episode_0065

Episode 64: I’ll tell you everything. Trust me. Got it?

Friday to Saturday.

There were so many things that happened.

As soon as she got home, the self-gratification that started like swallowing seawater was endless.

Her throat only got drier and she felt like she was sinking into dehydration.

The emptiness that followed pleasure.

The illusion of falling into endless emptiness.

The deepening emotions tormented Jung Ah-young.

Endless self-blame.

Lost in lust, it took a while for her to come to her senses after fumbling with her fingers.

To the extent that she momentarily contained the breakup.

She blamed herself, over and over again.

Not even able to protect the one she loves.

While her boyfriend was being mocked by another woman, she did nothing.

Getting excited imagining that scene?

Perverted.

No, calling it perverted would be too kind, it was trash.

And so, the next morning.

Jung Ah-young wore a blank expression after the overwhelming emotions.

Her clear eyes gazed into the empty space with a cold look.

As the time for their appointment approached.

Her body moved mechanically for the sake of her beloved boyfriend.

She washed herself, changed clothes.

Eating breakfast absentmindedly.

And so, before she knew it, it was 10 in the morning.

It was time for Han Se-in to come to her apartment, so she went downstairs.

How long had she waited?

She saw Han Se-in walking from a distance.

His fashion was ordinary.

Black slacks and a long shirt.

Even ordinary fashion shone because of his handsome face.

A 40-minute walk.

How many women did she pass by on the way?

Wolves-like women.

What did they think when they saw her handsome boyfriend?

Shudder.

At that moment, Jung Ah-young’s body trembled.

The natural continuation of her thoughts was like the struggles in desire from last night.

She imagined being mocked by unknown women and her boyfriend becoming a delusion.

Her lower abdomen tingled involuntarily.

Her thighs twitched and tingled.

An urge that made her unable to control her body.

She thought it was ordinary, but it was severely twisted lust.

Her face stiffened.

The cold expression that settled was voluntary.

The distance had already closed.

She couldn’t even slap her own cheek in front of her boyfriend.

Nor shake her head or erase the fantasies that filled her mind with soliloquies.

That’s why.

She wore a blank expression to erase those thoughts.

It had to seem like nothing was wrong.

She looked at him and had futile fantasies again.

She couldn’t let herself be caught.

It was a behavior that made it difficult even for herself to guard properly, with no consideration for her boyfriend.

Jung Ah-young thought it was the best she could do.

And so.

“What?”

“Kk, Ah-young…”

She.

Met her boyfriend’s tears.

A bewildered voice flowed out.

It was so unbelievable that she had such thoughts.

It was a look and gesture of not knowing what to do.

The footsteps coming up the apartment stairs stopped.

Tears flowed down like chicken droppings.

Seeing her lovely boyfriend cry,

Jung Ah-young felt emotions beyond what she had expected.

It hurt.

Her heart felt heavy.

Her voice didn’t come out properly.

Seeing her boyfriend cry, wanting to make him smile,

she forgot her own tired and exhausted self.

In this world.

Her existence was completely erased.

She was no longer herself.

She was someone else.

That’s right. Only Han Se-in’s figure remained in her sight, in her mind.

“Se, Se-in!”

“Kk, Ah-young…”

“I’m, I’m sorry! Let’s, let’s go inside.”

“This, this is strange. I, I, cried… Kk.”

A sobbing voice.

The words filled with sobs were so unbearable to listen to.

So much love, and yet so precious.

The sound of crying was more unbearable than the sound of nails scratching on a chalkboard, more than any other sound in the world.

“Sorry. I, I was wrong. Sein.”

“Oh, no. It was, it was my fault…”

“Let’s go inside. Let’s go home and… let’s calm down for now.”

It was truly amusing.

Unable to even take care of herself.

Jung Ah-young, struggling and being tossed around by her emotions, stuck in the corner of the room.

When she faced her crying boyfriend, she began to take care of him.

Like a proper girlfriend.

Not a timid, mistake-filled woman.

Because she had to take care of him.

Her actions that came out unconsciously were truly perfect.

Like a mother.

Struggling to not let tears fall from the eyes of the person she loved.

She fought and fought.

“Don’t cry. Shh.”

