episode_0073

“Wait a moment.”

Siwoo’s hand that grabbed mine tightly.

My flushed cheeks. And the trembling voice.

“I’ll buy you coffee, so just hold on to it….”

What am I trying to say?

“…Sure.”

What is Siwoo thinking?

As we walked towards the cafe together, there was no conversation between us.

We didn’t know what to say to each other. It was the first time we were in this situation.

It was a state that couldn’t be expressed with just one word like nervousness.

I thought our relationship was like a blurry watercolor painting, but even when we tried to express our emotions towards each other, it was still a mess. We were smearing a messy mixture of emotions on each other’s faces.

Wow, it’s like a mud festival. Why isn’t it in Boryeong?

“What… do you want to drink?”

“Ah.”

“One Americano and one lemonade, please.”

Siwoo glanced at me briefly when I mentioned lemonade.

“…Why.”

“It’s nothing.”

These small things are the difference between Siwoo and me.

Since becoming this body, I’ve avoided bitter Americanos. My preference has changed to a smoother latte with less bitterness. I used to prefer sweeter drinks like smoothies, mojitos, or ade.

I didn’t choose coffee now because my heart was already pounding enough to cause heart failure, and I didn’t want to add caffeine to the mix.

“Your order is ready.”

We each picked up our drinks and left the cafe.

The air was still chilly.

As I held the cold ade in my hand, the wind blew through my skirt, making me shiver involuntarily.

“Are you going to walk?”

“I have to.”

“You look cold.”

“I’m fine.”

I want to part ways with Siwoo, but at the same time, I don’t want to let go.

What kind of emotion is this?

Reason and instinct, consciousness and physicality are colliding.

In a way, it’s a confrontation between my past self and Min Chaewon.

We’ve always agreed on everything until now, but now we were arguing for the first time.

I think we’re at odds because I think things are moving too fast, while Chaewon thinks it’s okay to just let things be.

Our common goal of being with Siwoo remains, but there’s a sharp contrast in our approaches.

“Not fast enough…? We spent half a year together when we were six years old, right?”

If you include that, then yes, it’s not fast.

But back then, we were just kids who didn’t know what love was.

The situation now is completely different.

When we were young, we could sleep tangled up together and bathe together, but we can’t do that anymore after puberty.

No matter what we do, our desires bubble up when our bodies touch. It’s a common law for men and women who have gone through puberty. Isn’t the early 20s the best age for humans to have children and pour all their energy into parenting?

In today’s society where parents’ economic ability is important, that time is getting pushed back. There’s no need to postpone everything until we have a stable family.

Chaewon’s family? Harmonious, wealthy, and perfect. There may be some issues with Chaewon, who will be my future partner, but there are no problems at all in the household of Professor Baek Jung-eon, who is like a second father to me.

There wouldn’t be any problems if we got married right away.

And there wouldn’t be any problems if we had a child right away.

…That’s why it’s more of a problem.

Chaewon promised to come back, but her voice is getting more and more distant. I’m anxious about whether she will really come back.

I can tell she exists through my body’s physical response, but that’s all. I might not be able to recognize her soon.

“I’m back. Let’s go in.”

“Oh, thanks. It’s going to be a long way back.”

“How was it? Let’s go.”

Siwoo smiled softly without showing any particular emotion.

I saw him off and entered through the front door. The maids who were waiting rushed over to tidy up my shoes that I had taken off, took off the thin cardigan I was wearing, and took it away.

Something chilly and eerie. It feels like I might catch a cold if I don’t wash up and go to sleep warmly.

“I should sleep early….”

When your body isn’t feeling well, sleeping is the best thing to do. Let’s lie down and rest.

I might even give up bathing alone today. I feel exhausted.

***

As I opened my eyes in a dazed state, it was a place I had never seen before.

No, it vaguely felt familiar. It wasn’t my memory, but Chaewon helped me remember it with her body.

“Our house.”

It was the mansion of the Minseokhyun couple in Austria. A white base imitating a royal palace with gold curved patterns. Curtains filled with red. Even a grid-patterned wooden floor.

“It’s exactly like our house now.”

Even the canopy bed was the same. The only difference was the size of the room.

