episode_0003

‘I want to see you. Mira.’

Now that he knew Mira was alive, he wanted to see her with his own eyes just one more time. A boiling desire to see his cute and lovely girlfriend’s face just once more surged within him.

They existed as two people, but were always one, always together. In joy, in sorrow, in hardship, they always stayed by each other’s side.

He had never imagined a day without Mira.

They had been so incredibly close, but now he couldn’t be by her side anymore.

Yunyoung felt as if something fundamental had been taken from him. His chest felt hollow, as if there was nothing there, due to the sorrow that his daily life until yesterday had become a distant past.

Loneliness and despair, as if he might crumble at any moment, flowed out. He couldn’t suppress it, and his whole body trembled with grief and sorrow.

Holding her small, soft hand, listening to her gentle voice, embracing her small body – none of it was permitted for Yunyoung now.

He began to suffer incomparably more than when he had heard from the Grim Reaper about his own death. If he stayed still, a sorrow as if his heart were being squeezed rushed in.

“Mira…”

Yunyoung, calling his lover’s name, began to tear up. Once the tears started to flow, they simply wouldn’t stop.

Only now did the reality of his death sink in.

It felt more real and vivid than anything else.

He couldn’t meet Mira anymore. How deeply agonizing that fact was…

“If I had gone into the cafe then… if only I had been in the cafe, this wouldn’t have happened.”

Yunyoung mumbled as if his lungs were being torn apart.

There was a cafe on the side Mira was trying to cross to.

If Yunyoung had gone into the cafe, Mira wouldn’t have nearly been hit, and the two of them could have finished their date happily as always and looked forward to their next one.

“To think that a single moment’s choice could split things apart like this…”

There were more opportunities. When Mira was about to cross the road, if he had told her to look both ways, she would have paid attention.

But to be heard from the other side, he would have had to speak loudly, and he didn’t because he was embarrassed by the stares of passersby.

For such a trivial, meaningless thing as his reputation, he ultimately lost his life.

“Because of such petty embarrassment… for it to come to this. Why… why… why!!!”

Yunyoung couldn’t contain his anger and fury towards himself. But all he could do was tear at his hair and wail.

What were the stares of passersby that made him act like that?

The shame or embarrassment that arose when someone glanced at him if he shouted couldn’t possibly be more precious than his life.

Even if he had shouted loudly, passersby would have only looked for a moment and then stopped, but he tried to avoid it because he was embarrassed by that instant.

As a result, the accident happened, and he died.

Yunyoung felt that everything was his responsibility. He didn’t think the cause of the mistake lay with his beloved girlfriend.

He only blamed himself, thinking that if he had been a little more careful, this terrible misfortune wouldn’t have happened.

“Mira.”

Even if he spoke her name as if squeezing his heart, there was no one to answer. The fact that he couldn’t meet her anymore was unbelievable.

“I couldn’t even say goodbye.”

How wonderful it would be if all of this were a dream that vanished upon waking.

But no nightmare could ever be this miserably sad. He surely would have woken from a nightmare before suffering and pain reached this level.

Instead, such vividness, impossible to feel in a dream, made Yunyoung recognize this as reality.

Walking barefoot through a thorny field would feel more comfortable than this, he thought.

He didn’t want to die.

He wanted to live.

He wanted to live, marry Mira, build a family, and have children who resembled them. He wanted to grow old with Mira, normally.

He knew it wouldn’t be perpetually happy. There would surely be times when they argued, fought, and even hated each other, but he still wanted to be with Mira.

Did he not even deserve that much happiness?

It was agony to think that even such ordinary, everyday happiness wasn’t permitted for him.

He had never done anything bad in his life or something that would earn him resentment from others. He had lived honorably and had nothing to be ashamed of.

Yet, the fact that he was already dead. That made him resign himself to the terrible reality.

No matter what he tried, he couldn’t change his fate that had already ended.

“If I had known this, I would have spent more time with you.”

The unchangeable past became regret, crushing his heart mercilessly. Yunyoung, already drenched in tears, wondered what Mira might be doing right now.

Mira, who was at the scene of the accident, must have known about Yunyoung’s death. She was a child with a tender and gentle heart.

He couldn’t bear the thought of Mira blaming herself, thinking that her boyfriend, Yunyoung, had died because of her carelessness. It was as if the scene was unfolding before his eyes.

