episode_0053

“If you’re worried that I’m comparing you to Siwoo in secret, you don’t have to. At that time… yes.”

The professor, who wrapped his forehead and shook his head, spoke with a voice full of regret.

“It felt like finding the answer to a problem I couldn’t solve for 14 years. So I muttered without realizing it. I promise there won’t be such a thing again.”

Approaching the truth that was previously unknown.

As the heart warmed up and tears welled up in the emotional moment.

“Siwoo is the first student I’ve ever taken care of in my life. I raised him as if he were my own son. I will never make a mistake that could disappoint him.”

‘I wasn’t the only one worrying.’

Because you’ve been watching me for a long time.

You felt that there was nothing more to fix or advise.

On the day I happened to overhear a conversation with a fellow professor.

I thought you had given up on me completely.

“No. Well, there’s nothing I can do. I’m starting to let go.”

So I thought you were only involved in simple things like schedule management and condition control, and that you were just casually teaching lessons.

‘But that wasn’t the case….’

It was my misunderstanding.

The professor had been thinking about me for 14 years. And even after that, for a few more years.

Talking about my marriage with Baek Cheongha.

Recognizing the position of a musician in the Gyeonggi Symphony Orchestra.

It wasn’t just a superficial consideration or sympathy to take responsibility for my future.

It was because he thought it was his fault that I couldn’t overcome the task I had been carrying with me for a lifetime.

Out of apology and the guilt that I couldn’t shake off, he said those words.

“Well… in that case. Um….”

“Yes. Make a time to talk to Cheongha soon. If Cheongha accepts your tutoring proposal….”

“Yes. I’ll… ask my mother….”

The professor reached out a finger.

‘The reason he’s clinging to me… is for Siwoo.’

This is the link to the question of whether I will become a colleague.

I responded, covering the question with both hands.

“I’ll do my best….”

“I’ll count on you too.”

***

It’s been two weeks since the accident.

The doctor said that Siwoo has recovered a lot and that he just needs to be careful for another week.

At first, it was supposed to be a month, but even though he did nothing and rested, he felt like the recovery speed was gradually picking up.

“Do you want to play the piano?”

“… I think I should. I’m thinking about it.”

“You absolutely can’t.”

“As you can see. You’re not playing because I won’t let you.”

There’s no need to fly a plane for nothing.

“You would have gone to school if Yoon Jichang hadn’t kept an eye on you.”

“You can’t lie to me.”

“It’s normal not to be able to lie.”

Siwoo chuckled and pressed my head with his palm.

His head leaned forward and then sprang back up like a spring.

“Can you handle it gently?”

“Oh. Sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“What do you mean you didn’t mean to?”

He gently patted my back so I wouldn’t fall over.

He almost made it all the way, but this guy messed up.

“What’s wrong with you? I’m being careful too. Don’t be so arrogant.”

“… Wait.”

Siwoo quickly scanned the surroundings and pulled me towards a secluded corner. What’s going on? What is he trying to do?

“You’re not… doing anything inappropriate with that body, right?”

“Why would I do such a thing?”

“….”

For a moment, our thoughts aligned perfectly.

Our eyes, expressions, everything was in sync.

“Yi Jiwoo, seriously. What were you thinking!”

“Hey, wait. I didn’t say anything, did I?”

“You didn’t have to say anything. I could tell just by looking at you.”

“Is that so….”

“Is that so, you idiot….”

It’s quite funny.

Even though it’s a facial expression I never see in the mirror, it was as clear as if the words ‘inappropriate imagination’ were written on my forehead.

Is this some kind of instinct?

At this point, I can’t help but get excited.

“What is this?”

It’s strange. I wasn’t looking at it from Jung Siwoo’s perspective. I was imagining Chaewon’s actions from Chaewon’s point of view.

My body tensed slightly.

“What…?!”

It wasn’t a reaction born out of experience.

It felt like I was directly experiencing a kind of deepfake, mixing memories of the past with Min Chaewon’s present, as if I had a similar experience.

“Oh my.”

Oh my. Curiosity forbidden. Oh my.

You shouldn’t be curious about that. It’s a big problem.

“That is truly sinful. A great sin. The original sin. The sin of death.”

It’s not my body.

It’s Chaewon’s precious body.

If I even think about touching it, I won’t stay still.

I can’t stay still.

…But what will happen if I can’t stay still?

Will I hit my head? Then I’ll be hitting Chaewon?

Ah. Should I hit my head from three years ago?

That’s also scolding myself, so it makes sense.

A genius idea.

“So… um. Did you… enjoy it?”

