episode_0080

080 – The Social Life of a Man Who Keeps Failing # 1

The Creature Habitat is located in a deep valley of Happy World.

As it was a facility located between high cliffs, sunlight didn’t penetrate well, so it was always dark.

Recently, the sun of “Celestial Body ver.2” shone steadily, allowing light to permeate even into the deepest corners of the valley. Thanks to that, the monsters living in the Creature Habitat also rumbled as if they were feeling good.

“It’s the Nemean Lion!”

“Lion! Lion!”

Thanks to the sunlight, the monsters’ dispositions became even milder, and visitors also liked it. Because of the Hydra’s escape incident just yesterday, it seemed like those involved might face disciplinary action one after another—

Due to the overwhelming workload, it was glossed over without any disciplinary action.

“Did you feed the animals in enclosure number 1?”

“Earlier, the idiot said he would do it.”

“Oh! I’m sorry! I’ll finish this and go right away!”

The man called an idiot was named Paris.

“Damn it. It smells and it’s dirty. Maybe because they’re so big, they poop an incredible amount!”

When he was alive, he had been a shepherd.

If he hadn’t had experience raising animals then, he wouldn’t have lasted even a single day in this Creature Habitat.

However.

For the Creature Habitat staff, the truly difficult part was something else.

“You idiot. Haven’t you cleaned all the animal sheds yet? Isn’t that why you can’t even get promoted to senior zookeeper after all these years, because you work so poorly! Just do what you’re told properly! Just what you’re told!”

Today too, Augeas, the vice director of the Creature Habitat, urged Paris on, his greasy belly jiggling.

“You moronic fellow! Do you know what happens if you, who were demoted from the head office, get demoted here too? You’ll be worse than the dung and urine rolling around over there!”

Augeas was a boss who habitually engaged in abusive language and personal insults.

Paris completely cowered at his crude criticism.

Nothing intimidated a person more than receiving insults at work that went beyond their mistakes.

‘Still, he’s relatively calm today.’

The intensity of Augeas’s abusive language was at a bearable level today.

As Paris wondered why, Vice Director Augeas urged him on even more.

“Heyyyyy!!!! Hurry and clean up all the waste! An auditor will come from the head office! Because you idiots couldn’t manage the animals properly! If he finds fault, we’ll all be fired!”

They heard an auditor was coming from the head office due to the Hydra escape incident yesterday.

Not knowing where or how the auditing team employee, known for being strict, might find fault, Vice Director Augeas couldn’t help but feel anxious.

However.

Augeas was someone who had been around for a long time in this Creature Habitat.

His position as vice director wasn’t gained by chance, so he was a person who knew how to cleverly use his head.

‘Since it’s a person coming to audit smelly animal sheds, probably the one with the least influence and power from the auditing team will come. There’s no need to be intimidated by such guys.’

This Creature Habitat was a subsidiary of the head office; to put it simply, it was a place for demotions.

It was like making people demoted from the head office clean up animal dung.

Coming to audit such a place was also a bothersome task.

So, it was obvious that even within the auditing team, a ‘designated errand person’ who takes on troublesome tasks would come.

‘To put it simply, they’re useless. Like that idiot Paris. Such guys will cower if we act strongly from our side. If that doesn’t work, we’ll just give them a bribe.’

But that afternoon.

A person they hadn’t expected at all arrived in the dark and gloomy Creature Habitat valley.

“I am Assistant Manager Joy from Audit Team 1.”

Everyone was surprised.

To think that a famous person they had only encountered through news, social media, and rumors would personally visit this dirty place.

“Paris! You stay quietly in your place today! Absolutely do not step out of line!”

Augeas strongly urged Paris, the most useless employee.

Paris, who didn’t usually pay attention to worldly news, didn’t know who that person called Assistant Manager Joy was.

But seeing the vice director, who had been rude to everyone, sweating from tension, he could tell that man was indeed a great person.

“It’s Devil Joy.”

“To think he would personally make an appearance!”

