episode_0114

“Hng….”

“First love usually ends early and continues to linger in our thoughts, right? Next time, we should properly align our opinions before proceeding.”

“Mm… That’s right. Yeah…”

Suhyun experienced her first love and first heartbreak.

Taking a deep breath, she gulped down her coffee like it was alcohol, exhaling deeply like a extinguished flame—a truly pitiful sight.

“Hmm… How about I set you up with someone through a mutual acquaintance?”

If I tell Jihyuk or my husband, at least you might meet someone decent.

“Mm… No, it’s okay.”

“Are you already tired of dating, feeling bored?”

She’s been like this for almost a month now.

Initially, she would wake me up with her drunken voice, but now every time I call her out of worry, I hear her feeble voice, so I visit her each time.

“Should I just not meet men?”

“If not men, then what, women?”

“…Maybe that’s what I should do. He did nothing wrong; it’s all on me.”

That’s what she said.

The man initiated the breakup.

At first, it seemed sweet.

I saw him only once, but Suhyun looked happy, and he… well, he seemed interested too.

He didn’t seem like a bad guy, economically stable, and average-looking.

For a first relationship, it lasted quite long.

They had been together since Suhyun was old enough to go to kindergarten.

The problem starts here.

Suhyun is over thirty now. Dating doesn’t always lead to marriage.

According to Suhyun, the man claimed there was no love.

Both were busy—him with work and her with her job.

With no time to meet, their long-distance relationship, solely through messages, felt explosive towards the end.

“Sigh… It’s really sad… Suhyun, you’re at an age now. You’re still beautiful, but your age shows.”

“I know.”

Their work schedules clashed, making cohabitation impossible.

With no progress, talk of marriage naturally flew away, far into the sky like an amphibious plane.

“So why suddenly a woman?”

They couldn’t accept the rut, and Suhyun couldn’t hold onto him either.

I haven’t dated and immediately married, so I lack experience, but having watched dramas and various relationships, I can somewhat understand.

It may be a simple rut… not so simple, but if she had held onto him, he would have reciprocated.

After all, age catches up with men too.

Moreover, Suhyun had long passed the marriageable age for women.

And yet, suddenly meeting a woman…

“…I remembered something I had forgotten.”

“You want to meet a woman because of that?”

“Perhaps… it could give me a reason to like a woman.”

And so, Suhyun’s story began again.

*

“……”

“……”

The gentle piano music grated on my nerves.

The sweet cafe latte tasted slightly bitter.

The reason Suhyun mentioned was related to me.

Perhaps deeply so.

It feels very deep.

“I… I’m sorry.”

“No, maybe that’s just my preference. I just woke up to it due to recent events.”

Even before we started dating, we had a fight with my brother once.

I stormed into Suhyun’s house without warning.

We had hot pot and drinks.

“A kiss… please.”

We kissed.

“My first kiss. Excluding my parents.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Well, I just did it to calm you down back then… but it kept coming back to my mind. Just thinking about it makes my heart race and feel strange.”

“……”

How did it end up like this?

“But it’s not right, is it? She’s married with a child… happy and the one who bloomed flowers for me.”

“…I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I told you. It was just a catalyst. If she were an ordinary person, I wouldn’t even remember.”

My sister cut me off with a slightly irritated tone.

“I’m sorry.”

“Ha… Jihye, I really can’t beat you.”

“What can I do but apologize? I can only say sorry.”

That’s right.

I’m sorry.

All I can do is apologize.

A small snowball formed from somewhere.

But I know it rolled and grew into a big one.

“Anyway, I want to meet a woman. I met men quite late, so where on earth do I find women?”

“…”

“The atmosphere got weird for no reason. I’ve made up my mind. It’s nothing. Just a story I brought up to help you understand. Just… don’t apologize. It makes my choice seem strange.”

It’s really strange.

This shouldn’t be happening.

“Yes… yes…”

Words of encouragement didn’t leave my mouth no matter how hard I tried.

Even if I wanted to stop her, I had already made up my mind… How am I supposed to… what should I do?

“Come here. Are you feeling so weak-hearted?”

In the end, it was my sister, not me, who comforted.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”

Let’s leave today’s events to tomorrow, regretted the past me.

*

“Sigh… it’s been a while since I’ve been here.”

“You never come because you always say you’re busy.”

