episode_0048

The delivery came, and after paying, Hansol awkwardly spread the food out on the table. Because he was angry with Hayun earlier, he acted bluntly on purpose.

Hansol’s attitude of throwing away plastic containers filled with food makes me irritated. I don’t feel very good. He seemed to say.

And that was something that Hayun, who was helping Hansol by his side, couldn’t help but see, and naturally, Hayun couldn’t help but become intimidated when she saw Hansol like that.

Hayun, who was rolling her eyes and fidgeting with her hands nervously, glanced at Hansol as he sat down on the chair and sat down across from him.

Hayun glanced at Hansol, who appeared to be indifferent but had given her her favorite pasta in front of her. After sighing quietly, she followed Hansol and cut the plastic with a plastic knife, then picked up a fork.

Hayun rolled up the rose pasta that Hansol had asked her to eat on her fork and took a bite. Her eyes widened and she glanced at the food below. To be honest, it was delicious. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe it, but the thick yet not-so-greasy taste wrapped around my tongue.

Hayoon swallowed the food in one gulp and stared at it in admiration without saying a word. But even in the midst of all this, Hansol looked at the food blankly, held the utensils, and muttered.

Hayun noticed the expression on Hansol’s face as he was sitting across from her, looking as if he was chewing a stone. Hansol, who was chewing on his steak, soon swallowed the food in his mouth and spoke to Hayun while taking a deep breath.

“Sister, do you have something to say?”

Hayun was restless, feeling like she had to apologize, but Hayun, who had the player taken away, could only stare blankly at Hansol.

Afraid of what he might say, he suppressed the feeling of trembling and avoiding his gaze and made eye contact with his younger brother. After waiting for a long time, Hayoon lowered her face when she realized that it wasn’t just a chance to say something, but that she was actually asking a question.

What can I say? I wasn’t thinking about that. However, even if I didn’t think about it, I just felt uneasy because this atmosphere and this feeling seemed to be telling me I had done something wrong.

Hayun, who was lowering her head and biting her lower lip, raised her head at the same time as she took a breath, as if she had made up her mind. And after making eye contact again, I was finally able to open my mouth.

“… Sorry.”

It was a small voice that creeped in differently than I had expected, but it was still important that I apologized. There was a desire to alleviate his guilt for hurting Hansol’s feelings, but it was also to erase the anxiety that his relationship was in jeopardy.

I just need to be patient a little longer like before, but why couldn’t I do that? At the same time as I was thinking that, I looked at Hansol, who was quietly listening to those words.

Hansol did not respond to Hayun’s apology. Isn’t it natural to apologize instead? I also thought. However, I knew I shouldn’t react that way, so I narrowed my eyes and looked at Hayun.

That means the apology is accepted or not. It wasn’t that kind of thing.

“My sister originally had a gentle personality, but what is going on?”

Hansol lowered his eyebrows and looked at Hayun with worried eyes.

It wasn’t just a voice of concern. Those words were meant to gauge Hayun’s reaction, and Hayun lowered her trembling gaze upon hearing those words.

Although he was a little touched that Hansol was worried about him, he couldn’t hide his embarrassment at Hansol’s words as he noticed that he had become more sensitive.

Obviously, if something had happened and it was affecting my daily personality, it was definitely not a good thing. Hayun, who had been moving the fork in silence for a long time, opened her mouth quietly.

Those were the weak and selfish words of a human being who wanted his feelings recognized.

“… Do you understand?”

To what extent can you feel your own emotions? At those words, Hansol popped the food into his mouth, muttered it, and shrugged his shoulders.

“Tea is amazing.”

Hayoon’s unstable behavior was already noticeable to Hansol, but in the situation just now, Hayun could definitely lose her temper. However, in that situation, Hansol suppressed Hayun’s emotions.

My sister was being sensitive, my sister was overreacting. Treated me that way, talked to me that way. And now this was the result. After hearing Hansol’s words, Hayun sighed and ate her food.

“… Did anything else happen after that?”

Let’s look at Hayun, who is still, and dig a little deeper. Thinking this, Hansol looked at Hayoon, who was quietly chewing on her food, and spoke to her.

And at that question, Hayun swallowed a groan and shook her head slightly.

During the exam period, she just took the test and nothing happened, but Hayun, who felt scared during that empty time, swallowed her saliva and let out a trembling voice.

“That’s not it.”