“Yeah…”

Finally, the calm Sein headed home with Jung Ah-young.

Slowly taking off their shoes.

In the quiet house with no one around, they went to her room.

Carefully sitting on the bed.

The only place to sit was either the bed or a chair.

So, she sat right next to her.

A moment of silence.

And after confirming the stopped crying, Jung Ah-young finally began to express her emotions.

It was sudden.

She didn’t want to bring it up, but when she saw Sein burst into tears as soon as they faced each other, she instinctively started to judge.

She had to speak.

If she let it pass without saying anything, it would surely build up and explode.

Unconsciously, she came to a conclusion.

“Sein.”

“…Yeah.”

“I’m sorry for bringing this up suddenly…”

“Speak…”

After taking a deep breath.

Jung Ah-young’s words continued for a while.

It was awkward for her to lay out her emotions.

She rambled, made mistakes in her speech, but her emotions were fully conveyed.

As a girlfriend, it was so doubtful and sad, but I love you.

So please, act and speak as you please.

Whatever happened, I am always on your side.

Silence fell.

Jung Ah-young laid everything out.

She put the key in Pandora’s box.

Now it was time to open it.

“Will you really… believe me?”

“Of course. I’m your girlfriend.”

“Then… what I’m about to say now… is everything that happened…”

“Got it.”

“First, I’ll apologize. I’m sorry.”

“No. Sein, you’re the one who’s going through the most.”

…

I don’t understand.

Jung Ah-young tightly shut her mouth.

I don’t know why she said it so decisively.

The confident woman who wanted to be like that.

The wonderful woman who comforted her boyfriend with a confident voice.

Even though she showed that side of herself.

Why did a corner of her heart itch?

Putting aside incomprehensible emotions.

When Han Sein’s voice flowed out.

The sound in the room subsided.

Her breathing died down.

“Where should I start explaining?”

Jung Ah-young sat on the bed, facing forward.

Not facing each other.

Han Sein sat right next to her, trembling voice starting to explain everything that had happened.

She couldn’t even meet his eyes.

She was too scared, too frozen to act.

Jung Ah-young simply listened to her boyfriend’s whispering voice coming from right beside her.

***

Twitch, twitch.

Her body shivered.

Like a pot boiling over.

Her face flushed hotly.

The breath that flowed out was hot.

The voice tickling her ears was vivid.

The atmosphere, the smell, the environment, the voice.

The words that contained everything began to melt Jung Ah-young.

“That, that happened last week…”

…

“Oh, Ayang?”

Are you okay?

Han Sein looked over here with a puzzled expression.

Jung Ah-young couldn’t meet his gaze.

The trembling body momentarily paused.

The lower abdomen was hot, and the comfortable shorts I was wearing felt damp.

Certainly.

I had to stop here.

The more I listened, the more painful and exhausting it became, a reality that wore down my heart.

I had to turn my head and avoid it.

The raging pain and pleasure kept beckoning.

Reason.

Coldly rational thoughts were speaking like this.

The most difficult thing right now is my boyfriend.

It’s not easy to truthfully tell my girlfriend about what I’ve been through.

Revisiting the painful and difficult experiences.

The process of verbalizing it will also be difficult.

Asking a sexual assault victim for details is truly cruel.

I had to consider my girlfriend.

But.

Somewhere far away.

Deep within her.

Sticky and hot desires whispered.

“I, I’m okay…”

“If it’s hard…”

“Because I’m okay… keep going, about what happened yesterday…”

“I…I understand.”

I know the path that isn’t painful.

I know it will hurt, but I can’t stop listening.

It was a cold and sad reality.

Because I was inadequate, my boyfriend suffered.

Just being hit by Park Hyorin.

I went to the woman who tormented me and begged her to save my girlfriend.

As a price for all this.

I have to fulfill her wishes every Friday.

What happened was a result of my inadequacy and shortcomings.

Complex emotions surged.

However, my mood was strange.

It felt painful, as if my heart was breaking.

My lower abdomen felt like it was throbbing, and my toes tingled involuntarily.

She exhaled hot breath and asked to be told about what happened yesterday, knowing she would regret it.

Despite knowing I would regret it.

Once again.