episode_0012

After moving to our hometown with Tomoe, I continued to sit by her bed until she woke up. Tomoe’s parents worried about me, but Takeo also convinced them.

“Tomoe-san needs Kyotarou-kun right now.” Just those words from Takeo convinced Tomoe’s parents. Perhaps they trusted Takeo more than me. Or perhaps, because the three of us are childhood friends, they allowed me to stay by her side.

After that, Takeo and her parents moved to the hallway for a talk, then said they were going to get her belongings, leaving us and departing the hospital.

I waited for Tomoe to wake up, praying with both hands.

Takeo said, “It’s better if I’m not here,” and headed out of the hospital room.

And then, I was alone with Tomoe.

What would Tomoe think when she woke up and learned about her body? Tomoe had already intended to die. I didn’t think she had the spirit to live on with a disability now.

But I had finally realized Tomoe’s true feelings.

It had taken so much time, and so many things had gotten in the way.

The worst part was that I myself had simply been at the mercy of those things. So, I didn’t intend to blame Takeo or Chihana. I didn’t know what Tomoe would think about that, but the old Tomoe would have surely smiled and said it was fine.

Even that thought was probably selfish. It was full of mistakes.

I don’t know the right answer, Tomoe…

The chirping of sparrows entered my ears.

And then, I noticed the feeling of someone lightly tapping my knee.

Oh no, I had fallen asleep. Tomoe—

“……Kyotarou.”

“Tomoe……”

She was alive, she had woken up. I almost hugged her impulsively, but I knew it would hurt her terribly if I did that now. The surgery had just finished; I didn’t know where to hug her.

I raised my hands, but they just stopped in mid-air.

And seeing me like that, Tomoe smiled.

“……Heh, that’s funny, Kyotarou.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“……I see. I’m alive, aren’t I……”

“Ah, you shouldn’t move. Both your legs are broken, and both your arms are, so… so much…”

Suddenly, tears welled up. All of Tomoe’s suffering right now was because of me.

She was so good at playing the piano, had won so many awards, and everyone in the world recognized her talent.

“Because of me, someone like me, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Tomoe, I truly am sorry……!”

If she hadn’t met me, Tomoe would surely have shone forever. I killed Tomoe. Me, the indecisive coward. If only I had been man enough to take Tomoe away from Takeo, I could have surely made her happier.

My head was lightly patted.

I looked up, and Tomoe was smiling.

“So you finally understand the pain, you silly boy.”

“*Sniffle*… You’d never say something like that, not the Tomoe I knew.”

“Ahaha, you’re right. Yeah, I probably wouldn’t have said it. ……You know, everything feels so clear right now. My head is completely clear. Is it because of the anesthesia? Or maybe I really died once when I was hit by the car.”

“That’s a scary thing to say……Tomoe.”

“So, I’ve been thinking about a lot of things, you know. And I’ve decided. ……Kyotarou.”

“……Yeah.”

I was prepared to agree to anything Tomoe said. If she asked me to be her boyfriend, I would have happily done so. If she asked me to quit university and take care of her, I would have gladly nursed her. I was ready to do anything I could.

In the hospital room, bright with the morning sun, Tomoe said with a smile:

“How about we become strangers?”

I couldn’t utter a word from my open mouth. I couldn’t honestly say “yes” to Tomoe’s wish, which I hadn’t even considered. Was it a statement considering her injured self? Or was Tomoe still holding back because of Takeo or Chihana, and those words came out as a result?

No, Tomoe was trying to end her relationship as a childhood friend with me.

She was going to erase even being friends, become complete strangers, and release herself from all shackles. Perhaps that was the best way to break the curse named ‘our childhood friendship.’ ……But.

That meant Tomoe and I would completely separate.

If I agreed to this, Tomoe and I would probably never cross paths again in our entire lives.

My eyes darted around, and I hesitated, unsure of how to respond.

Even though I knew that I, like this, was the cause of everything until now.

Tomoe had made her decision. What right did I have to say anything?

Clenching my hands while looking down, I replied with all my might.

“…………Understood.”

