episode_0014

“At first… I met Yeongmi.”

When my brother flicked his finger against the glass containing alcohol, a wave spread out, creating a small circle in the middle before returning gently.

Breaking the long silence with a single word and erasing memories with alcohol, a brief stillness followed as if trying to recall memories while brushing aside his disheveled hair with his hand.

“That was really… foolish. I looked like a fool. It was a rebellion and distortion against someone who wanted to enjoy the young me for a moment.”

He gazes at his brother with a dizzy view.

His brother was angry with himself in the past.

A momentary mistake carved away at his life.

“The place where I met Yeongmi wasn’t anything special. Yeongmi just stuck to me during a wandering moment. Before Yeongmi stuck to me, many other women did, but I pushed them away. It was inexplicable except that they approached me after seeing my face. Yeongmi was probably the same, but she accepted it. She seemed more like the bottom of the barrel than anyone else. I can’t understand my feelings back then, but I probably thought about changing Yeongmi.”

My brother wipes his face with his hand, ruffling his hair and sighing heavily.

Feeling like he could die at any moment, he empties the bitter sugary liquid inside the glass into his mouth, feeling like a dark and deep abyss.

“I looked like a fool. I really did. I don’t even know if I thought it was love from the beginning… I don’t know. Yeah. Love… it really wasn’t. That’s probably because I was being foolish back then. Just listening to my parents, studying, studying more to get into a prestigious university, and that’s it. Really, there was nothing. I got irritated without realizing it at some point. Trying not to repeat the same mistake ultimately led me to educate myself. Ha…”

While sighing, he chases after traces of the past.

“So I rebelled a little too. But if a small stone hits a person, it shouldn’t hurt so much. A small stone became a big wound. And then she left. Graduated from college, jumped into the workforce, saved money like crazy. I saved money, saved sleeping time, worked hard to save as much money as possible, studied while working, and eventually bought a house like this. Everything else is empty.”

Though intoxicated by alcohol, his words were still precise, upright, and clear.

My brother was already wearing a mask.

A bright, cheerful man who always took the lead and accepted things willingly.

The face he showed me was perhaps a habit-derived line or just a mere facade.

“I… don’t know. As much as I tried my best to make up for my mistakes, I felt like something would be accomplished if I tried my best. But I was betrayed. This social contract that seemed like it would at least be a business relationship crumbled miserably. I didn’t know I would look like such a fool. People aren’t meant to be fixed, especially not meeting someone who doesn’t even try to change.”

The story continues.

I quietly pour another drink into the glass.

“But there was something good. I met you, Jiyu.”

“…Me?”

“Yes. You might wonder why this is a good thing, but for me, it feels like you’ve changed my life. I’ve never seen anyone like Jiyu before. I want to tell you what it feels like, but… um… there’s no way to explain it. But now I feel like everything will be okay. I realize a bit of reality now, but I can let it go. Complaining in the mud won’t change anything, right?”

Looking at the ceiling, my brother sighs deeply and looks at me.

He was smiling brightly like he used to.

“…I should have told you not to get married back then.”

“It doesn’t matter now. It’s not that it doesn’t matter at all, but I want to believe in fortune today. I once had my fortune told. It said that when you face a great disaster, then a greater fortune will come next. Maybe this is the disaster the fortune teller mentioned.”

“Well then… what are you going to do now?”

Quietly, Hyung raises his glass.

Clang!

My glass naturally collides and another bottle is emptied.

“I… now… need to make money again. Now, except for my own expenses, I have nothing left to spend…”

“…Can I help?”

“W… What are you talking about?”

Amidst the dizzying view, the kitchen illuminated by city lights comes into sight.

A kitchen that seems entirely new without anything being made.

Surely, Hyung hasn’t used this.

“I know how to cook.”

“W… What?”

“I almost did all the housework.”

The thought that covering for my sister’s mistake would only harm me has long disappeared.

I want to help my brother-in-law.

“So, about the main point…”

I want to atone for my recent mistakes.

“I’ll take care of all the housework while living at Hyung’s place.”

That’s why I decided to live with my brother-in-law.

*

“Huuaaahh… Hmmm….”

Stretching, I get up from bed.

“Ugh. What is it.”

Although I vaguely remember the dream, a lingering feeling remains.

“Are you up?”

“Yes… Ahh…”

I stretch while yawning.

“Oh. Um…”

Hyung turns his head without finishing changing his clothes.

“…? Oh.”

He accidentally pulled up his clothes while sleeping.

His bra must be visible…

“Oh, I’ll get breakfast ready!”

