episode_0013

“I’ll be back.”

“Yes… Oh!”

“Hmm?”

“T-That necktie….”

I have no idea.

“Oh. Thank you.”

“Yes. Have a good day today too.”

She fixed the crooked tie I gave her.

That’s all there is to it.

Blame it on my carelessness for feeling flustered.

“Sigh….”

It’s because she’s a woman now.

Probably.

It’s just a suspicion.

But still, it’s not like my heart would flutter overnight like this.

Even seeing Hyung makes my heart race as if it’s going to explode.

That wasn’t how it used to be.

Wait… Let’s be cautious.

A woman… liking a man is natural, right?

If you think about it fundamentally, it makes sense.

Stop denying everything in the world these days and just accept it for now.

How can humanity continue if men and women don’t meet and have children?

Did female hormones change something in me?

Or do I really like men?

“Ugh….”

The more I think about it, the more questions arise.

And those questions remain unanswered.

With no resolution in sight, more questions keep swirling in my mind, filling it up so much that it becomes too crowded to pass through properly.

“…Should I clean.”

I’m not good at math.

I don’t particularly care about science or even about a single star visible in the pitch-black darkness beyond the sky.

I’m just an ordinary person who enjoys cooking and cleaning.

“Ugh…! This is really heavy!”

But as I mentioned before, I don’t like other people’s crap.

Already weakened, what’s with this heavy, filthy, useless-looking, smelly junk that I don’t even know why it exists?

“Ugh….”

Even things that look fine seem worn out in places.

Selling them might fetch some money, but whether they’ll sell is another issue due to human tastes.

Putting clothes in the donation bin is the right decision, using up leftover cosmetics and collecting new ones to give away to someone….

“What…what is this.”

Why are sanitary pads here?

And used ones at that.

At first, I couldn’t understand why Maehyeong and Gakbang slept separately, but whatever the reason, I felt relieved that they didn’t sleep together.

“…?”

Then Maehyeong, did he sleep with the same woman as before…

“Wait a minute….”

It’s me.

“Ah…?”

What’s going on?

Why do I feel uplifted?

Happiness seems to fill my empty heart.

I don’t know. Just… thinking that Hyung doesn’t have any female companions makes me strangely happy.

“Huh…?”

I really… don’t know. Happy.

*

“Mr. Suhan, did you change your tie?”

“Yes, I received it as a gift.”

“Oh~ From your girlfriend?”

“Well… not exactly.”

As soon as the word “girlfriend” flowed through the office, I was surrounded once again.

I don’t understand why so many people are interested in whether I have a girlfriend or not.

“You matched the tie perfectly for Mr. Suhan. It’s not flashy, but not dull either.”

“Your girlfriend has good taste~”

“It’s not a girlfriend….”

But Jiwoo chose well.

Regardless of rank, it’s best to have a suitable tie.

Even with patterns, there’s a certain line that should be adhered to, and she picked one that fit that criteria well.

“It’s not anything serious?”

“It’s not serious, but… at least not in the direction of being lovers?”

“You gifted a tie. There really isn’t anything going on?”

“Uh… yes?”

What’s the significance of a tie? Isn’t it just a gift?

“Is there… any meaning to it?”

“Ah.”

“It’s… Mr. Soohan, your wall is quite sturdy.”

“?”

Everyone seems to have a vague idea except me.

“Hmm… I’m not sure if it really means that, but there was a time when I wandered around with that meaning once. Well… these days, you can just give it as a gesture of friendship or something like that…”

“Oh… so what does it mean then?”

“Do… do you want to have you…? Was that the meaning?”

“Right. It was a time when we attached meaning to gifts for no reason. It was naive.”

“Oh… then you probably wouldn’t know.”

“Is that so?”

Of course. Jiwoo is still only 22 years old.

“Well, even if there’s no meaning, the tie is the longest-lasting gift. Even if that person doesn’t understand the meaning, they’ll feel good.”

This isn’t love.

Even when speaking, it was clearly in a completely different tone, more of a respect as a man rather than an affectionate feeling.

“…”

But no matter how much I think about it, giving a tie every week is…

“…Let’s do our job.”

“A woman.”

“She’s a woman.”

Even if I think of Jiwoo as a man, giving a tie every week is…

I decided to stop thinking about it.

At the convenience store, as I rubbed my sleepy eyes to chase away drowsiness, the door opened with a jingling sound.

“Oh… it’s Hyung.”

“…After we’re done… would you like to have a drink…?”

I had always seen Hyung smiling brightly.

I had come to think of that as his identity, naturally assuming it was his basic and obvious trait.

“I got it.”

Today, I was looking at Hyung filled with the first signs of melancholy.

“You’ve waited a long time.”

“…I’m fine.”

Hyung sat at an outdoor table at the convenience store, staring blankly at the sky.

