episode_0199

After finishing his story, Leopold gave a brief greeting and immediately left the hospital room.

Well, he seemed so busy that he didn’t even have time to sleep properly.

I could tell just by looking at it. It seems like he’s under a lot of pressure.

Leopold’s army is, so to speak, a coalition of all kinds of interest groups.

The Duke of Vienne, who wants power. Ludwig wants stability for the empire. Archduke Palun calls for the Empire’s support for the well-being of the North.

Even the three electors had different wants. Not to mention local lords who wanted wider fiefdoms and expanded autonomy.

It was entirely up to Leopold’s ability to persuade them, coordinate their interests, and keep them as one group.

… It won’t be easy.

—-

The empty hospital room was quiet.

Is it said that this is where Leopold’s mother, Empress Anna, recuperated?

It was a nice room, with warm sunlight pouring in through the wide open window, and looking out, you could see the garden of the First Prince’s Palace at a glance.

I didn’t bother to look outside, as I clearly remembered what was going on in the garden.

I drank the water Leopold left behind to soothe my upset stomach.

My sinking feeling showed no signs of getting better.

Again, I made a mistake.

This time too, countless people will die.

no. He’s probably dying right now. Because the damn civil war has already started.

civil war.

The weight of those two letters weighed down my head.

Honestly, I would be lying if I said I never expected it.

At the point where we created a competitive structure by helping the prince who would have been assassinated… I vaguely guessed that the two forces might collide head-on.

That was why I believed Leopold’s guarantee that there would be no civil war.

Because I wanted to avoid that future, I accepted the optimism that it wouldn’t happen. Because I felt comfortable that way.

In the end, I was wrong.

Where did the mistake start?

Every time I slowly looked back on my memories, all that remained was regret.

On the day Ernst reappeared, I wish I had risked my life to break through Wallenstein and the guards and cut Ernst down.

No. Even if they lacked the power and justification, they would have attacked preemptively and revealed Isabella’s true identity.

No, before that. Claire, who had been neglected considering her relationship with Ophelia, could have been used as a tactic to accuse Isabella, even if it made her antagonize Ophelia.

As Leopold said, everything may have come to an end as they were defeated by force. But, maybe… .

“Damn… .”

Is it my fault or Leopold’s fault? Distinction was meaningless.

Because I was the one who agreed with his argument.

I too chose safety over risk.

—-

Some might say that I am suffering needlessly.

It’s a civil war that’s going to happen anyway. You’re not from here, you’re just a stranger, so why would you feel responsible for these people’s lives?

however… Every time I feel this wet unpleasant feeling that sticks to my chest, I can’t draw a line and think about it.

It would have been more convenient if I could feel this world as a game.

Even though the number of deaths on the monitor may be in the tens of thousands, when viewed from outside the monitor, it is just a number.

Even though there was a mountain of corpses piled up, it was just a scene of mixed polygons.

However, after falling into this world, everything changed.

Every time I see dead bodies, what comes to my mind is… I don’t remember being addicted to games as an escape from reality, but before that.

From seventeen to twenty-three.

It was a time when he was sold abroad under the pretext of dispatching troops and lived with a gun.

As a child, I shot and killed enemies who committed terrorism, collected the bodies of sacrificed citizens, and wiped out their strongholds while losing friends.

Those unpleasant memories.

There was no problem when playing through the monitor.

At that time, I was able to live my life by immersing my brain in peripheral fun and alcohol, ignoring old memories.

As for the corpse in the game, in the end it only consists of sound and flat images.

Because I couldn’t feel the slightest sense of vivid reality in things that had no smell, texture, or detailed sense of reality.

However, here… This… … .

It was undeniable, reality itself.

What was offered to me in exchange for a healthy leg was a world that would be destroyed along with the deaths of tens of millions of people.

This was the world I had to live in, and I wanted the world I would live in to be peaceful, if possible.

And, I thought I had to work hard to do that.

With my own hands, I must destroy every enemy I know.

okay. This may just be a trivial hero mentality.

but.

