episode_0051

“Sera, I’ll go now.”

“See you tomorrow.”

When it was late at night, I returned home with the clothes I bought at the department store. Not Hyehwadang, but the house where my mom and I live. No matter how much I wanted to be with Sarah, my mother would worry if I went to sleep at Hyehwadang every day.

When I returned home, it was already time to sleep.

“Mom, I’m here.”

“Now it’s coming, my son.”

At home was my mother who had come home from work.

My mother, who was drinking beer in the living room, drunkenly started talking to me.

“Have you had dinner?”

“I ate at Sarah’s house.”

“Did you stay up late playing with Sarah again?”

“I’m always like that.”

Is it because I drank beer and got drunk?

Mom smiled brightly at me.

“Oh my. It’s always like that! My son has already set up his home outside.”

“What kind of living outside.”

“Isn’t that enough to live outside? I’m at Sarah’s house more often than I am at yours. Anyone who sees it will think I’m the son-in-law of that house.”

“Mom… !”

Living outside.

I couldn’t say anything to my mom because I had nothing to say. In fact, it was true that I set up my home at Hyehwadang. At Hyehwadang, I had my own toothbrush and blanket, and many of my clothes were brought with me.

My mother also knew that I was using Hyehwadang as if it were another home. There was even a time when Sarah’s parents and my mother met. My mother didn’t say anything about my coming and going to Hyehwadang. Except for the occasional teasing like this.

“Hehehe. son. Why are you talking so loud? Did anything happen with Sarah today?”

“Nothing happened.”

“Really? If something happens with your childhood friend, please contact your mom. That day, my mom will take a vacation and I will go to congratulate her.”

“No, really!”

My drunk mother kept teasing me with my crooked pronunciation.

I quickly went into my room and ended my conversation with my mom. Perhaps there was nothing between me and Sarah that my mother expected. So, even though my mom teased me, I only felt unfair.

‘Why do you keep teasing me? ‘You’re a friend.’

I washed up and lay down on the bed. Sarah and I were close childhood friends. Although the man and woman were friends, they did not have any expectations. The reason I didn’t have any expectations was because of what happened between us in the first year of middle school.

Actually, that’s true.

There is a story that I am embarrassed to tell others.

In my first year of middle school.

Sarah and I dated for a short time.

“… … .”

You might not believe it, but it was true. My silver-haired childhood friend was my girlfriend for a short time, but it was clearly in my memories. It wasn’t just me who misunderstood. Sarah probably remembers something from middle school.

It was a spring day after we entered middle school.

One day, Sarah suddenly said this to me.

━Jinwoo, why don’t we date?

━What?

At first, I thought I was hallucinating.

But the invitation to date wasn’t an auditory hallucination.

━Dating seems fun. How about we try it as a joke?

━Now, as a joke?

━Yes.

It looked fun, so let’s date him as a joke, something like that.

It was a joke, but I immediately said okay. To be honest, it wasn’t that I didn’t have any excitement for Sarah since I was young. A pretty silver-haired childhood friend asks you out, but who could refuse?

━Let’s do it! Sounds fun.

━Right? Hehehe.

As a middle school student, I had expectations when I accepted Sarah’s offer. Maybe our relationship could have become more and more complicated. I’ve read novels about couples who start dating as a joke, but soon become serious. I was so excited because I thought we could become like that couple.

━Sera. Let’s go to the amusement park this weekend.

━Hmm. Are you asking me out on a date already? good.

From that day on, we dated as a joke for a week. Because it was a joke, I didn’t tell my parents or friends that we were dating. We spent a week going to amusement parks together and going on dates.

In my memory, it was a very exciting time.

I thought it would be nice if we were dating sincerely, not as a joke.

A week has passed.

━Whoa, I had a good time.

━Okay.

━Jinwoo. Now we… .

━Now?

━Let’s stop the dating jokes. I’ve been playing pranks for a week. It would be embarrassing if your parents caught you.

It didn’t happen that Sarah came out and crossed the line. As a week passed, we ended our dating joke without any regrets. After being so excited every night for a week, my expectations were completely dashed.

From that day on, I no longer misunderstood women. The disease that all children have, a little bit, has completely improved. If a girl gives you something to eat, you just give her something to eat. If a girl is particularly kind to me, she is just being nice. Because if you don’t have expectations, you won’t be disappointed.

“Qu.”

It was a moment that brought back all the dark memories of middle school.

A moan naturally came out of my mouth.

So I didn’t have vague expectations for Sarah.

To be precise, I tried not to have any expectations.

*

But still.

