episode_0026

It was indeed a strange occurrence.

A dream where one wanders aimlessly, chased by monsters in an unknown place. Though somewhat peculiar, it was a very ordinary dream. If one did not know the exact cause, they might have woken up bewildered.

“….”

I stare blankly at the clock on the wall.

11 PM. Normally, it would have been well past the time I took my medication and went to sleep. However, both Jin and I were awake. To be precise, I dozed off for a moment and then woke up again.

It’s not like we ran out of medicine.

Aunt always prescribes more than necessary, and when it’s halfway gone, she always calls. Today, I simply chose not to take the medicine.

“Still, maybe it wasn’t a bad dream after all…”

“What was it?”

“When I dozed off just now. I had a dream.”

“A dream.”

“Something incredibly chaotic.”

“Hmm.”

Fortunately or unfortunately, Jin seemed uninterested.

I thought I would be scolded for falling asleep on my own, but it was unexpected. Or maybe he was just that hungry. Judging by his indifferent face as he ate only the freshly cooked Mapo Tofu Ramen.

By the way, Mapo Tofu Ramen is exactly what it sounds like—simple and best late-night snack with leftover Mapo Tofu on boiled ramen. There are also variations like Mapo Tofu Rice Balls and Mapo Tofu Nachos.

“Anyway, Jin, are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Not feeling sleepy or anything?”

“No.”

“And you’re not thinking of giving up yet?”

“No.”

“I see…”

“Well, we’re not going to school anyway.”

“That’s true.”

Even if it weren’t winter break, I wouldn’t be able to change Jin’s mind.

Feeling dizzy already, I decided to resign myself to it. It’s pathetic how disoriented I am after just a few hours of missed sleep.

According to Aunt… what did she say?

My brain, still dealing with trauma and stress from past confinement, struggles even with basic daily tasks. Unable to forget anything properly, my body felt utterly useless.

Could this self-loathing be because I didn’t take my medicine?

Should I take it now and go to sleep? Close my eyes without dreaming and wake up tomorrow to take the medicine and feel better? Should I just give up?

Ordinary dreams may be fun, but who knows when they might turn into nightmares, which is scary.

Moreover, it’s a dream without Jin. Only Aunt is there. The fragile girl is the only one there with me. In a world where only she and I exist. If I lose my mind, then who will stop me? Who will halt my descent into madness?

“Thank you for the meal.”

“Huh? Oh… yeah. Then I’ll do the dishes…”

“Do it tomorrow.”

“…The oil might solidify.”

“If we miss Santa, it’ll be a big problem.”

“That’s true, but…”

“We have to endure until sunrise tomorrow.”

Unlike me, Jin’s expression was very serious.

Right. Santa. It’s midnight on December 24th. Christmas Eve. The day when an unidentified red intruder roams the country leaving gifts for good children who haven’t cried.

Of course, such a thing doesn’t exist.

We are not children to begin with. We are teenagers about to become adults soon. However, such an obvious fact seemed irrelevant to Jin.

Perhaps Jin is a good kid. ▶ Good kids receive gifts. ▶ But Santa gives gifts on Christmas. ▶ I’m not Santa. ▶ He’s a suspicious guy. ▶ If he enters the house, I’ll kick him out. Something along those lines, probably.

At least it’s fortunate that he didn’t go like “I’ll kill him~”.

Indeed, Jin, as pure as to believe in Santa’s existence, wouldn’t just go around killing anyone. Even so, Jin has never committed murder. It’s absurd to think that a kind and lovely person like Jin would do such a wicked deed as killing another human being. Jin hasn’t killed anyone. No one has died. Just like Santa, who is not expected to visit (nonexistent), will return unharmed. Therefore, he will give gifts to good children and standby somewhere until the next year. Because there are good kids in the world, unlike Santa, there are good kids. For example, here is Jin. Jin is truly kind; he became friends with someone like me, and now we’re in love. He really likes me, loves me, loves me, loves me, loves me, loves me, loves me, loves me, loves me, loves me, loves me, loves me.

“Don’t sleep.”

“Uh…!?”

“If you sleep again, I’ll be mad.”

“Umm… I won’t…”

Dizzy.

Vision spinning. Dizzy.

Standing up. Feet touching the ground. The safety block Jin placed against the desk edge to avoid stumbling into it. Alive. Not hurt. But his knees aren’t holding up well.

“Get up.”

“Uh…!”

“Tired?”

“Ohh… So tired…”

Blinking. Eyelids sticking, then dropping. Tears. Why am I crying suddenly? Jin should be doing the dishes. I should be getting water ready. Why am I lying on Jin’s thigh? Ah, his hand stroking my head feels good… Hehe, this, hehe… Ohhh… Ugh… Hehe… Hehe…

“You’re kind, kind. It’s okay. Don’t be scared. Don’t cry.”

“……………………………………..”

Tender voice. Soft skin. Warm touch.