I felt embarrassed from the morning.

Breakfast is the relief of hunger.

Filling your stomach with light, non-greasy food is undoubtedly the best.

In that sense, isn’t kimchi stew and soybean paste stew the best Korean breakfast?

If we rotate, there’s bean sprout soup, egg soup… beef and seaweed soup…

Certainly disliked as a school meal, but there’s no choice but to prepare this for breakfast.

You can’t offer something light and watery for a hearty meal.

“Let’s eat~”

Hyung soon comes out.

“Mm.”

He’s handsome.

Why does his wet hair slightly covering his eyes make me so excited?

“Aren’t you going to eat, Jiwoo?”

“Oh. I’ll eat.”

I spaced out for a moment.

It’s been a week already.

It’s time to get used to it. Yet, my heart still flutters.

“Um… You seem to be getting more handsome as time goes by, Hyung.”

“Oh… Really? I feel like I’m just the same.”

No. You’re different.

Even if it’s because I keep gaining weight, each day is different.

It was noticeable how weight loss wasn’t easy, and I still had a long way to go.

There’s a possibility of becoming even more attractive here.

“You too… Oh. Maybe. I want to say you’re pretty, but do you mind?”

“Oh. It’s okay. Thank you.”

“Really? Jiwoo, you’re very pretty.”

A word from him resonates more than compliments from anyone else.

Honestly, it makes me happy.

I wish he would say more.

If possible, I’d like him to come closer and whisper in my ear.

No matter how much I think about it, it seems like I like Hyung in a different way.

It’s like thinking of him as a man.

My sister mentioned it.

Hormones do have an influence.

She explained it very well using transgender people as an example.

If you really don’t like it, you can get male hormone injections…

Honestly, it doesn’t matter.

I want to continue having these feelings.

This floating happiness is so sweet and addictive that I wanted to develop it further.

Even when he was a man, there must have been a reason why I started to like him more by now looking at him with the eyes of a woman.

I already liked him. Now it’s beyond liking.

Not now.

It would be better to say that I fell for him from the beginning.

“Thank you for your hard work today!”

“Yeah. I’ll go and come back!”

I cheered slightly energetically.

At this point, we could be considered a couple…

Although the couple seemed embarrassed to show each other their bodies, they didn’t seem like lovers…

“Now… the laundry…”

I picked up the laundry basket.

Unintentionally, I looked at the clothes, and fragments of memories flashed through my mind.

“……”

I became curious.

The smell of his clothes in the laundry basket.

The smell…

No, I…

I wondered what the clothes would smell like when I smelled the fabric.

That time. When I almost fell, he caught me.

Contrary to what my mind was thinking, my body was already heading towards the laundry basket.

That’s right. I’m just thinking about how to wash them after smelling them.

It’s a valid reason. The excuses were only just being made now.

My body and mind were in the same position, making excuses.

“Sigh… haa….”

Carefully, I inhale the smell.

The scent feels thick.

A fresh, fragrant, unique smell of slightly sweet sweat. Something like a warm feeling.

“Heh…”

Strangely, my body felt flushed for some reason.

My heart raced again because I might be doing something I shouldn’t. My breathing also became slightly rough.

I wanted to smell it again.

“Sigh…”

“…Jiwoo?”

“…Huh?”

This voice. This tone calling me.

Reluctantly, I forced my stiff neck to turn towards the voice.

Oh. Oh?

Why. Whywhywhywhy is he here!!?!??

“This…this is for…laundry…just to…smell it briefly. I was…going to do laundry….”

“Uh…yeah. I came to get my watch. Yeah.”

Crazy crazy crazy crazy!!!

Was he really here to get his watch? He entered the room.

Quickly, I put the clothes in the basket.

“Uh…hoo…”

For a moment, I relaxed due to the momentary distraction.

I have no idea how to get out of this situation.

“Shall I go…?”

“Yes yes ye…thank, thank you….”

Pervert. He’s a pervert.

What would any woman think if she saw someone smelling her clothes?

“That…!”

“…Yeah?”

“That’s…really. Just briefly. I just wanted to smell it a bit. I thought it was clean, so I made a mistake….”

“Oh oh. It’s okay. That can happen.”

I completely messed up.

I don’t know.

He left again, and I immediately sat down as if I had lost all sense of the world.

“Ugh…@#!@#ugh…!!!”

What should I do about this? What should I do.

“I…I don’t know.”

I gave up on thinking.

Everything became meaningless.

Every attempt seemed to make me more of a pervert.

I’ve completely messed up.