episode_0146

“Ugh…! Ugh…! Ugh…!”

Once again, it ended in failure.

A twitch…!

‘Heh… At this point, just looking at that wooden sword makes my body involuntarily shrink…’

The master seemed to know why he had consistently advised against it.

Physically, I was fine, not a single scratch, but was this what they called mental anguish?

Although the wooden sword clearly missed me, the diminishing spirit felt like it had cut through my flesh, causing agony to echo from my chest.

Undoubtedly, this training was not yielding efficient results.

The insights gained were minimal, while the pain outweighed everything else.

“Sigh… Just one more time… Just one more time should do it, Master.”

“……”

Yes, I am well aware that this is a reckless act.

I know it’s shameless.

The pitiful expression on my master’s face…

Even though Heesun silently tended to me, holding back tears, doing everything for my sake without uttering a word, how could my heart not feel heavy?

Yet, disregarding all shame, I found myself repeating this dreadful nightmare-like act once more.

“Sigh… Let’s stop now. It’s pointless to continue further. You’ve been like this before. Remember when you pushed yourself to the brink to lift that boulder, claiming it would enlighten you in a thousand days.”

“……”

“You’re too impatient. Your zeal is overwhelming. A mentor like me, who worries about you, probably doesn’t exist anywhere else in this world.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Is it because of the tiger after all? Or is it because of yourself, fleeing from that very tiger?”

“……!”

How did the master…!

Feeling pierced to the core, I found myself speechless.

“Well, since you seem to have grasped some understanding, it will be hard to give up now. But stop here. The heart requires nurturing over time. If this were merely physical endurance like during the thousand-day training, I wouldn’t have stopped you, but mental endurance is different. When you trained with the rock, I let you continue despite my concerns, thinking Heesun could heal any physical damage quickly.”

“……”

“This stage is about training the mind. The heart is delicate and should be handled with care, even more so than the body. Just as you shouldn’t push your body to its limits, you shouldn’t treat your mind recklessly.”

“……”

“The body reaches a point where it can no longer move, whether due to pain or exhaustion, but the mind is different. Even if it’s shattered and damaged, it can still be pushed to its breaking point. If someone less resilient were in your place, they would have succumbed to the initial pain, but people like you ignore even the mind’s final warning. That’s dangerous. You could end up with irreparable wounds. Do you already feel fear just by looking at that wooden sword?”

“……”

“Sigh… I truly made the right decision taking you as my disciple. This isn’t praise this time. I shudder to think how much you would have destroyed yourself had you trained alone. That’s why people like you always need someone watching over you. When things go too far, you need someone to intervene immediately. Yes, in this situation, it falls upon me as your master to do so. And I have no intention of neglecting that duty.”

“……”

“Surely, you’ve corrected a significant number of issues from when you were first struck by this master’s wooden sword. You must have also realized why you still can’t capture the essence in your brushwork. Anything beyond this point is merely stubbornness on your part, not training but self-destruction. This should be sufficient; stop now. From here on out, only time can resolve it.”

As the master finished speaking, he gazed intently into my eyes.

Naturally meeting gazes.

The deep brown irises seemed so clear and refreshing, almost resembling the color of the sky.

“Sigh… Your eyes still hold so much lingering attachment…”

“….”

Yes… that’s right.

Even with the master’s earnest words… I still couldn’t bring myself to quit training obediently.

Why is that?

There wasn’t a single incorrect word in the master’s speech.

I had already fixed all my issues.

I had managed to infuse purpose into my emotions and successfully focused my mind on emotions that could draw out the essence rather than just ink.

I also knew why I couldn’t capture the essence right now.

With each repetition of training, and as I continued to feel alive after that training, my survival instinct dulled.

Despite the pain being so sharp and mind-numbing, deep down, I was acutely aware that I wouldn’t die from that task, which made me lack the desperate determination to survive.

So, I became more obstinate.

I wondered if by repeating this training, there might come a moment where I truly felt like I was going to die.

And in that moment of intense emotion, perhaps… I could draw out the essence sufficiently.

I was well aware that there was no need to go this far.

The master’s actions had a sense of naturalness to them.

While the situation itself was artificial, the intense emotions I felt then were genuine.

I truly thought I was going to die.

The master’s words about time resolving things must be related to this.

In everyone’s life, there are twists and turns, whether driven by happiness or by suffering and trials, moments when intense emotions erupt.

The master’s words likely meant that I should melt the essence using the natural emotions from that time, rather than artificially extracting emotions.

