episode_0060

Cold silence always weighs on my heart.

And as I was wondering when I should break out of that silence, it was Kylon’s voice that came back.

“… Say something.”

My heart tightens as the voice urges me to answer and make excuses.

Wanting to escape the silence meant that I wanted to get out of this situation and never have to face it again, but it didn’t mean I wanted to talk like this right away.

Kailon’s voice, which had already taken the lead, wanted the story to begin, so it was natural for me to be led by it, so I hummed when I heard those words.

After waiting for a while, I carefully opened my mouth, wondering what to say.

“… sorry. It’s so hard for me.”

I thought about it for a while, wondering if it was really okay to do this, but I didn’t know what to say or what to say, so in the end, I just went back and spoke honestly.

You won’t die anyway. It could have been due to complacency.

However, the reason I spoke so honestly was because I thought that Kylon would still think of me to some extent.

It’s true that I was tired because of Kylon, but that was because Kylon was telling me not to harm myself.

And at that time, because he was in heat after seeing my body and was trying to relieve himself, I couldn’t just look at him negatively.

Yes, I kind of thought that if Kylon had at least some conscience, it would be nice for him to endure it as much as I endured it.

Originally, I thought that if I just held back, something would work out, but I decided that nothing would work that way, so I opened my mouth in the end.

I hope it doesn’t get too twisted.

As I tried to take a deep breath to ease my nervous and burning stomach again, Kailon came in and spoke as if to interrupt my breathing.

“Yes. This can be happen. Because of me, people might get noticed here and there, and they might not like what I do.”

His admission mixed with a sigh. And it seemed like he had a general idea of how he would be seen by me, so I felt prickly without realizing it.

“But I can’t trust you. Are you sure you won’t hurt yourself again? Besides, I don’t even trust your body anymore. … They said I didn’t have to do it, but I did it secretly, and I tore it apart because they said I would remove its abilities, and it came back again. Isn’t that right?”

I completely agreed with that statement.

So, since I had nothing to say, I just kept my mouth shut.

I groaned because I thought it was such a sinful situation, and then Kylon just looked at me quietly.

Is he trying to reprimand me for putting a knife to my body again even though he told me not to do anything?

Is he trying to complain that he got rid of his abilities but didn’t report that his body was back to its original state?

No matter how many times I ran into this situation, I felt like I couldn’t find a way to get rid of Kylon with logic right away.

I sighed deeply, thinking that this was a situation where it was difficult to blame anyone because I felt like I had put myself in a corner where it was difficult for me to make excuses.

As I was letting out a sigh of relief, Kailon’s shoulders slumped and he got up from the bed and stood in front of me.

Wondering if it was this big, he lifted his hand and caressed my face.

He seemed to be tracing my jawline with his hand, and then he put some pressure on his hand and lifted my chin slightly. Then my eyes were forced to meet Kylon.

I lowered my eyes at the sharp gaze that seemed to be reading my inner thoughts, but even trying to avoid my gaze had its limits, so in the end I had no choice but to look into Kylon’s blue eyes again.

“… … .”

How much time did you spend like that?

As I was fretting over whether Linda and Agnes would return, Kailon purred as if he was aware of my anxiety.

“They’ll be late.”

“Ah.”

As if my true feelings were revealed, my lips hesitated again, let out a short sigh, and then closed again.

“Well, I think it would be pretty if I stayed still.”

Those words probably contain a lot of meaning.

I groaned because it seemed like he was telling me to listen to him and just stay still and be protected.

Of course, since Kylon is the main character and I am only the heroine, if I act as I please with an unreasonable ego, it will cause problems of its own.

Of course, it would be ridiculous for a guy like me to stand in Kailon’s way.

but.

“Still, last time… ”

Even though he didn’t keep all of them, there was one moment that protected him.

There was no strength in prayer, so in the end, only my blood worked most efficiently in that moment.

Yes, that’s what happens in this town.