There was a moment of silence, and then Hayun continued speaking.

“But… If I go to school the day after tomorrow, something will happen, right?”

There was anxiety in that voice, and Hansol, who was listening to it, could tell right away. Hansol blinked for a moment, groaned as if he was thinking about something, and then handed Hayun a suggestion.

“Then wouldn’t it be better to take a break from school?”

A light suggestion that seems to be thrown out loud. But something too heavy followed to decide that. It also sounded like it meant giving up the month and a half that had been done so far and not doing anything until next year.

No, if you want to do something, you can do it. However, it was bound to be an exciting time for Hayun, who only went to school. So, Hayun could only remain silent as she seriously considered the suggestion she had heard before. I suffered and agonized over making an important decision.

As Hayun continued to worry, Hansol carefully spoke to her. The atmosphere was a little different from the casual remarks from before.

“Still, sister. You haven’t even been there yet, right? Besides, there must be some subjects that haven’t failed yet this semester.”

“… … .”

Hansol continued speaking while clinking his fork. And Hayoon just listened quietly to those words and narrowed her eyebrows.

“I think it would be okay to go the day after tomorrow. So, don’t be too sensitive.”

Hansol, who finished speaking like that, described Hayun as ‘sensitive’ until the end, and those words became a thorn in Hayoon’s unconscious without her knowledge.

Those words that remained like a lump only made her feel uneasy inside.

**

Four o’clock in the afternoon. During a warm time that was neither hot nor cold, Hansol was sitting on the sofa and changing channels on the TV. The exam is over, and there are no assignments. I was having a leisurely time.

However, there wasn’t much room. It was a problem in my relationship with my older sister, and on a psychological level.

Hmm, I pressed the button on the remote control and changed the channel. Since there wasn’t a channel I was looking for, and I couldn’t find an interesting channel when I turned it on, I found myself leaning my upper body on the sofa without realizing it.

As I listened to the images and sounds coming from the TV in a comfortable position, I felt like my mind was at peace because I could not think about anything.

And that only lasted a moment. After my sister looked distraught at lunch, she went into her room and wouldn’t come out, so my peaceful mind quickly became anxious.

Hansol, who was moaning, scratched his head and got up from the sofa. Hansol suddenly got up, walked over, stood in front of the room his sister had entered, and looked from top to bottom at the tightly closed door. And then he knocked on the door.

Hayun trembled in her room when she heard the refreshingly refreshing knocking sound. I was thinking about keeping my distance from Hansol because I felt like I was being sensitive and not yet in my right mind, but I was hesitant and afraid because Hansol approached me first.

I felt anxious because I didn’t know if I would get angry again if I continued to talk like this or if I faced him again like this. I was afraid that if that happened, the relationship would sour.

However, before those worries lasted long, Hansol called Hayoon.

“Sister. Don’t worry too much. I just wanted to tell my sister that she could do whatever she wanted and that she had these options.”

A low, small voice reached Hayun’s ears through the door. Hayun chewed her lip at those words and raised her head and looked at the door, thinking, “That’s not the problem.”

On the other side, Hansol just continued talking.

“So, don’t be too depressed.”

“He said he was sensitive.”

Without realizing it, Hayun responded bluntly to Hansol. Hayun opened her eyes wide, as if she was surprised by that, and covered her mouth and looked away.

Hansol continued talking as if he didn’t care about Hayun’s words.

“You might be sensitive! People can’t always be the same. But, do you think things will get better if my sister just slams the wall like that and goes into her room alone to worry?”

The low voice had suddenly changed into a strong voice. The strong voice carried a sense of intimidation and made Hayun tremble even though there was a door in between.

Hayoon is afraid of not knowing how she will behave and how she will appear to others, and is worried that her relationship will be ruined as a result.

“If you suffer alone like that, it will only get worse and not get better.”

At that voice, Hayun groaned and groaned.

“… So what should I do?”

“Listen to me.”

Hansol had some idea of what concerns and concerns his sister was facing in the current situation, and he moved his mouth thinking that he wanted to protect her.

Of course, the meaning of ‘protecting’ was not entirely pure.

“If I listen to you?”

And Hayun tilted her head at those words and stretched out her feet. It was like news that Hayun, who was on the bed, was starting to think about whether or not to get off the bed.

“I can help you.”

“How?”

“We can try to provide counseling together like today. You might come up with a solution that you never thought of.”

