I Want to Live Comfortably as a Scoundrel

“It will be at least a year.”

“······I see.”

“······I’m sorry.”

I’m sorry.

I couldn’t even remember the last time I had heard those words.

What I felt was the doctor’s pity, or at least that’s what it seemed like.

It didn’t make me feel bad.

No, rather, it felt strangely appropriate.

Receiving this feeling of pity and guilt that I had never been able to receive no matter how hard I tried, from a doctor I just met today.

The term “terminal” itself wasn’t shocking to me.

I never had a dream of living a long and healthy life for a long time.

It was just fascinating.

Simply fascinating.

Ah.

Effort isn’t really that important, is it?

That thought suddenly came to mind.

“Just a moment, can you wait for a moment?”

As I got up absentmindedly, pondering over the emerging thought, the doctor who had been bowing his head just moments ago stopped me.

“······What is it?”

“I, I will find a way somehow. There must be a way for you to survive.”

“···.”

“So don’t give up on life, just wait a little bit.”

“Give up on life. Me?”

“······Yes?”

The doctor made a foolish sound as if she hadn’t expected such a question.

No.

Why bother doing something so troublesome as saying that I’m giving up on life.

If I were really considering that, why would I have bothered coming here.

“If you’re worried that I might be shocked by the terminal verdict and might consider suicide or something like that······. You don’t need to worry.”

“······But.”

“Suicide. Why would I do such a pointless thing.”

“···.”

“If I really had those thoughts, I wouldn’t have come to see you in the first place.”

If I really wanted to die, I wouldn’t have come here.

Why commit suicide when there’s still some life left to live comfortably.

“So you don’t need to worry. I will never commit suicide.”

If she still doesn’t believe me, should I bet money or something.

I seriously considered how I could convey trust in my words, but fortunately, the doctor in front of me nodded as if she believed me.

“······I’ll believe you.”

“Feel free to trust me more than anyone else, as I’ll live comfortably until the end.”

After giving the doctor, who had been staring at me intently until the very end, one last ounce of trust, I slowly made my way out of the solemn atmosphere of the examination room.

Hmm.

Now, this is really the end.

······I should truly live comfortably from now on.