episode_0063

“Are you eating well?”

“I prepare meals every day.”

Mother turns her gaze towards my brother.

“…I wake up early every day to cook for you. It’s delicious.”

“That’s true.”

It feels like she trusts my brother more than me.

I wonder if I’m not good enough, but considering the things I’ve said and done recently, maybe it’s not surprising. Maybe I’m just shameless.

Despite allowing my brother to reconcile and even marry, it’s not the same with me.

Maybe I should consider this a relationship that will resolve itself with time.

Is it okay to approach them warmly and familiarly now?

It might backfire.

Carefully organizing my thoughts, I cautiously ask:

“I want to become closer to you, Mother.”

“…Hmm?”

Perhaps too straightforward.

I don’t want to unravel time like a thread; after all, it has an end.

“I… want you to think of me as your daughter.”

I don’t want to leave anything unsaid; it keeps bothering me.

“Oh…”

“Ji-hye?”

The desire to be loved still lingers in a corner of my heart.

To be loved by my brother, by my father.

And also by someone else close to me.

I still long for it.

“I want us to get along. I believe you’ll definitely come to my wedding. I want to show you my wedding dress. I want to show how hard I’ll work after marriage, and eventually, I want to show you my children.”

That’s what I truly desire.

“I just… like my brother. I don’t want money, all I want from him is love.”

“Ji-hye…”

For that to happen,

I must reveal my truth.

“Brother.”

“…Yes, what is it?”

Perhaps this truth is so significant that it could make everything disappear.

“I… need to talk, right?”

First, I ask for my brother’s consent.

“I’ll follow your decision. I don’t mind. I’ll be by your side no matter what.”

He made an unwavering promise to calm my fears.

“What are you two talking about…”

“I have something important to say. I hope Father can listen too.”

“…?”

I reveal the truth.

In a few words.

My brother quietly takes my hand, his parents sitting silently in front of me, seemingly unaware of what I’m about to say.

“Huh…?”

“What… did you say?”

There was a tremor in my voice.

They might not want to believe the truth.

I cannot lie at such a crucial moment, but they might think I’m lying or joking.

“Let me reiterate…”

I divulge the truth.

The diagnosis from the hospital a few months ago, everything that has happened since then.

The brief story of Maljong, or rather, Nuna.

How my feelings have changed during my time with my brother.

And I encapsulate all the events leading up to this moment.

*

“…”

“…”

As I finish speaking, while catching my breath, the silence remains, and I find myself lifting my head that had unknowingly drooped.

The time I thought had passed quickly seems to have lingered, with the orange hues seeping into the sky, blending light and darkness. What I thought was bright was actually the quiet illumination of the room by the high ceiling and the soft light of the bulbs.

“…”

We exchange glances.

Once again, without words.

Our gazes shift, this time landing on me, no, on my brother.

“Son… How do you feel?”

“I don’t mind. I already know, and as long as Ji-hye doesn’t dislike you, I want to stay by your side.”

“I won’t dislike you. I promised to accept everything… as long as you don’t dislike me.”

If you don’t dislike me, and I don’t dislike you,

We’ll continue to rely on each other until at least death.

“Sigh… I don’t know. Your father seems to be brushing it off, and… I don’t have much to say either…”

Though she said she had nothing to say, she still grumbles.

“Sigh… Well, just from what I’ve heard… No, I’m not sure. Where should I start to refute… I don’t even know if I should refute… It’s just hard to believe that the person sitting in front of me was originally a man…”

“I tried hard… I always did… Like with my clothes or how I walk. That day…”

I didn’t experience that day, but since it involved a woman, I said it anyway.

I just wanted to say that I am indeed a woman.

“……”

Silence once again.

Thinking she might still be pondering, I waited, but then Mother suddenly got up.

“After eating… I want to think. My head is spinning.”

Checking the time, I realized evening was approaching.

“Let’s talk after eating. If it doesn’t work out, maybe tomorrow… Are you busy tomorrow?”

“I have work. Ji-hye might be… available.”

“…I’ll come here alone.”

“No. Let’s just end it today. I’ll think about it some more. Will you help with cooking?”