He hoped Mira wouldn’t blame herself. Even if it was selfish, that was Yunyoung’s true wish.

If Mira were to be overwhelmed by guilt and make an extreme choice… The mere thought sent shivers down his spine. Such a thing must never happen.

But what could he, being here, do? He couldn’t even utter a single word to Mira.

This helplessness drained all strength from Yunyoung’s body. Memories of Mira smiling at him flashed through his mind. Memories he wanted to reach out and grasp, but couldn’t touch.

He didn’t know how much time had passed.

Yunyoung, regaining a bit of his composure, saw the Grim Reaper before him.

He was sitting at the opposite table, continuously watching Yunyoung.

Yunyoung asked in a heavily sunken voice.

“What’s going to happen to me now?”

“It’s simple. You will lose your memories, enter the cycle of reincarnation, and wait for the time of your rebirth.”

“I’ll lose my memories…?”

Yunyoung’s eyes widened at the unexpected words.

“Just because you’ve died doesn’t mean your lingering attachments or obsessions with this life disappear. You feel it too, don’t you, Mr. Yunyoung?”

The Grim Reaper, sitting opposite him, had seen Yunyoung’s sadness and suffering up to now, so he could easily guess Yunyoung’s inability to let go of Mira.

“The human spirit isn’t strong enough to carry that burden indefinitely. If you just leave it, it will only grow and become more difficult. In that case, it’s better to forget everything and find peace.”

If left alone, it would only bring pain, so it was better to make him forget.

It often appears in movies and novels. The story of drinking a potion of forgetfulness to forget a loved one.

Yunyoung could understand it intellectually. It was the wise way. Rather than carrying an unsolvable knot, it was better to burn it away as if it had never existed.

However, a strong sense of rejection surged within him at the thought of all his memories with Mira’s smiling face being erased.

Yunyoung was already dead, but forgetting his time with Mira was something he hated as much as dying another time.

He could no longer meet Mira.

He couldn’t even imagine how much he would suffer in the future if he held onto their memories. He might go mad.

Even so, he didn’t want to forget Mira.

He wanted to forever cherish the warmth he felt when he held her small, tiny hand, and the sight of her smiling brightly at him.

The time and memories they shared were undeniably existing stories, so even if he couldn’t see her in the future, he didn’t want to lose those memories.

It was precious time, his own, that he didn’t want to hand over to anyone. If it were taken from him, he felt it would be an absurd and violent act.

However, the more he thought of Mira, the more intense the pain in his heart became, as if tearing his chest apart. The agony was such that he felt it was impossible to endure while sane.

‘I feel like I’m going crazy. If it’s going to be this painful, then perhaps forgetting would be better…’

Yunyoung’s resolve wavered as if his previous decision was a lie. He had no idea that loving someone could be this painful.

The existence of the woman he had sincerely loved and cherished his entire life was, conversely, inflicting more miserable and piercing pain than any terrifying torture.

To Yunyoung, who was groaning like that, the Grim Reaper spoke.

“If you have anything you want to say, feel free to tell me.”

“What do you mean by that…?”

“It means exactly what it says. It’s more comfortable to confide in someone than to keep it all to yourself, isn’t it? And something might even happen.”

The Grim Reaper’s meaningful words planted a sliver of potential hope in Yunyoung.

He felt as though he was being toyed with, but that didn’t matter at all.

“Just once… could I see Mira again just once? Please, I beg you.”

“You know that’s impossible. Mr. Yunyoung, you are dead.”

“Then, could I send just one message? Just one is enough. Please, I beg you, that’s all I need.”

The Grim Reaper didn’t answer him directly, changing the subject instead. He abruptly threw out a question about a different topic.

“If you, Mr. Yunyoung, could go back to before the incident, what would you do?”

“Huh? What do you mean…?”

To Yunyoung, who blinked, not understanding, the Grim Reaper elaborated more specifically.

“If you went back to before Ms. Mira was hit by the truck, would you save her again this time?”

He had never thought that far. He couldn’t understand why the Grim Reaper was asking such a question. But one thing was clear.

Even if it meant experiencing this pain and misery again, there would be no hesitation whatsoever in saving her.

“Yes.”

“Really? Even if you knew you would die, would you save her again?”

“She’s more precious than my own life.”