episode_0017

A cold wind blew.

The sweat that had been flowing vigorously slowly began to cool, reminding me once again that the arduous battle I had just been in had truly come to an end.

“···.”

Having heard my response, Labilaa remained frozen in the same state, staring blankly at me as if unable to believe.

As if unable to accept the fact that someone’s goal was ‘to die comfortably’.

That’s how she looked at me with a vacant expression.

‘······This is a bit awkward.’

Of course, from the perspective of the person receiving this, there was nothing more dreadful than this.

Being alone with the Imperial Princess.

Moreover, in a situation where the Imperial Princess was now staring through me due to the words I had just uttered.

Could anyone not feel awkward in this situation?

How do I handle this?

Seriously, how do I handle this?

If such a person existed in the Empire, I would have wanted to pay them just to ask for the secret, even if it meant asking for it.

“······Your Highness?”

“···.”

“Your Highness? Are you okay?”

“······Ah, um. I got lost in thought for a moment while facing you.”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. I’m sorry for unintentionally ignoring your words.”

Stating that she was fine, Labilaa instead apologized for ignoring my words.

“No, it’s not necessary. If you think about it, it was my fault for making Your Highness lost in thought, so there’s no need for you to apologize.”

“No, that’s wrong. Lian Trice. Didn’t I say that earlier?”

“···.”

“It doesn’t matter who’s at fault; what’s more important is how the person who received it handles it.”

In essence, that’s what it meant.

The reason Labilaa got lost in thought was because I rejected Labilaa’s suggestion.

After getting lost in thought, even if it wasn’t her intention, ultimately, Labilaa ignored my words.

For this reason, Labilaa was arguing that my statement was wrong.

“Therefore, this is not your responsibility. You don’t need to feel guilty about it.”

“···.”

“I might think I’m making a fuss for no reason, but still, remember this. Someday, these words will come back to you.”

The atmosphere that had just been tense seemed to have vanished. Labilaa had returned as the charismatic princess she usually was, and I watched her quietly.

Suddenly, a thought crossed my mind.

“······Is it really Labilaa after all?”

Not for no reason, not for no recognition as the empire’s acknowledged princess. She truly possessed exceptional eloquence. Her rhetoric seemed to drive nails directly into the listener’s mind, ensuring that one could never easily shake off her words. If one were to let their guard down for even a moment, they might be completely captivated by Labilaa’s rhetoric.

“Alright, then, aren’t you going to tell me now?”

“······?”

Even her rhetoric was a carefully planned ploy by Labilaa to catch me off guard.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that Labilaa’s rhetoric was aimed at catching me off guard, preventing my story from escaping the listener’s mind. ***

On the way back to the academy after successfully completing the mission.

“Are you really not going to tell me?”

“Unfortunately, no, I won’t.”

I nodded to Labilaa, who had requested to accompany me on the return journey, and before I knew it, I was riding in a royal carriage.

······It’s quite spacious. It might be the largest carriage I’ve ever ridden in.

“Let me ask you one last time. Are you really not going to tell me?”

Even as we admired the carriage, Labilaa persistently questioned me about the reason behind my goal of wanting an easy death. She seemed genuinely curious about how my goal had taken that form(?).

“Since Your Highness insists on asking me for the last time, I will also respond for the last time.”

“···.”

“Since I won’t tell you, why don’t you enjoy the scenery outside?”

However, I simply couldn’t bring myself to answer that question. The reason was simple. Unlike Elise, who hadn’t believed me when I told her about my terminal diagnosis, the princess before me would believe that I was indeed terminally ill.

‘······Elise wouldn’t have believed me anyway.’

Initially, I told Ellis because I knew she wouldn’t believe me. Ellis Arkstra was a cunning person. A person who would never act first if there was no benefit to herself. Could she believe the sudden news of “Rian Trice receiving a terminal diagnosis” in a situation where there was no evidence? No, it was impossible. I’m sorry, Ellis, but it was absolutely impossible. In fact, there was no need to be sorry. If she had really believed such information, Ellis Arkstra would never have become the queen of the other world in the original story. Professional hazard. It was that so-called professional hazard that always made Ellis live in excessive suspicion. I was certain that Ellis would not believe me, and that’s why I revealed the fact that I was terminally ill.

“…”

“Even if you look at me with such pity, I won’t tell you.”

However, the princess sitting next to me was different. If I had spoken the truth, she would have believed it unwaveringly. More precisely, she would have thought that there was no need to doubt. Rian Trice has no reason to lie to me now. Therefore, there is no need to doubt the truth of what I just heard. This was Labilaa von Felias’s method of obtaining information briefly mentioned in the original work. Faster than anyone else. However, more objectively. The only way possible for Labilaa von Felias, who met countless people while living as a princess. It was a method that even an ordinary person would find difficult to imitate. “There’s no reason to tell you.” In other words, as someone who knows this fact, there is absolutely no reason for me to reveal the truth. I shouldn’t tell. If I do, all hell will break loose from then on.

– You received a terminal diagnosis?

– Don’t worry. I’ll find a way to treat you somehow.

I could already picture it. Labilaa dragging me around, saying there’s no illness that can’t be cured. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t find any other way.”

Nevertheless, I did my best. I hope you recognize that.

In the end, I was left unable to cure the incurable disease, just as it happened in the original work. Labilaa had stepped forward to treat the sibling of someone afflicted with an incurable disease, only to ultimately prove the futility of the illness and give up. And then, that sibling lost their life. It was a situation where the only blood relative spent days crying and grieving. At that time, as a reader of the original work, I quietly observed that scene from the protagonist’s perspective. “Tinia.” That was the incident where Tinia’s younger brother, who is now my club senior, passed away. It was the incident that caused Tinia and Labilaa to grow strangely distant in the original work. When you really think about it, it wasn’t anyone’s fault. Labilaa did her best as a princess, and Tinia could only pray while looking at Labilaa and her own brother. Everyone did their best. Despite everyone doing their best, it was still a tragic event. And me, knowing this fact, how can I possibly tell Labilaa the truth? Of course, I didn’t know any better. Unlike Tinia’s deceased brother, I didn’t know if I would miraculously survive with Labilaa’s help. It was something unknown. Something I wouldn’t know until I tried it myself. Certainly, I was well aware of this fact in my mind. “Is it really necessary?” However, I was just a coward. A coward. Afraid of the risk of failure, a coward who couldn’t even attempt. A coward who had already realized how meaningless it was to have hope for a whole year and had completely lost the mindset of taking on challenges. I had already experienced it. I had experienced how futile it was to make an effort and take on challenges. If it really had meaning, it would have changed. If my efforts really had meaning, the way people looked at me would have changed and remained. “But, no, it didn’t.”

However, it was not so.

The world as seen from Lian Trice’s perspective remained cold.

Everyone still thought of me as a failure.

Everyone still believed I was irredeemable trash.

– Claiming to atone for past mistakes doesn’t mean escaping the person who committed them. You know that better than anyone, don’t you?

Even Ellis, who knew that I had changed, felt the need to convey such words to me.

That was enough.

It was more than enough for me to realize that I had already been too late.

And I, more than anyone else, knew this fact well.

“Then I will truly, truly ask for the very last time…”

“Then I also dare say that I won’t tell you for the very last time.”

“…Quite unpleasant to be rejected by someone else.”

“Life is a series of discomforts, Your Highness.”

I could refuse Labilaa’s proposal with a slight smile, even mixing in a joke.

As if smiling like a three-year-old child’s own drawing.

Crooked, lopsided.

A smile that seemed forced, like a child drawing something they didn’t want to draw.