“I heard everything, Jung Siwoo.”

Min Chaewon said with a tone that she heard everything, and Jung Siwoo understood it immediately and hit his head.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine if you know.”

But even though he stopped, I remained.

Thoughts swirled in my head like a demon.

Did you enjoy it? What did you enjoy? Chaewon’s body?

Specifically, which part? Skin? Cheeks? Thighs? Waist?

“Whoa!!”

“Surprised, aren’t you.”

“Mahāprajñāpāramitāśāstra bodhisattva hṛdaya dhāraṇī…!”

It’s absurd to separate Min Chaewon into different parts.

She is lovely from head to toe.

There is not a single part that is not lovely, not worth keeping.

Only when all the components exist is she Min Chaewon. Therefore, Min Chaewon is beautiful, very beautiful.

Soft eyes and sparkling pupils like jewels.

Hair that smells good and shines.

Smooth skin. Rosy cheeks.

Whether bathing, washing her face, or changing clothes.

Soft. Everything feels soft when touched.

When the maid corps puts on her underwear, the plump jelly beans settle comfortably in the cup and smile—.

“Sarira color, fire, fire, color, immediately, fire, immediately, color…!”

Jung Siwoo started to look at me pitifully.

“…Why is this broken?”

You won’t know. You will never know.

I have already fallen into Chaewon’s body.

I was captivated by the beauty that Venus sculpted.

Touched by one hand. Passed on by another.

All those sensations remain in my head.

Oh, I have fallen because of Min Chaewon.

“If I go back, maybe I can get rid of a hundred faults…?”

Suddenly.

“If I can’t go back?”

Number 992 raises its head.

It didn’t disappear. It was hiding, waiting for an opportunity to play its role as a stinging insect. It’s as creepy as the ego.

“I can’t endure it forever…?”

The capacity of the powder magazine is fixed.

Even as the stockpile grows, there is no consumption.

At some point, the powder magazine will be full, and explosives will start to accumulate outside the powder magazine due to lack of space.

Then, boom. It will explode.

Unmanaged explosives are dangerous.

They easily explode at the slightest spark.

Then you will cross an irreversible river.

I, I. I…

I can never go back to being Jung Siwoo.

“You’re cunning, Jung Siwoo.”

Ah.

I see.

Min Chaewon. You set a trap to prevent me from going back.

No matter how much I adapt to a woman’s body, a part of my mind remains male.

I can’t help but get excited about Min Chaewon’s body.

No matter how much I adapt, there are limits.

The explosives accumulate. They keep piling up.

“Will I be the one to conquer… or will I be conquered?”

Thud.

With both hands, she raised her hand to slap her cheek hard.

It was an extraordinary measure to drive away number 992.

“Hey. What are you doing?”

Disappear.

Disappear. Disappear.

Don’t make me face reality all the time.

Let me get lost in a happy dream.

That’s what Chaewon said.

“Ah… I, um… My mind is a bit complicated.”

Siwoo awkwardly touched my cheek.

“… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought up unnecessary things and made you…”

“No, no… It’s just that I…”

Gently rubbing the swollen cheek, Siwoo.

The skin touches.

Softly passing by, sparking small sparks.

It doesn’t sting. This is a completely different phenomenon from electric shock.

But the current flows. It goes down from the cheek to the lower back, then flashes up through the brainstem.

If it’s not an electric shock, what is it?

A sensation I can’t understand.

Am I feeling what Chaewon felt?

“… Gasp.”

Surprised Siwoo jumped back.

“Oh my. I thought you were Chaewon without realizing it…. I’m sorry.”

I stood up, rubbing the cheek that was touched by a warm hand a moment ago.

It feels different.

It’s completely different from when I touch it with my hand.

But, but….

“Hey, it still hurts. Just a little more….”

“What are you saying, it’s gross.”

“Ah, hurry up!! Don’t ask, just hurry. It’s important.”

“….”

On the topic of being gross, Jung Siwoo finally gently touched my cheek.

Oh, I see.

It’s not an electric shock.

When electricity flows, there is a small explosion.

Next to the gunpowder store, a pit for handling old explosives.

‘It’s resolved.’

This should work.

With this method, I can empty the gunpowder store before it fills up.

Before it explodes, I can clean it up.

The crisis won’t come.

“Hey.”

I made an unreasonable request to Siwoo.

“In the future, if I ask you for something. Like this… simply…. um….”

“… Simply what?”

“Touch…. me…. I would like it….”

Truly, an absurd request that shouldn’t have come out of my mouth.