episode_0056

No.

No, no, no, no.

What about the cool beauty concept?

I have no intention of revealing everything about the truth right now. But since I mentioned that I know the truth, I need to create an atmosphere where Mia Crowfield will have to accept that I must know something about the truth, even if just a little.

What should I do if she asks, “I don’t know what expression to make”?

I racked my brain fiercely for a short time.

Should I turn back time after all? Just rewind for about two weeks and start over?

But then, will I be able to maintain the concept and get through those two weeks?

Is there an alternative? I pondered ways to escape the current situation without shattering the image of “cool beauty.”

And then,

“Also, the appearances you saw… were… practice.”

I blurted out words that made no sense.

I was trying to somehow turn the conversation around and divert her attention, but I ended up speaking nonsense.

…No, even if I had nothing to say, calling it practice? Not even practicing expressions, but practicing yawning or sniffing? It was a story that anyone would think was absurd.

Even if Mia Crowfield had a bit of a dim side—

“…Pr, practice?”

…Really?

She was the type to follow me closely. She wasn’t just following me, she probably prepared and thought carefully before stepping behind me. Seeing that she had prepared something under the bed, it seemed even more likely.

However, the fact remained that she was Mia Crowfield.

Growing up without friends since childhood, being fed hatred towards the emperor by her own mother.

In a sense, she was a child who grew up similar to the original Claire. Of course, the results were different.

She could plan things in her own way, had excellent magical skills, and knew how to hide herself while opposing the emperor, but she was awkward in forming relationships with people in many ways.

“Yes. It’s practice.”

Recalling the character card of Mia Crowfield from the game, I decided to stick with it. Anyway, if it didn’t work out, I could always turn back time and start the story from the beginning.

Yes, for now, the advantage is on my side. At least Mia Crowfield doesn’t have the wand in her hand.

“I…”

I furrowed my brows slightly. Perhaps even that would bring a significant change to my expression. I rarely did even that. If someone saw this expression, it would probably be either Jaden or Lucas. Or maybe both.

“I… don’t know how to express emotions.”

I lied without a hint of hesitation.

Who says I can’t express emotions? I’ve rolled around in bed in my room, made silly faces, or eaten sweets while making awkward expressions, so one could say I’m an incredibly emotional person.

Of course, I made it all up by turning back time.

I tried to act emotionless in front of others, but… starting to attend the academy seemed to have loosened me up in many ways. I even went as far as to be so obvious about it.

“But, but the appearance I saw—”

“It’s practice.”

I put on a poker face.

Honestly, I don’t know if she’ll buy it. I’m just saying it based on the appearance of Mia Crowfield that I saw in the game.

“If I suddenly show emotions on my face, people around me will be confused.”

I was actually quite taken aback. While Alice seemed to be able to read my expression, I wasn’t exactly showing a blatant smile. It was even more surprising to see how others were greatly taken aback by the expression I had shown while eating parfait last time.

“Bobbing off to sleep… was that… practice…?”

Mia Crowfield muttered with a vacant expression.

Darn it, so that’s what it was.

Practicing bobbing off to sleep or yawning? It seemed strange no matter how much I thought about it. If I were to practice, wouldn’t it be better to practice smiling or crying instead?

The problem was, I had already decided to go with that approach and put on a poker face. So, the truth was, besides saying these words, there was no other way for me to turn back time. And I was putting on a poker face to avoid turning back time.

“…My practice doesn’t just involve changing expressions.”

“…”

Since Mia Crowfield seemed to be listening to my words, I continued to speak slowly.

“Simply changing expressions doesn’t make a person look human. Let’s try an example. Let’s assume I’m making a smiling expression.”

I kept my eyes as they were and just slightly raised the corners of my lips. Mia looked at my expression and shuddered.

“How is it? Does it look natural?”

“No, not at all.”

Mia Crowfield took a step back as if she was shivering, her back against the door, startled.

Well, that’s a relief. Since I intentionally made the expression look as awkward as possible. It’s not just about looking awkward, but if the mouth is smiling while the eyes are not, it creates a chilling expression. That way, the feeling of ‘awkwardness’ can be conveyed more clearly.

…Alright, if there’s ever a need to use it, let’s make sure to use this expression on others as well.

“Expressions involve various parts of the face moving correctly. In a smiling face, not only the shape of the mouth but also the shape of the eyes are important. And it’s not just about a smiling face, a smiling face and a laughing face are different. Especially for a laughing face, sound is important too. I have been practicing something, would you like to see it?”

“Oh, no, that’s okay, really…”

Mia Crowfield said with a horrified expression.

…

Hmm, I did intend to make it look a bit sad when looked at with that expression.

