episode_0228

“… Jimin-ah. Do you really have to eat it like that?”

That was all I could say to Jimin, who was chewing on milk and dried anchovies on the table in the kitchen.

It’s been quite some time since I started living under the same roof as Jimin, and a lot of things have changed.

Even though Jimin found his daily life, that doesn’t mean he had free time.

But things were different now. She had some free time, and she had put on a little weight, making her look pretty.

If there’s one thing that hasn’t changed in all that time, it’s probably Jimin’s height.

I’m a little over 163 cm, but Jimin is still about 160 cm tall.

I wonder if that’s what keeps bothering me, because I’m drinking milk again today.

I feel like I drink more milk than water a day, and I wonder if that’s okay.

For three months, Jimin drank more milk than water, but it was left alone because his bones were so fragile.

But now that the test results have come back positive, I thought it might be time to start telling people the truth.

Then Jimin swallowed the anchovies in his mouth.

“Yeah.”

The doctor said that Jimin’s growth plates were closed and that he would never grow taller no matter what he did, but Jimin didn’t give up and continued to drink milk, eat anchovies, and eat tofu.

To be honest, I wanted to say that it was already too late, but seeing him trying so hard made me feel bad for not doing anything, so I kept my mouth shut.

The reason Jimin stopped growing was not for a very good reason.

If it had been said that he had grown up well but was not growing tall due to genetic problems, or problems with his eating habits or sleeping patterns, I would have made fun of him, but since that wasn’t the case, I hesitated to say anything.

“If you only eat that kind of thing, won’t you get sick?”

“Still… ”

The sight of him waddling was always cute.

I’ve been looking for that kind of manly vibe for quite some time now, but I think it’s because whenever he stands next to me, he wishes he was a little taller than me, and when he sees other people together, he wants to look like a couple.

When you see that kind of appearance, you could say that the effort is admirable, but my opinion is that there is no reason to do so.

Of course, just because you say that doesn’t mean Jimin will nod and give up.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s good if you eat everything deliciously.”

As I said that, I quietly watched Jimin pouring the last of the milk into his mouth.

“… How are you today?”

“Huh…? Hmm… ”

Jimin opened his eyes wide in surprise at my question and looked at me.

After that, he looked as if he was flustered and trembling, his eyes lowered to the floor and he seemed to be thinking hard about something.

Honestly, I wasn’t that old.

As we were entering the new year, we were only one year older than we had known each other, but I still wanted to hurry up and get married, thinking that with all this wealth, we could at least raise a child.

Even if Jimin keeps emphasizing that he’s manly, I honestly don’t think that’ll work out, and I asked him to wait until he can take responsibility, but I thought it would be better to tell him in advance because I thought I’d be the one to attack him if he waited until then.

Because the best way is to do it after reaching an agreement rather than forcing it.

“… Why?”

“I’m starting to think it might be good to have a child.”

Surprisingly, Jimin’s military service wasn’t a problem at all.

Jimin’s parents were accused of murdering an infant, hiding a corpse, abandoning a child, and even child abuse, and they were all over the news, and they were cursed at by everyone, and they ended up in prison, so Jimin was able to get his foot in the door for reasons that led to his selection being canceled.

“… But still… ”

“Because you want to be a responsible adult?”

“Yeah… ”

I wanted to hug you tightly.

Originally, humans were actually cunning animals, so if they were not conscious of it, they felt good every time they received something, and were happy every time they obtained something, and once they started to experience that taste, it was difficult for them to properly get out of it.

Most of the people I met before I met Jimin were like that.

So my values became firm.

People all over the world were so certain that this was the case.

There are people who gather together like-minded people, and there are also those who cling to those who are higher up than them and hope to get scraps from them.

And after receiving it a few times, I started to think that it was my natural right.

But after seeing Jimin like this, I just realized that my environment was not good and that I was unlucky.

Unlike people who are used to receiving and only think about clinging to others to live comfortably, Jimin is the kind of person who wants to have responsibility and asks them to wait until then.

“His,” the corners of his lips went up involuntarily.

Yes, having a child was a responsibility.

It was a natural thing.

But sometimes responsibility is something that doesn’t necessarily have to be taken on.

If there are times when you break down and want to rest, the other person is there to hold you until you can get back up, that’s what couples are for.

“It’s okay. Jimin doesn’t have to be responsible!”

“No.”

I told you, you’re secretly firm.

“Then what exactly is this responsibility?”

“… Hmm, I made money or something… ”

“What if I earn?”

“… … .”