I worry every time I see people who are dying or about to die.

A fundamental question that I cannot answer because no one has answered it.

… The reason I fell into this world.

—-

The Sword of Oath tells me to save my people. Is it the voice of God?

An unknown impulse whispers to him to accept himself and kill everyone. Is that the fate of this body?

The frosty voice only curses me to die. Blind snake bastard. It wasn’t me who killed you.

And, the owner of this body is getting angry and telling me to go away right away.

I had a rough idea of what would happen when I released her… What actually happened was much more terrible than expected.

At least, the only thing that made me want to follow it was the voice of the sword.

That’s why I held my sword and fought.

Even though I vaguely felt that voice changing me little by little.

—-

Tired of the regret and depression that came flooding back, I habitually looked for a cigarette… I just quit.

Not only would there be no way he would have left a cigarette in the hospital room in the first place, but smoking would only clear his head for a moment and would not change the situation.

It was an escape. Escape by forcibly suppressing responsibility and burden and turning away from them.

Now was not the time.

Even Leopold, instead of regretting it, stayed up all night trying to resolve the matter.

Even if the motivation is a self-satisfying desire for survival and revenge, I do my best.

so… I should also do what I can.

I lay down on the bed, looked into space, and let out a deep sigh.

As if throwing out everything that was in my heart.

I don’t know if this is really a wise choice… .

I guess I should try it though.

“… You’re listening, right? Let’s talk.”

… … .

… .

[A story. You and me, now? ]

A cold voice rang in my head.

—-

“… okay. Now, come here.”

Hershela.

No, the true Aishangior Hashall. The original owner of this body, whose body was taken from me.

okay. Finally I spoke to her.

Because I learned the hard way that the problem is not solved by ignoring it.

[ Ha, how shameless you are. Wasn’t it you who covered your ears and forced yourself to look away every time my voice reached you? You are a mean and weak extortionist. ]

She growled, clearly showing her contempt, hatred, and anger toward me.

Well, I guess it was like that too.

They forcibly took the body, consumed it at will, and did not even listen to what the original owner said.

If you could, you would break my neck.

“Mean and weak… Certainly, from your point of view, it is not wrong. okay. I am also sorry for taking your body and ignoring your words.”

But I had no choice but to ignore it.

All they’re saying in the first place is to get out of the way right away, or what else to do other than tearing them all to death.

Because both were things I couldn’t listen to.

[Sorry? Forget the ridiculous puns. How dare you talk nonsense like that when you steal someone else’s body like a ghost and still claim it as your own. If you have any sense of guilt, it would be right for you to get out of my body right now. ]

Her voice was still full of intense anger and disbelief.

Burning resentment. The only way to alleviate it was, unfortunately, not available to me.

Even if it was possible, it was something that should not be done.

“… That must be difficult. Because it wasn’t my will to enter your body in the first place. I don’t know why this happened, and I don’t know how to solve it.”

It was the truth without any lies.

Although it may be difficult for her to believe.

[Do you think I will believe that? ]

“Well… . Anyway, whether you believe me or not, the truth does not change. As long as I don’t know the cause, I have no choice but to live with this body… You have no choice but to live like that. That’s reality.”

[ … … . ]

Hershela was silent for a while.

Did you understand what I said? Do you still doubt and think I’m lying? Although I couldn’t tell her inner thoughts.

[ … This is not living. It’s just dead. ]

It was a voice mumbling through gritted teeth, as if lamenting his situation.

A deep sigh rang through my mind.

[Well, that’s funny. I’ve been told I’m a ghost, but now I’m really no different from a ghost. ]

“… … .”

I didn’t have anything to say.

Because my comfort will be nothing more than a deception to her.

[ okay… At least now there is no need to shout into the unanswering void. Did you say it was a story? ? good night. Try saying it somewhere. ]

The voice was still full of resentment.

However, he still seemed willing to talk to me.

… Should I say it’s not a bad start?