episode_0071

I am happy.

Truly.

Thinking again, I immerse myself in old thoughts.

I, who had achieved nothing and was only preparing to become an adult, started making efforts for just one person.

To become happy.

To be by their side forever.

Cooking to stay by their side.

That became my most important support.

“Sigh….”

Until late at night, I wandered around the house aimlessly.

A time where goals and objectives are not a concern, just a time for us to get closer.

Suddenly, I brought up the modeling job.

“Oh. I’m going to take photos tomorrow.”

“Photos?”

“I decided to try modeling. Maybe… just a little? It’s not something grand.”

Oppa made a vague face, then burst into laughter.

“Oh… congratulations…?”

His laughter was more bitter than joyful.

It seemed like he was negatively perceiving the idea of me becoming a model, despite telling me to do whatever I wanted last time.

“Oppa. Do you not like it…?”

“Oh. No. It’s just… I don’t know why you want to do it.”

An awkward expression was evident.

He really doesn’t like it after all.

“Well… to earn money. It’s not because I like it. I don’t plan on doing it for long, maybe just a few months?”

There was a joking tone in my words.

If Oppa really made money with his face, he would have already secured his retirement funds.

I somewhat relate to that.

Not entirely.

It’s immense.

Although I haven’t posted any pictures on social media since then, my popularity has continued to grow.

I didn’t show it, but I could feel the impact I had on others.

The pay was… slightly satisfying.

“Is what I earn not enough?”

“…Maybe?”

“…”

I know where Oppa works.

I can visit, and it’s a well-known large company that anyone would recognize.

I also know he earns well.

Even though he is familiar with work and has adapted to society.

When it comes to having a baby, everyone is a beginner.

Knowing what might happen, what needs to be prepared.

It’s all known and passed down, but studying alone cannot swiftly and accurately address everything.

There might be pain.

Either from me, or from Oppa. And… the baby might get sick.

That’s why we’re saving in advance.

Even though our time together now is precious, we are not just living for the present.

I am preparing to be with Oppa until the future.

“Oppa.”

To do that, I can only persuade.

It feels a bit strange to persuade.

Saying you hate working when I’ve been feeling sorry for not working.

“I… really work hard.”

“I know. But… we need to save. We’ll need more savings.”

“…Am I the only one you should think about?”

Oppa asked.

He was disliking it.

The wind rustling through the window sounded oddly disturbing.

The still running cooler of the computer, once joyfully loud, now seemed noisy.

Do I want to have a baby on my terms?

Do I dislike walking a difficult path with strength?

“I… thought about it for a moment.”

“Yeah….”

My feelings remain unchanged.

“I want to have your child. I will continue to love you, and the baby will receive as much love. Is that a problem?”

Simple yet not so simple reality.

It will undoubtedly be challenging.

But it will bring happiness.

And these are all thoughts originating from me.

I hadn’t experienced it, but my mind was filled with fantasies, giving rise to an unknown sense of anticipation.

I know well that this shouldn’t be the case.

So I try to keep thinking realistically.

This isn’t wrong, is it?

I tried to convey my sincerity.

I don’t want to give up.

“If only… you could make an effort with me. I’ll accept everything. So… please accept me too.”

“Ah…”

As always, I held onto Oppa’s hand.

Oppa pulled me into his embrace as he held my hand.

“Sorry. Thank you. But I’m sorry. I only thought about myself.”

“You know… that I always love you, right?”

“Of course. Whether you do or not. I naturally know.”

Oppa is aware of most of the things that worry him.

But I have to live like this.

Making plans and executing them as they are.

Creating plans within plans, breaking them down step by step, feeling better with each completed task, and using the remaining excitement to tackle other things.

“I will become a beautiful wife who lives for you.”

“…I will become a wonderful husband who confidently stands in front of you.”

A slightly awkward conclusion.

Although spoken without much thought, it sounded lovely upon reflection.

It feels like I found something better than saying “I love you.”

“Modeling… I’ll continue until before having a baby. It would be great if I could become more popular and earn a lot of money.”

“…Yes. Stay strong. Don’t overdo it.”

“And…”

Perhaps stemming from a moment of doubt, a slight conviction arose.

“There’s no one as amazing as you, no one as kind, handsome, and wonderful as you. Really.”

I firmly expressed this conviction to Oppa.

“So… I think there’s really no need to worry about me falling for another man. I only have eyes for you.”

