episode_0057

After venting their intense emotions, the atmosphere cooled, and the two gradually regained their composure.

Aware that they had shown somewhat embarrassing sides of themselves, neither dared to speak first, only stealing glances at each other. Arina, who had just received a passionate confession of love, especially fidgeted awkwardly.

Whenever she was with Ian, she couldn’t help but feel acutely aware of her femininity.

He was different from other men. His gaze wasn’t just filled with lust—it carried deep affection, forcing her to recognize that she was being loved as a woman.

And the fact that she was happy about it. She pretended otherwise, but she was thirsting for love more than anyone else. Yet, because she couldn’t allow herself that, she had always pushed others away.

But no matter how desperately she resisted, the affection Ian Felix showered upon her felt all the more special and sweet. Enough to make her think, even just a little, that it might be nice to become his woman. His love made her realize just how starved she had been for it.

After a long silence, Ian, scratching his neck awkwardly, finally voiced the thought he had been holding back.

They might end up fighting again, but this was something he had to say at least once.

“Can’t you give it up?”

“…What did you just say?”

“Revenge. Can’t you give up on revenge?”

Arina’s eyes sharpened again. Before it could escalate into another fight, Ian hurriedly continued.

“I’m not telling you to forgive the porters or the others. But for your sake—just for your own happiness—can’t you forget everything and run away?”

Having seen Arina during her brief amnesia, the thought had only grown stronger. Without the memories of Riel Frost, freed from the shackles of vengeance, Arina had looked truly happy.

She hadn’t feared losing anything, had openly reached out with her honest feelings. She had been able to love, not hate.

The happiness she had found by loving the world instead of despising it—it was something the current Arina could still grasp if she just compromised a little.

Honestly, Ian now believed Riel Frost was nothing more than a painful past tormenting Arina.

“Of course, since we’ve been found here, we’d have to relocate somewhere more secluded. If you agree, I’ll abandon everything and stay by your side. I’ll even renounce my baronetcy.”

“You’d give up your family and friends too? …Just how much are you willing to sacrifice? Even if you do all that, I won’t reciprocate.”

She let out a disbelieving laugh, speaking as if joking, but Ian’s unwavering gaze remained fixed on her.

Forget everything and run away. She had entertained the thought herself. At one point, she had seriously considered fleeing to the Eastern Continent, where no one knew her.

But the timing had been all wrong.

Even if he had proposed it earlier, she would have refused—but now, it was even more impossible to accept.

“Ian, you know what? Today, I was planning to do it with you.”

“Wh-what?”

“Don’t play dumb. Sex. I mean sex. I didn’t just pick out nice clothes and makeup—I chose the prettiest lingerie too. All because I wanted to look even a little beautiful to you when I took them off.”

The shocking statement left him dazed, slow to realize she was talking about the other Arina again.

“I was going to give myself to you. Because I loved you. The reason was simple, really. Seeing your face made me happy. Your touch felt good. My heart raced when you greeted me with that gentle voice. It made me happy to see the smile you reserved only for me. To put it plainly, during my amnesia, I was drawn to you as a woman. That’s something Riel Frost could never have felt.”

If she had truly been Riel Frost, losing her memories wouldn’t have made her fall for Ian.

“So I’m not Riel Frost. This whole ordeal made me realize that clearly.”

A fake, wearing his memories and pretending to be him. If that were the case, it’d be nice to forget someone else’s revenge and live her own life—but she couldn’t. The belief that she was Riel Frost was too deeply ingrained to dismiss or erase.

“But I’m not Arina either. As you saw, that woman and I think and act completely differently. Memories are like that—a crucial part of what makes a person who they are. I could never be as pure and lovable as Arina.”

In the end, I’m neither Riel Frost nor Arina.

“Then… then what am I?”

A question she had agonized over countless times since this all began. One she had always fled from by concluding she was Riel Frost.

But now, having confirmed through her amnesia that she wasn’t Riel Frost, Arina could no longer escape the same way.

Though she phrased it as a question to Ian, she answered it herself.

“It’s nothing. I’m nothing, Ian. If I’m not Riel Frost, then I’m nothing more than a specter born from his resentment and stubbornness.”

Continuing her self-interrogation, Arina anxiously tapped her fingers together.

“You’ve truly cherished me, but maybe that’s a mistake. I might just be a malicious spirit who stole the body of Arina—who might have been somewhere in this world—or the woman who could have been your lover. Maybe I’m someone you should rightfully hate.”