Mia Crowfield was like a female character in a game, very cute. In reality, she was quite popular due to her strangely awkward personality overlapping with a melancholic background story.

“The difficulty of expressions is like this. So, I decided to focus on practicing simpler ‘actions’ first. Sitting in a chair and bobbing off to sleep or yawning are actions that can be imitated without changing expressions.”

…

The suspicion still seemed to linger, but every time I laid out an unreasonable setting, the narrowing of the eyebrows that seemed to ask ‘what are you talking about’ was no longer visible.

“Most likely, the appearance you saw of me was from that time.”

It wasn’t from the setting of Azerne Electric, but it was a setting I had seen in another manga. The actions of a robot that usually behaved like everyone else, but in reality, it was just mimicking learned behavior. The protagonist despairs after seeing the robot’s actions… it was a hard SF animation, but as I watched, I gradually became more melancholic, so I didn’t finish watching it.

“…”

Mia Crowfield stared at me quietly for a while.

And then, she remained silent for a long time.

Will she believe me?

Actually, it wouldn’t be strange if she didn’t believe me. After all, I was never someone she could trust from Mia Crowfield’s perspective. If there is someone who would fully trust the person who killed their father, then they would be even more peculiar.

However, on the other hand… it’s also a situation where she has no choice but to believe.

Mia Crowfield looked at me with a deeply confused expression. If she thinks that I, a cold-blooded murderer, have emotions just like any other ordinary person… that would be a very generous assumption. It’s like seeing the Nazis during World War II as humans.

… I was so emotionally charged at the time that I couldn’t even think of Mia Crowfield’s father as a human. Even if Mia Crowfield felt the same emotions as me, it wouldn’t be strange.

But in the midst of all this, if the other person reveals, “That’s not my true human nature, it’s a disguise,” wouldn’t they be more inclined to believe this side?

“….”

I couldn’t say anything and just stared at the frozen Mia Crowfield, then reached out my right hand.

Mia Crowfield was so startled that she almost jumped in place, then looked at my hand and slightly parted her lips.

I was handing her the gun I was holding. And the barrel wasn’t pointing towards Mia Crowfield, but the handle was.

If she were to take the gun as it is, she could shoot me right away.

… Well, I don’t expect her to blow my head off in one shot.

The reason Mia Crowfield ultimately couldn’t kill Claire was that her nature wasn’t suitable for killing people. Deep down, Mia Crowfield, who grew up without friends and was very timid, actually wanted someone to be close to her.

Claire may have been annoying in many ways to those around her, and her sarcastic nature may have been off-putting, but… as you can see from the current Claire, that was just a result of growing up in such circumstances and her character deteriorating, she wasn’t actually a bad person at heart.

That’s why Mia Crowfield, who had lost her father because of herself, was somewhat sympathetic, and that emotion manifested in her actions.

By the time Mia Crowfield found out who killed her father, she had already become very close to Claire. Claire even said, “Alright, if that’s how you feel, then go ahead and attack me.” At the time, it may have sounded sarcastic, but it was actually sincere.

But Mia Crowfield ultimately couldn’t kill Claire.

I was thinking about that situation when I handed her the gun.

Furthermore, Mia Crowfield had circumstantial evidence, but no solid evidence, and I couldn’t even have full confidence.

She won’t shoot me if she takes it.

… Well, even if she shoots, as long as it’s not instant death, I could turn back time.

Mia Crowfield took the gun with trembling hands.

And she looked at me blankly.

“If you have the conviction that you need to kill me right now, please shoot me.”

“….”

Mia Crowfield just mumbled, unable to respond. There was no answer.

“Someday, you will come to know the truth about that situation. If even then you think you have to kill me, that’s fine. Even if you shoot me, I won’t dodge the bullet.”

“…. Just… just, can’t you tell me right now…?”

“It’s not possible right now. You’re not ready to accept it.”

“….”

In response to my answer, Mia Crowfield bit her lip.

“If, by any chance, you are ready to accept it but still can’t realize the truth, then I will personally tell you what happened at that time.”

“….”

Mia Crowfield bowed her head deeply.

I walked slowly, carefully passing by her side.

Fortunately, there were no bullets lodged in my back when I reached the door. Phew.

“…. Oh, and.”

I turned my head slightly and said,

“For the practice, please keep it a ‘secret’ from others. It’s not a ‘finished’ performance yet.”

“…. Yes, I’ll do that.”

After hearing her weak response, I turned my head forward again.

And I opened the door and stepped out.

My heart was beating heavily.

Honestly, I wanted to cheer out loud, but—

—I can’t let my guard down this time either.

I tried to maintain the same pace as usual while heading towards my room.