“Yes. Where should I start?”

Was the person I thought was a housekeeper not actually cooking?

Forgetting to take off her coat, she came into the kitchen.

“What does Soo-han like?”

“…Tonkatsu. Do we have pork cutlets?”

“Well… we do, but using oil might be a bit of a hassle.”

“He likes it. He insists on having it only for dinner because mornings are rushed. On weekends, lunch is usually simple, like soup… but his favorite is always tonkatsu. Whether Japanese or Korean style, he prefers thick tonkatsu dipped in salt.”

“You worked hard.”

She seemed slightly surprised, covering her mouth with her hand as she looked at me again.

“When he cried after eating frozen tonkatsu for the first time, I promised to make it delicious for him.”

After a moment of contemplation, she nodded.

“…It should be fine. I’ll heat the oil for you.”

“It seems like there’s a housekeeper, but… you’re cooking yourself?”

Mother smiled at me.

“I can’t hire a housekeeper when my man praises my cooking. She’s just responsible for cleaning. She only cooks when I’m not around.”

“That’s nice… I can feel the love.”

“I still love him.”

Watching me, Mother wiped the large dining table with a dry cloth and set the utensils.

“I need to make a salad with cabbage, dressing, frying powder, and breadcrumbs…”

“Most things are here.”

Various pots and pans lined the bottom. The roasting tray was a bonus.

“Wow…”

“Are you really a man, admiring kitchenware like this?”

“I fulfilled my military duty. They even gave me a gun.”

“…I see.”

The cabinet above displayed various items.

There were some familiar ones, but many seemed unfamiliar.

There didn’t seem to be any frying powder…

“I’ll bring it down.”

“What?”

Pressing a hidden button, the cabinet descended with a motor sound.

“Why is the kitchen staff mostly women when the cabinets are so high?”

“…I totally get it.”

And this also made me slightly envious.

“Hmm… Alright.”

Continuing as I did at home.

“You’re back?”

The quiet housekeeper approached, placing oil and sirloin on the table.

Is the meat below or above?

“If it’s for about 4 people… I think this amount should be enough. The size is like this.”

“Hmm… Isn’t it too thick?”

I took out the meat mallet I had seen earlier.

“Since we’ll be pounding it anyway. And we usually cut it thick.”

“Sorry, I haven’t tried it before.”

“Once you try it, you’ll like it.”

“Yeah. I’m looking forward to it.”

While heating the oil, I cut the sirloin.

“…But tonkatsu… Are you okay with that?”

“Well… My son likes it, so I thought we could try it. It’s fine for a day.”

Slightly anxious, I cautiously asked in the situation that had already been anticipated, but it was received with a knowing smile, as if they already knew because of their love for their son.

As you get older, you hear that you can’t eat greasy food.

The saying that you should eat a lot of fried food when you’re young resonates with deep-fried food lovers in Korea for that reason.

“Um…”

“It’s really okay. Don’t think about adding anything else, just make it exactly like we used to have at home.”

“…Got it.”

I continued cooking.

Vowing to bring a dish that everyone will be satisfied with next time.

*

“I never thought what I saw at the restaurant could be made at home.”

“The decorations… I just made them according to the recipe, so they turned out like that.”

“If they turned out like that…”

While I was told to make it just like we had at home, maybe I put in a little extra effort.

Still, having something pretty next to it makes eating more enjoyable.

In the end, the taste of tonkatsu is what matters.

No matter what, juicy meat is good.

Quality plays a big role; it should be tender when chewed.

Indeed, being older, I prepared some other things as well.

The meat quality was quite good, so I opted for salt over making a sauce.

I prepared mustard and ponzu sauce.

They are condiments often dipped into when eating fatty foods.

I briefly paused to think if there was anything else to prepare on the dining table.

“Aren’t the tonkatsu ready yet?”

“I want to let it rest for a while. And… also to call my brother right now…”

I didn’t want to disturb my brother who was smiling softly for some reason.

No matter how much I wanted to break away, it wasn’t a complete farewell. I wasn’t thinking about that.

Mother was watching us warmly.

Mother and I waited until the two of us noticed each other.