episode_0005

He stared at me as if he wanted to kill me.

Is it really that unpleasant to be hit with a frying pan and tied to a bed?

Well, it would definitely be unpleasant.

If I had been hit head-on, it might have been less painful, but getting smacked in the back of the head would probably feel pretty bad even to me.

As my friend, tied to the bed, looked at me with innocent eyes, I smirked and said, “Well, how did it go? Did you drain the liver and eat it? Or did you suck out all the vitality and throw it out the window?”

I didn’t have any intention of joking around, but the serious look on my friend’s face was so funny that I couldn’t help but tease him.

How should I handle the aftermath?

I don’t know, future me will figure it out.

Or so I thought.

Perhaps the provocation hit him hard, as my friend started to glare at me with a truly enraged expression and began to threaten me.

“You bastard? Did you kill him?”

“Well, he might still be alive?”

“Don’t play around. If that bastard is dead, you will definitely be next in my hands. If you tear the rope, I will send you right next to that bastard.”

Threatening me with a murderous look in his eyes, my friend pulled the rope taut, and soon the sound of the rope creaking could be heard as it slowly began to break.

“Oh damn, you’re really tearing it apart?”

“Just wait a bit. You’ll tear it with me.”

“No way.”

Crack!

Just before the rope tore, I struck the guy’s head with the frying pan I had prepared, and he passed out again, sticking out his tongue.

“Really crazy bastard. I tied you up so you wouldn’t get loose, and you’re tearing it apart with force.”

Although it was only for a moment, I really thought I was going to die.

I’ve never seen my friend get so angry, and it was the first time I felt like I was being killed with his eyes.

“I need to reinforce it. One rope is not enough. I need to tie at least three.”

– Why on earth would there be a rope in an ordinary household? I can’t figure it out.

“Just in case something unexpected happens. Living alone in a one-room apartment, you never know when a villain might show up and threaten your life, right?”

– There are better tools for restraint than a rope. Why use a rope?

“You fool. A frying pan is a kitchen tool, not a stun gun. Have you ever seen someone beaten with a kitchen tool?”

– Didn’t you just hit your friend with it twice? Maybe that tool is not a kitchen tool but a restraint tool?

Oh.

“Well, there may be situations where you can hit someone with a kitchen tool. Just like now.”

– There’s no need for such forced reasoning. If you hang it on your ear, it’s an earring, if you hang it on your nose, it’s a nose ring, right?

“Yeah, you’re right. But man, that was a close call. How did you even think to tear this thick rope?”

– You must have been confident to exert that much force. Your friend doesn’t seem like an ordinary person either.

He’s definitely not an ordinary person.

Starting with bench pressing 800 pounds, he’s already out of the league of ordinary people.

“Just looking at his body, you can tell, right? If you can call someone with these killer muscles an ordinary person, you should just look away.”

– Haha… that’s true. You stated the obvious.

After tying three thick ropes around his arms and legs, I brought cold water from the fridge and poured it over him.

“Gulp… gulp… Ugh… my head…”

“Don’t be a drama queen. A guy whose brain is full of muscles, what’s so painful for him?”

“Experience it for yourself before you speak, okay? If you cut this rope, I’ll hit you with a frying pan starting from your head.”

“If possible, right? But do you think you can cut it in this situation? I tied it with three strong ropes.”

As he mocked him, revealing the situation he was in, his friend calmly asked me, soothing his anger.

“…Can I ask a question?”

“Of course.”

“What happened to my friend? It doesn’t seem like there’s any smell of semen or blood in the room to indicate that he’s dead.”

“Sharp, huh? I thought he was just a muscle-headed guy who would just blindly get angry.”

He seemed like a gullible and stupid guy who only knew muscles, but I didn’t expect him to have such calm thoughts.

Is this like a moment of awakening before death? I never even thought about killing him.

“When did you pretend to know? It’s quite uncomfortable for a non-existent monster to pretend to know. There aren’t many fox monsters that can disguise themselves as human. Busy women who hide and live don’t have to reveal themselves in front of exorcists, right?”

“I’ve been meeting you for quite a long time now, even though I’ve never met you. A fox monster like you, with superior powers, would have recognized me from afar, right? No, you scratched my head with a frying pan as soon as you came in, so did you recognize me right away?”

“Ha… You’re really annoying. Stop making mistakes, you idiot. I thought your abilities had increased, but nothing has changed.”

“Mistake? What are you trying to say?”

“You said it yourself. Since there’s no smell of semen or blood, there’s no way he’s dead. And a fox like you who pretends to know everything. Doesn’t something come to mind?”

“A fox who absorbs memories and pretends to be a friend… You’re really wicked. So, what did you do to my friend who lost his memory?”

…Can they absorb memories too?