“It’s the doomsday for our Creature Habitat….”

Even the zookeepers who weren’t scared of great monsters like the Hydra or the Nemean Lion completely cowered like mice before a predator.

Only then did Paris realize what a great reputation Assistant Manager Joy had.

‘Such a great person, personally to this dark and smelly Creature Habitat?’

# # #

It smells like animals.

It was the first impression I felt as soon as I arrived at the Creature Habitat.

It’s natural.

Since it’s a place where all sorts of beasts appearing in myths are confined and managed, it’s inevitable that it would smell like animals.

‘So, what am I supposed to do here?’

According to Morose nim’s suggestion, I came to work at this Soul Society’s zoo.

But it was a situation where I didn’t know my exact role.

‘It’ll be fine if I just stay still, right?’

Let’s just stay still.

Then I won’t be able to achieve the work Morose nim expects from me.

My evaluation will go straight to rock bottom.

Demotion! Firing!

In my opinion, it was truly a good strategy.

“Assistant Manager nim, shall I escort you to my office? First, I will show you the operational documents and ledgers for how our budget is being used.”

But someone approached me and acted with unusual saccharine kindness, to the point where my ears tickled.

He was a man wearing work clothes like the zookeepers, but seeing his bulging, protruding belly, he must be a high-ranking person.

“…And you are?”

“I am Augeas, the vice director of this Creature Habitat.”

“Augeas what?”

“Please just call me Gay.”

I don’t want to call him Gay.

Even so, I like calling him Gayas even less.

“Mr. Augeas ssi. I don’t think I necessarily need to see the budget usage ledgers. Just by looking at the facilities, it seems the budget is being used without problems.”

It’s a lie.

Because there’s no such thing as a perfect budget ledger.

As long as they are human, everyone is bound to make mistakes.

So, not looking at all at budget ledgers that might have problems helps with my reputation decline.

“Instead, I’ll just look at the animals.”

I chose sightseeing.

Since I came to the zoo for once, I should see some animals.

A zoo full of all sorts of mythical monsters.

Honestly, it’s worth seeing at least once, isn’t it?

“Then shall I personally guide you?”

Vice Director Augeas stuck tightly to my side.

However, I disliked this man.

‘I can tell at a glance. He’s a capable man.’

The work intensity of this Creature Habitat must be incredibly tough and strict.

I can tell at a glance.

Because the zookeepers’ faces were exactly like graduate students who couldn’t leave the lab for days.

Their haggard expressions were truly relatable to me, who had completed a master’s degree.

On the other hand?

Mr. Augeas ssi, called the vice director, had a relaxed expression on his face, his belly protruded, giving him an imposing figure, and his saccharine attitude was quite kind.

‘A resourceful man.’

If I’m next to such a man.

He will surely try to provide information or services that would be beneficial to me.

‘If that happens, I’ll end up accumulating unnecessary achievements again!’

‘Competence-Away, Useless-Close.’

Keep competent people far away.

Keep useless people close.

It’s my own aphorism, Joy’s.

Fortunately, thanks to being friends with Krauser and Deputy Narcissus, my eye for discerning useless people was exceptionally good.

First off, the first thing worth noting is facial features.

If their expression is somehow wronged and they look like someone you want to punch—

‘Bingo. Found him.’

I approached the man who was sweeping the floor with a broom far away.

With curly blond hair, wearing a somewhat clumsy and wronged expression, and moving his hands awkwardly, that’s exactly the talent I was looking for.

“I am Assistant Manager Joy from the Audit Team. I would like to ask for a guide for the Creature Habitat.”

“Uh, uh-uh-uh-uh….”

The man, flustered and covered in dirty mud and waste all over his body.

Soon, Vice Director Augeas came hurrying over and shouted.

“No way! This guy is an idiot who couldn’t even get promoted to senior zookeeper, despite having scraped by here the longest! Surely I should guide—”

“No. I’ll have this person as my guide. Or, is there any reason why Mr. Augeas ssi absolutely *must* be my guide? Is there any reason why I shouldn’t look at the animals with this person?”

