episode_0031
by fnovelpia“Why aren’t you answering the phone?”
If the situation is the way it is in my head, it should lead to a situation where Han Yu-chan picks up the phone and makes an appointment to meet.
But why am I not answering the phone?
“Eujin, what’s wrong?”
“Uh… Yoo-chan doesn’t answer the phone.”
“Maybe he’s doing something else? Wait a moment.”
Han Yu-chan was the type of person who always stopped what he was doing when there was something waiting and did it or greeted it.
No matter how much he regressed, his personality would never change as he was the Han Yu-chan I knew until now.
If Han Yu-chan doesn’t answer my phone call.
Only one.
It means that you don’t want to talk to me.
Perhaps Han Yu-chan’s behavior like this was natural.
For the first time, we couldn’t overcome our emotions and said that because we had done something wrong, but after that, even if we reached out first, we were rejected just like the first time.
There is no way there is anything left to say.
“Ha… ”
As I kept thinking about that, my confident mind began to shrink little by little.
My fingers, which were about to call Han Yu-chan, stopped moving and I quietly put down the cell phone in my hand.
My mind, which had been filled with anticipation and worry, was suddenly filled with worry.
I knew that if I left it like this, the situation would get worse, but my body had long since hardened into stone.
“Eujin, why are you doing this?”
“Huh? Oh, Yoo-chan didn’t answer the phone, so I’m left with nothing to do.”
“I will contact you again soon.”
Of course I hope so.
However, deep down, he seems to be convinced that Han Yu-chan’s call will never come back.
I fiddled with my phone several times to make another call.
Of course, I just played with it for a while and put the phone down again.
“Eujin, I can’t just wait for you to contact me, so would you like to come out with me?”
“Huh? no. I’ll just stay home.”
“It’s a waste to decorate it. Since I’ve been staying at home too much, let’s come for a change.”
“… Is that so.”
“Yes!! Let’s go downtown and buy some clothes.”
I thought that if I stayed still like this, the gloom would only deepen, so I went outside with Yerim.
If you can spend time thinking positively, you will be able to think in a different way than before.
And I think that insisting on staying home is ignoring Yerim’s efforts to make me feel better.
“It’s not like it’s hard to walk or anything, right?”
“Aren’t you treating people too much like patients? This is fine.”
“Then I’m glad.”
Unlike me, who was endlessly dark, Yerim showed an infinitely bright face.
Obviously, not long ago, I also spent my daily life with that expression on my face.
But now it is impossible to force that expression.
I wonder if the day will ever come when I make an expression like that again.
What if Han Yu-chan doesn’t answer my calls until the end and doesn’t want to meet me?
I feel like I will be buried in even more intense emotions than before the regression.
This is the first time in my life that I have regretted anything like this.
“Eujin, do you want to eat something? I have to eat dinner too.”
“Well. What could be… Huh?!”
While walking down the street, my foot caught on a raised stone and my legs instantly lost strength.
Just as the distance from the visible sidewalk was getting closer and closer.
-Tuk!!
“Eujin, are you okay?”
I was able to avoid falling thanks to Yerim quickly holding my arm.
“Yes, it’s okay. Thank you.”
“You’ve been falling often since you were in high school.”
“That’s right. I don’t know why it’s like this.”
“Walk carefully. Or is it really hard to walk?”
When I thought about it, Han Yu-chan always walked in sync with my steps.
Whenever I was about to fall while walking, he quickly grabbed my arm to prevent me from falling.
I didn’t know it then, but I think I know it now.
Even though we said we were no longer a couple and should not worry about each other.
How much Han Yu-chan was thinking of me.
It probably wasn’t an action he was aware of.
Is it like a habit that has become ingrained in us as we have lived together for so long?
To that person, I spewed out uncontrollable nonsense twice.
I want it back again. If I can’t go back to the beginning, I want to go back to the day Han Yu-chan came to my house.
I want to go back and say just one thing to Han Yu-chan.
I’m sorry.
But too many things went wrong for that to happen.