I slowly sat up. I could feel the cool texture of the blanket on my fingertips.

I knew it was a dream, but the vivid sensations made it hard to distinguish between dream and reality.

“The view is low.”

Under the faint moonlight, I could see a small hand. It must be when I was young, around 6 years old.

The strange thing was, why was I sleeping in Chaewon’s bed?

As I groped around the dark surroundings, something touched me.

It felt like someone was sleeping curled up in the blanket like a turtle. Judging by the size, it might be 5-year-old Chaewon.

To avoid waking her up, I carefully moved sideways on the bed and stretched my legs towards the inside of the bed.

My legs were short, so my toes barely touched the ground.

As I put my feet on the cold wooden floor, I shivered, feeling goosebumps.

I found the moonlight streaming in and walked towards the canopy, slowly moving forward.

A spacious room. Tall, elongated windows lined up along the wall. A fireplace on one side when I turned my head. The other side was filled with framed artworks.

Feeling the gaze of the figures in the slightly eerie frames, I walked towards the window.

The moon rising in the sky and the dim lights of the garden below. In the distance, there were lights from the city, flickering from the roads and buildings.

It was a beautiful and mysterious night view.

I can’t believe I don’t remember such a fantastic scene. Was I really so obsessed with the piano that I locked away all my memories with Chaewon in a safe?

Honestly, the trashy Min Chaewon who came to find me after 14 years deserves to be humiliated in front of everyone.

Trash. Trash.

“Miss?”

The bedroom door creaked open. Through the crack, I saw a familiar face from my childhood, Kang Hwi.

“Oh, it’s Siwoo.”

I thought he was much younger since it was 14 years ago, but apparently not. He must be in his late twenties now if he was around twelve or thirteen back then.

The age gap between me and Kang Hwi was bigger than I thought. Almost ten years. If I had known, I should have been a bit more respectful.

“What are you doing? Can’t sleep?”

I silently nodded. Partly because I was too lazy to talk, and partly because I was still drowsy in the dream.

As I tried to climb back into bed, Kang Hwi lifted me up and laid me down on the bed.

He gently tucked me in under the blanket that covered Chaewon completely.

“It’s already autumn.”

Kang Hwi gently stroked my forehead with a sad expression.

“I guess you’re worried… aren’t you? About continuing like this.”

Continue like this? What is he talking about?

I stared blankly at Kang Hwi, not quite understanding his meaning.

“Hehe. I suppose so. Maybe you’ve gotten used to it by now…”

Kang Hwi gently touched my cheek, then carefully sat up on the edge of the bed.

“Even if you end up staying here longer, don’t worry too much. Professor Baek Jung-eon even said it’s fortunate that Siwoo is staying here rather than somewhere else.”

Slipping through the canopy, Kang Hwi waved goodbye with one hand.

“Good night. Tomorrow morning, Siwoo likes bagel sandwiches, so make sure to come and eat them, okay?”

The canopy blocking the moonlight as it slid together. I blinked blankly at the tent covering the bed.

‘It’s October.’

Suddenly, I remembered exactly when this dream took place.

In a few days, it will be the day I return home.

It’s a day in early October, exactly half a year since my birthday.

The slightly chilly weather, the thick blanket, everything fits perfectly.

I don’t know why I thought that way, but I wriggled into the blanket and crawled towards Chaewon.

Thinking that I would soon be leaving, even in my dream, I wanted to leave a few words for her.

Unable to say anything. Reflecting on the day I left without saying anything in response to Chaewon’s proposal to get married.

“…Huh.”

However, when I pulled back the blanket, it wasn’t Chaewon I saw.

It was a younger me. It was Jung Siwoo.

Surprised, I looked around, but there was no mistake.

My shocked hand reached towards my face this time. And the hair flowing down next to my cheek.

Having kept my hair long recently, I didn’t even know if the hair in my dream was long or short.

“Why.”

There’s no way 6-year-old Jung Siwoo would have long hair. This is Chaewon’s body.

Then whose dream is this?

Is it mine? Or is it Min Chaewon’s?

“Oh, it was Siwoo after all.”

…Why did Kang Hwi say that again?