Knowing so many good things about Oppa, it would be absurd to assume I’d fall for another man.

“…I understand.”

“If you’re that worried… then, maybe you should quickly put on a wedding ring…!”

Oppa kissed my ring finger and looked at me.

“Yes. I’ll do it soon.”

Tonight, I should fall asleep while being embraced.

“Take care~!”

“Yes. Are you going today? Do your best.”

After seeing off Oppa, I busied myself, trying to resolve everything I couldn’t do yesterday.

I slightly disliked my hasty attitude towards leaving everything for tomorrow, but since it’s me, I should find it cute.

I am cute, after all.

“Ugh…”

Feeling lethargic.

I know I’m cute and pretty, but doing it to myself gives me a bit of aversion.

“Phew! Let’s go!”

The homebody bids farewell to the homebody and prepares to leave alone.

A slightly nervous feeling creeps in.

Apart from going home, to the market, and occasionally to Dad’s house, I’ve never gone anywhere alone… I already miss Oppa.

“Ugh…”

A text message notification rings.

The message saying ‘I’m almost there’ was right in front of my eyes.

I dressed nicely and put on makeup… somewhat, but I don’t want to go.

But it’s a promise.

Once I go, things will probably get better.

It’s just that I don’t feel like going out.

If it were an easily breakable promise, I would have just stayed in bed without changing clothes.

“Ugh…”

I tidied my hair neatly and stepped outside.

“Hmm…”

Not cold, but a slightly empty feeling lingered.

As expected, it was bound to come.

I took the elevator down alone and found the car waiting in front.

The cars parked in the same spot every day made it easy to recognize.

“Hello!”

From getting out of the car to bowing my head, I greeted warmly.

“Oh. Hello.”

“Um… are you looking forward to it?”

Surely, I think of myself as a loner, but the people around me are overflowing with sociability.

They seem to have many friends and be popular.

“Shall we move since it’s cold?”

“Um… okay.”

As I got into the car, various professional-looking tools and equipment caught my eye.

“Haha… It’s a bit messy, isn’t it?”

“It’s okay. It looks cool like an expert.”

“If you think so… then I’m grateful.”

We got into the car and headed towards the city after leaving the apartment, driving along the road and quickly crossing a bridge.

“You may have recognition and all, but in reality, you’re just an ordinary person, right?”

“Well… yeah?”

“I’ll let you know about things like poses right away. Once you get used to it, you can do it spontaneously.”

Is she talking about models changing poses every time a photo is taken? At this point, I’d probably only manage a pose worse than that of an elementary school student showing a V-sign with their right hand.

“Haha… That seems like something for later.”

“Well, once everyone gets used to it, they find their own beautiful angles.”

The slightly sloppy attire, square glasses, and stiff-looking hair remain the same. There are faint dark circles under the eyes; perhaps she was busy yesterday too.

“Um… shall we go for coffee?”

“Um… sure.”

“Then…”

We turned the car slightly and headed to a cafe.

“I’ll have an espresso double shot. And for you, Ji-hye?”

“Um… a cafe latte?”

“A cafe latte, please.”

Sitting by the window where the gentle sunlight streamed in, we waited for our coffee.

In the quiet cafe, the coffee arrived promptly.

“Phew…”

“Um…?”

While indirectly feeling the temperature of the coffee through the cup, Hye-jin raised the small cup, took a sip, and swallowed it in one go.

Crazy… or is she just eccentric?

“Wow… that seems intense.”

“Is it tasty?”

“Yes. It’s delicious. It feels like it really wakes you up.”

I’ve never seen someone drink such a bitter coffee like that before.

“You can drink it slowly. I prepared it roughly anyway.”

“Haha… okay.”

I wanted to try it too, but I had already burnt the roof of my mouth a little, so I just fidgeted with the cup.

“Phew… s-sip…!”

Although I was told to drink slowly, I feel like I’d look weird if I did anything strange. It’s somewhat embarrassing, should I say. Is this how professionals act?

“Oh. Let me take a picture. Nothing fancy, just a practice shot while you drink your coffee, and even if you do something else, I’ll find the right angle to capture it.”

Despite saying it wouldn’t be elaborate, her phone was surrounded by something that looked more like a high-tech SF gun than a regular phone.

The phone camera had a small lens attached to it, with a flash on top, making it look like a single camera in front of me.

“You don’t have to do anything special. Just… be yourself.”

I don’t remember how I usually behave, but I decided to give it a try.