“You understand what I’m saying, yet you persist. Why is that?”

“… Because I am afraid.”

“…?”

The day I first encountered the tiger, I was extremely fearful. That’s why I was so scared that I even abandoned my father and ran away in a panic.”

The master continued to gaze at me with his clear, refreshing brown eyes.

Under his penetrating gaze, I felt as though I was confessing barefoot with my sins laid bare.

Well… he is my master now; there’s no need to hide any shameful feelings.

“But after my father passed away, I realized… what I truly should have been afraid of was not the tiger, but a life without my father. Yes, for that reason, I resent myself. What could have been more terrifying than losing my father back then that I ran away in such a cowardly manner?”

“….”

“I was still a powerless human, but when the tiger came again, I could confront it. Not because I was a courageous person, but because there was something to fear. It wasn’t the tiger but the meaningless life without my father that was more frightening… So, I couldn’t run away.”

“….”

“I am a fearful person. Yes… This might be a compulsion. A compulsion that doesn’t want to leave me alone in frightening situations. My master once said that human life is full of twists and turns… and I know well that one must naturally awaken through those emotions. But, Master, what if the next twist is that very thing again? And… if flaws like today’s are not corrected at crucial moments, how can wisdom be retained?”

“……”

“So, I must achieve enlightenment here and descend. I am prepared for some damage, Master! Please… once again, bear with this disciple’s stubbornness…”

“……”

After a long silence, the master nodded.

‘Pity! How pitiful….’

It had been many years since his beloved disciple received a severe punishment and was driven away, only to be the first disciple he received after all this time.

Stubborn and persistent.

‘But it doesn’t seem hateful at all…’

He didn’t desire a disciple who was carefree and lazy, but to be so desperate…

“Sigh….”

Dongbangsak felt uncertain whether this was a blessing or a curse, unknowingly letting out a sigh, not knowing how many times it had been today.

Suddenly, he turned his head to gaze at the face of his disciple’s lover, who was no different from his daughter.

Hwiseon, who seemed unable to hold back tears any longer, was now shedding tears like raindrops.

He understood why she couldn’t stop his disciple.

Even though he knew that his disciple’s mind would be disturbed by his sincere pleas, his heart was swaying so much, how could Hwiseon, who loved his disciple more than his own life, stop that sincerity?

“Fine. But this is the last time. If it doesn’t work this time, even if there is a limit to your relationship with the clergy, I will no longer tolerate your stubbornness. Do you understand?”

“Yes! I will do as you say.”

“Good.”

Dongbangsak gripped his sword and aimed it at his disciple.

Tremble.

Although his eyes were looking straight at him, his body, inflamed by the pain engraved in his mind, reacted greatly even to small movements without his knowledge.

Yes. His disciple’s mind was already somewhat broken.

He wasn’t dying, but he had been recklessly repeating experiences close to death…

He didn’t want to lose his disciple anymore.

So, just as his disciple was making an effort, he also needed to make an effort as a master.

He had to find a way to awaken his disciple at this moment, no matter what.

“Hmm….”

He closed his eyes for a moment and reconsidered his disciple’s feelings contained within the cotton cloth.

Every emotion was intense, but the weakest emotion was… his survival instinct.

And the strongest emotion was…

Yes, love for his family.

He felt like he could see a solution.

With determination in his heart, Dongbangsak nodded slightly and, opening his eyes, warned his disciple who was waiting for his task.

“Focus. This time, I’m really going to test you. So consider all possibilities and review all the problems you’ve fixed. If you make a mistake this time, it will surely be a lifelong regret for both of us.”

“Yes….”

Giving his disciple a moment, Dongbangsak then adjusted his posture as soon as he saw his disciple’s mindset.

“Are you ready?”

“Yes, I’m ready.”

As soon as the disciple finished speaking, Dongbangsak slowly began to walk.

He didn’t use a cane.

If he did, the disciple would never respond.

Step by step.

It was a leisurely and not fast pace, but it was a movement that seemed impossible for the culprit to catch easily.

The direction of Dongbangsak’s steps was…

Still in front of Hwiseon, who was still shedding tears.

Only then did the disciple’s pupils, which had been preparing for the pain they would feel, widen significantly.

Dongbangsak’s steps halted.

Simultaneously, the sword gradually rose.

[In the mind, is this to cut off hesitation?]

The eyes of Dongbangsak close.

Thud..!

In his ears, he hears the sound of hurried footsteps approaching.

However… as if not hearing that urgent sound, he swings his sword straight towards Heeseon!

Crash…!