Even though I tried not to have expectations, there were sometimes days when I did.

It was a day like today.

It was when I went to school early in the morning.

As I opened the door to the classroom and entered, I saw Sarah, who had arrived earlier than me.

I waved happily as usual.

“Hello Sarah.”

“Hello.”

Sarah, who was sitting by the window and reading a book, answered.

I walked up to Sarah and sat down next to her.

“What book are you reading today?”

“It’s an astrology book.”

It was when I looked closely at Sarah to see what book it was. I realized that Sarah looked different than usual. Sarah, who always had straight, flowing hair, was wearing a hairpin today.

It was a blue butterfly-shaped hairpin.

I felt like I had seen it somewhere.

‘huh?’

I immediately remembered where I had seen it. That was the hairpin I picked out for Sarah the last time we went to the department store together.

Back then, wasn’t it something you didn’t buy because it looked flashy? But why am I using it now?

“Hmm… .”

“Um… .”

I saw Sarah quietly smoothing her hair as she turned the pages.

It was as if they were advertising to ask people to look at the hairpin they were currently wearing.

There was a moment of silence between us. I couldn’t contain my curiosity, so I opened my mouth first.

“Sera. Did you buy a butterfly hairpin? Wasn’t it because it was flashy that you didn’t buy it?”

“Oh, this?”

Sarah put down her book and touched the butterfly hairpin with an expressionless face.

It was as if he had just remembered something after I told him about it.

“… I just liked it so I bought one.”

“Did you like it because I chose it for you?”

“I didn’t really live it because of you. None of the hairpins I had at home had a butterfly shape.”

“Oh, I see.”

To others, it might have been a very ordinary conversation.

But there was a subtle tension between us.

You didn’t buy it because I chose it for you? No matter how much I thought about it, it seemed old, but Sarah’s expression was so calm. Sarah kept a poker face for most of the time, so it wasn’t easy to figure out what was going on.

It was then.

As Sarah passed by, she asked me what I thought.

“So what about me? I tried using a hairpin.”

If you ask me how I feel, is there anything else I can say? The butterfly hairpin I chose suited Sarah very well. Sarah, who always had straight hair, now looks brighter.

“… It’s pretty.”

“I can’t hear you, so would you like to say it again?”

“He said it was pretty.”

When I honestly expressed my impressions, Sarah looked at me and smiled.

“Jinwoo. Am I so pretty?”

“Who said that?”

“You just said it.”

I said it was pretty, but I didn’t add the word ‘too’.

Why am I saying something I didn’t say?

“Hehe.”

When I saw Sarah’s smile getting even brighter, I felt like I wanted to tease her.

I opened my mouth again.

“Not you, but the hairpin is prettier.”

“Yes… ?”

Change of words successful.

Sarah’s smile stiffened. Sarah, who was laughing as if she was playing with me, couldn’t laugh anymore.

“Not me… Did you mean the hairpin?”

“Of course. I’m sure you’re not mistaken, right?”

“… You couldn’t have been mistaken. I knew it too, but I was just joking.”

Sarah turned her head and looked toward the window in the hallway, perhaps embarrassed.

When it was time to start school, the children in the class began to enter the classroom one by one.

Sarah fell on the desk, unable to make eye contact with me.

“Hey, are you sleeping?”

“I’m not sleeping. My head hurts.”

Am I feeling embarrassed and pretending to be sick this time?

At first, I thought Sarah was pretending to be sick. However, as time passed and the first period class began, I realized that Sarah was not acting. Sarah touched her forehead with her hand and said to me.

“I suddenly feel like I have a fever… .”

“Where does it hurt?”

“My head hurts a little.”

I stretched out my hand and touched Sarah’s forehead.

I could actually feel a slight heat on Sarah’s forehead.

“You’re really hot. Don’t you have to go to the nurse’s office?”

“It doesn’t hurt much. I want to go to the nurse’s office.”

Do you have a cold?

Because it was still April, the weather was cool. Sarah went to the nurse’s office during class and took fever reducers. However, even after taking medicine, Sarah’s fever did not subside. Rather, as time passed, the fever rose.

All classes at school are over.

“Ugh… .”

“Let’s go home quickly.”

After school, I picked up Sarah and took her to Hyehwadang. On the way, I looked at Sarah’s forehead again. The slight heat in my forehead has now grown to the point where I can feel the warmth in my palms.

Sarah arrived at Hyehwadang and lay down in her room.

“Jinwoo, I think I need to get some rest… … Yo.”

yo. this?

Why is it so polite all of a sudden?