Even though the opportunity to turn back came, I blew it.
***
When I woke up after a short nap and checked my phone, I saw a missed call from Shin Yujin.
I rubbed my eyes and looked at the phone screen again, but Shin Yujin’s missed call was still clearly visible.
Why did you call?
Why on earth did he call me again when he didn’t answer when I went home to hand him the porridge?
I don’t know.
Just as I was about to call again by pressing the missed call notification.
“Ha… Done.”
I took a deep sigh and put down my phone.
If you haven’t changed anything even though you’ve done this, there’s no way it will change no matter what you do.
I definitely put my hand out first twice.
But Shin Yu-jin did not hold that hand twice.
What else would you add in this situation? No matter how much you stretch out your hand, Shin Yujin won’t grab it.
“Stop thinking about it. If I think about it for no reason, I’ll just get tired.”
If things continue like this, my relationship with Shin Yujin will naturally break off.
Although such an outcome is unfortunate and a part of me feels uncomfortable, there is nothing I can do in this situation.
To clear my thoughts, I got out of bed, turned on the computer, and started doing my homework.
“ Edit this part. here is… I think we need to add more data. Why is the image broken again?”
Since I was in charge of leading the group assignment, I did not have a special role.
The problem is that I have no special role, so I have to supervise everything.
From data collection status to review of presentation data results.
Since I had been putting it aside for a while because of what happened with Shin Yujin, quite a lot of things had piled up.
Fortunately, it was possible to focus on the task as the deadline was not long away.
Thanks to this, I was able to shake off the countless thoughts that were making my head dizzy, even if only for a moment.
After finishing all the work I had accumulated over the past two hours, I went back to bed.
Maybe it’s because I’ve been sitting and concentrating for a long time, but my back and eyes seem to be hurting.
-Wheee!! Wow!!
“Hello?”
[Yoo-chan, I confirmed that you sent a message. I modified it based on the content and sent it again.]
“Okay, Heejin. I’ll check later.”
[Yes, good work.]
Why do people get things done so quickly? If this continues, I won’t have time to rest.
Of course, it is good to get things done quickly, but this leaves the general manager with more work to do.
Still, it’s much better than a group member trying to free ride somehow.
After a while, I decided to check my email and gently closed my eyes.
“Honestly, don’t you think so?”
“Hey, Han Yu-chan.”
“On a fictitious day, we fight and make a fuss over something unbecoming, don’t you think of that?”
“Stop it.”
“Why do you always say that my speaking style is the only problem? Do you think there is nothing wrong with your way of speaking?”
“… Han Yu-chan.”
I closed my eyes, and the events of that time naturally passed through my mind.
I obviously decided not to worry about it until now, but I don’t know why it’s bothering me so much without going away.
I became increasingly irritated due to the mounting stress.
If you think about it, I don’t think it was just me who was at fault.
Shin Yu-jin’s attitude toward me up until now confirmed that she had no regrets about the life she had before returning, so she said those words.
This does not mean that you simply said something without thinking.
But Shin Yu-jin suddenly cursed at me and slapped me.
Of course, it’s true that I did something that got me slapped, but it’s not entirely my fault that even if I reached out like this, I was met with a one-sided rejection.
From the beginning, as Shin Yu-jin said, it seems that the right answer would have been for each person to live a different life.
If I had done that, things like this wouldn’t have happened now.
For no reason, I watched the people around me and dwelled on the past, constantly creating contacts, and this is the result.
“When I think about it, it’s also Hojin and Kim Yerim’s fault… no. This is too much of an idea.”
As I thought about the assumptions about not making contact, my thoughts drifted in a strange direction.
The four of them met through dating, so they all wanted to become friends.
Since the two of us started dating, he wanted to connect us.
There is no need to think so negatively of such pure kindness.
I closed my eyes and waited for Shin Yu-jin to call me, but the call didn’t come until evening.
If the relationship ends naturally like this, just think of it as such and live a new life.
Rather, you can think of it as a good opportunity.
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