Rustling. Rustling. Strange-shaped earrings. Strange hair accessory worn every day. Petals one, two. With a slightly clearer red vision, lost in a delusion of feeling empowered to do something, reaching out towards the neck.

“A kiss?”

“Uh-huh…”

“You’re a little troublemaker.”

“Uh-huh…”

“But I like it.”

“Mm… Uh…”

Taste of ramen mixed with soybean paste. Salty and spicy. Greasy.

Still, it tastes better than the first kiss. That’s because it only had a hint of blood. How old was I back then? When I was imprisoned. Yes, to the confused me. A kiss. Ah, it was a kiss. I should put my tongue in a bit more. Then it’ll feel even better.

“Pfft… Haha…♥”

“You drooled. Gross.”

“Eek.”

Jin embraces my relaxed body, licking my chin. Moving up to my cheek. Touching the burn marks. Lips meeting unseen eyes. Meeting visible eyes and red irises. My eyes reflected in them are smiling through tears. Because I’m happy. When I’m with Jin, nothing remains but happiness. Everything ends happily. So, we kissed again. Embracing her head, I passionately shower her with affection.

“Sweetheart, mm… Uh…♥ Pfft, haha… Jin, Jina…♥”

“Yes. I’m here. Go ahead and be honest. I like it when you’re more sincere today.”

“I love you? I love you?”

“So, so much. I love you.”

Jin’s smile is so dazzling that my face relaxes.

I may not understand what’s in my heart, and I may not know if there’s anything left for me, but when such merciful love pours down on me, everything seems to be alright. Feeling loved brings a sense of fulfillment, making the corners of my mouth curl up happily. Jin smiles too. A bright smile like when we were young. The laughter I truly adore.

I’m grateful to be alive. Thankful for not dying.

I’m so happy that I kiss. This time, not on the lips but on the neck. Peck peck. Gently. Leaving red marks as beautiful as Jin’s eyes. She’s mine. Jin is mine. Even if my body tears apart and crumbles, I can’t touch her like Jin. I have to protect Jin. Now that I have no mother or father, I have to protect Jin. Why? But why don’t I have a mother and father? Where did they go? Why is there nothing anywhere?

“Here too… Shall we?”

“…Huh?”

With a snap, one button of the pajamas came undone.

Thus, the protruding collarbone and the subtly revealed, prominently perky chest are exposed. I’m out of breath. My eyes won’t close. Tears well up in my eyes from the overwhelming sight I don’t want to miss even for a second, but they won’t fall because my eyelids are too heavy, so I just bury my head in it. Dizzy. The spinning world is all bright red. To cover everything with those red marks again, I opened my mouth.

“Mm… Ah… Uhh… Hmm… Uhh….”

“It tickles… Don’t go anywhere. We have time. Santa must be far away. It’s still Christmas Eve.”

“Uhh… Yeah… Huh…”

As expected, Jin is amazing. She knows everything. I know nothing. While everything looks like a corpse to me, unlike me, who sees everything as corpses, Santa looks like Santa. How envious that such a person is my girlfriend. I’m so happy.

With a snap, another button of the pajamas came undone.

It’s big. Really big. And amazingly firm. Overflowing elasticity and softness coexist. Just by leaning foreheads together, rationality melts away as if intoxicated. Physically comfortable, with a plushy texture, I want to fall asleep, but today is not a day for sleep; I have to wait for Santa, so I continue to bury myself in the softness.

“It would be nice if you were always this honest.”

“Hehe… Huh?”

“But I like it anyway. I like any version of you.”

“Hehehe.”

“Ahahaha.”

Laughing without a care. Laughing without any worries or concerns.

The bright red world is full of happiness. In this crimson world, where everything burns and dies, and the past has turned into ashes, and the only thing left in the present is a silver theater where the future is cheerfully captured on film, there is no need. Just be happy. Be happy. Let everything end happily. One more button. One more. One more, more, more, more, one more, more, more, more, more, more, more, more, more.

Just because I missed taking my medicine for a day.

So, just a few more hours have passed.

But why am I so happy like this? Why did I take the medicine? Who told me to take it? There’s no need for that. Oh right, Aunt said that. Aunt said so. If I don’t take the medicine, I’ll become Aunt. Aunt, meaning me, I…

“Hehehehuh!?”

“Huh?”

“Oh, ugh… Ugh… Ugh…!?”

My head, it’s too painful, as if it’s going to split open.

Throbbing, as if something is going to suddenly burst out, hurting, agonizing, making it difficult to breathe, coughing out of pain, my head hurts so much, so much, so much.

“Just a little. Just bear a little longer.”

“Hehe, he, ugh… Ugh, ugh, hehe, hehe…♥”

“Yeah….”

Even my voice doesn’t come out properly.

Still, I hear Jin’s voice. So I smiled. It’s the only thing I can do. Showing you the smile you truly love. My only worth. With just a few minutes left after Christmas Eve. Today too. I smiled. For Jin, for the girl I love. I smiled for her. Smiling and smiling.