to let go now.

We became connected by meeting, living under the same roof, eating the same food, and sleeping in the same bed.

They connected their hearts by rubbing their tongues, touching their bodies, and whispering sweet nothings while kissing.

They tied the knot for the future by putting on a ring and registering their marriage.

Now, by having a child, we will create a true family.

I worried a lot about what would happen if I had a child.

I worried whether I could raise a child without any shortcomings. I worried whether it was even right for someone like me to have a child.

But then a thought suddenly occurred to me.

So, what was Min-hee thinking when she wanted to have a child?

I wondered, “Why can’t I suddenly act like a parent just because I have a child?” and I found the answer.

I wanted to let it be known that I did not want to pass on this tragedy and that I ended it with my own hands.

That too was love.

Because I was born into a family without love, I craved love more than anyone else and wanted to give love more than anyone else.

That was Minhee, and it was me. I realized it too late, but it wasn’t too late, and I was able to stand next to her right away.

“I think I can do it now.”

“… Jimin.”

“Hehehe, I love you.”

I smiled and said this to Minhee, who was hesitating and calling my name.

It was something he had said many times before, but I was certain that it contained a deeper emotion than that.

Minhee’s gaze was seen trembling beyond the darkness, as if he had noticed it again.

Minhee hugged me without saying a word.

So I also hugged Minhee tightly.

He held onto me as if telling me not to go far, and he locked his arms around my back as if he would not let me go.

Minhee’s chest came closer, pressing down on my poor body.

I could feel my heart pounding and beating loudly from the gentle pressure that came in like a push.

As I was so intoxicated with my heart, Minhee’s voice came quietly to me.

“… Do you think you won’t regret it?”

I tried hard not to regret it. But I think that most people don’t have a future without regrets.

Because there were times when I regretted and lamented that there must have been a better way.

But still, I hope that my love will not turn into regret, so I held onto my expectations.

“You won’t regret it. I’ll make it happen.”

I couldn’t show any manly appearance.

At least I wanted to be someone Minhee could lean on, but I was still weak and felt bitter that she had to lean on me instead of relying on me.

But now it was different.

Even now, I felt like I could show Minhee a strong side, so I opened my mouth with a lot of strength in my shoulders and a certain posture.

“So just trust me.”

The silence flowed like that, and Minhee’s shoulders trembled.

“Ugh, uh-huh, hot.”

I was startled when she suddenly started laughing, so I relaxed my grip and glanced at her.

Then Minhee also let go of my hand and started laughing loudly from a distance not far from me.

As I was tilting my head, wondering if I said something strange, Minhee sent me a sharp gaze from beyond the darkness.

“Jimin-ah.”

“Huh?”

“Just because you’re showing off doesn’t mean you’re manly.”

“No, that’s not it… !”

“It was cool, but it was wrong.”

With a thud, Minhee’s hand pushed me onto the bed.

My body, which had been sitting, fell backwards without strength, and the back of my head fell on the fluffy pillow.

As soon as I heard the sound of air escaping, Minhee’s shadow rustled and took hold of me.

“Jimin needs to trust me.”

“… Wait, oh, I’m not saying we should make it today… ”

“I know. I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll eat healthy food and do it.”

Those words struck me as eerie.

By the way, why are you posing like this if you said you were going to do it tomorrow?

While I was wondering about that, her head came closer with such a frightening force that it seemed as if it would hit her.

And then the time came for the breathtaking kiss.

I gasped in surprise, saying, ‘Huh?!’, but I was not given the right to rebel.