It still dawns on me. Kylon stood up to a spider the size of a house, and while cutting it down, he was hit by the poison that erupted from its stomach.

Because of that, Kylon suffered a fatal wound that left him in pain.

Therefore, I can’t say that my efforts went completely wrong.

Of course, it might have ruined his mood. However, I still hoped that some consideration would be taken into account.

However, as I was hesitating and trying to say something like asking for consideration even if I was not recognized for my own achievements, Kylon’s words stopped me for a moment.

“Spider?”

He seemed to know what I wanted to say.

“… Well, I appreciate that.”

You understand.

As I was thinking that and looking at him with sparkling eyes, he placed both his hands on my shoulders.

“I really appreciate it… I have no desire to be healed by the blood you shed.”

“… … .”

“I’m not trying to ignore your favor, I’m just saying that I’m afraid of your favor.”

What is so scary about my favor and my heart?

I was willing to do it because it was the only thing I knew how to do, but I couldn’t understand what was so scary about it.

“Who on earth would pour blood to the point of death once to prove their usefulness? That’s not the heart anymore. It’s madness.”

Madness?

What is madness?

It’s natural for people to prove their usefulness.

If you want to stay by my side, it’s natural that you have to prove your usefulness, no matter what.

“That expression!”

Bang, my body shakes violently.

What kind of expression was I making?

“Why are you looking like you don’t understand? ?”

In response to Kailon’s question, I could only vaguely explain the reason.

“… If you want to live, if you want to be around people, you have to prove your need… It’s natural, right?”

Yes, it’s always been that way.

I could say that I lived like that without anyone saying anything.

Doing it when told to do it and not doing it when told not to do it was the same thing that only innocent people or people with flowery heads would do.

In fact, most people wanted more, but they pretended not to do anything to save face.

There is nothing free in this world.

Debt has always existed in people’s lives.

It was also the reason why I admire rich people.

I admired rich people whose money grew as soon as they breathed. Because when I breathe, my debt increases.

Even when eating, it took a lot to simply maintain my space.

I had to prove that I was allowed to be there.

That’s why I couldn’t understand Kylon’s words.

“So they say it’s okay if you don’t do that. I said I would leave it alone, but you did as you pleased… !”

“No.”

There is no such thing as always.

That’s why I opened my mouth to suppress my voice becoming more agitated.

Some might say it was hard, some might say it was cheesy.

Since Kailon had a lot of experience with people, I think my words may sound strange as I haven’t had much experience with people.

But even so, I tried hard to communicate.

What Kylon said makes sense, but I wanted him to hear what I had in mind.

So, I hope you can look at it a little bit.

So, I hope you can make me feel comfortable for a little while.

“There is no such thing as just living.”

“No… Didn’t you understand what I said? It’s just that you… Are you saying I can just stay still like I was at home?”

“… … .”

I mumbled my mouth.

When I was told that I could stay still as if I was at home, I didn’t know what to say, so I wandered around for a while.

I narrowed my eyes and moaned several times, trying to figure out that feeling.

Only after taking so much time, I was able to answer.

“I don’t know.”

“He said he wanted to go home, but didn’t he say that because he lived comfortably?”

I wanted to go home.

But why did you want to go?

I even thought that since my life had suddenly disappeared and been replaced by a new one, it was my right to pursue it for granted.

But since I couldn’t remember the reason, what I thought about again was the scenery of the space I was in.

Did my life seem that warm just staring at the monitor without the light on?

Did life feel so rich when I covered myself with a blanket and survived on food given to me?

Did I ever think it was that comfortable when I fell asleep with a blanket on the hard floor?

“… … .”

Kylon’s emotions were heightened, but mine were somber.

I wondered if we might not be able to understand each other due to our conflicting emotions.

But why did I want to go home even in that atmosphere? Was it just because of the instinct that his life had been completely taken away from him? All I could think was that I ended up lowering my head like a criminal and answering.

“Sorry, I don’t know.”

“… … .”

Then, Kylon closed his mouth and stared at me quietly.