Jimin groaned as if he was groaning, holding a piece of leftover anchovy in his hand.

I couldn’t help but ask, wondering what exactly Jimin’s sense of responsibility was.

“… Ugh.”

There was Jimin groaning and worrying, and I just waited for him.

As I rested my chin on it and looked at him with gentle eyes, Jimin made a distorted expression and then mumbled.

“… That, without raising your hand, you can do it alone… ”

If you talk about responsibility, everyone actually vaguely understands it.

But when I asked about it in detail, no one could properly explain the responsibility they had.

Sometimes, the responsibility that you spoke of was taken on by someone else.

Jimin’s sense of responsibility is probably a feeling that comes from independence.

I didn’t really know what he had experienced or what changes of heart he had gone through before his isolation turned into independence.

Still, I could say that we did it together, so I smiled and opened my mouth.

“I’m with you too, but you don’t have to do that.”

“… Still.”

“Then, if I earn money, will Jimin do the housework for you?”

“… … .”

Jimin furrowed his brows subtly at those words.

I think he reacted that way because it was a slightly different form of ‘responsibility’ than what he thought it was.

The reason I’m so obsessed with my child is that I want to let people know that I’m a loving person to the family I created, unlike my mom and dad.

There was a time when I made a resolution to myself that I would not live without attention, and at least I would not inflict the poison of indifference on the child I was carrying.

I told Jimin about it before, but it was painful to think about it again like this.

It was a wound that would not go away.

I wanted to say that we are meant to support each other.

But if I said that I wanted to have a child using my trauma as a shield, Jimin would probably just nod his head to me in the end, so I couldn’t say that.

So I was trying to think, what if we just changed the meaning of responsibility a little bit and said, let’s hold each other accountable again?

“… What do you think, Sister?”

“What?”

“Is it okay if I stay at home like this and just do housework? Won’t people around me look at me strangely? ”

“These days, it’s said that men often do housework.”

“… Well, wouldn’t it be weird to have a child like this when you don’t even have a job yet…?”

“Whatever, there’s a lot of money at home. When you file the marriage certificate, just let Mom and Dad know and they’ll take care of it.”

I felt ambiguous because it felt like I was reporting something.

But it’s better to say it in advance so that it’s easier to talk about it later even if the expenses are large.

Besides, marriage and children aren’t that easy.

After Jimin blocked out the things that were worrying him one by one, Jimin groaned and then carefully opened his mouth.

“Then, I’m fine… But I still don’t know… I wish my sister would tell me.”

Three months. It felt like a long time, and at the same time, it felt short.

It felt like we had enough to share our hearts, but the world was too big to enjoy together, and there were still so many things we hadn’t done.

I was so happy that Jimin nodded for me like this that I couldn’t even control my expression and just smiled broadly.

Then Jimin shrugged his shoulders and smiled shyly.

“Oh my, you’re so cute. I guess I’ll have to order eel today for the first time in a while.”

“… Ugh.”

“Don’t like it?”

“Oh, no… Because it’s delicious… ”

It seemed like a reasonable decision that since we were going to have the baby at night anyway, we might as well eat something delicious.

I also thought that if a person is healthy in both body and mind, they are able to make quick decisions.

“… Sister.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing.”

“… What is it.”

“Just, thank you… ”

“… … .”

I wonder if I can endure this before eating eel.

I had a thought.

At that moment when he gulped, Jimin smiled bitterly.

“If my sister hadn’t been there that day, what would have happened to me… ”

At those words, my body, which had been heated up until just now, cooled down.

What, when? I thought, and at that moment, two scenes flashed through my mind and were deeply imprinted in my mind.

“Still, I think it’s good that I have my older sister and can eat delicious food like this.”

When Veronica was hanging in the torture chamber, dying over and over again.

That was when Jimin was chilling in the cold winter wearing only a hospital gown.

Oh, I see.

I thought I was saved by Jimin, but I saved you too.

Thinking about it that way, I felt a little sad for no reason.

Somehow, I was left wondering why you kept being so uncomfortable with me.

Since we saved each other, the debt was already gone.

So that’s why I felt burdened by sharing it like this.

I almost cried for no reason, so I tried to suppress my emotions with a smile.

And I just answered that question as calmly as possible.

“… I’ll buy you something delicious anytime.”

Yes, anytime. Even if your hair turns white.

Even if your appearance becomes wrinkled, I will be with you.

Whisper to me over and over again that you love me.

Then I will run to you again and again.

I don’t care what you look like.

Even if it’s Veronica, even if it’s Han Ji-min.

I love ‘you’.