For some reason, the cold full moon shone on him, and the sound of summer cicadas rang sadly.

He looked lonely, yet seemed to dislike loneliness, appearing pained.

Who on earth threw that Hyung into a trash can where silence and a hint of emptiness were visible.

“…This place is a bit… could we go somewhere else?”

“Sure, it’s fine.”

After buying six bottles of soju, some snacks, and jerky, Hyung walked heavily and got into the car.

“…”

I tried to uncover the cause of this uncomfortable atmosphere, but with my foolish brain, lacking information, and seeing that sadness that appeared with each passing streetlight, I simply remained silent.

“We’re here. Originally… I was planning to drink by the Han River or somewhere similar, but it’s the weekend tomorrow, and if I drink, I won’t be able to drive again…”

“It’s okay.”

We entered the underground parking lot of a luxurious-looking apartment, parked the car, and took the elevator up.

With each step, the clinking of the soju bottles hitting against each other, and the rustling of the snacks, filled the silence.

We still hadn’t said a word.

It seemed necessary to keep it that way.

Straightforwardly, always smiling from a position of goodwill, Hyung seemed to have unknowingly revealed the cause that made him crumble.

And soon, along with emotions, the truth would be revealed.

*Ding-a-ling~!*

“First… let me start by saying sorry.”

“Oh… it’s okay.”

“No… it’s just that my house is a bit messy, that’s all.”

As the door quietly opened and the sensor lights turned on, one by one, the lights in all the rooms came on.

Doubt meets evidence, and certainty begins to take hold.

A luxurious apartment, an elevator that seemed plated with gold, a door lock that even worked with fingerprints.

“…”

Should I call this gruesome?

Somehow, even a familiar feeling crept in.

Scattered clothes, objects covered in dust on the floor, a woman’s cosmetics rolling around.

I trembled in a situation completely opposite to what I expected.

“Sorry. I’ll tidy up a bit.”

“I’ll help too.”

I held the urgent yet weak hand of my brother-in-law.

It must be hard to watch someone else do it.

I know, but I slowly turn my hands and clean the room.

“Just… let me help.”

I am not someone else. It’s not a relationship that feels like others.

He is my brother, my family.

“Thank you….”

An indifferent house, a messy room, a pungent smell of cigarettes. No matter how much I think, I can only think of one painful fact.

Where did the human being named sister disappear to?

We cleared the trash around the sofa in the spacious living room and sat on both sofas at the same time.

“Just… I’ll put out the fire.”

After touching the table here and there, he turned off all the lights in the room.

When the room is filled with darkness, sight goes dark, and sound falls silent, the tightly closed curtains open with the sound of a motor whirring.

“……”

The cityscape looks vivid.

Cars constantly following along the road, the bright lights of the buildings, and the red light of Namsan Tower visible in the distance.

Unintentionally, I admired the night view and marveled silently.

But my brother brought a glass without much significance, took out alcohol from the bag, and poured it.

What was he tired of? What did he lose?

Acknowledging emotionally charged actions and then denying them rationally.

What is my brother feeling right now?

Silently preparing for a drinking session, we left what remained on the floor and drank.

Quietly turning the lid without shaking noisily, mixing up and down.

Alien as it may seem, my brother is still my brother.

He came home because he couldn’t drive due to alcohol, and although he could have blamed an innocent person and gotten angry, he instead suppressed his emotions.

I don’t know what the standard of goodness is or where the line between good and evil lies, but objectively or subjectively, my brother is at least good.

Quietly passing the glasses back and forth, a faint clinking sound echoed.

The taste of pure alcohol was so bitter that it briefly made my head ache and feel poignant.

“It’s sweet… so sweet….”

But to my brother, it seemed sweet as if sugar had been added to a glass of soju.

“…That’s right.”

At the end of a glass that seemed to leave only bitterness, there was a hint of sweetness.

The alcohol continued to diminish, and suddenly only half a glass remained.

“Euh… huh….”

There are snacks, but we don’t touch them.

If we just drink alcohol and empty our stomachs, we’ll get drunk quickly, but that’s what we want.

“Huah….”

For some reason, the pace quickened, and my brother, already blushing, tore open the snack bag.

With a small popping sound, my brother paused for a moment.

“Oh. Oh.”

“Don’t waste too much even if you empty your stomach.”

I kept waiting for my brother to speak first, but he still didn’t say anything significant.

Something might have happened, and I could speak about it, but the symptoms were almost certain.

I didn’t hesitate to speak. I didn’t refuse to listen.

So I disrupted the quiet atmosphere and waited for my brother to speak.

This disgraceful ending seemed to have been determined since my brother met the human breed.

But I could have stopped it.

I could have changed fate.

Regret doesn’t agonize over future events.

Regret comes from the past.

I thought about the past.

I regretted and now it’s time to atone.