Ian tried to object, but Arina was faster.

“Every morning I wake up, Riel Frost’s memories grow fainter… If the day comes when I forget them completely, even if I reclaim my body, I’ll still be nothing.”

Human memories aren’t eternal. Forgetting is a blessing that lets us leave pain behind—but for Arina, who had lost her very existence, it wasn’t.

Once even her memories were gone, what could define her anymore?

“I boasted about taking revenge on you and the others, but that was just an excuse…”

That’s why Arina couldn’t stay like this. She couldn’t keep being called by that name. Because if she wasn’t Riel Frost, she was nothing.

To reclaim her existence, she had to return to her original self—and revenge was just a necessary step in that process.

“I… I just… don’t want to disappear…”

The truth she had hidden behind a mask all this time. Her doubts about her own existence, the endless cycle of torment, and the fear she had kept buried—perhaps more shameful to reveal than her naked body. She laid it all bare at last.

Ian didn’t know what to say. If what tormented Arina wasn’t vengeance but her very identity, was it okay to stop her? Could he?

Telling her to forget the past and live happily was no different from telling her to die.

“But for you, who loves me as a woman, that’s unacceptable, isn’t it?”

While Ian stood frozen, his pupils trembling, Arina undressed. With a soft rustle, the thin fabric—chosen for easy removal—slid down her body and pooled at her feet.

All that remained was the lingerie clinging to her full chest and hips. Her slender shoulders, the soft, ample curves beneath them, the dip of her waist, and the swell of her hips—all laid bare before Ian.

As Ian took a flustered step back, Arina pressed her chest forward, emphasizing it with her hands. Tears welled in her reddened eyes as she forced out the words.

“Can’t you be satisfied with this? For just tonight, you can do whatever you want to me.”

She took his hand and slipped it between her breasts. The impossibly soft sensation sent a jolt through him.

“No, one night wouldn’t be enough to repay you… Until I return to who I was, you can have my body as much as you want… I’ll do anything you ask…”

He could knead her breasts as he pleased. Devour her lips, now his to claim. Share the love reserved only for one person. If Arina willingly accepted him, it was everything Ian had ever wanted.

Even now, the urge to strip away her lingerie and mark her as his own burned fiercely.

Ian reached for her.

As his large hand neared, Arina’s shoulders flinched.

Proof that this impulsive decision hadn’t given her time to prepare.

Her body trembled violently, eyes squeezed shut.

“You don’t have to try.”

Ian’s hand brushed her cheek—not her body, but the tears at the corners of her eyes. Startled, Arina opened them.

“‘Don’t have to try’…? Then you’ll have nothing left…”

Ian’s kindness was far greater than what she had witnessed. The time they had spent together might not have been long, but the time it had taken him to reach her surely was.

“I love you, Arina.”

Both knew it, but this was the first time he had said it directly to her—not the other her.

“Everything I’ve done for you was because I wanted to. You don’t have to force yourself to repay me.”

“But… then what do you get? You worked so hard, and you’ll have nothing…”

“Kindness is just that—kindness. If you expect repayment, it’s a transaction. Don’t turn my kindness into labor.”

This was enough. There was no need to distort their relationship by forcing her into something she didn’t want. If they became creditor and debtor, the moment the debt was repaid, their bond might end.

“I love you, but if you don’t feel the same, I’ll stay as just a friend. Ian Felix, friend of Riel Frost.”

Love without cost. Unconditional, boundless love—more than she deserved—poured into her.

It filled the void in her heart, vast as the cosmos, and Arina wept.

From happiness. From disbelief that something she thought couldn’t exist in this world stood before her.

“Really… really, is that okay? …I’m just taking, but you don’t mind?”

“Yes.”

This time, Ian’s hand gently pressed against her head, stroking her hair softly.

“If we did that and you later returned to being Riel Frost, wouldn’t it be awkward?”

For the briefest moment as he smiled, she saw the Ian from their adventuring days—when they were just comrades, not a man and a woman. Arina bowed her head deeply.

Her expression was hidden, but the tips of her red ears betrayed her. Watching them, Ian let slip a bit of his true feelings.

“Still. If the day ever comes when you truly love me as a man… I won’t hold back. I’ll love you as much as I’ve held back until then.”

“Okay…”

That day might not be far off, Arina sensed.