*Glare*-.

I glared at Augeas, the capable man who kept trying to assist me.

Get away from me, *hiss*!

“There’s no reason why it absolutely *must* be that way, but I hope you will remember my consideration and care for the Auditor nim….”

Vice Director Augeas bowed his head, even while making a displeased expression.

# # #

“That… that one, as you know, is the Nemean Lion, the most famous monster in our Creature Habitat. It’s famous as the greatest adversary of the great hero Hercules.”

—Meow.

Seeing this sight, the auditor, just like his reputation, asked coolly and ruthlessly.

“Why does a lion meow?”

“That’s… because a lion is also in the same cat family…?”

Paris, who was called an idiot, useless, stupid, and a fool, never imagined he would take on the role of a guide leading the terrifying auditor.

So he was flustered, and he didn’t even know what he was saying.

“Oh dear, that idiot.”

“Why would the Nemean Lion meowing be because it’s in the cat family!?”

Of course, the senior zookeepers watching them were exasperated.

On the other hand, they were also admiring this situation.

‘Paris is still a clumsy and awkward guy.’

Paris’s tour guidance was truly terrible.

The guide route was a mess, and the explanations about the animals were inaccurate and terrible.

But—.

“Wow, the Chimera really has a goat’s head, a lion’s body, and a snake’s tail. If it’s like that, do you give it carnivorous animal feed? Or herbivorous?”

Unlike the terrifying and ruthless rumors that circulated, Assistant Manager Joy observed the Creature Habitat like a naive child and liked it.

Rather than being an auditor, his extremely free-spirited attitude was like a tourist greeting the weekend. He also looked like a traveler faithfully enjoying the present moment.

‘Assistant Manager Joy, I only thought he was a scary person, but it doesn’t seem to be entirely true?’

It was natural for such a thought to arise for Paris and the other zookeepers.

Perhaps Assistant Manager Joy felt more down-to-earth as a reaction to the inflated tension from terrifying perceptions of the head office’s auditing team employees, combined with strange rumors about the man called ‘Devil Joy.’

*Splish*-.

“Ah, this thing I stepped on, it’s mud, right? Please say it is.”

Human-like mistakes were also frequent.

At such a sight, the zookeepers lost their guarded expressions and began to feel familiarity, emotion, and even gratitude, as if they had spent years together.

“Assistant Manager Joy nim! Go over there and wash your shoes!”

“I’ll guide you!”

“*Giggles*, when walking around this area, you always have to watch your step!”

Especially to the female zookeepers, Assistant Manager Joy appeared like a naive god who had just set foot in an unfamiliar human world for the first time.

Actually, the head office’s assistant manager would be perfectly fitting even if he were called the god of some small river, ditch water, or stream.

However—.

Amidst this scene, there was a man who couldn’t laugh.

It was Vice Director Augeas.

‘The inspector who came from the auditing team doesn’t even look at the budget ledgers? He must have noticed that the ledgers were manipulated and prepared without even looking! What’s more, he’s looking directly at the animal enclosures, not the documents—’

The problem was that even the employees who should have been keeping that man in check had fallen completely for the man called Assistant Manager Joy.

Especially in the case of the female employees, they were busy giggling even when Assistant Manager Joy just drank cool water.

“Assistant Manager nim, you’re so funny!”

“Do you like animals? What about women who are like animals?”

Augeas had thought he would observe the situation for now, rather than rashly stepping forward and drawing suspicion unnecessarily.

That foolish Paris guy finally ended up causing trouble.

“Ass…Assistant Manager Joy nim, there’s a special ‘monster animal’ that hasn’t been revealed to anyone yet. Would you like to see it? It’s one we’re preparing here at our Creature Habitat….”

“Gasp—! No!”

“Assistant Manager Joy absolutely mustn’t find out about his existence—.”

Augeas tried to hastily stop it, but what’s done is done.

“A special monster animal? That’s exciting. Alright. Please guide me.”