Hayun heard those words and carefully leaned forward. Hayun, who was sitting on the bed, was looking forward to it without even realizing it.

He was so moved that Hansol thought of him and helped him. However, even at that moment, I did not move my mouth hastily and asked calmly.

Do you think I’m an annoying woman because I keep asking questions? I was worried, but I still wanted to ask. Wouldn’t it be too much to ask a question to entrust one’s heart to one’s heart and reveal all one’s true feelings?

Of course, even that was just the selfishness and desire of the person who wanted to entrust everything to him.

“… There’s no way I can fix my sensitivity right now.”

Flat tone. But it was like asking, ‘How can I erase my sensitive feelings?’ Hansol was silent for a moment after hearing those words.

And, in the silence that came between them, Hayoon said, “That’s right.” He lowered his eyes and gave up, leaning over to lie down on the bed.

“Come out.”

Hansol’s voice stopped Hayun’s movements. Hayun, who was about to lie down, stopped and looked at the door again.

“It won’t come out?”

An oppressive voice came from beyond the door. Hansol was asking as if he were threatening, and Hayun knew that his words were coercive. However, the reason she cannot refuse it is probably because she is in a position where she cannot abandon her younger brother.

If I don’t go out, won’t this relationship become sour or break off? This anxiety made her stand up. And at the same time, Hayun grabbed the doorknob as if being led and opened the door with a clatter.

Beyond the open door, of course, Hansol was standing still.

Hayun looked up at Hansol, not knowing what to say, so she narrowed her eyes and lowered her gaze again. Hansol placed his hand on Hayun’s head and stroked her head.

“Sister, you’re frustrated, right?”

And Hansol spoke bluntly, recalling what he had heard before, his sister’s moans and the sound of her screaming his name.

Hearing those words, Hayun raised her head and said, ‘Huh?’ and then looked astonished. How did know? This thought was revealed in his facial expression. As shame soared, Hayun’s face turned red.

Hansol looked at Hayun, who was unable to say such a thing, and smiled before continuing.

“Me too.”

I heard it before. Hansol, who thought that if he said that, she might just play it off and turn her head, said something else, catching Hayoon off guard.

“… … Huh?”

Hearing Hayun’s dumbfounded voice, Hansol naturally lowered the hand that was stroking his sister’s head and caressed Hayun’s face, and before he knew it, the hand had come all the way down and was holding her small chin.

Hayun, who lifted her head and was forced to make eye contact, fixed her trembling gaze on Hansol.

“Of course, if you do it almost every day and suddenly stop, it could happen. is not it? I guess I’m not the only one with a sexual desire.”

Hayun silently agreed to those words. And then an anxious voice leaked out.

“Still, the reason you have such thoughts… ”

“Sister, trust me.”

Hansol cut off Hayun’s words and at the same time moved his hands and hugged her. Hayun, who was instantly held in her arms, looked at Hansol with her eyes wide open.

“… It must be hard for you too, but I think I only thought about myself too much. Right?”

With kind words, a warm hand stroked Hayun’s hair. Then, Hayun’s heart relaxed, she lowered her eyes and enjoyed her younger brother’s warmth. Because I wasn’t so tactless that I answered ‘Yes.’

As I was still holding him in my arms, I heard a small voice like a whisper.

“… I want to receive support from my sister.”

Those were the words that Hayun herself said to cover up after Hansol came back yesterday. Hansol didn’t just say what he wanted to do like before. gave responsibility. It was as if he was saying that his sister was also responsible for this act.

Nevertheless, Hayun just opened her eyes wide and looked up at Hansol.

I had no doubt that I would continue to be rejected, but I was dumbfounded because I had no idea that someone would say something like this.

“If it’s cheering… ”

While Hayun was at a loss as to what to do, Hansol dropped his older sister from his arms. This was partly to make proper eye contact, but it was more so to begin the action naturally.

But just before the action began, Hansol’s words penetrated Hayun’s ears.

“Do you trust me?”

Just like soil holding water, it seeped in so quickly that it couldn’t be stopped. Hayun nodded without feeling anything wrong with those words.

“Of course.”

It was a very awkward thing for a brother and sister to say. Nevertheless, those words took form and penetrated deeply into Hayun’s heart.

The reason was simple.

Unlike the person who reacts and rejects the words, the person who nods his head means that his mind has already weakened a lot.