episode_0010

He grabbed her by the neck. And before she could even panic, he strangled her with both hands with all his might. His fingers dug into her slender neck without mercy. The tendons in his arms swelled as if they were going to burst.

“Oh my···!! Master······?”

She opens her eyes with a pained expression. Only then does she realize who is strangling her and she is startled. But I don’t relax my grip. Instead, I tighten my grip on her neck, more forcefully.

“Die···!! Die···!!”

I must kill this mad monster. Otherwise, I will die. Not only me, but Lily too. I can no longer think rationally. She has already killed me three times. Before I become the emperor, before I learn magic, I must end this mad murderer.

“Ugh···!! Ugh···!!”

Fortunately, since she was still a child, all of those processes were easy. She was young. Even younger than last time. Judging from her face and body, she felt like she had traveled back at least a year since last time. It was a blessing. With this much of a physical difference, no matter how much she resisted, I would be able to kill her without difficulty.

He laughed at her. Rebellion is yours, you monster. Whether you kick or scratch with your nails, I will never let go of this hand. Until you stop breathing, no matter what happens, never…!!

I mentally braced myself for her rebellion and held my hand firmly. However, the expected rebellion did not come back.

There was a bit of struggling, but strangely enough, she accepted my strangulation without any resistance.

Has she given up? That monster? I looked at her face in disbelief.

Her eyes meet mine.

“주···히····니임······”

There was no resentment or hatred in her face as she looked at me. Only sadness. Overwhelming sadness flowed out of her face.

She sheds tears.

She didn’t even wonder why I was trying to kill her. She was humbly accepting her death, like a priest who had been ordered by God to die.

Dry air leaked out of her mouth. Her face began to turn pale. Despite this, she only placed her hand on my arm, showing no signs of rebellion. She simply submitted quietly. Her own death.

shit···!!

The hand that was holding her neck began to tremble. Why didn’t she fight back? If she had fought back, I could have killed her without a second thought, without hesitation… Why on earth…! Why…?

My reason, which had been paralyzed by fear, began to gradually return. And in its place, a feeling of guilt began to well up.

This tiny, young child accepts her own death. She looks like she’s only about 15 years old······

The sight of me strangling that child made me vomit.

Even the children who follow me like a parent······

Suddenly, memories from the past came to mind.

Memories of happy travels with her… The moment when she first opened her heart to me and smiled… The moment when she hugged me with tears in her eyes after finishing her difficult burn treatment…

All those moments took the strength out of my hands.

I tried to shake them off with other thoughts. I tried to rekindle my hatred by recalling the memories of her horribly murdering me.

But unfortunately, her face now looked more like the face she had when we were happily traveling together than the face she had when she was twenty and had brutally murdered me.

I just can’t bring myself to kill him.

After holding her neck for a while and shivering, I finally let her go.

And I covered my face with my palms and was overcome with self-loathing. Why am I so courageless? I hated myself so much for not having the courage to kill myself or to kill her. Tears flowed.

She asks me in a worried voice, lying on the floor, groaning.

“Ugh··· Ugh··· Are you, are you okay··· Master···?”

The sight of her asking if the person who had just strangled her was okay seemed bizarre at first glance. My handprint was still bright red on her neck.

I looked at her with soul-less eyes.

When I looked closely, she looked somewhat anxious. She kept checking my expression and couldn’t keep her hands and feet still. Was she afraid that I would attack her again? That wasn’t it. It was a look I’d seen a few times before. A look that was afraid that I would abandon her.

She was afraid. She was afraid that I was angry at her, that she had been strangled in her sleep, that she had been subjected to such absurd violence, and that she would be abandoned by me.

Somehow, I found myself laughing in vain.

“Ha··· Haha······”

“Lord, Master······”

I failed. I realized that I could never kill this child with my own hands.

Could I have killed her if she had resisted violently? Could I have killed her if she had been a little older?

All sorts of assumptions plagued my mind, but they were meaningless assumptions. In the end, the reality that I couldn’t kill her was waiting for me.

I spoke to the anxious little girl in a weak voice.

“Get out······”

Her face turns pale. But I don’t feel like caring about that. I tell her that I’m breaking up with her.

“Get out of here······ and······ don’t show up in front of me ever again······”

She fell to her knees, gasping for breath.

“Master, Master···! I’m sorry··· It was my fault···”

He bangs his head on the ground and begs me in a desperate voice. What did he do wrong to beg me like that?

“I, I’m stupid and I don’t know why you’re angry… If you tell me, I’ll fix it somehow… Oh, or you can hit me until you feel better… So please don’t throw me away…! ”

Please don’t abandon me? I imagined it for a moment. Not abandoning her, not taking her to the zodiac, living with her. Until I grow old and die.

Just imagining it gave me goosebumps. I couldn’t help but feel nauseous and vomited.

“Woweeek!!!”

“Master!!”

I pushed her away as she tried to approach me.

“Don’t come!! Get out!!!”

She falls to the ground on her butt and looks up at me with a sad expression.

“Lord, Master···”

This is my limit. I can’t stand it anymore.

Whenever I look at her, I am overcome with a constant feeling of guilt and self-loathing.

Since she showed no sign of turning off, I decided to just turn off myself.

I packed my bags and prepared to leave, carrying only the bare minimum of clothing.

Sensing my uneasiness, she clings to me urgently.

“Master, Master···!! Please···!! I, I’ll do well··· I can do anything···!!”

What on earth could I do when I couldn’t even follow the simple order to get out? I shook her off. I told her not to follow me and left the place.

When I looked back, I saw her crying alone.

I quickened my feet as if I was running away.

······And four years passed.

I was dragged to the palace as usual and killed by her.

******

In the next episode, nothing much happened.

Since I couldn’t kill him anyway, I just ran away into the night as soon as I returned.

I didn’t want to have anything to do with her even for a moment. I ran away without leaving a note or taking a single change of clothes.

Since I left all my expensive camping gear behind, they won’t think I ran away. If I’m lucky, they’ll just think I got eaten by wolves and move on.

After running for three days and nights, we arrived at a rural estate and settled there.

And four years later…

I was murdered by her who came back to me again.

******

And the next episode······ And the episode after that······ And the episode after that······

There were some differences, but they were all killed by her. Some of them were more clever in faking their deaths, and sometimes they even explained the situation in a memo. But in the end, the result was the same.

Four years later, she came back and I was brutally murdered.

After dying like that several times, I realized a few things about regression. The more I died, the further back in time I went back in time. I don’t know why, but every time I died, I would go back about a year.

And the four years it took her to come to me was the time it took her to take control of the palace.

In the past few episodes, she became the emperor as if it was her destiny, and four years later, she came to kill me.

It was strange that she hadn’t even told me that she was a royal. Is there really such a thing as fate? If so, is it also my fate to be killed by her?

******

On the 8th regression, I made a decision.

I decided not to run away anymore. I had to change this fate somehow. I couldn’t just die helplessly like this.

I said this to her, who was now 10 years younger than me.

“You··· said you could do anything···?”