Wait a minute, if this happens, wouldn’t it be difficult to come up with a response to the mention of dark history?

This is really messed up.

Realizing that the situation was getting out of hand, I left my friend tied up with a rope and spoke to the fox god.

“Hey, let me ask you one thing.”

“What?”

“No, not you. The fox god. How did you do to my body? Did you bring a leisurely fox to implant my memories and throw away my physical body somewhere?”

– Ha, do you think I would use such a lowly method on you? Of course, I completely transformed your entire body. And that too with the remaining power of a mouse tail.

“Really? So now my original body doesn’t exist in this world?”

– That’s right. I apologize for changing your body without permission, but using such a lowly method could make your mind go crazy.

“Couldn’t you have just not changed my body? Then this guy wouldn’t have had to look at me like he was going to kill me.”

– …I didn’t want to die right after waking up from the seal. I also had some fun times with you when you saw my divine form, so I hope you can understand that.

Understanding is bullshit.

It’s instinct to masturbate when you see a guy.

That instinct is spouting nonsense about sin, you dog… no, bitch.

Knowing that the Fox Deity didn’t swap my body with someone else’s, I approached my friend with a smile and struck up a conversation.

“Hey, it wasn’t a body swap, right? Just a transformation of the body itself?”

“Don’t say funny things, that goes beyond reason. Even most powerful spirits don’t engage in such crazy antics.”

“What if it’s not a powerful spirit but a youkai elevated to the ranks of the gods? Could that be a possibility? I have no knowledge about that, so I can’t possibly know.”

Please don’t talk about things only you know, just tell me what I know, damn it.

The story is so complicated that it’s impossible to understand.

“Let’s stop with the complicated stories, kid. Dealing with youkai and exorcists, it’s not fun or moving at all. It’s better to discuss the aesthetics of the Fox Deity’s appearance.”

Is it because a story that hits close to home came up?

Even while bound, he looked at me with shining eyes and spoke.

“…Fox Deity? Are you talking about something close to human form, or something close to animal form?”

“Obviously, I’m talking about something close to human form. If you’re satisfied with something close to animal form, is that abnormal sexual desire, normal sexual desire?”

“Haha, that’s funny. Because he’s in the form of an animal, he’s closer to a primitive form. You ignorant brat.”

“This brat is saying that again. Humans should be attracted to humans, if they’re attracted to animals, isn’t that abnormal sexual desire?”

“Whether you’re attracted to a fox in human form or a human in fox form, isn’t it the same thing? Since they’re both hybrids, there’s no need for discrimination.”

Damn, that hit hard.

But it’s true, I can’t refute his words.

Unable to counter the cutting words, the Fox Deity, who had been looking at me pitifully, touched his head and spoke to me.

– Birds of a feather flock together, that saying wasn’t wrong. I never expected your friend to be a normal exorcist.

“Still, if he just controls his temper, he’s more normal than me. He’s good at human relationships too.”

– Isn’t the most important barrier abnormal? Does that exorcist have a lover right now? From the way the scent of pity is wafting, it seems like he doesn’t have one.

“Hey, if he sets his mind to it, he can get a girlfriend. He can even get married. That guy’s face… um, no. He probably can’t get one.”

As I shook my head after seeing his murderous muscles and sinister face, he started growling, making his already sinister face even more menacing.

“This bastard?”

“Why, it’s true. Look at yourself in the mirror and think. Are you the kind of face that can get a girlfriend?”

“…Muscles don’t lie.”

“Yeah, telling the truth that you can’t get a girlfriend. It’s better not to lie.”

“…”

Continuing to tease my friend, I cautiously approached him and started tickling his ears with my fluffy tail.

“So, by now you should admit, right? Debating on stupid topics, hitting your friend with a frying pan, and being a lunatic who fanatically loves the Fox Deity, who else could it be but me?”

“…First, get rid of this damn tail and then talk. Before I rip off that tail.”

“A damn tail? This fluffy, soft tail that seems so cozy to touch is a damn tail? That’s not something you should say.”

“Shut up. I will never submit to such a fluffy and cozy tail. Do you think I’ll submit just because I see a cozy tail?”

“Yeah, judging by how red your face is right now, you’ll probably submit soon. Since one tail is not enough, should I try using another tail?”

Speaking, I tickled the remaining ear of the guy with a different tail, causing him to shiver from the tickling sensation as he spoke in an excited voice.

“I! Will! Never! Submit! No matter how many additional tails you grow! I have no sexual desire for the likes of you!”

“Hey, just tell the truth. You like this, don’t you? Slowly start recognizing me as your friend. Then I’ll let you taste paradise.”

“I, I…”

To the friend who declared not to submit until the end, I used a third tail to cover his face and said,

“If you can endure this too, I’ll admit defeat. But, can you really endure this?”