“Well… that’s true. Actually, I wasn’t busy. I just felt awkward coming.”

“…”

The reason for bringing my sister wasn’t to hear more details but simply to suggest resting.

“Mm. It’s nice. It’s cozy.”

“Would you like some coffee?”

“Nah, it’s okay. I drank a lot earlier.”

“Oh. Okay.”

As expected. Uncomfortable.

“Nah?”

“Come closer. I don’t want things to be awkward between us.”

I chose to move closer rather than drift away.

If you distance yourself, the other person will surely drift away too.

“…I might really get excited like this.”

“I don’t want that. You know it would be a problem if I got excited about you.”

“I know. But feelings are uncontrollable, you know.”

Though my grip loosened, it seemed like an unconscious defense trying to let go.

I held onto her again and looked at my sister.

She tried to smile despite looking sad.

“Do you still like me?”

“I’m not sure.”

There was a tremor in the softly shaking head.

If it continues like this, there will definitely be regrets.

In fact, no matter which path you choose, you’ll probably have some regrets about the paths not taken.

“Hasty judgments change lives. It’s okay to prefer being alone if that’s what you like.”

I tried to say something comforting to my sister.

“Whether you like men or women, it’s your freedom. I’ll respect that, and no matter what choice you make, I’ll continue to be a close friend and younger sister to you. Just… please be careful with your choices.”

I had nothing else to offer.

I just wanted to give my sister a little more thought and time to think.

“Thank you.”

My sister’s voice was slightly calm and serene.

Although she seemed relieved, perhaps because she had already made up her mind, my words might just sound passing to her.

“Think it through properly. Really.”

“I will.”

Sitting on the couch, I embraced my sister’s arm.

I said I had made up my mind, but my body was still trembling slightly.

It’s a big decision.

No matter how much the world has changed, not everyone will look kindly upon it.

Two women dating.

Not favored by the elderly or even the middle-aged.

Even among people of the same age group, tastes still differ.

Eventually, half of those around me wish they didn’t have someone like that next to them.

That’s why I held on just a little bit.

I hope it won’t be too hard, and I hope I won’t feel sad.

Unnie deliberately turns her head away from me, not wanting to look at me.

The faint scent of cherry blossoms tickled my nose as her hair swayed.

“Unnie is a good person… I hope I get to meet her.”

Seasons change.

The cold winter, where breath came out like smoke from a distant factory, slightly warmed up, and the trees that had been bare blossomed into spring.

As if announcing such news, the cherry blossoms bloomed, carried by the wind to places without cherry blossom trees.

At the end of Unnie’s long hair, a single cherry blossom petal was guarding its place.

“I’ll do that.”

In the lonely-looking distance, a cherry blossom tree could be seen far away.

*

“……”

The sky is blue.

Contrary to my jumbled thoughts, the sky in the distance was incredibly blue.

I wanted to stand tall.

To declare my aspirations and truly stand tall.

“Ah….”

But with great decisions come great responsibilities.

I wanted to brush off the worried looks and the naturally following warm touch, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I couldn’t.

Because I was already afraid.

So, I resorted to it.

If I want it… I can meet her.

That will happen.

Because I have money.

Because I can buy love with money.

Even if it’s a love filled with lies, it doesn’t matter.

It’s just to confirm if I really like women.

Maybe I liked Ji-hye.

“…Love.”

Ji-hye. Lee Ji-hye.

A name I came up with.

In a moment of wanting to briefly correct her confusion and her lack of self-esteem, I hesitated and gave her this name.

The tears shining like jewels on her white skin, rolling down her cheeks and reaching her chin, falling off with a tap, are still unforgettable.

I, too, changed someone else’s life.

He became she, and she met him.

When her laughter, which felt like happiness and lingering emotions, turned into tears that appeared as laughter, for the first time, my heart fluttered.

If only I had realized sooner….

Surely, I might have confessed first.

“Ah~ I’m such a fool… Such a fool.”

Feeling like the tragic heroine.

I couldn’t express my feelings, just watched from the side.

But why does it turn into regret?

Is this regret or a pitiful sigh about myself?

Whichever I choose, it’s not a great option when thinking about Ji-hye.

I will always remain as Ji-hye’s unnie.

“Haha… *sigh*…”

Somewhere, the wind blew fiercely.

It was a cool breeze with a hint of bitterness.