Even after deciding, it took a moment for my voice to come out. I had no choice but to accept it. Since Tomoe had chosen to separate from me, there was nothing I could do. Accept it because I finally realized her feelings? There’s no such convenient story. I hadn’t endured any hardships. I had just been swept along, always heading toward the easier path.

Standing up from the chair where I had lingered for so long, I once again took in Tomoe’s painful appearance. Tomoe gave a full smile and mouthed, “Goodbye.”

We had been childhood friends since kindergarten.

Today, that was coming to an end. As if cutting through my overly sweet self with a sharp blade.

“Kyotarou.”

When I left the hospital room, Takeo, who had been leaning against the wall, straightened up and called out to me.

Amidst the tangle of various emotions, unable to resent or hate, I just glared at Takeo.

But I left the spot without being able to say anything to Takeo.

My relationship as a childhood friend with Takeo also ended here.

Because our relationships had now come to a complete end.

And so, I returned to my university life.

Seeing me return, Chihana had a surprised expression. When I said, “I’m home,” she hugged me. And then she cried and cried and cried.

Once Chihana calmed down, she began to explain the lie she had told me about Tomoe. She said it wasn’t to create a topic of conversation or to make a hypothetical future a reality, but simply to establish her own position. It was a simple lie told just for that reason.

Chihana’s reason for lying seemed very trivial from an outsider’s perspective.

But I understood the reason for that lie all too well.

Because we are ordinary people, when we see someone dazzling, we can’t help but want to talk about them.

And because we are clumsy, we are terrible at building relationships.

Yet, we desire to rely on and indulge in others.

To Chihana, who kept repeating “I’m sorry,” I told her not to apologize so much.

There was no meaning in blaming something that was already over. It was also my problem for not being able to overcome it, and I couldn’t blame it solely on Chihana.

However, I intended to draw a line.

“Chihana……let’s break up too.”

It’s better if all of us return to being strangers. Even if something were to happen in the future, this incident would surely act as a barrier and cause trouble. Just as Tomoe chose that, we should choose it too.

Chihana cried loudly, screaming that she didn’t want to.

Even so, I stubbornly refused to accept her.

Life after that was extremely ordinary.

The first thing I did, spending all my savings, was move to a new place.

Being near Chihana would only keep her suffering. I made an effort to keep as much distance as possible and avoid meeting her. And so, alone, I spent my four years of university in solitude.

“What led you to know about our company?”

“Yes, what led me to know about your company was――”

For ordinary me, the incidents with Tomoe, Takeo, and Chihana were probably more than I could handle. To that extent, I graduated from university without anything happening and began my days working as a new graduate employee straight away.

Occasionally, I heard about Takeo’s activities on the internet or in the news, but information like him getting married or secretly meeting someone never circulated. I think Takeo also separated from Tomoe. His expression in front of the camera had a certain shadow about it. ……Apparently, that coolness made him even more popular.

As for Tomoe, astonishingly, she had made a comeback as a pianist. Considering her rehabilitation after being discharged from the hospital, I truly realized her amazingness once again.

It seemed both her legs were impaired, but as a genius pianist in a wheelchair who had returned from a gruesome accident, she had grown so much that she graced newspaper pages with a somewhat long nickname.

I can’t win against those two. I am, after all, just an ordinary person who can only watch over them.

Having had a connection with those two in the past was probably more than enough happiness.

In my second year of working, I was employed in the procurement management department of an ink factory and had finally started to get used to the new environment. I communicated well with my senior colleagues and superiors, and spent my days socializing, even drinking unfamiliar alcohol.

It was a daily routine of commuting only between the company housing and the factory, but it was fairly fulfilling.

I had no new romantic partners or female friends. I wasn’t in contact with Chihana or Tomoe.

The truth is, I was so busy with work that I had no time for romance. I once heard in some drama that if you don’t experience love during your student days, you won’t be able to when you become an adult, and it’s true. I had money, but no time.

In my case, I don’t think I would have been able to even if I had time.

Even now, my chest aches when I think of Tomoe.

Because she is a precious person, the person I love most in the world.

Even if it’s not me by her side, I want Tomoe to be happy.

That is my greatest wish.

Next story: “What Remains Unchanged Even If Reborn.”